Clara was sad, but not distraught. The funeral for her mother had been a lovely affair and served to remind her how much Juliet was loved. It is not often that a ninety-one year old woman of color could fill the church of a predominantly white congregation.

Clara sat back and looked around her mother's house. The artifacts on display were amazing. They had all been collected during her parent's ten years of missionary work in the Pacific, preaching the Word from one island to the next. Clara became a bit wistful thinking about how hard it must have been for her mother to lose her husband, Clara's father, at such an early age, in such a distant place as Borneo.

She scanned the room, her eyes settling not only on the beautifully carved weapons, masks, and magnificent shields, but on the more macabre items like the human skull and knife made from a man's leg bone.

There was a photo of her father in his collar, taken after one of his Sunday sermons shortly before his death in 1963.

It must have been hard, she thought, for a black woman and a white man to be married in Mississippi in the 60's. No wonder they spent all that time overseas.

There was a noise at the door. Her older sister Flora entered the house and sat next to Clara. She was silent for a while, then spoke, "She was sure something, wasn't she?"

"She was," Clara affirmed, "I wonder what dad was like. Do you remember him at all?"

"No girl, I don't. I was only 3, of course you were still in Mama's belly when he died."
Flora reached into her purse and pulled out a weathered old book and handed it to Clara.

"What's this?" Clara asked, examining the small leather notebook that was secured by a locking strap.

"Mama's lawyer, Mr. Pope, gave it to me. Said she wanted us to have it after she passed. Didn't have the key though. Said he thought it was a diary."

"A diary? Oh my." Clara smiled broadly, "I hope it's scandalous."

Flora guffawed, "Scandalous? Our Mama? Dream on girl!"

"You never know." Clara intoned quietly, clutching the precious reminder of her mother tightly to her breast.

The sisters decided to take turns with the book. Flora agreed to leave the book with Clara first and to let her deal with opening it. The only demand that Flora made was that her sister not reveal any spoilers about the book's contents.

The thought of learning a secret or two about her mother aroused Clara's curiosity and as soon as Flora left she began looking for something with which to pick the lock on the mysterious book. She decided on a bobby-pin and after some struggle managed to pop the lock.

Clara moved to the kitchen table and opened a bottle of red wine in preparation for her reading marathon. When she was settled in, she began to read with eager anticipation.

Clara's initial enthusiasm quickly faded, replaced by shock and horror. Her father was a monster, an abusive violent man whose behavior was made all the more repulsive by the fact that he was a pastor preaching love and forgiveness to tribal peoples trying to escape their violent past.

It was hard for Clara to understand why her mother tolerated the beatings. In her mind, if she could swap places with her mother, she would have kicked her misogynistic father in the balls, but that was not her mother's way. To Juliet the abuse was the price she had to pay to be there, in the far flung reaches of the earth, bringing Christ to the forgotten children of God. It was only the work that mattered, only the soul. The body was something to be overcome, so the beatings somehow didn't matter.

The last three years of the diary took place in Borneo, in the central highlands, southwest of Jesselton, called Api-Api by the locals, and changed four years after the events of the journal to Kota Kinabalu.

Clara's father, Bernard, had started a mission among the Iban Dayaks, a fierce warrior people, renowned for their martial skills and feared as prolific head-hunters, even into the 1960's. The practice of head-hunting was very complex, with very strict rules and deep ritualistic roots dating well back before the mass conversions to Christianity. It was rarely discussed with outsiders and Pastor Bernard chose to ignore it completely, as though it did not and had not ever existed.

Juliet's diary portrayed her husband as extremely condescending toward his tribal congregation and no less cruel than he was to her. He would often beat the younger members of his flock with a thin cane rod for whatever he might consider a sinful transgression.

Juliet's attitude toward the locals was completely different. She was both sympathetic to their struggles and fascinated by their culture. The Dayak community was fond of her as well and appreciated the effort she put forth in educating their children and tending to their infirm.

At this point in the journal, the focus shifted from the day to day missionary work to more of an anthropological study of the Dayak. It seems that Juliet had become more and more involved with many of the village leaders. One name began appearing more frequently, Kanang Rinong.

Kanang was a warrior, about forty years of age, and by Juliet's account, a striking figure and handsome man. He was the warleader for the village and given the title 'Raja Berani', meaning 'King of the Brave'. In the Second World War, as a young warrior, he had fought the Japanese and taken many heads.

As Clara continued reading, she soon realized that it was more than cultural curiosity that drew her towards Kanang. Clara closed the journal and took a deep breath.

