𝓐𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓭 𝓣𝓪𝓻𝓰𝓪𝓻𝔂𝓮𝓷
Sleep had escaped me every night since my sister's passing, and to clear my mind I'd spent most of those lonely nights with Vhagar or roaming the empty halls in hopes Helaena's ghost may find me.

Which of the seven hells had our lives become?

Perhaps I deserved this for all the selfish decisions I'd made.

This evening I merely couldn't face Elaena. We'd been arguing for days, and even if she'd avoided conflict at every turn I simply couldn't help myself, taking my grief out on her.

Nothing I could do seemed good enough in any aspect, including within the small council chambers.

Where half the lords expected me to continue my search for my brother, the other half including my sister the Queen thought it best I stay put with those we had left, keeping our numbers within.

There was no doubt that my brother had sent someone for Helaena, but Lord Lothston along with a handful of others wondered if she was never meant to be killed but meant to be kidnapped along with Jaehaera.

But it didn't matter what my older brother intended.

Our sister was dead and it was his fault.

All of this was his fault.

Subconsciously I find myself wandering toward Visaera's room where I find her sound asleep, but she's not alone.

Jaehaeryn sleeps mere feet away on the window bench, curled up with mounds of pillows and blankets surely provided by my caring daughter.

They were young, but it was around this age, I'd become Elaena's shadow and I'd be a fool not to notice my nephew's same infatuation.

"Father?" A tiny voice nearly makes me jump out of my skin.

Taking careful steps toward my daughter I kick myself for waking her.

Visaera's doe-like violet eyes shimmer with curiosity from beneath her covers, her hair thoughtfully braided to stay out of her face as she sleeps.

"I'm sorry to have woken you, little doe." I crouch at her bedside, pulling her covers up higher to keep her warm when I see the wrappings around her wound from earlier.

I'd seen red when I'd heard that Visaera was hurt. Rhaenyra had of course excused me from the hellish small council meeting I'd been forced to endure leaving my already sour mood the perfect storm for Elaena and me.

"How is your arm? Is it bothering you much?" I ask her softly, careful to keep my voice low.

Still groggy from her sleep Visaera doesn't seem to know what I'm talking about until recognition floods her expression and she holds up her arm for the both of us to see with a sleepy smile.

"No. Mama put medicine on it... are you mad at Mama?" She asks, catching me off guard and her smile falls.

I don't hesitate in my response, shaking my head, "No. We only had an argument... I'm sorry, we don't have those very often, do we?"

Visaera's tiny hand wraps around a few of my fingers as she shakes her head back at me but I can tell her gaze lingers on my sapphire.

"Do you think I'll have a scar like you Papa?"

Her question takes me aback. All my life I'd worn this scar carrying bitterness and here my daughter was, looking up at my face with pride and affection just as her mother always had.

"No, little doe. Your wound will heal, your mother made sure they treated it well." My lips tip up into a half smile mentioning Elaena, but it immediately falls when I'm reminded of our argument.

I must gaze off momentarily when I feel my daughter's soft touch. My first reaction is to flinch away but I catch myself, watching her innocent curiosity instead.

"Why didn't yours?" She asks.

Visaera was too young to know the full true story behind my maimed face but just like her mother, she was much stronger than I seemed to give her credit for.

With a deep breath, I adjust her pillow, pulling the sheets up closer to her neck as she settles, waiting, listening.

"The blade that cut, cut me deeply. I was only a child a few years older than you in fact." I whisper, but when her face falls I wish to speak no more of it.

I would never want to paint Jace or Lucerys in a bad light for our children, not when we'd all come so far from the conflict that divided us.

"Your Mother tried to protect me, just as she did for you... but it's important to know she can't protect us from everything, though gods know she tries. We must protect ourselves and make good choices, hm?"

I don't mean to reprimand her, I'd done plenty enough of that earlier but she had to understand that dragons were no joking matter and the idea that we controlled them at all was an illusion. My father would never allow us to forget.

My sweet three-year-old daughter smiles sleepily up at me and I know I only have moments before she drifts back to sleep.

Digging into my pocket I find what I'm looking for, holding out the wooden toy in the moonlight.

Visaera's eyes widen in surprise at the sight of the small wooden dragon. I'd initially felt the urge to destroy the small fragment of my past but how could I when Helaena had kept it all this time?

"I want you to keep this safe for me, little doe," I whisper, pressing a chaste kiss to her temple.

