The Ego Presumptive 

'I'm afraid I've just received some rather bad news.' Bellamy Twister announced to the group sitting round the dining table. My Aunt Florine has just died. We were particularly close.' 

'Professor, our thoughts are with you and your progeny at this difficult time.' Drath Norgeth nodded sagely, his face flushing a sympathetic blue.  

'Will you be having her stuffed and mounted on a marble centrepiece?' Alih Fong carefully adjusted the silver lapels on his suit until they were just so. 

'One less dependent eh? Fortune smiles upon you Professor,' Marjor Pinj chimed in. 'Will you be celebrating tonight?' 

Varis of Voon raised her challis, tuned out the feedback on her translator. 'A drink then, to celebrate death and all that precedes it!' 

Bellamy stood with the group, raised his glass and inwardly smiled. Like the other tests this one had started particularly well. He could now look forward to the merits or otherwise of death being debated by eight, or if he included himself, nine of the greatest living geniuses of the eleven civilizations in the known Universes. He sat back, took a sip of his wine and listened to the proceedings unfurl. 

When he returned to his cabin later that night his cheery whistling alerted his research assistant to his entrance. 

'Good evening Professor?' Penny looked up from her visipad. 

'The conversation was positively enlightening I must say Penny.' 

'I was listening in on your discussion whilst I was writing up your notes from yesterday tests. I particularly liked your story about the accident when your dog nearly died and the quote from Tolstoy. So beautifully insightful.' Penny sighed. 

'Ah yes, it just popped into my mind while I was sitting there. It seemed to go down well with the others didn't it? How are the notes coming along?' 

'Very well Professor. I was just thinking how well all the tests have gone in fact. What an amazing idea this was of yours, I don't see how your research paper won't win next year's Nobel Prize for Interplanetary Understanding. The whole concept's absolutely breathtaking.' 

'Now now Penny it's not completed yet so let's not be presumptive.' Bellamy smiled. But of course he knew she was right. It was he that had arranged with the industrialist Lanyard Longe that they could use Longe's personal planetary cruiser to take the group to the Society's annual meeting on Raga X. It was he who had suggested to Lanyard that this would be an ideal opportunity to conduct a series of covert tests on the group that would explore the boundaries of how each civilisation felt about their own races cultural and intellectual standing with the others from the personal perspectives of the eleven intellectual giants of their age. When Bellamy published his account of the trip it would be a sensation- a sure fire Nobel Prize winner. 

'I could hear Loese from Stner and Frosi Y were not there. Are they still laid low by Fhengi fever?' 

'Apparently so Penny. It is most unfortunate that two of the group only made it through the first week but can still we carry on. We've already captured their views on some important questions so we can progress with my testing of the rest of the group. It's a blow to all of us but it appears they'll be in quarantine in their cabins for the rest of the trip.' 

'The conversation tonight didn't seem to suffer for it Professor. It was just the most profoundly moving discussion I've ever heard. Everyone's on sparkling form.' 

For a moment Bellamy nodded in agreement then slowly took off his wire rimmed glasses and pinched the top of his nose. Deep in thought he raised his hand to his balding head. 

'Are you alright Professor?' Penny stopped typing and lent forward to study the puzzled look on the Professors face. 

'I may have the early symptoms of Fhengi fever. I'll think I'll pop up and check with the ship's surgeon.' Bellamy stood up, turned abruptly away and strode out of the cabin. 

     *** 

The Mechi at the entrance Lanyards quarters blocked Bellamy's way. 'I'm sure you are aware Professor that Mr Longe was not able to make this trip. He was called away on other important business.' 

'Let the Professor in,' boomed the unmistakable voice of Lanyard from the suite within. 

'Ha Professor how nice to meet you in person after all those hours we've spent together on the televiewer.' The portly figure of Lanyard rose from the huge sofa he was sharing with Loese and Frosi Y and extended his fleshy hand. 

'I thought you were unable to make the trip Lanyard and I thought these two were in quarantine?' Bellamy surveyed the glum looking pair of philosophers on the couch. 

'Yes, pardon my little subterfuge Professor but I decided it would not be helpful for the tests if I were on board, just you and your ten colleagues and the ships company. I thought that was for the best. Not to interrupt the flow of the tests as it were. But it seems you have uncovered a little revelation of your own haven't you? Otherwise you would not have sought me out where you did not expect to find me. Please sit down and tell us what you have discovered. Would you like a drink before you start?'  

Bellamy settled himself into the deep leather settee and took the proffered cocktail from the Mechi. He began rather hesitantly. 'When you called me that day Lanyard all those months ago and offered me your ship to take us all to the Society's meeting I believed it was me who suggested the idea that during the two week period we conduct a series of tests on the party.' 

'Yes a quite brilliant suggestion, but you are, like the others, quite brilliant aren't you Bellamy? You are without doubt the most respected scientist on earth just as all the others on this ship are the pre-eminent representatives of each of their own races.' 