Oh my god, she thought, my mother had the hots for this guy. She couldn't keep from smiling. Her father had been horrible and more repulsive than a head-hunter, that said a lot. Clara wondered if Juliet ever acted on her desires. She took a sip of wine and continued reading.

Kanang and Juliet became close friends. He was not only fond of her, but of her young daughter, Flora, as well. It did not appear that the relationship was physical, at least not until the Christmas of 1962.

Pastor Bernard had become increasingly belligerent toward the Dayak. He was disgusted that they retained some of their animistic beliefs and not embraced Christ in a manner he deemed correct. He was increasingly violent toward the young Dayak and also toward Juliet for attempting to defend them.

One night he beat her so severely that she was compelled to flee for her life. She ended up in Kanang's hut and then in his arms. She never returned to the church, instead accepting Kanang's promise of protection after retrieving Flora.

Bernard was beside himself with fury, but was not foolish enough to challenge Kanang. He chose instead to lash out at Juliet in thinly veiled sermons condemning 'whores and Jezebels'. He knew that in the long run, Juliet was bound to him by faith. She had made a vow to God that she would return home with Bernard. It was a vow she would never break and Bernard knew it.

The circumstances of Juliet's desertion began to plague Bernard more and more. He started to drink large quantities of tuak, a local palm wine, and often walked through the village in a drunken rage spouting fire and brimstone rants. It was at this point in the journal that Juliet wrote something that rocked Clara's world.

Seeing him stumbling about, trying to use God to justify his abhorrent behavior convinced me then and there that I would never again share my bed with this devil of a man. I would honor my vow to stay with him and return with him, but he would never know me in a husbandly way again.

Clara slammed the diary shut. She knew the math. The entry was made two days before Christmas and her birthday was November 15, 1963. Unless Bernard raped Juliet, there was no way he was Clara's father.

Clara's head spun. She tried to focus on the fleur-de-lis wallpaper which covered the kitchen, but it was hopeless. She was overwhelmed by the probability that her real father was a renowned Dayak head-hunter.

After her senses were well enough recovered from the shock, she determined to complete the journal. A greater shock was yet to come.

On Christmas Day, 1962, Pastor Bernard was so drunk that he could barely get through High Mass. He drunkenly wandered around, cursing and taking swings at villagers for no reason. It was an  unfortunate circumstance that he ran into his daughter, Flora, at the zenith of his rage. All his fury at Juliet and all his frustration with the mission boiled over as he grabbed the young girl and began to beat her mercilessly. When he moved on, she was barely breathing.

The villagers brought the nearly lifeless girl to Kanang's hut. Juliet was devastated and beside herself. She tended to Flora between the endless streams of tears running down her face. When Kanang entered, he stood silently over the bed, staring at the broken rag doll of a girl he had become so fond of. Without a word, he walked to the far side of the hut and grabbed his mandau, an ornate ritual sword, and left.

Pastor Bernard was never seen again.

The next several entries were mainly about nursing Flora back to health. As for Bernard's disappearance, the authorities were sympathetic, but not overly energetic in pursuing the matter. Missing missionaries were apparently a surprisingly common occurrence and no one in the village was talking.

It was March of  '63 when Juliet and Flora finally packed up and left Borneo. Clara finished reading the last few pages and was rewarded with one final revelation that left her mouth agape. As she closed the diary one final time, her sister walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine.

Clara could not contain herself. Despite the promise to not reveal any spoilers concerning the journal, she began rambling about its contents immediately. While she initially attempted to voice her protest, Flora was soon listening intently and shaking her head, wide-eyed.

Clara walked into the living room with Flora in her wake. She finally finished her narrative and took a deep breath. She awaited Flora's reaction.

Flora was still for a moment, taking in what she had heard. Then without warning, she burst out in laughter. Her body shook and then as the laughter ceased, she addressed Clara.

"So my father nearly beat me to death and your father is a head-hunter. That explains so much," she chuckled again, "Bernard was a real prick, father or no father, he got what he deserved. The things he did to mom," Flora shook her head, " the things she went through, survived and flourished in spite of."

"She was an incredible woman. She raised us on her own and kept every promise she ever made." Clara said softly.

Flora smiled, "Almost every promise. It's not one that counted for much, but you said she promised to return with Bernard."

Clara smiled and walked across the room.
"There was one more thing in the journal I didn't mention, Kanang's farewell gift. He wanted Juliet to be able to keep her vow to God to return with Bernard." She walked to the table of artifacts and placed her hand gently on the human skull.

"Say hello to your father."