My daughter cradles the toy to her chest and it seems smaller than I remember it now that it's being held in her tiny grip, but before I can say much more her violet eyes flutter shut and she's falling back asleep.

I know where I must go, and though I long for her presence and warmth I know in my bones I don't deserve to sleep beside her tonight, or any night for that matter.

When I approach our door I think for a moment I might turn around.

I probably reeked of dragon, but most of all I was worried Elaena would smell the hint of wine on my breath from hours earlier.

It was unlike me to drink as my elder brother but lately, I've had my moments of weakness partaking in the drink more often than not.

My grip hesitates at the door handle and a muffled sob spills from beneath the doorway.

I recognize it as Elaena instantly and any hesitation I held before falls away as I push through the door.

My wife is shocked to see me, her shimmering pink eyes narrowing at me in confusion. I hadn't slept in our rooms for almost a week and here I was to what, comfort her? I was the one to have caused the damage in the first place.

"Aemond?" Her gentle voice beckons me from beneath our sheets and like a moth to a flame, I go to her.

Closing the door softly behind me I take slow steps as if to ask her permission to approach.

I'd assumed her sobs had been the product of another one of her nightmares but when I notice a familiar book in her lap I realize it must be something more.

"Lay with me?" She whispers, her voice a broken reminder of our recent time together.

Discarding my boots before she changes her mind I ease into our bed.

Though I know not what to say Elaena must recognize my guilt, her exhausted gaze communicating everything she was feeling.

We would talk in the morning, but there was one thing that needed not speaking.

There was no one else capable of healing our wounds but one another.

Drawn together I tuck her into my chest where her stiff body melts into mine and a sigh of relief passes my lips.

This is where I belonged.

With her.

Taking a deep breath of her clean scent I thank the Gods I still had her, my song.

Leaning down I press a soft kiss to the curve of her neck, "Iksan sīr vaoreznuni, ñuha vāedar,"
*I'm so sorry, my song.

The silence that follows my broken voice is the coldest I've experienced in my life until finally, she interlocks my fingers with her own.

"I know," She replies with a hint of sadness in her voice and it's the last noise she makes until falling asleep in my arms for what remained of the night.

The next morning the sun finally seemed to rise with the return of Lucerys, Rhaena, and Lord Corlys.

Come breakfast all of the children are bouncing with energy keeping Elaena, and me busy from the moment they all wake.

Though for the evening Elaena and I had put aside our differences, this morning we'd gone back to avoiding one another, tiptoeing around the remaining shards of us like broken glass.

I wouldn't dare confess to Lucerys that I was relieved to see him but when I'd embraced him his shock could be heard around the realm.

"I leave for a few months and everything goes to hell, hm?" He teases but I throw a look at him over my shoulder, crossing my arms over my chest.

The great hall was packed to the brim with buzzing Lords and Ladies anxious to welcome the Lord and Heir of Driftmark.

Luke had found me in my lonesome dark corner, and it was no secret that Rhaena and Luke had yet to conceive a child in their few short years of marriage.

"That would be one way to put it, nephew."

My gaze finds Elaena who stands proudly behind our son and daughter, but when her lovely, sad eyes meet mine she looks away, busying herself with a conversation between her sisters and Mother.

The smile that might've been growing before is falling instantly, the pit in my stomach deepening at my wife's insistent avoidance of me, but I'm not the only one to notice.

Luke clicks his teeth beside me, narrowing his warm brown eyes at me in question.

"What is it? Are the two of you fighting?" He asks.

Shrugging my shoulders I'd assumed Elaena had told him about our quarrel.

"I've been a bit difficult to live with since..." I couldn't even bring myself to say my sister's name but Luke knows full well the weight of losing a sibling, having lost three brothers and a father or two.

"I'm sure she understands. It couldn't have been that bad... or has it?"

Tipping my goblet to my lips I down its contents in response, my attention drifting back to my wife.

Gods she was beautiful, even when she was angry with me.

Especially when she was angry with me.

"What about our leads? Do we suppose Aegon's come back?" Luke's willingness to help makes me smile but I shake my head.

"All they've come up with is a servant leaving the secret passages in a rush but there's no telling who they were or where they went. The small council wants to send me off on another wild goose chase,"

As I fill my goblet once more, a heavy silence stretches between us.

"And will you go?"

I snort at his question, my children's laughter from the opposite side of the room distracting me once more.

"How could I? Leave them unprotected when he could be right under our noses? No, my place is here." I reply thoughtfully.

Elaena and I could be arguing from the sun rising to the sun falling and I would still refuse to leave her.

Nothing good came from us being apart, we'd learned this time and time again.

My wife must feel my stare, forced to meet my heated gaze through the crowd and I smile at her, unable to help myself.

Even from across the room, I can see the heat rising in her cheeks, the corner of her pouting lips lifting if only slightly.

Helaena would hate how I'd been acting.

Our separation was pointless.

'The dragons song is only as long as the rider stands to sing,'

Eager to change the subject of my brother and sister I clear my throat, motioning toward Rhaena, "Tell me of you and Rhaena. Your mother's told us you've been splitting your time between Driftmark and Dragonstone. Where do you suppose you'll settle?"

Lucerys takes a deep breath, turning away from the women who were now staring daggers our way and I realize I've hit the sore spot regarding them becoming parents.

"I know what's expected of me. I always have, but I suppose I'd always assumed somewhere along the way things would fall into place..." His voice drifts off and I'm thrown off guard by his vulnerability.

"Well, Lord Strong you do know how the deed is done I presume?"

My nephew knocks me across the shoulder and his smile returns if only for a moment, "Seven hells, I assure you I'm quite aware of how children are made, Uncle. We have no such problems,"

I open my mouth to make another smart remark but I'm interrupted by Lord Corlys' entrance.

His arrival brightens up the room and I could almost hug him myself by the smile that he brings to my wife's face. One by one he welcomes them into his arms.

Following Luke over to the excitement I linger a few steps behind, coming up behind Elaena where she's already deep in conversation with her grandfather.

Across from us, Rhaenyra catches my eye, offering me a sympathetic expression but I glance away, growing numb to the pitiful looks.

Carefully I place my hand on the small of Elaena's back and she leans into my touch whether it be of her own accord or instinct.

"My Prince, we were just speaking of you," The Sea Snake begins, his face darkened with a few more wrinkles than I'd seen him wearing last.

"Oh?" I ask, tilting my head to meet my wife's nervous eyes and my stomach sinks.

She opens her mouth to speak but she stops herself, biting her lip.

"We were just talking about how growing up as a ward at Driftmark helped my independence," Baela continues, at first I'm not sure where they might be going with this until I notice it's Visaera that stands in front of her, looking up at me expectedly.

"What exactly are you suggesting?" My voice teeters on the edge of a growl and Cregan turns his head from his conversation to watch me with a warning glare.

"Aelyx, Vis? Come with Grandma and find Uncle Joffrey and Jaehaeryn before they eat all the lemon cakes, shall we?" My sister must have noticed the storm forming before her, taking my children by the hand and guiding them away from the adult conversation.

"Nothing was decided, of course, it was just an idea to keep Visaera safe-"

"She's safest here, with us, Elaena. Visaera's just shy of four years old!" I tell her, my erratic heartbeat bringing a bead of sweat down the side of my face.

I'd just lost Helaena, and now they wanted to take my daughter from me?

Lord Corlys senses my anger, taking a step forward to try and sway me, "Baela was eight when Daemon suggested we take her to ward. She'll be surrounded by family and the Velaryon fleet for protection,"

I scoff at his idea of protection.

Even Corlys Velaryon's fleet couldn't protect my daughter, not when Elaena and I were here, not when our dragons were here.

Glancing down at my wife I narrow my eye at her, wondering if this was something she'd been planning behind my back with the Velaryons.

"Did you know about this?" I ask her but she's taken aback by my accusation.

"It was only just brought to me, husband. I wouldn't send our daughter away without speaking to you first,"

"But you're considering it?" I don't mean to snap at her, and the look on her face tears what's left of me apart from the inside out.

"And if I am?" She snaps back at me with no regard for our audience but they begin to fade away as my patience with this subject wears thin.

My grip around her waist tightens, bringing her tighter into my chest, "Then we'll speak of it privately, as husbands and wives do."

For what seems like eternity Elaena and I stare at one another through narrowed eyes, the air crackling with days of unspoken tension between us.

Behind us, Lucerys clears their throat causing both of us to snap our necks and shift our deathly glares to him.

Shifting on his feet uncomfortably, Elaena feels my grip loosen, using the opportunity to yank away from me.

It's a dagger to the heart watching her walk away, and for a moment I'm dumbfounded staring after her, stuck in my place as my heart sinks in my chest.

Enduring the stares of fire from Baela and Corlys the only Velaryons not planning my death seemed to be Luke and Rhaena who'd only seemed disappointed.

Turning to my nephew I give him a pat on the shoulder, "See to it your mother doesn't spoil my children in the event I don't come out of this alive,"

"Fix this would you?" He frowns, but I only shrug in reply, "Gods know I'll try,"

I slip through the crowd in search of her and when I don't find her right away I begin to panic.

Perhaps she didn't want me to find her.

I've searched just about everywhere in the Red Keep until finally, my gut tells me where to go.

It's been a month or so since we'd flown together with all of our different obligations, and the dragon pits where we'd gotten married were no exception.

As I wander down the dark halls our pull to one another is as strong as it ever was, her soft melodies serenading me down the path in which I needed to follow to finally find her.

My song is running her fingers down Seasmoke's pale glimmering gray scales, admiring the growth of her dragon as she sings.

Seasmoke had grown into quite the formidable beast, easily surpassing any of his competition in races far and wide... with the exception of me of course.

"The Queen who lost heaven at her fingertips
To have it all is to lose it,
To wear the crown, is to be crushed by it"

My wife sings in High Valyrian, more beautiful than I've ever heard her and her dragon agrees, mesmerized by her until he notices my approach. Only then do I realize she's in her riding leathers, intent on taking the skies to avoid me as I've done.

With a huff Seasmoke lifts his head, motioning towards me but Elaena barely turns, only granting me a glance in my direction as she braids her hair neatly over her shoulder.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," I breathe, the silence deafening but she continues to ignore me, humming softly to her dragon.

"Elaena, stop. You can't send our daughter away just because you're angry with me," I regret what I've accused her of instantly but I know there's no taking it back when she rears her angry head at me, closing the distance between us in stomps.

"I would never use our children against you. I've always refused to make Aelyx and Visaera pawns to the Lords of the Realm, you've known this!" She huffs, blowing a piece of hair out of her face and I know she's right. 

She's always right.

Elaena had never been vindictive or spiteful even in the times it would've been warranted. She was patient, kind, loving.

I take careful steps toward her, inching closer until I reach out, "Elaena,"

Seasmoke blows a puff of fire above our heads, rearing back his head to roar so loud both of our hair blows loose around our faces but I don't flinch.

Seasmoke knew she didn't need protection from me.

Or maybe... lately she has.

Slowly I interlock her fingers with mine. She jumps at my delicate touch but she tries to hide it, blowing out a shaky breath.

There was no brushing aside our differences now, we had to face our conflict here and now or it would eat us alive.

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for how things have been since..." I can't bring myself to say it but she knows exactly what I'm referring to.

"When my grandmother was killed, I'd wondered if this was all my fault, for the decisions we'd made in choosing one another. Then, Aegon was killed, and Viserys and Jace and then my father."

She takes a deep breath before turning to meet my gaze and I realize it's her teary eyes she wishes to hide from me.

"It's taken me years to get past it, to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't trade our family for the world but... what if we already have?"

What she says takes me aback and I'm dumbfounded staring back at her, "No, Elaena you were right, you've always been right." Tucking her hair behind her ear Elaena's expression softens waiting for me to go on and I continue.

"None of them would've wanted us living in fear, blaming ourselves. They lived and fought for a cause bigger than us, this has always been bigger than the both of us."

When she doesn't say anything more I wonder if the damage I've done is irreparable.

"Ñuha vāedar, please. I'm sorry,-"

Elaena silences me with her lips, her hand taking a fistful of my cloak to pull me closer.

The kiss we share is over before it begins as she tugs me forward to Seasmoke.

Practically stumbling into her, I place my hands on her waist, "Elaena, what are you-?"

"It's been nearly a month since we've flown together. I spent this long getting ready, so come with me."

For what feels like the first time all week laughter bubbles up in my chest and any troubles resting on my shoulders slip away when I look at her, happy and free.

Settling in behind her on the dragon saddle I barely have a moment to strap in before Elaena is guiding Seasmoke to the exit.

Instinctively I wrap my arm around her waist and we're taking off, gusting up mounds of sand as we make for the sky.

The wind whips through our hair and I wish I would've put it up as she had.

"Eglikta, Seasmoke!" She commands her swift dragon, taking us higher into the clouds where the flight is steady and pride wells up in my stomach.

My fierce girl. 

So soft yet a breath of fire when least expected, keeping me on my toes since the moment I laid eyes on her when we were children.

"Look! Aemond, it's beautiful," She giggles, pointing up at the ray of sunshine shimmering through the clouds and I smile, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"Beautiful indeed, my love." 

***