A/N: Hey y'all, I rejoined twitter recently and you can find me under the username anha101. If you'd like to ask me questions or talk to me then find me on twitter and/or ask.fm: anha101 is my username for both social medias! 

Since the next chapter will be a VERY long chapter (7K words) I'll be updating next Friday so that means there will be no update on Tuesday. 

The chapter title can be a possible reference to two scenes in this chapter. Can you spot which exactly the title reference is to? ;)

ENJOY!

I felt a warm touch shake me awake from my temporary blissful oblivion. I opened my eyes and immediately shut them as pain sizzled through my head. Rubbing my temples, I slowly peeled my eyes open and once they adjusted, I saw Finn crouching down in front of me, his face a mask of concern.

"Mads?"

I breathed heavily. "My head is killing me," I groaned.

"You had too much to drink," he observed, taking my hand in his.

"Mhm," I agreed, my mind still groggy from my brief sleep. "You didn't stop me."

"How could I when you avoided me the entire night?" he laughed, but when my eyes focused on him I could see that there was an inkling of sadness lingering on his features.

"I didn't avoid you," I objected. "I had other things on my mind."

"Like Bruce?"

"How did you know?"

"One would have to be deaf not to hear the argument coming from your room across this floor," he replied, smiling soothingly.

A lump rose to my throat. "I need to get some fresh air."

He nodded. "Let me just grab my jacket from my room, okay?"

"Could you get me one of yours if you have a spare? I'm not ready to go back into my room," I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Okay," he agreed, getting onto his feet and holding his hands out for me. I slipped mine into his, feeling the familiar planes of his hands beneath mine, before he helped me get onto my feet. A shot of dizziness took a whirl and once I steadied on my feet I was suddenly aware of the proximity between us. Glancing up, I saw that the mistletoe was still there. My parents had made it a Christmas tradition to hang mistletoe on the doors of all the rooms.

He cleared his throat and stepped back, letting go of my hands. "You stand here. I'll go grab the jackets," he said, not looking at me.

His refusal to look at me made my heart twist and I mentally cursed myself because I should have just dismissed the small action and not actually be bothered by it. "All right," I nodded, "just be quiet. Riley is a light sleeper so don't make too much noise."

He chuckled. "Tell me about it. He woke up a million times last weekend and ended up coming to my room to sleep."

I frowned. "He didn't tell me that."

"Don't worry," Finn smiled. "I think he really wanted things to work just like you and I do but he was too scared that if he told you about this he wouldn't get to come again."

I pouted. "But it's different this time."

Finn bit his bottom lip and I hated that I found it so damn distracting. "What's different this time?" he asked softly.

My heart skipped a beat. "You know what's different," I whispered. Can you not sound breathless for one second, Mads?

"Maybe," he nodded, "But I'd like to hear you say it."

I swallowed again. Damn it. "I think it's best if you get those jackets now," I said instead.

His jaw tightened but he smiled nonetheless. He turned around and strode to his and Riley's room that was a few doors down from mine. Finn was just coming to accompany me to get some fresh air. There was nothing suspicious or wrong about it. Plus, he was my son's father. There was nothing wrong. It was completely innocent. But the more I tried to persuade myself of this opinion the guiltier I felt about what happened with Bruce.

Finn appeared with a jacket thrown over his pyjamas—a long-sleeved green t-shirt and pyjama trousers—and a jacket in hand. Giving me mine, I slipped it onto me and I glimpsed Finn frowning and shaking his head.

"What?" I laughed.

"That jacket just ruined the dress."

"You would know," I teased but instantly regretted saying those words. The night that happened seven years ago was never spoken of, almost as if it was taboo to even think it. Clearing my throat when a tension joined our company, I said, "We should...you know..."

"Yeah," he nodded and we walked down the corridor, and up the stairs to the top floor which was the balcony. My parents usually had fancy dinner parties set up on the top floor. They had once given me permission to use it if I ever wanted to have a small engagement part when they found out I was pregnant with Riley. What they had failed to realise at that time, and now even, was that I wasn't ready to get married when I barely had my life together.

