Trigger Warning: Suicide and self harm mentioned.
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There is a girl in the front of my class,
Who I swear I've never seen do anything but laugh

[YN] was an intriguing girl. She was in most of my classes, now that I was able to attend Foxfire. She sat where she was visible. [YN] was sugar sweet to the teachers. And she was a gentle loving elf all together.

She's tall and she's smart,
Beautiful and strong,
And when someone's down,
She tries to fix what is wrong

She helped everyone. She even tried to crack smiles from me. But it never worked. On the outside. She was beautiful. She had [YHL] [YHC] hair that cascaded down her shoulders and framed her fair [ST] skinned face. Her [YEC] eyes were always bright and flecked with enthusiasm. She was afraid of nothing and loved everything. Passionate about the world she lived in.

Or so that's how she appeared.

I'm a Shade, I know when someone has a dark side. I never even needed to read her shadowvapor just to know that. Someone couldn't be that happy and not have even one small crack in their foundation.

How does someone so perfect
Feel so insecure?

She would run her fingers through her hair nervously all the time. She constantly cleaned out under her fingernails when she wasn't doing anything. And she tended to absent mindedly smooth out her eyebrows and fix her clothes. I didn't know if it was a girl thing or if she was trying to hide any leaking flaws. Linh was never like this, I wouldn't know the first thing about girls anyways.

[YN] was flawless to me. I never talked to her because I was afraid. She was popular. I was the scary Shade that people didn't trust. I didn't want people to talk about her because she hung around me. Yet it seemed that she was still able to have a ruined life without me in it.

As to scar her skin with cuts and burns,
And still want to hurt more

[YN] nervously tugged on the sleeves of her tunic. Her waist-length cape rippled with her anxiety, her telekinesis massaging it without her noticing. I didn't know what happened at [YHN], but whatever it was, she clearly couldn't handle it herself.

How does someone so loving,
Learn to hate her own guts?

[YN] constantly got compliments regardless her bad habits that only I noticed. Boys commented on how beautiful she looked.

"Oh please. If Foxfire was made of mirrors, the entire school would have shattered at my reflection."

Girls begged to know how she was so pretty and smart.

"I'm not that smart. I'm not smart at all. I'm probably a poor excuse of an elf for being this stupid."

She insisted every denial with a violent view of herself. I never understood it. I couldn't. What elf could be so amazing on the outside but hurt on the inside?

Drawing a picture on her arm with a blade
As if her mind isn't dark enough

There is a girl in the front of my class,
Who's eyes are glazed over like newly made glass,

It's been a few days. [YN] has become increasingly quiet. She stared down at her hands on the desk, her fingers twitching in an indistinct manner. I inched closer to her. Wanting to finally get to know her. But Linh pulled me back. [YN] seemed uninterested in the world around her. Like the world enclosed in her mind was a much better one to live.

It disturbed me, because Sophie told me stories of how Keefe used to be this way. Distanced. Not completely there. And he had huge family problems.

Ghost of a smile inside her face,
And she laughs as they tell her who's on first base

"So I heard that Keefe finally tried to make a move on the Guster."[YFN] said. [YSFN] nodded."He nearly tripped after trying to keep her from walking off!"

[YN] giggled and covered her mouth as she full out laughed. Keefe did what? I was more confused at her mood change. What she hiding something? Or rather, hiding herself? It'd be rude to ask. And assume. But it'd be obvious if I read her shadowvapor. I looked at Linh, sighing inwardly as I went back to work.

How does someone so perfect
Feel so insecure
As to scar her skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more

How does someone so loving
Learn to hate her own guts
Drawing a picture on her arm with a blade
As if her mind isn't dark enough

There is a girl in the front of my class,
Who's so sad it's rare to see her smile and laugh

It's been a month. People have gotten used to Linh and I. And the more people I met, the more [YN]'s state deteriorated. I never thought it would become that bad. She didn't talk to anyone anymore. Her cloak covered her face most of the time. Her hair was turning gray and split ends adorned it. Her rich [ST] skin had lost its glow. When the room was quiet. I could hear not only her ragged breathing, but also the crooked off-tune beat of her broken heart.

She rested her head on the desk, eyes weary. Arms heavy. The tears of her well had run long dry. Her fingers were calloused, her lips were chapped.

Her friends tell her jokes,
Like that one with the guy,
But all she does is close her eyes and enter her mind.

The heart dies a slow death.

Shedding hope like leaves.

Until the tree is bare and there's nothing left.

[YN] was gone. Every step I took forward, she took a step back. Back into the cave that I once knew as hell. It was all empty. [YN] was a ghost. Her mask had cracked and she didn't bother fixing it.

[YFN] frowned deeply. "Uh..did you hear about that guy that was a slumberry teaholic?..He wasn't much of a sleepaholic."She cracked a grin. But [YN] looked away and buried her face into her arms on the desk.

