𝓔𝓵𝓪𝓮𝓷𝓪 𝓣𝓪𝓻𝓰𝓪𝓻𝔂𝓮𝓷
I'd counted every stone on the ceiling repeatedly, haunted by the nightmares I'd half expected to be used to by now.

Aemond is already up, looking at me with a curious gleam in his violet eye when I glance to my left.

"There she is. I was beginning to think you would sleep the day away." It isn't until he reaches out to touch my face that I notice how different he looks.

His chin is more square with a bit of scruff that needed shaved trailing down his neck and his usually long straight hair is cut to his shoulders with a few stray wavy pieces framing his face.

"You promised our son a ride on dragon back today, my love but you're tempting me beyond my reasonable control when you look at me like that." Pulling me tighter to his chest he hums in familiar contentment but my body remains stiff in his arms.

"Our son?" I ask, knowing in my heart of hearts somehow it was Aelyx he was referring to.

"Hm, my sweet wife, are we still dazed? Did you have another nightmare?"

Perhaps everything that had happened was the nightmare.

Did that mean this was reality?

Usually, I felt at home in his arms, consumed by the very thought of him but something feels different. He's here with me but still just out of reach.

Unable to help myself I extend my arm, my fingers trembling as I trace my fingertips down the length of his scar.

"It was the worst one yet and you were gone and... and I thought all of this was a lie." I see with my eyes that I'm touching him but I feel nothing, no love, no warmth, no electricity.

Aemond smiles down at me with sadness behind his gaze and he presses a kiss to my knuckles. "I am gone, Elaena."

I must not truly grasp what he means. It was his arms that were wrapped around me cradling me to his chest. He wasn't gone, he was right in front of me.

Taking a glance around what was just moments ago our chambers from Dragonstone, I'm suddenly back in my lonely drafty room at Winterfell. I can feel my dream slipping from the corners of my mind but I hold on, desperate to keep him by my side.

"Aemond," going to him for comfort, I'm instead met by the deep dark brown eyes of Cregan. Flinching away from him I practically fall out of bed trying to get away but I never hit the floor, falling endlessly.

My face is smudged with tears when I sit upright in bed, but I keep my eyes closed knowing the empty, dark room would only make it worse.

Running my hands through my hair frantically I bring my knees to my chest, rocking myself back and forth in an attempt to keep the dream a clear image in my mind.

"No, no, no, come back, come back... please, come back to me," I beg, my voice as broken as my spirit and the body-wracking sobs consume me once more

While I'd only been here a few days, every night I was having nightmares that were bringing me to the cusp of insanity.

With what little rest I was getting, my mind was still running ragged with all the scenarios real or fake, and the more I tried to interpret the visions the more confused I became.

If my vision of Lucerys had turned out to be true what was to say that wasn't the future I just saw? Or was it the gods taunting me with different possibilities one way or the other?

Eventually, the tears stop but only because I run out of tears to cry, and though the silence is the only thing I find comfort in, my skipped meal times were beginning to catch up with me forcing me out of bed.

I'm relieved to see there isn't a single person in sight when I make my way to the kitchens, leaving me to my peace and quiet with the leftover bread and pastries I'd missed at dinner.

Bringing my blanket tighter around my body I pull a stool to the window that overlooked the hills of Winterfell.

For miles, it was only dark hills as far as the eye could see, and for some, it would be deemed calm and safe in comparison to Kings Landing but I personally preferred the hustle and bustle of the capital or Dragonstone even.

I assumed that this experience would prove to be useful to me, yet I had no way of escaping my own thoughts.

"I see you've found my hidden stash," Spinning in my seat I put a hand over my mouth to cover the evidence until I realize who that deep warm voice belonged to.

Cregan leaned against the door frame wearing only a white tunic and some worn-out trousers meant for bed and I'd never seen him so relaxed and calm.

"What are you doing here?" I spit but he doesn't so much as flinch at my harsh tone.

"I could ask you the same thing. That's my late-night snack you've helped yourself to." He nods to the pastry I'd taken a bite of and I'm a bit embarrassed, my cheeks flushing a dark red as I hold out the last half of it to him in apology.

Unable to say much I keep chewing, and Cregan's warm smile only widens. He continues to observe me for a bit, and as he appears to be considering his next move, I start to feel uncomfortable under his probing gaze.

"I'd assume you've been avoiding me if I didn't know any better." He pushes away from the doorframe and moves cautiously in my direction but, it becomes more difficult to breathe the closer he becomes.

"Don't flatter yourself, Lord Stark. It's not only you I avoid,"

My unwilling confession causes his brown eyes to tighten, and the fire that flashes back at me contrasts sharply with the darkness of his iris. "Hm, but you admit it to be true, princess?"

"It's my brother who I wish to avoid, and I can't help that it's you he chooses to spend his time with." Cregan reluctantly declines, but eventually accepts, tossing the last morsel back into his mouth while grinning at me and I can't help but smile back.

"Jacaerys... reminds me of someone. We have a lot in common him and I." He loses himself in another place as he gazes out the window.

I hadn't known much about Cregan other than the fact that he was alone. He had little time to mourn the loss of his father because his younger brother had passed away not long after. Maybe he and Jace did have more in common than I'd first realized.

"What was he like? Your brother?"

He looks up at me startled when I ask about him, his expression softening when our eyes link.

After clearing his throat, he reclines in his chair and crosses his strong arms over his broad chest.

"I was only eleven when he passed. I don't remember much but what I do remember was that wherever I went he wasn't far behind. The truth of it is that I've spent most of my life being a leader whether I'd wanted it or not." As he trails off Cregan runs a hand through his short brown hair, glancing at me to see my reaction when he realizes how vulnerable he'd just been.

"When Jace arrived it was almost as if the gods were giving me another chance at the brotherhood I'd lost..."

Gazing into the fire I bite at the dead skin on my lip, "You gave him advice not to blame me when you could've just as easily turned him against me. Why?"

When I mention it his lips twitch up into a grin, surprised, "He told you that did he?"

"He had quite the opinion on asking for your help in the first place. I think he harbors more resentment about our broken betrothal than you do."

Cregan laughs freely while leaning his head back and all the muscles in his neck flex with his warm laughter. I realize I'd never seen him so relaxed even when we'd spent our afternoon wandering the streets of the capital.

When he notices me watching him he reaches for an apple and takes a solid bite out of it before tossing it to me, "I knew the moment I met you your heart belonged to another," when I don't take a bite of it right away he urges me on.

Helping myself as instructed, my body immediately hums in appreciation as the food enters my stomach. There was a growing boy inside of me, I had to put an end to these selfish decisions.

"You wouldn't so much as look my way when I'd arrived at Kings Landing. Instead, you were enthralled by the Prince, in love before I'd even gotten a chance to..." He trails off, avoiding eye contact and for the first time since I'd meant Cregan, I felt sorry for him.

"You could've gone to the King and demanded my hand in marriage. I'd already been promised to you, any other man would've forced-"

"What kind of husband would I be knowing full well you'd already been claimed willingly by another? Contrary to what you may believe I'm unlike other men, Princess." I can just make out Cregan's breathy murmur as he stands from his chair and approaches the fireplace, "How could I? To you of all people..."

What the hell made me so special? Sure I was the heir to Iron Throne but who was to say he couldn't be just as happy with a betrothal to another high-born lady?

"Me?" When I inquire, he gives me a pained expression and his shoulders begin to slump as I cock my head to the side in confusion.

"You have no recollection at all, do you?"

What he says only intrigues me more, bringing me from my seat.

I approach him carefully by the fire and as he straightened himself, meeting my stare with thoughtfulness I reply, "Recollection of what exactly?"

Conflicted he doesn't answer at first. Grabbing the apple from me he takes another bite, tossing the core into the flames.

"Our betrothal banquet wasn't the first time we'd danced together, Princess. Granted, I was a few feet shorter," chuckling to himself I'm rushed with memories.

