Ang plano ay uuwi agad kami kinabukasan ng gabi pero na-extend pa ito into two days and two nights. So, I needed to call my cousins to cover up for me again.

"I'm at a camping site." I bit my bottom lip.

"Kailan pa? Tita Eleanor and Tito Cailan are worried sick. Umuwi ka na." 

Yup, todo mando na naman sa akin si Kuya Io.

"Just give me two more days. Kayo na bahala magpalusot sa parents ko. Please? I'll... I'll treat you something nice pag-uwi ko. Kahit magkano pa."

"Ganyan na ba talaga kababa ang tingin mo sa amin, Lu? Get your fucking ass back here. Right now."

"Bahala kayo. Nakikiusap na ako pero fine, kung ayaw niyo, eh 'di huwag. Pasensiya na kung masyadong makapal ang mukha ng maganda niyong pinsan."

"Yuck, Lu! Kilabutan ka nga! Hindi mo na kami madadaan diyan!" Narinig kong sigaw ni Kuya Iz sa kabilang linya. 

My eyes immediately rolled. "Shut up, Iz!"

"Ano? Iz? Aba!"

"Bye!"

I was about to end the call when Kuya Io spoke again.

"End the call and I will forever shut you out for good."

Hindi ako nakaimik. Pinili ko na lang makinig sa mga sermon at paalala nila sa akin. I'm just nodding my head and agreeing in sarcasm. Naku, kung kaharap ko lang talaga sila ay napatay ko na sila sa tingin ko.

"Or you want us to go there?"

"What? No!" This is the only time I responded aggressively again. Ano, sisirain na naman nila ang moment ko? "Listen, Kuya Io. I'm okay. I'm with the kind and caring people right now. I'm safe here. You don't need to come here. I've taken note of everything you've said to me, and I vow to do it. So please, please, please, stop nagging. My ears are hurting."

"Kung nagpaalam ka lang ng maayos, wala sanang problema."

"I couldn't, alright? I'm sure they'll decline right away."

"Pero pinilit mo pa rin ang sarili mo na sumama sa kanila."

"Because I want to experience this too!"

"You're selfish. We'll just pick you up on your last day. Send me the address."

"Kuya Io naman!"

"This ends here. Are we clear?"

I groaned. "Fine!"

Kung gaano kabilis natapos ang tawag ay ganoon din kabilis natapos ang camping namin. I expected my relationship with Inus to grow stronger and deeper after this. I mean, akala ko magle-level up din kahit papaano pero mukhang mas lumalayo pa yata.

He's okay. Madaldal at palatawa pa rin siya pero kapag tungkol na sa akin o kapag ako na ang sumusubok na kumausap sa kanya ay nagiging mailap siya. Ang titipid na ng mga sagot niya. It's as if he doesn't want to talk to me or wants to finish the conversation quickly and just move on. Nainis din siya one time nang pinilit nila siyang kunan kami ng picture.

"Dali na kasi, Inus. Parang picture lang."

"Oo nga. Ang aarte niyo, gusto niyo naman."

"Sige na, boy. Pagbigyan mo na. Okay lang naman sa 'yo, Lu, 'di ba?"

"Oo naman." Ngumiti ako at tumingin kay Inus.

"Oh, gusto naman pala. Gora na!" Pinilit kaming ipaglapit ni Sas pero...

"I said no once. Kailangan pang ulitin?" Matapos iwaglit ni Inus ang kamay ni Sas na nakahawak sa kanya ay tinalikuran niya kami, gulat at hindi makapaniwala sa inasal niya.

He takes a lot of pictures. Hindi niya ito inaayawan. Halos phone niya rin ang palagi naming ginagamit dahil siya na mismo ang nag-i-initiate o insist. But now... I don't know why he doesn't want to take it.

"Baka wala lang siya sa mood. Hayaan niyo na." Even though I was affected by his rapid change of attitude, I tried to lighten the mood in our group. Kanina lang ang saya-saya namin or nila o baka naman pinipilit lang niya ang sarili niya?

Gosh, I'm dying to find out why.

"Sabi sainyo may mali sa kanya simula 'nong bumalik siya rito after sunrise."

Napatingin ako kay Mab, trying to seek answers. Tiningnan niya lang din ako na parang ako pa ang may kasalanan. Kumunot naman ang noo ko.

"Nag-away kayo?" kalabit sa akin ni Sas.

"Hindi naman."

"Oh?" tanging nasabi niya bago ako iniwan para kay Mab naman lumapit.

"Baka gusto na talagang umuwi. Alam niyo na, strict parents." Humalakhak si Elio. "Lilipas din 'yan. Pagbalik 'non, okay na 'yon."

Now that Elio has mentioned going home, I suddenly recall that he is opposed to staying here for two more days. Siya lang ang sumalungat sa amin kaya wala siyang nagawa dahil majority ang gustong manatili pa rin dito.

Napatingin ako sa gawing dinaanan niya kanina. Perhaps by talking nicely, this will be resolved.

