"I'm not particularly a fan of coke."

"The drink... or...?" Jamia's face lit up into a grin as Alicia shook her head in mock disbelief.

"And I thought you were a good girl." Alicia giggled a little, genuinely unable to take herself seriously, as the two sat in Jamia's bedroom, some feminist angry lesbian punk band playing in the background as the two lay on their backs on her bed, as Alicia smoked some sort of substance that Jamia reckoned it was better if she didn't ask too much about.

"Whatever gave you that impression?" Jamia asked, raising her eyebrows.

"You know the whole... cheer squad, popular girl, my best friend is the most popular girl in school vibe-"

"Ex-best friend." Jamia corrected her, as she was of course very insistent about the fact that she most definitely did not like Lindsey anymore.

"Of course, sorry." Alicia rolled her eyes, giggling a little, before continuing, "but yeah, both, actually, I prefer Pepsi, and cocaine is super bad, like white powder, that shit isn't goth enough, goddamn!"

"Pepsi?" Jamia screeched, sitting up in true horror. "Do I need to exorcise you?"

"Go ahead." Alicia smirked, "I wonder how well you'll get, because I am actually Satan, after all, as we all know."

"Yeah, I really do know." Jamia shook her head, falling back down behind her. "You're kinda cute for the antichrist, though. I didn't know I could be attracted to horrific satanic beings."

"You had a crush on Lindsey, did you not?"

And let's just say Jamia Nestor may or may not have fallen off the bed with laughter at that point.

"Fuck off." She groaned out, climbing back onto the bed and shaking her head in disbelief. "You're horrible."

"I am Satan after all." Alicia added, grinning like the Satanic being she was.

"Of course." Jamia let out a sigh, jumping a little as her cellphone began to vibrate, she rolled her eyes at Alicia, before picking it up and making a disgusted face, which Alicia laughed enthusiastically at, despite its ridiculous nature.

"Jamia, help me, seriously, I-"

"Frank?" She asked, her eyes widening a little; the two hadn't really spoken in a few weeks now and she'd been unsure as to whether they were even friends anymore.

"Yeah, I... I need to talk, like seriously... I'm also kind of outside your house, and like, let me in, please-"

"Frank, I.. I'm kinda busy, what's happening?" She let out a defeated sigh, meeting Alicia's gaze as she did so.

"It's fucking Gerard, you won't believe what he's fucking done, I just- I need emotional support, I'm sorry, I-"

"Frank, I have a friend over, and like- I can't dedicate all my time to sorting your shit with your boyfriend-"

"He's not my boyfriend-"

"Sorry, fuck buddy then-"

"He's not that either, that fucking sounds worse, please, just let me in: five minutes?" He pleaded, his voice even going all high pitched and whiny because that totally wasn't annoying at all.

Jamia moved the phone away from her face and glanced at Alicia, "he needs emotional support, says it'll only take five minutes, he's outside, I'm sorry, I'll be back-"

"Oh, it's fine, I wanna come to, I wanna meet your friends, you know? His name's Frank, right? I'm totally great at advice." Somehow Jamia just wasn't convinced, but Alicia was unfairly beautiful and soon won her over.

"Fucking fine, and yeah, it's Frank." She let out a sigh, before putting the phone back to her ear, "look, fine, I'm fucking coming."

And with that, she hung up, and the two made their way downstairs, with Alicia perhaps more than eager to meet the small angsty homosexual emo outside.

Jamia unlocked the door, not quite prepared for Frank to barge inside instantly, but yeah, okay, it was raining outside, and in turn, Frank was not quite prepared to see that Jamia had other friends than him, especially not intimidating goth girls that were taller than him, not that it took much to intimidate Frank at all, and not that it took much to be taller than him either.

"Oh, this is Alicia, she's the friend I mentioned yeah, and yeah, this is Frank, he's having relationship issues-"

"Gerard is not my fucking boyfriend, I..." Frank let out a sigh, appearing to have some sort of emotional breakdown as Jamia locked the door behind him.