Bellamy blinked noncommittally at Lanyard's comments and continued. 'And this would be a landmark study, to capture the dreams and visions of the most outstanding polymaths of our times in a carefully conducted series of tests devised by myself, one of their peers and written up in a research paper that would become the seminal piece of work on inter civilisation perceptions for many years to come.'  

Bellamy paused at this point and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 'But there is a problem that has occurred to me?' 

'Problem?' Lanyard looked up over the rim of his glass. 

'The idea wasn't mine. It was yours wasn't it?' 

Lanyard took a sip of his drink and allowed Bellamy to continue. 

'Your suggestion, your idea. It was subtle of course, so subtle I did not see that you had introduced it to me at all, and you let me run with it until I believed it was my idea. My idea to design and unknown to the others run a series of tests on board this ship the results of which I believed would be a sure-fire Nobel Prize winner were based on an idea seeded in my mind by you?' 

'The problem is with men of genius Bellamy is that they also have colossal egos. It doesn't take much for them to believe that something brilliant suggested by a lesser individual must indeed be their own especially when such a prize is being dangled before them. So you've worked that out, but there's something else bothering you as well isn't there? The sudden outbreak of Fhengi fever on the ship.' 

'When I thought about it, there was.' Bellamy looked at the others sitting on the sofa. 'It occurred to me earlier when I was talking to my research assistant. Something she said about the conversation tonight, 'sparkling' was the word I think she used.' 

'Yes?' Lanyard leaned forward expectantly. 

'It was. Too sparkling, even allowing for the calibre of those around the table. You approached the others didn't you? They're doing exactly what I'm doing. Aren't they?' 

'Well done Professor. I'm proud you worked it out so quickly, well after your two associates here did anyway. It makes me proud to be human.' Lanyard slapped Bellamy on the back. 'Yes I approached them all, flattered their egos and they all independently devised a series of tests to be undertaken during this trip. And whilst some tests were quite breathtaking in concept some were rather more mundane, like the reaction of the group to say ...death. Your Tolstoy quote was quite inspiring wasn't it?' 

Bellamy's shoulders stiffened. 

'But like you say, a little bit too inspired. As you, like all the others had the subject of death on your test list. And naturally when the subject came up you would want to say something deeply profound in front of you peers wouldn't you Bellamy?' 

'Perhaps,' Bellamy looked into the depths of his empty glass. 

'How long did you sit there tonight Professor listening to the discussion on death turn this way and that, agonisingly waiting for just the right moment to drop in your simple but brilliant quip about your dog and the oh so profound Tolstoy quote. And how good did it feel when you slipped it into the conversation and you were able to lap up the admiring looks of the others-- who like you had each researched their little stories months ago ready for this very moment and had sat there enduring the same agony as you, trying to decide when exactly to drop their little dazzlingly insightful tales into the conversation.' 

Bellamy stared blankly at Lanyard.  

'For sure the conversation was sparkling because half of it was pre-rehearsed by its participants. And I'm sure like the others you have other equally profound stories for each other subject readily prepared for when the subject comes up. After all you prepared the questions. Say one for birth, life, religion perhaps? These are subjects that every one of you would have wanted to explore. It's that little ego thing again. Isn't it Bellamy?' 

Bellamy leant back on the sofa. 'But if we all produced our own tests and we have all prepared for this then it makes all this rather redundant doesn't it. I'm not sure what you have to gain. You've paid for one hell of an expensive trip just for a little practical joke?' 

'Not at all. I'm sure you'll all be able to write papers for next year's Societies meetings that discuss in depth what has happened here. Some of you might even find a little humour in it. But now you've worked it out clearly you can't rejoin the others, that just wouldn't be fair would it? Why don't you just sit back and enjoy your newly contracted dose of, shall we call it, for convenience, Fhengi fever and spend the rest of the trip with us observing the others until such point they work it out for themselves. I can guarantee that none of the conversation here has been rehearsed. Another drink?' 

'I still don't see what you've got out of this?' Bellamy's voice rose in irritation. 'It's all been a pointless waste of our time.' 

'What have I got?' Lanyard leaned forward. 'What I've got is a set of eleven detailed tests prepared by eleven of the foremost thinkers of our age that when compared to each other in a single research paper encapsulates all their peoples hopes, fears and aspirations for when they look out into space and see other great star travelling cultures staring back at them. I will be presenting it as the surprise keynote speaker at the Society's Conference when we arrive. And I have to tell you Professor that its findings are startling honest and will astound all the Worlds with its revelations. I think I can say without a modicum of modesty that I fully expect it to be the recipient of next year's Nobel Prize.'  

Lanyard stopped to let this sink in then looked up at Bellamy and the others with a wry grin, 'And what shines through my paper, for it's hard to disguise, are the prejudices, biases', the ignorance and over inflated ego's of eleven of the most renowned visionaries of our time.' 

'Oh crap,' muttered Bellamy despairingly before slowly burying his head in his hands. 

'Look on the bright side Professor Twister,' Lanyard patted him reassuringly on the arm,' at least you don't actually have a dose of Fhengi fever.'