Was it really that bad of a time to decide to do this?

My shadow stretched over as [YFN] walked away. "Hey. My name's Tam."

[YN] looked back at me, her eyes dimmed. She looked confused, until she saw me staring intently at her.

"I'm..[YN]."She transmitted. I jumped a little. I didn't know she was a Telepath.

"I know."

Our conversation continued the rest of the class, and she never once had to look back at me.

How does someone so perfect
Feel so insecure
As to scar her skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more

How does someone so loving
Learn to hate her own guts
Drawing a picture on her arm with a blade
As if her mind isn't dark enough

There was a girl in the front of my class,
Who yesterday took the breath that was her last

It's been two months and a half. I thought [YN] and I were making real progress. But that didn't seem true.

Linh and I had just arrived at school when I saw a large group of elves wailing. I didn't ask. I wasn't sure I wanted to know why. This occurrence happened throughout the rest of the day. People crying through the halls.

When we got home, there was a scroll lying on the floor. I opened it and nearly fell over at what I read.

You are invited to the Wanderling planting of:

[YN] [YLN]

Tomorrow at noon

Of course Linh and I attended. There were many people there. I noticed that her parents weren't there. At least, I assumed. Since there weren't any adults that looked like [YN]. When I got to go up to [YN] sapling, [YFN] and [YSFN] stood there.

"You're Tam, right?"

I nodded.

They handed me a black envelope and gave me a solemn smile.

She wrote a few notes
"I'm sorry I didn't say,
But my mind was messed up,
You couldn't save me anyway."

When I got home, I opened the envelope.

Dearest Tam,

I know we haven't known each other long. But I enjoyed our daily conversations. They were the only nice thing in my life.

What you read in this letter is confidential. Nobody must know the knowledge I tell you.

I know you noticed my odd transformation throughout the school year. And I tried not to make it too obvious.

Back at [YHN], I had a rough life. Elves aren't supposed to be able to register violence without breaking. Luckily, my father was a Washer. My father, [FN] [YLN], had a very short temper. A constantly ticking grenade. One wrong move and you'd die. He worked at Exile. He had seen many horrible things. He had heard terrible things. This made him unstable.

Before he took his job as a Washer at Exile, he was a gentle man. Gentle but his temper was still a short wick on a thin tall candle. My mom, [MN] Reich, was a Vanisher. So you know where I got my Telepathy from, my dad. She was his number one on his Matchmaking list. They loved each other very much. And they had me. One day, Father came home from work. He seemed..different. According to Mother, after that day he was never the same.

Since a few months before you came, Father had become increasingly violent. He didn't hold back when we managed to get him mad. He beat Mother more than he beat me, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. I died slowly knowing I couldn't help her. And when I did try, he branded my back with balefire and any piece of metal he could get his hands on. He learned how to erase his recent memories and never remembered the beatings.

Like clockwork, it happened day after day. Me and Mother tried to avoid it by timing his anger, but each day he seemed to grow smarter and smarter, catching on to what he had been doing and what we were running from. In time, we couldn't run anymore. I couldn't fight back. She couldn't fight back. We had to suffer every day.

I couldn't take it anymore. The father I came to know had disappeared. The elf my mother came to love disappeared. It drove me insane to know that for the rest of my indefinite life span, I'd have to come home to a flurry of fists and blank eyes that no longer had purpose behind them. There was no life for me to live anymore. I felt like the universe was calling me. Calling me to join its amorphous form. The serenity that had no shape. No pain. No suffering. No sorrow.

I'm sorry I never told anyone. I'm sorry I never told you. This story was one I didn't want to go out. The very foundation of my world had crumbled away and I didn't want anyone to know that the smile was hollow. Inside I was all broken bones, broken heart, broken mind, and deteriorating soul. But nobody should know that.

Plus, if someone did find out, they'd try to help me. But there was no helping me. I was gone the minute I saw Father flush away his memories like they meant nothing to anybody. Just so he could continue on living with himself. The dirty pig he was, and he'd have to go on carrying that burden on his back for the rest of eternity.

I told you because..Tam, as cheesy as it sounds, you're the only light I can find. The only one who knew without having to know me. You couldn't save me. But I don't want this to happen to anyone else. Save them Tam. Take action.

I love you.

Yours,
[YN]

A beautiful cherry blossom. On the edge of blooming. Until right at the very last hour, it shrivels and falls to the floor calmly with the wind. It knows it didn't die in vain. It began something. It was born beautiful. It died beautiful.

That's never to be forgotten.

And to the girl in the back of the class,
Who feels the way I do..

How does someone so perfect
Feel so insecure
As to scar her skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more

How does someone so loving
Learn to hate her own guts
Drawing a picture on her arm with a blade
As if her mind isn't dark enough
For imperfection..