"Huwag na, Lu," pigil sa akin ni Elio.

"Uhm... I'll try, Elio. Baka sa akin siya galit."

"Paano mo naman nasabi?"

I shrugged. We exchanged stares for a few moments before he tapped my shoulder. Napangiti na lang ako at nagpasalamat sa kanya bago naglakad paalis.

I kept sighing and glancing around to see where he had gone. Palakas din nang palakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko, afraid that what I concluded to Elio earlier might be true. Gosh, hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang naging kasalanan ko o namin sa kanya. Ganito pala siya magalit o mawala sa mood. It's quite of alarming. Mas nagiging babae pa siya sa akin.

"I'm sorry," agarang sabi ko nang maupo ako sa katabi ni Inus.

This is the exact place where Ken and I sat to watch the sunrise yesterday. Ken actually woke me up when the sun came up, but I didn't get to see it for long since I still need to rest a little more for them not to notice anything wrong with me. That was my thought till we returned to the tent.

"Saan kayo galing?" salubong sa amin ni Mab. My eyes widened as her lips abruptly landed on mine. May hangover ba 'to o sadyang sabog lang talaga? "Ang putla mo!"

"Ah, so halik na pala ngayon ang gamot sa putla? Don't tell me..." Napatakip ako sa bibig.

"Duh? First time? Hindi lang si Inus ang humalik sa 'yo, eh. Tss!"

"Hoy, gago!"

And all she did was laugh at me. It's not always evident, but Mab can be clingy at times. Kahit na gaano niya iyon itago, nahahalata ko pa rin. We've been friends for more than five years now. I'm already familiar with such minor facts about her.

"Anong sabi mo?"

Naantala ni Inus ang pagbabalik-tanaw ko sa nangyari kahapon. And now that I think about it, ngayon lang ulit kami nagkaroon ng alone moment which is kind of... odd.

"I'm sorry," ulit ko, bahagyang napayuko.

"What for?"

I can feel his gaze, which made me look at him. Biglang kumabog ang dibdib ko. The way he looks at me now is different from the way he looked at me the night we arrived here. He's enraged. But why is this so? Wala akong maalala. I just watched the sunrise with Ken tapos pagbalik namin may nagbago na?

Wait, what? So, that's it? He... he's jealous? Oh, my God! Really?

"You're apologizing yet you're smiling?"

"I'm sorry–"

"Tangina, Lu! Ayoko na iyang marinig!"

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Naglaho agad ang mga ngiti ko. Ramdam ko rin ang biglaang panginginig ng mga kamay ko kaya pinagsalikop ko na lang iyon. I swallowed hard and sighed after.

"Puta," he mumbled before standing.

"Wait, Inus." I also stood up as a result of the adrenaline surge. "Anong problema? Bakit ka galit sa 'kin?"

His wide shoulders moved as a result of his deep breaths. Before turning back to face me, he brushed his fingers through his hair. Gosh, that gesture never fails to captivate me.

"Sorry. Don't mind me. May tahimik na labanan lang ang nagaganap sa loob ko."

"What exactly is it? Tell me."

"No. It's okay, Lu. Ayos lang ako. Pasensiya na."

"Well, I'm not."

Our gazes were riveted. To ease my anxiousness, I closed opened both of my fists. There is also a growing tension between us, which may be the trigger for us to erupt once more. Bakit ba kasi kung kailan seryoso, pangiti-ngiti lang ako kanina? Gosh, I had no idea it was this serious, and this is important to me because this is the first time we have argued about something for which we have no idea what the true reason is. Alam kong kagaya ko, naguguluhan din si Inus sa mga oras na ito and I want to know all his thoughts and feelings about this.

"You're acting as if I just made a huge mistake with you, and I'm not okay with that. I thought it was nothing until you acted like this, which confuses me even more. Is it because you saw me with Ken?"

Hindi siya nakasagot. Nanatili lang siyang nakatitig sa akin.

"Is that it, Inus? Sabihin mo naman sa akin. Ipaliwanag mo naman sa akin. We need to talk this out."

"At bakit? Ano ba tayo? Magkaibigan lang naman, 'di ba?"

My lips parted slightly. I feel as though something inside of me has been switched off. Nakita ko kung paano mabilis na lumihis ang tingin niya mula sa mga mata ko pababa sa binti ko na biglang nanlambot. I mentally cursed because of that. Bakit ba lahat mo na lang napapansin sa akin, Inus? Pero 'yong nararamdaman ko parang wala lang sa 'yo?

I swallowed and cleared my throat. Umayos ako sa pagtayo.

"Oo nga," I stuttered. "Ganoon pa rin naman iyon, 'di ba? I mean, kung gusto nating maayos ang... ang pagkakaibigan natin, ipaintindi rin natin sa isa't isa kung ano ba dapat ang mali."

Biglang bumigat ang dibdib ko. Nagsisimula na ring uminit ang gilid ng mga mata ko.

"Elio and Ken are not like that. Hinahayaan muna naming lumipas bago mapag-usapan ang problema."

