I was reading Hamilton fanfictions again. This one person's depressing Hamilsquad stories are murdering me. This is based off of one of the two I read so far. I recommend listening to Dream by Imagine Dragons while reading this. Amplifies the feels.

  Platonic means friendly, no romance at all
 
  I just want to make all of you cry. Because that's what real authors do. Just admit it. Shannon does it. Rick Riordan does it. Even J.R.R Tolkien did it.
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  I stared blankly at my reflection.

  Hair did. Makeup did. (A/N: Personally I don't wear makeup.)

  A silk [YFC] dress donned. With [Birthstone] jewelry.

  I remember who gave me these earrings. And the necklace. And the bracelet.

  I was getting ready for the premier of my movie. My team worked hard on it. And we had so much fun along the way. But heartache was inevitable.

  People around me muttered in excitement. In anticipation. The voice actors smiled at the idea of people being so riled at what they had done. I sighed and Wylie massaged my hand gently, whispering soft words. The screen came on as the lights dimmed.

  There was a video."This is day one of the movie. We just brainstormed the idea and are now taking an official photo of the crew before we start!"

  Keefe, Fitz, Wylie, and Tam stood behind Sophie, Linh, Biana, and I as we scrambled into the frame. Smiling widely. We were such nerds. My hair was short. Tam still wore glasses. Keefe used to wear hoodies. Sophie used to wear blue contacts to blend in. I smiled weirdly and huffed.

  "There's a tripod for a reason! Get over here!"I laughed. Everyone else agreed profusely with me, urging the cameraman over. The camera jolted before resting. Someone jogged into the frame.

  A short strawberry blonde boy with striking periwinkle blue eyes placed himself in between Sophie and I. He had box glasses with black frames. Simple. His white dress shirt sleeves were folded up, and his black vest was unbuttoned. He fixed his black and blue binary code bandana around his neck before grinning at the screen, his dimples deep and visible.

  "Everyone say Dex!"Keefe hollered, pulling Dex into a playful choke hold. The timer began to go off.

  "DEX!"Everyone cried with smiles. The camera clicked. The screen slowly zoomed in on the strawberry blonde, whose smile looked like it couldn't grow any wider or brighter.

Dedicated to Dexter Alvin Dizznee
1994-2017

  Tears welled up in my eyes and I laid my head on Fitz's shoulder. I felt a tear hit my bare shoulder. It wasn't mine. It was his. And it amused me. Before the prom, Fitz didn't even know who Dex was. He called him Dec for God's sake. When they got together, it surprised me.

  The movie moved forward.

  The movie had secretly been about the struggles of our lives.

  The initial message was that even though life is tough and there will be doubters, there will always be people who want you there. We integrated the struggle of Keefe, Dex, Fitz, and Tam's sexuality. Sophie's struggle of always being different and the one everyone depended on. Tam and Linh's struggle of being denied by their parents. Wylie's very hard struggle of being a foster child and losing the two people he loved the most in his life to horrific tragedies. And my struggle of having drug addict parents, poor, trying hard to get to the top with a failing family that tried to drag me down with them.

  Dex was the main character and none of us noticed that. He became the protagonist near the end of the movie. His character struggled so much and fought to stay afloat, but in the end nobody could save him.

  I think it's because Dex's death had cloaked our minds. It was all we could think of. We were nearly done with processing the film when he died.

  We were eating a celebratory dinner when these jerks came up to our table. They noticed us from the news and the movie trailer that had been released recently.

  "You guys are making that new movie about the gays and the abused people, right?"One of the men asked.

  I turned in my seat and grinned."Yes, indeed we are!"I chirped. The group behind me laughed and clinked their glasses.

  "I hate it."

  My eyebrows furrowed."It's stupid! Every point it's trying to cover is irrelevant. Who cares about gays? Or the verbally abused? It should've been about a drug dealer. Or a rich white dude getting caught for fraud."Another sneered, his arms crossed. Wylie nearly stood but Sophie grabbed his arm.

  "Shut the fuck up."

  We turned to see Dex fuming. His purple inhaler in hand. It surprised us to hear him say something like that. He was always nervous. He couldn't muster out more than a syllable in public. But this outburst worried me.

  "We already have enough of those bullshit movies! Frankly I never liked them anyways! What we need are more movies that focus on the real world. Return the point of the topic to reality. People need to know about the real world. There are kids out there who'd rather be dead than be themselves because they're afraid of judgement. I want this movie to teach them not to be afraid. I want this movie to encourage them to tell others to piss off and don their true colors in pride!"