He breathed in a deep breath before he smiled, his eyes glossing over with the hint of past memories. "Do you remember the last time we were up here?"

I did. He wasn't referring to the past six years when we always had company but eight years ago, when I wasn't pregnant and Finn's relationship with me wasn't as complicated as it was now.

"Yeah," I smiled, breathing in too.

The chill air was cold but it did wonders to cool my heating body that flushed at the memories that exploded almost all at once in my mind.

Finn took my hand as if it were second nature before he led me forward, to the edge of the balcony with an excited boyish grin on his face. "We were standing here," he whispered, his eyes twinkling, "with letters in both our hands. We were anxious but we promised the other to open it at the same time and we did. We both got in."

I smiled, the memories overwhelming me. I felt like crying. I looked up at Finn, certain my eyes were glossed over but not giving a care in the world if he saw the rawness behind my words as I said, "I wish I could go back to that night."

He stilled, his expression sobering up. He exhaled loudly, a roll of a tiny smoke-cloud diffusing into the air around us. "Do you?"

"Sometimes but I wouldn't trade Riley for anything."

He nodded, his expression now guarded but I knew Finn and I knew what he was thinking. I wasn't guilty for putting those thoughts there—just guilty for not being able to implement them. "Me too," he finally said. "You don't see it until it's too late. Riley's the sun you can't live without."

"Well," I smirked, easing up the tense atmosphere that shrouded us, "You didn't see it until it was late—but not too late. I saw it from the very first time I felt a kick, a heart beating within me, a life inside of me."

Finn's eyes shone and for a second I was convinced he was going to give into the damp, heavy-emotion atmosphere that hung down on us, but he simply shook his head, laughing. "When you talk about Riley that way I feel like a bastard."

"You were one," I grinned.

"Not anymore?"

"Look at yourself, Finn. Are you the person you were before?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows to him. I knew the answer. I only wanted him to voice it so he, too, could acknowledge his own traits.

"Sort of," he admitted. "But a better version. Finn two-point-oh."

I smiled, trying to ignore the thumping of my heart and when that failed I swallowed hard before I sucked in a deep breath of air and whispered, "I like Finn two-point-oh."

"Is that so?" he breathed. He suddenly seemed closer to me. "Why?"

"Because..."

"That's not a reason, Maddie," he said, and my eyes lowered, watching as his Adam's apple moved. I couldn't meet his eyes. The proximity between us burnt through my clothes and it didn't matter that the bitter cold air was surrounding us because the heat emanating from his body seemed to create a bubble of security around me.

"Because the updated Finn is much more amazing. He's everything I ever wanted the previous Finn to be." I smiled, my heart beating erratically, tattooing its rapid beat against my ribcage. I was making a bold move here and I was scared for the response I'd get.

His dazzling blue eyes darkened and I held his gaze, my stare never breaking from his. All was silent and I feared he would hear how loud my heart was thumping when it wasn't even supposed to be acting up in such a way. With my breath held I waited.

And then he took a step back, stuffing his hands into his pockets and shaking his head, a cry and laugh combined—a cackle of sorts—slipped from his lips. He titled his head and peered at me, his lips set into a frown. "You have no right to do this. You don't get to even attempt to seduce me," he intoned, shaking his head once more.

My face crumbled and I took a sharp intake of breath. "That clearly didn't stop you last year." 

He grinned but it was nothing pleasant. "Last Christmas was different," he reasoned but I didn't see any reason behind his statement.

"Pray tell, how did you come up with that conclusion?" I scoffed, angry again but I didn't know to whom the anger was directed to—Finn or myself. Everything was my fault. Why did I keep cocking up every situation that I was well off in? What was it in me that made me press until it hurt?

"For one, you're on the way to loving Bruce and what I had with my fling last year around Christmas comes nowhere close to what you and Bruce have," he defended.

I didn't stop to correct him. Instead, I raised my eyebrows and questioned him. "And that warrants what you did last year—to me and to that other woman?"

"No, but you don't get it! What you have with Bruce—that's real. What I had with that woman wasn't. I was trying to fill a void that you created seven years ago, a void no matter how hard I try will be forever present all because of you," he retaliated and my heart dropped. "But you? You have something with Bruce. You told me that he was an excellent man and you told me you were happy. You're in a good place, Maddie, don't jinx it just because of me."

My lips thinned as I pressed them together. "The walls weren't that thick, huh?" I smiled bitterly, feeling my eyes prick with fresh tears. But I had kept my shit together for so long that I possibly couldn't let it go.

He sighed, defeated. "I just came out of the bathroom, ready for bed, when Riley said that he couldn't fall asleep because you and Bruce were fighting. I sat up with him and we couldn't hear anything clearly but we made out my name a couple of times. It sounded terrible."

My lips quivered and I blinked rapidly, looking down at my shaking hands. "It was terrible," I choked out. "I keep messing things up, Finn, and I don't know why I do it."

I felt his hands on both my shoulders but I refused to look up. I was grateful that he didn't force me to look up either because the expression on my face was one that I wished him not to witness until I had enough strength to wipe the expression clean off my face.

"Because you can't trust, Maddie."

That wiped the devastatingly heartbroken and guilty expression off my face. I looked up to him to find his blue eyes gazing at me, his eyes instantly catching mine like a hook before reeling me further into the depths of the sea.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked as he withdrew his hands from me.

"You say that you've moved on and I believe you. But when you refuse to open your heart again, it makes it hard to believe that you've fully let go as you claim to have done," he admitted. His features told me how sorry he was for hurting me by saying the truth but he wasn't sorry for stating the brutal truth. We had an unspoken agreement; no lies between us.

Why didn't I have that with Bruce?

Why did I feel like I had to lie to Bruce?

What was going on with me?

"You don't get it, Finn," I demurred. "It's hard for me to open up my heart to people. I'm sick and tired of feeling this way all the time. I hate being hurt."

"The only person you're hurting by doing this is yourself, Maddie," he argued but when I opened my mouth to jump in with a defence, he continued, raising his voice to be heard, "No, I am right. Trust me when I say that I understand why you don't want to open up. I do. I might not feel the same but I do understand. What I don't get it why you're pushing people away who deserve to have your trust."

I looked at him, all arguments dying on the tip of my tongue. When Finn talked like that with such emotion I sometimes forgot why I felt wronged because he always made me see reason.

"You're talking about Bruce," I stated.

"You said you were in," Finn started. "You told him that you want him in your life, that you wanted a life with him, and that you feel for him like you haven't in a long time."

I couldn't control the gasp that slipped through my lips. "How did you know that?"

"Mind reader, remember?" he joked, quirking an eyebrow in a silly manner.

"Stop being a goof," I said, unable to keep the smile off my face. "I'm being serious."

"So am I," he replied with a straight face.

"You're telling me you're a mind reader?" I questioned, crossing my arms across my chest and raising my eyebrows to him daringly.

"With you, yes."

Those three simple words made my heart flutter. "Then no, you're not a mind reader," I said truthfully because if he was then he'd know how my heart was reacting again to the small distance that separated us.

"Perhaps not," he shrugged, "but I know you well enough to know what you're doing and what you're doing is giving Bruce a reason to not fall in love with you."

I laughed. "And why would I do that, Mr Smarty Pants."

"Because you think you don't deserve to be loved in the way a man loves a woman that is not his family member—that he doesn't see as family until a near future arises with a ring and a wedding."

My breath caught in my throat and I struggled to breathe for a moment, unable to believe that Finn actually read my mind and that he actually knew me.

"You are a mind reader," I whispered, awe laced through my voice.

"I know," he smirked before his lips turned into an amused grin. "I think it's time, Madilyn."

"Oh damn," I tutted, "You just Madilyn-ed me. That means you're being serious."

"I'm never not serious," he proclaimed.

"That, mister, is certainly up for debate," I giggled.

He rolled his eyes before casting me a soft glance. "Come on. You need to make amends and I need sleep."

Laughing, we both made our way down the staircase and when we reached our floor we made sure to keep quiet, tip-toeing our way like the teenagers we once were to Finn's room first since his door was before mine.