"O-Okay. Kung ayaw mo, then it's okay. Hindi na kita pipilitin pa." Iniwas ko na agad ang tingin ko dahil siguradong mahahalata na naman niya kung ano ang sinasabi ng mga mata ko. "Know that if you're ready to talk about it, you may always approach or message me."

Tumawa siya pero ramdam ko ang pagiging sarkastiko roon.

"You're acting like we have 'that' kind of relationship."

Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay nasampal na naman ako ng katotohanan.

"Wala tayong problema, Lu. Kaya wala akong dapat na ipaliwanag sa 'yo. You don't need to get involved since this is my problem."

Bumuhos ang mga luha ko. My heart is too weak for this type of confrontation.

"I'm simply hoping you could share it with me as well. I told you I'd listen to anything you had to say."

"You and your hopeful thoughts."

Hinarap ko ulit siya. Nakita ko ang bahagyang pag-iba ng emosyon sa mukha niya pero mabilis lang iyon na para bang ayaw niyang ipakita sa akin.

"Nanliligaw ka, Inus." I finally said it. "Hindi ba't karapatan ko rin namang magtanong at humingi ng paliwanag?"

"If you truly knew me, you'd simply leave me alone."

"That's the problem, Inus. Hindi pa kita ganoon kakilala pero mas pinapamukha mo na kasalanan ko when you're the one who's always slipping away." Bahagyang tumaas ang boses ko. "At ano hayaan ka? Paano naman pala ako, Inus? I'm only asking because I'm scared that things might become worse."

"Then don't ask." He gave me a chilly stare. "You're already exacerbating the situation."

He left me speechless. So it's really my fault, isn't it? Wow! Unang-una, hindi ko siya sinabihan na ligawan ako. Hindi ko siya pinilit na makisama sa akin. Hindi ako nag-demand nang kahit na ano sa kanya. Lahat iyon ay kusa niyang binigay at ginawa. Tapos ngayon kasalanan ko pa na nagtanong ako para malaman kung bakit biglang nag-iba ang pakikitungo niya sa akin?

"You're a jerk, Inus!" Pinunasan ko ang luhang patuloy na umaagos sa pisngi ko. Kalaunan ay napansin ko na lang na tumatawa na naman ako. Sometimes, I really don't get him.

Wasn't it supposed to be about jealousy? Bakit mas lumalim yata? Or nag-assume na naman ako? Or is Inus simply seeking for someone to blame? Nilabas niya sa akin kasi hindi niya magawang maresolbahan na siya lang? I mean, nanliligaw siya. If he truly wants to resolve things and continue to be with me happily as before, he should be the one to ask first. Siya na dapat mismo ang magpaliwanag. Uunahan niya na ako. Where's the initiative now, huh?

"Ang babaw mo naman, Inus!" Mas lalo akong naiyak.

I pondered for a longer period of time. Nakabalik ako sa tent gabi na. The party goes on as if nothing happened. Nang tingnan ko si Inus, tumatawa na naman siya. He's back to his regular self. So I tried to shrug our fight earlier, but it's just hard. I'm afraid I'll burst into tears again. Natigil lang ang pag-iisip ko nang kausapin niya ako bigla. Siyempre, ako naman itong marupok, nakisabay na rin ako.

And just like that, we were talking and laughing again.

Nang nag-aayos na kami ng gamit ay nilapitan niya ako at tinulungan.

"I'm sorry, Lu. Ako ang mali, hindi ikaw."

I smiled. "May mali rin ako kaya sorry din."

Tuluyan nang gumaan ang loob ko. Madali lang din naman kasi akong kausap. Hindi lang talaga kami nagkaintindihan sa part na iyon. Now that I'm aware of it, I'll wait for him to talk first about any problems. I'll be more considerate of his privacy. I'll do my best to be more understanding.

"Valid pa naman 'yong nag-iisa kong card, 'di ba?"

My brows furrowed. "Card?"

"Panliligaw."

I blinked several times before bursting out laughing.

"At long last, you're acknowledging it. Sure ka walang change of heart na naganap?"

"Hmm, let me think."

Binato ko agad siya ng damit na siyang tinawanan niya lang din. Napailing ako't nagpatuloy na sa pag-aayos ng gamit. Last day na namin ngayon at ang dalawa kong magaling na pinsan ay papunta na rito. Seryoso pala talaga sila roon. Hmp.

We bade our goodbyes to each other before parting ways. Nang umandar ang sasakyan ay siyang pag-vibrate naman ng phone ko. Kinuha ko agad iyon.

Inus Tansley
Today 6:20 PM

Can you tell me what you and Ken talked about that day?

Napahalakhak ako. Sinita naman agad ako ng dalawa kong pinsan pero binalewala ko lang iyon. I looked at the back. Medyo malayo na kami sa may entrada ng camping site. Hinintay ko talaga na makalabas din ang sasakyan ni Inus bago ulit tumingin sa unahan na hindi pa rin maalis ang malawak na ngiti.

Alam mo... ang gago mo!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA