I really like this chapter. Two more chapters to go!! Yayyyy!!!

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Anushka

I couldn't remember the last time I had been at this bar, drinking my life away.

Was it on Diwali? The first night I had met Virat? Or was it after that? I couldn't remember.

My life had always been about myself, and so it should have been. But slowly and gradually during the past year or two, I had lost the image of my own and instead had starting living my life for the sake of the ones that I loved.

I had started to depend on them for my happiness, for my pleasure.

It was something that I knew I needed to change. At the same time, there was a part of me that needed closure. That needed answers.

I knew I should not have called him. But I needed this, I needed to have my closure before moving forward.

I could hear his breath, his inhale and his exhale as if he was struggling.

"I know you told me never to call you, but just once..I need this. One last time." I said, inhaling a breath myself. A deep one.

"Thank you. I need it too." He responded.

We stayed on the phone for a while, not saying anything, just simply silent.

"Can I start, please?" He requested, his tone was way too soft as if he had been so lost all this time. It worried me,.

"Yeah.."

His breath shuddered as he spoke, there was a certain way that he talked with this time, like he was pondering over every single word.

"I just want to say that ever since you left, my life has not been the same. I have struggled, in every way. Possible. I don't regret leaving you but I do regret leaving you all alone. I just want to say how sorry I am for everything." His apology made no sense to me.

Where did this sudden realisation come from?

"Why are you saying all of this now?"

"Because now, I understand." He stated. I frowned.

"How?"

He took a while to speak but then started to speak again. There was nothing else but his voice over the phone, it felt like he was all alone.

"The moment you kissed him-" I interrupted him.

"I did it to make you feel hurt. He's gay-" He interrupted me as if he understood.

"The moment you kissed him..I knew exactly how much I loved you, love you and how much it hurts seeing someone you love with someone else. And the moment, Sonam left me, I understood how much loneliness hurts."

My eyes raised at his explanation. Sonam left him? Was it all because of me? Had I done that? Had I broken a relationship? But Sonam had to know, she had every right to know the truth.

"She left you?"

"Yes. After she got to know everything."

"I told her, you know." I said the truth.

"I know. You did the right thing. She didn't deserve me." His voice had such vulnerability. It surprised me.

"Don't say that." My heart betrayed my mind and the words left my mouth before I could stop them.

"I am not a good man, Anushka."

"You're a man who made the wrong decisions." I tried to show him another path.

Self hate was the worst feeling in the world.

"Well, I am paying for it now."

We both were.

They say love hurts. But somehow, I think love is the one thing that takes away the hurting. Love doesn't hurt but envy does, rejection does, choosing someone else over you does, losing someone does. And love? It has the power to heal all of that. Only if it is done by that one special person.

"You said that you loved me." I reminded him of his earlier words that had left a huge affect on me.

He loved me.

That is all I had ever wanted to hear from him. Everytime he said that he loved my body, I wanted him to say that he loved me.

"I do, you know they say if you fall in love with two people and you're confused, always choose the second one because you wouldn't fall for them if you had truly loved the first one."

"And?"

"And I think that's true. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with you."

I gulped down the shot of vodka and tried to digest his words.

"You always made me feel like an obiect, like I was a toy to fuck. Like I was a body you loved to have sex with." I complained.

"Never, never. You are so much more than that. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like that. I love you. I do."

There was no fighting, no resisting. He just apologised. Where had his ego vanished? His confession complicated my thoughts.

Even after all of this, I still knew what I had to do. No matter how painful this path might be, no matter how hard, I still had to walk it.

I thought I was getting better and I think like that every single day. I know moving on is better than crying myself to sleep every night but every time I try to move on, I remember what I am moving on from and I am back at the start. But I still have to try, and for that I had to let him go.

Completely.

"I love you too. But I wish I hadn't. You hurt me more than anyone and I-just wanted to tell you that even though we can be together now, even though now we have no limit, I still won't be with you. I am choosing to let you go, Virat." I finalluy said it.

This was me following Rumaan's advice. The same Rumaan that had lied to me continuously but the same Rumaan who had taught me so much about life in a few weeks.

"I want you to know that I wish I can one day stop thinking about you, I wish that I stop caring about all those times we have had together and all those memories we made, I wish I forget you one day." I sniffed. The tears pouring down my face as I had another shot.

But no amount of alcohol could help me change anything. Time couldn't bring back all the things I regretted and all the things I wanted to do again.

Virat's breath could be heard through the phone. I heard him inhale and exhale deeply again before I heard his voice.

"I wish you remain in my mind, and my heart, every single day till I can no longer think."

Something about his words warmed my heart and something about his words also told me not to fall into this trap.

"Don't do this, don't start-" He interrupted me.

"I'm not. I respect your wishes. Just know that there is a man who loves you and who will always love you, a man who is sorry for all the things he did, to you, to his wife," His tone regretful, his tone polite, his tone filled with love.

He continued talking and I continued listening.

"A man who is willing to wait for as long as you please, a man who is not binding you in any way. A man who wants you to live your life in the best way possible. A man you can trust."

"The point is, I'm here. If you ever want to come back to me and make me a happy man, I'll be the luckiest man in the world. Because you, Anushka Sharma are the most precious person to me."

I hadn't felt so much at peace in all these days as I did in that moment. Not just because he told me he loved me but because he had finally realised my worth. It's what I deserved.

"Thank you. Good bye, Virat."

And with that, I ended the call.

Tomorrow, I would leave. Tomorrow, I would make a better life. Tomorrow, I would live. ❤

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Thoughts??