Fuck yall, I love Alvar >:)))

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  He was really gone. I could see it in his eyes.

  The man I had come to love was gone. Broken beyond repair.

  And the fucking Neverseen were to pay for this.

  Alvar and I shared an intimate relationship. Ever since I had become part of the Black Swan, the cause for our race, before Sophie had appeared in our midst, that Vacker boy had it out for me.

  I played hard to get of course. Part of me told me not to trust him. Even if he had been helping our cause for so long.

  And it hurt that my gut was right all along.

  But never would I say I regretted falling in love with Alvar Vacker.

  Alvar Vacker was a traitor.

  But Alvar was the love of my life..

  "I'm sorry I forgot you.." A voice broke me from my thoughts.

  I peered over at the handsome man standing at my side. Our eyes locked for a few seconds before I broke the eye contact, feeling the burning begin to grow in my throat. How was I supposed to take this? I knew for a fact I couldn't avoid how bad this hurt. I lost the man I loved. Sure, here I was, staring him straight in the face. But he didn't have the same glow as my Alvar.

  "..Its alright d- Alvar, theres nothing you or I could've done to prevent.. this." I stumbled on my words. Yes. I wanted him back. I wanted him back with all my heart. But I wasn't going to start calling him dear or love until I was sure he was okay with it.

  Alvar stepped a tad closer. In response and reflex, I stepped a tad back. The guilt punched me in the stomach and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

  "I know we were something.. and.. I bet it hurts like hell that you lost me." He began after a few seconds of silence. His eyes were no longer on me. They focused out past the balcony. I didn't know what he was looking at.

  I just knew it wasn't me.

  "But I'm still here [YN].. maybe not as the Alvar you knew and loved. But I'm here.. I don't know what's going to happen if you want me to be honest." He chuckled. "I know my brother hates me. My family is in pain. The whole world doesn't know what to do with me. My own people would rather see me dead. And.. I don't know what to do. It's like nobody cares about how I feel. I don't even know what I did so bad. They keep telling me. Over and over. You hurt innocent people. You turned on us. You're a monster. But.. that doesn't feel like me. I can't believe that was even me. I don't want to."

  He let out an exasperated sigh and I fought back the urge to lovingly rub his arm. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him everything was going to be alright. That's what he deserved. Someone to be there for him. Everything was so confusing and scary right now. I could tell. That's what he was literally telling me.

  But I knew better.

  "Alvar.. I know everything is terrifying right now. It must feel like being born all over again. Theres a lot of negatives. And I mean a LOT." I couldn't hold back my giggles and he laughed along with me. It felt good. I could barely stand it.

  "But there are people in your corner.. even if it feels like the whole world is against you. Theres people who love you regardless. People who refuse to give up on you.. Alden. Della. Biana. Sophie.."

  "And you?"

  I felt another punch to my gut. I loved Alvar. I loved Alvar. This was not my Alvar. My Alvar was a beautiful person. He went down the wrong path. He thought he was doing good. And even then he was my Alvar. He knew me. He loved me. He kissed me and held me and promised me in the end everything would be alright.

  The man I was looking at couldn't even remember that promise. Nothing. Not me. Not the sensation of loving me.

  But I still refused to give up on him.

  I would be a horrible person if I gave up on the love of my life just because he couldn't remember me. That wasn't love. Love was getting through thick and thin together. And if that meant restarting all over again. Then I was going to do it. I wasn't ready to. But he wasn't either. It was gonna be okay. Just like he promised. Alvar never broke a promise.

  "Yeah.. of course.. what kind of significant other would I be if I turned my back on you." I smiled painfully at him. He stepped closer to me and I met him halfway, wrapping my arms around his torso.

  He squeezed me and buried his nose into my hair. I felt him inhale my scent. I loved him. Even if he wasn't my Alvar. He was still Alvar..

  "I miss you [YN]… so much.." I heard him murmur.

  ..I miss you too Alvar..