It seemed Aemond wasn't the only one who watched me from the crowd.

As a child, I'd always made the most out of the festivities being there were so many. My favorite part of it all had always been the music.

I'd danced with a great many people over the years and though I tried with all my might, I couldn't remember him. My thoughts had always been with Aemond even then.

"I'm sorry I-"

The disappointment on his face is heartbreaking but he's quick to hide it from me, shaking his head at my apology.

"Don't be sorry, Elaena. There were plenty of other young lords vying for your attention, even then." He's held this memory all these years but I couldn't remember no matter how hard I tried.

Was it possible Cregan hadn't come for my hand solely for power and favor with the crown?

Watching me put two and two together he suddenly feels uncomfortable in my presence, clearing the table of our scraps.

"You should get back to bed. We both should,"

Withdrawing before my very eyes Cregan is no longer the vulnerable soul he just was a moment ago but instead the wolf, his teeth bared.

I open my mouth to stop him but decide against it, grabbing an extra biscuit for my inevitable munchies later. When I turn right I expect Cregan to turn left to go back to his chambers but he does the opposite, accompanying me down the stretch of the hallway instead.

Peeking over my shoulder at him I give him a suspicious look, "I don't remember inviting you to my chambers, Lord Stark,"

Cregan locks his arms behind his back, arching an eyebrow at my choice of words and I can tell I've flustered him a bit, "I learned my lesson the last time I didn't escort you to your chambers."

Truth be told I wouldn't have let him escort me to my chambers. Aemond and I had intended to pack out bags that night and run away... maybe we should have.

The silence between us was thick with the bad memory that hung in the air between us. He and Aemond had been at each other's throats all night, but that didn't compare to the tourney the next day.

With the silence, the aching pain and emptiness seeped in. Feeling it in my bones, my shoulders slump and I hang my head.

My heart was heavy with Aemond's absence, but then I remember the earth-shattering reason he wasn't here with me, and the wrath flooded in.

He killed Lucerys.

He killed my little brother.

How could he do that to me? To us?

Coming to a halt in front of my door, I go for the handle, but Cregan grabs my wrist to stop me, sending a cold chill up the length of my arm.

As I look up at him through my long eyelashes, I realize how close he is, and my body isn't sure how to react to another man's proximity.

"The handmaidens, they say you've been having nightmares... Every night." He keeps his gruff voice low to avoid angering me, but I was more humiliated than anything else.

It was bad enough that I had to suffer through those visions but for others to hear my screams through the nights? How was that fair?

Casting my eyes away from Cregan's in embarrassment my cheeks are flushed a dark red in the darkness when I notice that his huge hand was still wrapped around my wrist.

Tugging my arm free from his hold I take a step backward, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to. Maybe I should go back to Dragonstone. Jace is perfectly safe here-"

"NO." Something unfamiliar flashes across his brown eyes and he closes the gap I'd made between us.

Softening his tone he takes a deep breath, "I don't want you to go. I just... my desire is that you feel safe here, Elaena, even in your dreams."

With a small frown, this time he doesn't stop me from going for the door handle.

"While I admire your bravery, Lord Stark, even you can't defend me from the constraints of my own mind." Opening the door I step inside but turn around to see him off to see him smiling handsomely at me.

"What kind of honorable man would I be if I didn't try?"

"Goodnight, Lord Stark." As I roll my eyes at him, his smile only grows wider.

"Sleep Well, Princess."

To my delightful surprise, I do sleep well, free of any nightmares or visions at least for now.

When I wake the sun is shining and the evening before had left me feeling lighter today even if I hadn't slept in too long.

After nearly a week of teaching Sara the southern hairstyles, she'd taken to braiding my hair in a variety of complicated braids. She'd even helped me with my garments to best hide my growing belly.

Jacaerys and I had spent the afternoon on dragon back racing as we did as children and I can't help but wonder if Jaehaeryn and Aelyx would be racing their dragons when it came time.

Circling back around the many castles and pillars of Winterfell, quiet snow chills the air, but with the sun's heat, it's too warm to stick.