Before Finn could disappear behind his door with both his jackets in the crook of his arm, I quickly grabbed his hand, forcing him to look at me. His eyes widened with surprise before he leaned closer and whispered in a deadpan tone into my ear, "If I'm missing precious sleep time just because you want to say something sappy now, you will regret it."

I rolled my eyes. "No, it's not that. I want you to tell Riley that he doesn't need to worry about anything. Bruce and I are going to work things out. I'll tell him when I see him at breakfast but just give him a head start that all is okay and that he doesn't have to be angry at Bruce because if he heard the fight... I know he's angry at Bruce." Smiling, I looked down at Finn's hand that was in my grasp. "Even if I was the guilty one, Riley would still be mad at Bruce and not me. That boy has unwavering loyalty that it makes it hard not to love him."

I looked up to find Finn looking at me. There was no smile but a certain rawness to his expression that I couldn't place a finger on. "He loves you and he has no reason not to," Finn whispered, his tone holding a hidden meaning that made me uncertain of whether or not we were still talking about my son.

It was like we both sensed it as the atmosphere changed. We glanced up simultaneously and looked at each other. My heart picked up in pace as I said breathily, "Mistletoe."

"Mistletoe," he concurred.

The few seconds of silence that fleeted by felt like an eternity. That eternity ended when his head lowered and I instinctively closed my eyes to the familiarity of his presence around me. I felt his lips brush slowly against my cheek but there was little affection behind it as if he were holding himself back, and disappointment flooded me, followed by guilt because there was no reason for me to feel disappointed. His lips brushed against my ear and I bit down on my lower lip. Finn had made it perfectly clear what he wanted tonight and I was not on that list.

"Go get him, tiger," he whispered, his hot breath tingling my skin, before he pulled back and without a second glance, slipped into his room, leaving me starring at a closed wooden door with my breath caught in my throat.

I finally got to compose myself and I took in a deep breath. Lately I didn't know what was going on with me. Why I was second-guessing what Bruce and I had when I was so determined to have it in the beginning. Why my new relationship with Finn felt different and why I felt guilty about it every time I was around Bruce. Why I felt like Riley and I needed bonding time when I dropped my internship this year to make time for him. Why I couldn't even figure myself out.

What I did know at that instant, however, was the fact that I, again, was the problem in the argument and I needed to rectify it because while something about my relationship with Bruce was still hazy there was still something in him that I couldn't lose. He was a brilliant man and for once I wasn't lying about that.

I made my way to our door and paused in front of it, gathering all the courage I'd need before I put my hand on the doorknob and pushed open the door. The sight in front of me made me press my lips together as guilt coursed through my veins.

Bruce was still awake and he was sitting upright on his side of the bed, facing the closed window that had the curtains drawn apart to let the beautiful moonlight cast into the room. His bare back was to me and his muscles taunt with a strain. It told me that he heard me opening the door and that his hands were fisted. The moonlight casted over him and in this lighting he may have looked sexy as hell but I was only thinking about how much I wronged him.

"Bruce," I whispered, all the way from the other side of the room, my hand still on the handle.

"Madilyn," he said quietly and that was all it took for me to close the door behind me and rush to the bed, rounding it so that I could come face to face with Bruce. I sat down next to him and tentatively slipped my hand into his, threading my fingers through his calloused ones.

"I was the arse," I admitted. "I'm sorry, Bruce."

"It still doesn't excuse the fact that I've been a jerk this entire week," he argued, and my heart tugged at his weak argument.

"It's not your fault. If I was in your position I'd ask me why the hell I was lying," I told him truthfully. "Why didn't you just ask me?"

"Because you told me you were serious about our relationship and I wanted to trust you. I couldn't help but think that maybe you lied to me because of Finn. I kept my mouth shut because I want you to know that I trusted you and whatever suspicions I had were stupid because you wouldn't do that to me," Bruce replied, his gaze still not lifting to meet mine and his eyes fixated on our linked hands.

"But your suspicions were right," I resigned, heaving a sigh. When he didn't say anything in response, I tightened my hand against his, gripping it harder as if that could make up for what I did before I asked, "Why do you trust me so easily? Why do you put me on such a high pedestal?"