  At this point he was hollering and standing, leaning halfway over the table. Tears streamed down his face and the tips of his ears were red. Everyone was watching in the restaurant.

  "There are kids out there suffering the wrath of the people who are supposed to love them. And they get stuck with the scars of that for the rest of their goddamn lives. Because they're too afraid of what will happen if they tell the truth. This movie is being made to encourage those who hide in the shadows to jump out and scream,"I'm here! I'm here!", because their voices will NOT be ignored! The truth scares people. And I want this movie to destroy that fear. To rip it to pieces and reveal the light.

  People like me suffered because I was afraid. I didn't say shit. Keefe didn't say shit. Fitz didn't say shit. Now I have deathly social anxiety. I have to take 10 pills a day at different intervals to keep myself from dying or killing myself. If I miss one, I end up in the hospital. Keefe can't mention his father without wanting to scrape off his skin. Fitz is still afraid to hold my hand in public.

  I want people to avoid being like us and be like Tam. Tam wasn't afraid. He loved his sister. She was the better half of him that he would never be and the half he would always need. His parents wanted them to deny ever being born as twins. He didn't let them. He fought and fought. And when they let her get sent off for a rookie mistake, he went with her. He didn't do anything. But he wasn't going to let them have the satisfaction of that. He went with her and protected her with his life. He wasn't afraid to stand up for Keefe either when kids at school called him derogatory names."His voice began to give out.

  "This movie, is all of us. It's everything we were and everything we wanted to be."He began hyperventilating.

  "This movie..Will be..all that's left of me."He wheezed before falling backwards.

  Fitz screamed in pure agony as he vaulted across the table. Biana instantly dialed 911 and already explained the situation. Wylie jumped up and punched the main guy with his cannon of an arm. He rushed over to Dex's side and balls of light flashed across his body rapidly.

  "He had a very violent panic attack. I'm surprised he held through. But we have to hurry, he's beginning to go into cardiac arrest."

  His hands lit up blue and he rubbed them together rapidly. He placed his hands on Dex's chest, sending a shock through his body. As Dex jolted, the ambulance arrived. They carted him away. Not everyone could fit in the ambulance. They only let in Sophie and Linh. Did we take the car? Hell no. We ran.

  With all the adrenaline coursing through our bodies, we managed to keep up until we got to the hospital. We didn't stop to rest until we escorted Dex in.

  We stayed there for 5 days. We didn't sleep. Fitz had cried for 2 days. Stopped. Then cried the last two days. At that point, we thought he just ran dry. When Fitz stopped crying, the rest of us did. I couldn't imagine the pain Dex was going through. A video leaked and the attack had gone viral. Everyone was praying for Dex to survive.

  I had prayed for so long. So long I started to doubt. Was God really up there? Ask and you shall receive. Please give us Dex back.

  Dex was too young. He was the youngest, being 23. Dex was the light of our lives. He was always there to brighten our days.

  I noticed the movie had ended. Was I really that focused on reminiscing those terrifying last moments?

  "Dex was my everything."Fitz on the screen said. We did interviews to add onto the end of the movie."I regret being so rude to him before prom. I remember seeing him alone next to the punch table. His date left him for some girl. He looked so miserable. I thought, "Jesus, poor kid. I guess I'll go cheer him up." And I never thought it'd lead to us holding hands and living together and eventually,"He held up his hand. Wiggling his ring finger."getting married. I miss him so much. His eyes. His smile. The way he always lit up the room."Fitz laughed dryly, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. His eyes had dark rings.

  "It's funny. That night during the slow dance, Dex pulled me down to his level and whispered into my ear..I remember it so vividly."His voice shook like an earthquake.

  The doctor began to stalk into the room. Face solemn. Hands crossed behind his back.

  "He said, "When I die, I want them to play this song at my funeral. And I want you to sing it.""

  Words came out of the doctor's mouth, but I never heard them. All I saw was everything crashing down on us.

  "I promised him I would. At the time, I thought it was a weird request, because I would die before him since I was older by 3 years."

  Fitz dropped to his knees instantly and I saw him scream. He screamed so loud. His telekinesis broke the glass from the vending machines. Wylie stared off into oblivion, but he managed to sit back down and stared at the floor.

  "Sure, it occurred to me some complications could happen..."

  Biana collapsed into Sophie and Linh's arms. Keefe clung to Tam, and Tam just gritted his teeth, letting out a string of curses.

  "But I never thought he'd die protecting us."

  Oh, I know all your reasons to keep me from seeing everything is actually a mess...But now I am leaving. All of us were only dreaming. Everything is actually a mess...