Seasmoke delights in the cool air, spinning through the flakes that pepper his scales, a contrast to the heat that stirred within.

From below Sara and Cregan watched with the company of a few other Lords and Ladies of Winterfell, their faces of joy and awe bringing contentment to my restless mind.

Though Vermax is fast, Seasmoke is more determined to make a show swooping down in front of my little brother and flying across the tree line that we deemed the finish.

Landing gracefully beside one another Seasmoke rears back her head for a victory roar of her own.

Throwing my feet over the side of the harness I go to jump down but Cregan is there, reaching for my hand to help me down.

I don't hide my surprise when I accept the help, jumping with his aid to stand just a few inches in front of him so even our cold breath mingles.

"Thank you," I whisper, staring up at him and it's as if this is the first real time I'm seeing him, noticing the kindness in his eyes and the softness of his touch but I jerk away.

Aemond had always been fierce and intense but I'd loved every bit of it, every bit of him... dark or light but I couldn't have him, not anymore.

"They were a bit nervous at first, but I think you've sold them on the dragons," he chuckles eyeing up Seasmoke behind me.

"Them? Or you? If I recall you weren't so fond of them yourself." I giggle, arching a challenging eyebrow at him.

"A bit of both. Maybe if you hadn't left me in the dragon pits all those months back..." rolling his eyes he seems to think back to it fondly.

Shrugging my shoulders I run my palm across Seasmoke's cool grey scales holding my face up to the sky to catch some snowflakes on my face.

"I had to get rid of you somehow," 

Cregan's smile only widens at my clever mouth, brushing a stray hair wet with the snow away from my face.

"Would you introduce me properly this time?"

Tilting my head in confusion he chuckles a bit, "To Seasmoke, Princess."

Hearing his name my trusted beast turns his head to look at us, raising his lip as he sniffed out Lord Starks intentions.

Taking his glove from his hand Cregan holds up his palm in way of greeting, this time not showing fear as he did in the dragon pits.

At first, Seasmoke is much like me, unsure of him and his kindness sniffing around him like he could snap and change at any time but he doesn't.

Just as Seasmoke warms up to the Warden of the North, Jacaerys, and Sara join the crowd watching in anticipation of whether he'd be burnt alive or deemed worthy but sure enough, Seasmoke presses his snout against Cregan's palm.

If there's a single sound within miles I don't hear it, only capable of focusing on the two of them.

Cregan's stiff body relaxes as his rich eyes find me looking up at him but what I had in mind for him next would make him reconsider.

I grab his hand and pull him toward the saddle, and his face immediately drops.

"Elaena? Elaena, what are you doing?" His strong voice breaks in fear.

"You asked to be introduced properly. I'm introducing you properly,"

I grin at him over my shoulder, and the color drains from his face, but he grips my hand tighter, determined to follow me despite his better judgment.

Helping me back up the saddle Cregan hesitates a moment but follows close behind fitting in behind me. At first, he's unsure where to put his hands until we take off without warning and he loops his arms around my waist tugging me back into his chest.

I don't want to admit the comfort of being in his arms, but it can't compare to the rush I felt when I was close to Aemond.

Comfort and passion were two very different things.

Seasmoke takes a turn to overlook all of Winterfell, giving Cregan a view he'd never seen in his lifetime and it reflects on his face.

"Winterfell feels so small from up here," He calls out to me but I'm already watching him, impressed by his fearlessness. 

"Compared to the view of Kings Landing it's quite quaint." 

My comment is a blow to his ego, and whether he notices or not his hold on me tightens but I can't do much about it with the position we're in.

"Maybe you'll have the opportunity to show me when we reclaim your mother's throne," He proposes but I don't have a witty response for him this time.

Suddenly the cold chills me to the bone and the imagery shocks me.

It was always Aemond I'd imagined by my side. He was who promised me the world and here I was forced to take it for myself without his help, and now I couldn't be sure whether or not I'd see him again on the other side of the battlefield. 