"Because," he said, visibly swallowing as his Adam's apple bobbed. "Because someone once told me that you were an amazing woman who exceeded expectations, that you loved and cared fiercely, and that you would never wrong anyone unless they deserved it."

I stared at him, open mouthed, unable to come up with anything to say. My tongue felt heavy and dry. His words made a rush of gratitude flow through me but made me feel guiltier at the same time. He didn't deserve this. Why was I doing this to him?

Finally finding my voice, I croaked out, "Who told you that? Noah?"

"It doesn't matter," he shook his head.

"No, it does," I stressed, before slipping from my seat beside him and onto the floor. I grasped both his hands in mine as I knelt before him, begging him to look at me. "Please Bruce."

His eyes lifted to mine and I gulped when I saw the raw emotion behind them. My eyes prickled and I felt the tears pool in my eyes. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

His lips finally lifted into a smile and relief flooded through me as he said, "I'm sorry too."

Needing something to lighten up the atmosphere, I grinned, my eyes still glossy as I joked, "Tell me something I don't know, Mystery Man."

A pause, his eyes glinting before a hesitant smile took over his lips, his lips tipping up into a beautiful and alluring smile. "I love you."

His words hit me and I froze, taking more than just a few seconds to process what he had just said before the gates opened and my eyes prickled but for an entirely different reason now. A rush of emotion flowed through me and I struggled to come up with words but I let the unsurpassable smile speak for me. I slid my hands up his arms before I wound them at the base of his neck and pulled myself slightly up so that his captivating brown eyes were level with mine before letting out a bubbly laugh and embracing him, happiness thumping in my heart so wildly and hard that I was afraid I'd burst from the joy that took over my senses.

He chuckled deeply, his breath tickling my ear and his stubble grazing my cheek. I felt his arms envelope around me, hugging me tightly to him. "I love you, Madilyn Adair. I don't care if it's too soon because it's true. I fucking love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

Laughing, tears threatening to spill over, I whispered breathlessly as I pulled back to see his face, "Say it again."

"I love you, Madilyn Adair," he effused, his chocolate brown eyes dancing with mirth, affection and so many different emotions that I wasn't able to read because I was overwhelmed with all that happiness that rode through my system. His hands tightened around my waist and I continued to smile at him, both of us living in this gleeful moment.

I pulled back and got up from my knees, grinning down at him slyly. His hands met my waist again, his hands teasing over my silk dress as his touch seared through to my skin. I flashed him a mischievous wink before I pushed him on the shoulder which sent him flying down to the mattress of the bed, hitting it with a soft thud.

Grinning up at me, he asked like he hadn't a clue in the world what he was getting tonight, "What are you doing?"

I climbed onto the bed, straddling his hips to find him already reacting to the touch as I let my hands wander down his bare chest, feel the sculpted planes of his abdomen beneath my palms before lowering them even further, my eyes zeroing on the trace of hair that trained downwards, disappearing under his sweats that hung dangerously low on his hips.

"Oh," I purred, "I am going to show you just how much I love you tonight."

His features lost its humour but the serious expression that took its place was welcome. His hands shot to my waist and he flipped us over, his head looming over mine before he lowered it. His hot breath teased my lips before his lips met mine in one slow and measurable stroke.

"No, darling. Tonight, I am going to show you how much I love you," he said in that low gravely husky voice of his.

"Say it again," I pleaded, closing my eyes with a small smile on my lips, knowing that he knew what I was talking about.

"I love you, Madilyn Adair," he whispered again, his lips meeting mine over and over again, saying it over and over again between each fervent kiss that led to a piece of clothing coming undone until we were two bare bodies pressed close together with not a care for the world, with nothing to keep us apart.

"I love you," he repeated but this time gone was all humour.

I brushed my fingers against his lips before looking into his eyes and smiling. "I know."

Our lips and our bodies carried on into the night, his lips tugging mine and mine tugging his, his hands wandering about my body giving me pleasure like never before as I returned the favour in equal fervency. When he filled me, making my eyes roll back into my head with the intense pleasure that coursed through my body, I couldn't imagine why I had almost given this up and risked my relationship with him.

Despite the tragic start, it was a beautiful night. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be loved.