"So what's the deal then?" Alicia asked, her eyebrows raised.

"He's... he's unfairly attractive and an asshole and we sort of had a thing but sort of not and I think he's slept with everyone on the planet besides me, and I genuinely like him or something, and I just... he doesn't do relationships, and we kind of hated each other, but Ray forced us to make friends again because it was just awkward when we went to see Mikey, and then... well we made up... and then... then I fucking kissed him and oh dear lord Jesus why the fuck did I do that I want to stab myself, help me..."

"Don't stab yourself, especially not in my house." Jamia interjected, narrowing her eyes a little.

"I have some pot upstairs, do you think that would help?" Alicia asked, grinning a little at him.

Frank's face seemed to genuinely light up, his eyes widening as a wide grin took over his jaw, as he uttered a definite and perhaps over enthusiastic, "yes!"

Alicia turned to Jamia, smirking, "told you, fucking great at advice."

Jamia just rolled her eyes, knowing that a stoned Frank was easier to deal with than a stressed one, and fuck it, because she was tired, and Alicia was insanely beautiful, and Frank was insanely stupid.

"I'll go bring it downstairs," Alicia gestured upstairs, before making her way back to Jamia's bedroom.

"So..." Frank let out a sigh, turning to Jamia after Alicia disappeared, "is that Lindsey point two or something?"

"No," Jamia laughed, blushing a little, "she's nothing like Lindsey, she's amazing, also we're just friends-"

"You and Lindsey were 'just friends'." Frank pointed out: skeptical through and through.

"So were you and Gerard." She added, but Frank wasn't in the mood, simply flipping her off in response.

"Whatever, she has pot, I like her already."

"Of course you do."

-

At the fault of a late night text, the two had found themselves sat in silence for the first time in forever: just the clearing by the river, the sounds of flowing water, the smell of cigarettes, and the occasional sound as Gerard dug the heel of his shoe into the dirt as he stubbed yet another cigarette out.

The older boy was leaned up against a tree trunk with one side of his body, facing the river at an odd sort of angle, with one knee pulled up to his chest, and one leg dangling precariously over the edge of the bank, and kicking at the odd root on occasion. His gaze was fixated upon the water: flowing and bubbling below, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere, his hands stuck in a recurring cycle of smoke a cigarette, stub it out, light another cigarette, and so on. But he hadn't said a single word.

Frank was sat with his back to a tree barely a couple of centimetres from where Gerard's foot lay on the dirt, his legs too dangling over the ledge, but with one balanced on top of an odd branch protruding from the bank in some sort of false pretence of support. His hands were pressed against the ground behind him: perhaps too focused, and too nervous to ask the boy beside him for even a cigarette, or something, nevermind a conversation.

Because the two had come out here to talk, and they'd perhaps done everything but that, and it bothered the both of them immensely, but there wasn't the slightest chance that either would consider admitting it, and especially not aloud, because despite the familiarity they had with one another, they reckoned they'd still always be nervous.

Because there'd just always be something about Frank, and there'd just always be something about Gerard, and there'd just always be some stupid reason as to why the two couldn't go together, or even talk for that matter.

Because Frank was just sprouting excuses in his head, and Gerard was trying to focus on anything but the matter of conversation, and had perhaps even resorted to watch smoke drift out into the summer air.

It wasn't as if they didn't have what to talk about; they had everything - that kiss for starters, and awkward conversation and avoiding one another in excess for what felt like years now, whereas in reality had been little more than a week.

In fact, Gerard was even surprised that he'd had the nerves to text Frank and ask him to meet him. Okay, admittedly, it had been at three in the morning and he had been very drunk, but Frank had agreed, and he wasn't about to back down, because it wasn't like he didn't want to see Frank, he just... he didn't know, he really didn't know at all.

Because this wasn't how things usually were, and Gerard wasn't sure quite what to make of that, and in turn, he wondered if they'd ever make anything of it, or whether they'd just have a hundred other afternoons sat like this in silence by the river, wasting their time and lives away, until one of them moved on and forgot all about the other.

Gerard winced at the notion of the alternative, stubbing his cigarette out, and feeling an odd unsettling sensation in his chest; he glanced across at Frank, and imagined that one he might not be there, and that it might just be Gerard's fault, because he'd been too awkward and too arrogant, and too goddamn scared.

And soon enough, Frank had noticed the nineteen year old's gaze, but was still hesitant to say anything, but even opening his mouth to speak, but of course, nothing came out.

"Fuck." Gerard began the first way he could, almost making Frank jump enough to send him falling down into the river. "Don't you die on me, Frank." He let out an awkward sigh, his mind stuck in a loop of the possibility of somehow suddenly losing this odd guy with the hair and the smile and the way of fucking with his head.

"I'll try my best." Frank muttered, somewhat unenthusiastically, as he pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Oh, come on, just sit here..." Gerard let out a sigh, gesturing to the space beside him.

"There's even less space beside you, Gerard." Frank raised his eyebrows, looking up into the older boy's eyes.

"Yeah..." He shook his head, blushing a little, "I... I just want to be close to you, okay? Is that really so bad?" He let out an awkward laugh, looking down, and perhaps even jumping himself as Fran sat down between his legs, leaning his back against Gerard's chest.

"This better?" Frank asked, even daring to look up a little.

Gerard blushed, smiling a little as he did so, "yeah, I guess so. But if you fall into that river, don't you dare drag me down with you-"

"I'm fucking gonna, that's not fair - why should you get special privileges?" Frank asked, raising his eyebrows a little.

"Well..." Gerard let out a sigh, running a hand back through his hair, "I can't actually swim..." He added, before quickly rushing into a, "don't you fucking dare laugh at me I-"

"Oh my god, Gee... I..." Frank shook his head in disbelief, giggling like a motherfucking idiot. "That's the best thing I've ever heard... you can suck dick but can't swim?"

"Yeah..." Gerard let out a slightly embarrassed sigh, "no wonder my mum doesn't like me, huh?"

"Oh shut up. Of course she likes you." Frank shook his head in disbelief. "She's your mother."

"That means nothing... I don't see why anyone who doesn't want to just fuck me should like me..." Gerard let out a sigh, "I'm just a slut, aren't I? I'm just someone to fuck, and I get that now, suddenly I understand everything-"

"I don't think that. I like you, I wouldn't mind fucking you, of course, but I like you for you." Frank added, meeting Gerard's eyes to emphasise his point.

"Yeah, I know." Gerard groaned, leaning back against the tree. "That's what's fucking with my head so much. I'm not used to this, I'm not used to you, and I'm not used to the way you think, I'm used to dating and hanging around with assholes, not gonna lie, Frankie, and you're like this really nice, really cute guy, and I-... I don't have to act around you, and it feels weird, I don't like this, but I do, perhaps I'm not used to it, perhaps I'm just better at fucking that I am having normal conversations. But I want to try with you, and I want to kiss again... if that's okay....?"

"Please kiss me, you idiot." Frank let out a sigh, looking up to meet Gerard's gaze, and then a few moments later, his lips. "You really are something, you know that?"

"And what does that mean?" Gerard asked, slightly apprehensive.

"I'm not entirely sure, honestly." Frank added, reaching for Gerard's hand and putting it into his, "but it's a compliment, I'm sure of that."

"You better be." Gerard shook his head.

"Why would I ever insult you, come on, I'm not pissed at you, I really like you, okay you're being an idiot, but so am I, so I'm not going to be a hypocrite, I really just want to spend time with you, because I do honestly just like being with you."

"God, stop being so soppy, Frank, I think I'm going to die." Gerard groaned, making a cut throat gesture, which Frank, of course, rolled his eyes at, but smiled nonetheless, because maybe, even if just for now, things could be okay.

-

Things were however less than okay when Gerard arrived back home: smile still on his face until the very moment he closed the front door behind him, and the sound of yelling filled his ears.

"Fuck." He muttered to himself, kicking his shoes off, and just leaning back against the front door for a moment, wishing he'd stayed with Frank longer, or perhaps even gone home with Frank, because he couldn't deal with whatever argument his mother and Mikey were in, and he most certainly couldn't deal with whatever kind of bad mood they both would be in.

And it all just had to happen at the very moment that Gerard was being to think that everything might just work out okay, but no, things could just never be that easy, and like he couldn't sit there beside the river with Frank forever, he couldn't stand in the hallway forever, he had to face them and whatever shitstorm they'd caused eventually.

And perhaps Gerard's one true weakness was standing up to responsibility and the inevitable, and perhaps today was already too much, but perhaps Gerard was just realising that he didn't have much in the way of a choice, as his mother made her way into the hallway and stared him down with one fucking hell of a look.

"What?" He asked, as she continued to stare him down in silence, which certainly succeeded in making him just a little uncomfortable.

"Nothing." She let out a sigh, turning and glancing back into the living room at Mikey. "You can talk to him, seeing as you decided to sneak out." And with that, she made her way upstairs to do god knows what, leaving Gerard to make his way almost tentatively into the living room, to meet his brother's gaze.

"What's going on?" He asked, making his way towards the sofa and sitting down beside Mikey. "Are you okay?" He continued, putting a hand on Mikey's shoulder.

Mikey let out a sigh, leaning back against the wall, and shaking his head a little, "it's just some shit: I snuck out last night to go to this lake with Pete and I reckon it's the happiest I've been in a while, but she's all on my ass about it, and I just want to tell her to go fuck herself, and ugh..."

"I'm sorry." Gerard let out a sigh, "what did she mean when she said you can tell me?"

Mikey shook his head in a way that definitely succeeded in making Gerard uncomfortably anxious. "You really... just... Bert called the house phone today, asking for you, saying he misses you, and he wants you to go back and stay with him, and that he's sorry- and don't you fucking dare even think about it, but mum got really pissed off, and yeah... I'm not going to go into detail."

"I think I've finally sorted things with Frank now, actually, I really like him, and I'm sorry that he's your friend or whatever, but-"

"It's fine." Mikey cut him off, smiling a little, "I'm just over the moon that you're not even considering Bert's offer, which you're not, of course, because you're with Frank, and you're all happy and Frank is a decent human being and Bert is a literal garbage can-"

"I don't think he's a literal garbage can-" Gerard protested, shaking his head a little.

"He is." Mikey insisted, narrowing his eyes. "Say it: Bert McCracken is a literal garbage can, or I'm going to change my mind about being so nice about you and Frank, like I'm totally going to get on his ass about it at school, but that's justified because I'm an overprotective younger brother."

"You're an over annoying younger brother." Gerard corrected him, smirking a little as he did so.

"Say it!" Mikey exclaimed, his eyes widening a little.

"Okay, fine, god, Mikey, Bert McCracken is a literal garbage can, there you go. Look I deleted his number, it's fine, I promise." Gerard smiled, meeting Mikey's gaze with a newfound kind of sincerity.

"You know that would be perfect, if that wasn't exactly what you said like seven times before, you know? Seven times when you took him back, because you're not exactly the most resilient of people, and I'm not going to let him back into your life, and I fucking mean that.... I... I told mum what kind of an asshole he is... just so she knew... but she took it weirdly..." Mikey let out a sigh, looking away from his brother, "she's getting all weirdly passive aggressive and she's pissed that you let him walk all over you, but it's not your fault, it's his fault, and I'm trying to tell her that, but she won't listen to anything I say after she found out about me sneaking out because apparently that invalidates every point I have..."

"Exactly how much did you tell her?" Gerard asked, biting his lip a little.

"Not everything, but I did go into detail-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Mikey!" And just like that, it seemed like that facade of happiness had been broken within an instant.

-

hey pals lmao im still melting i just love heat obviously @ weather why smh. votes and comments would be cool also i love you all super lots !!