Seasmoke must feel my disdain, the joyous ride quickly fading as he loops back around to our spectators down below but my dragon isn't the only one who notices my shift.

Cregan opens his mouth to say something but he decides against it.

Landing ever gracefully, the round of applause that greets us feels unwarranted but I smile gratefully at them despite how false it feels in the moment.

Instead of waiting I help myself down, relieved that Sara's friendly face is the first I see, "You were amazing! Jacaerys insists Vermax will be fit to saddle two soon," 

"A few months at the most!" My brother calls out from behind her, his doting smile impossible to hide when I'd worn one similar not so long ago.

Cregan finally joins us after struggling with the dismount, but he's eager to reach me to explain, "Elaena, I didn't mean-"

"Lord Stark! My apologies but there's been urgent word from a small town south of Hornwood," Maester Kennet's eyes avoid mine, looking solely at his Lord but still Cregan's focus remained on me, struggling between the two of us. 

Without taking his warm gaze off of me he replies, "What is it, Maester Kennet?"

The old man struggles to reveal what the sealed scroll says, instead handing it to Cregan to read it for himself. 

The moment he's finished skimming the parchment, his eyes lock with mine and I know in my gut what the urgent news was.

Aemond.

He was getting closer and closer with each passing day but if he'd been on dragonback he would've arrived days ago. 

What was it that he was hiding?

Shoving the parchment in his pocket he motions us to follow him inside but Sara stays back, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze as I walk away. 

Once we're away from prying eyes I take quicker steps in an effort to catch up with Cregan but his entire demeanor has changed, his jaw twitching with tension that wasn't there moments ago and now it's he who avoids me.

It isn't until the three of us file into his dimly lit office chambers that Jacaerys asks what the both of us were wondering.

"Well? What's it say then? Is it that bad?"

Cregan doesn't respond right away, standing at the chair of his desk as he digs his fingers into the wood.

"I placed a bounty on his head... some men must have considered the challenge for themselves. They were found slaughtered."

Snapping my neck to stare daggers at him I don't bother keeping my voice down, "YOU DID WHAT?" 

The Stark Lord can't look at me now, when just moments ago he couldn't get enough. 

"I said I wanted the kinslayer alive," he mutters and though Aemond was a kinslayer the words still burned. His legacy was not only his, now it was ours, it was our sons. Our names would be intertwined for all eternity, the heir who'd been a fool in love.

"I can't help but feel you have your own intentions, Lord Stark." I spit back, my tongue curling around his name with venom.

"My intention, Princess is to free you from the chains you've shackled yourself with!"

"He's my husband. You won't deny me my justice, my answers!" I shout back but it falls on deaf ears.

"You could have the marriage annulled," Jace interjects striking the room silent.

"Valyrian oaths are not so easily broken. It's not that simple!"

"WHY!? Mother is the Queen, her word is law-"

 Gritting my teeth I can't carry the burden of this secret any longer and before I give myself a moment to second guess it the words are falling from my mouth, "I'm carrying Aemond's child, Jacaerys."

All color drains from my little brothers face as he shakes his head in denial, "No, it's just rumor,"

"It's truth, Jace." I confess, tears blurring my vision.

My son was not an embarrassment or a mistake. Aemond and I had kept many secrets but this was one we should've never kept.

As I watch my brother process the news he already feels miles away and suddenly it's as if I'm losing him too.

Without giving me a second glance Jacaerys walks out, and I flinch as he slams the door behind him.

Hanging my head in shame I almost expect Cregan to comfort me but I fear he's just as disgusted, only watching from behind his desk while what was left of my world fell apart before me.

"Elaena, I..." He begins, but I shake my head. 

"Don't." 

Once my shame boils over I turn to leave but a pair of strong hands turn me back around to cradle me to his chest and like putty in his hands I settle into his warmth. 

I stay there pathetically crying until there were tears no more, taking the comfort as if it were the air I needed to breathe.

Every step I took was a mistake, causing suffering to those who mattered most around me, but for the time being, in this unlikely place I find peace from the winter storm that was sure to come.

***