Yuuki still remembered it so clearly, the nights when she would sit under the moonlight with a blanket draped over her shoulders, watching with amazement as her brother spoke about dreams, about the power every single choice held and about freedom, a concept that at that time, she never really understood. Back then, with Tsubasa always there to keep her safe, Yuuki didn't realize how the memories of the days they spent together would be the only thing holding her together. Especially during times when all Yuuki wanted to do was disappear, her guilt threatening to consume her.

Sitting silently beside Aria's unconscious form, Yuuki watched as Matt pressed a kiss against his sister's forehead before taking a step back. "We should be back from the council meeting in a few hours," he informed Yuuki but his eyes still stared at Aria.

"You don't have to go with me," Adam pointed out, feeling Matt's anxiousness which was practically filling the room.

"There's no way I'm going to leave you alone with those vultures." Matt shook his head as he draped his arm over Adam's shoulder to pull him close. "Anyway, Yuuki will take care of her better than I ever could."

The compliment should have made Yuuki happy but at that moment, knowing what she had to do, it only stung. She didn't deserve anyone's trust.

"We'll be back soon," Adam said, reaching out his hand to ruffle Yuuki's hair.

As warmth spread across her head, Yuuki closed her eyes and took in a breath, pretending for a few seconds that her brother was still with her, his presence enough to keep the darkness at bay. But as the sound of a door opening pierced through her memory, the cold seeping in, Yuuki was alone once again, left to carry out her mother's orders.

"Always remember, Yuuki. No matter what happens, I will always love you."

Left to drown in her thoughts, Yuuki could only wonder if her brother would still mean those words if he saw what she had become. Grabbing Aria's arm, she recited the spell her mother had written in her last letter, unearthing the contract marks that had disappeared, forcing them onto tanned skin without her friend's knowledge. Yuuki knew that what she was doing was wrong but she didn't know how to stop. Whether it was the way she tied her hair or the way she breathed, every decision had been taken for her, turning Yuuki into a puppet rather than a human being with free will. She had become everything Tsubasa would have hated.

And Yuuki was the only one to blame.

As a child, she never understood the value of freedom even though Tsubasa did his best to explain why it was so important. With his bright smile and loving heart, Tsubasa was an enigma, powerful yet kind, finding it in him to forgive those who didn't deserve to be forgiven. He was Yuuki's world, her moon, and her stars but one day, an eclipse stole her guiding light, making the darkness in her life eternal.

With Tsubasa gone, buried six feet under, Yuuki finally understood the pain he lived with. The heir of the Watase family had to be perfect. There was no other choice but for Tsubasa, things were worse because he was the first child to be adopted into the family, carrying a burden that no one before him ever had. Somehow, despite the responsibilities that weighed down on his shoulders, Tsubasa managed to smile, he managed to live, something that Yuuki couldn't do now that she was in his position. But then again, when Tsubasa was alive, their mother supported him wholeheartedly. She was warm, so very warm and she had unconditional love to give but then Tsubasa died and a part of Amane died with him.

There were days when Yuuki wondered how different her life would be if her brother had still been alive. Would she have the freedom to dream, the freedom to breathe without her mother's permission? Would her life, for once, be her own to live? But there was no point in wondering, Yuuki knew that. Tsubasa was gone and she would never be able to replace his presence. The sun, the blooming flowers and every bit of warmth Yuuki had ever felt were buried with her brother, laid to rest as she wandered the earth, desperate to feel just an inkling of love. But she looked for it in the wrong place. She looked for it in her mother.

If Tsubasa had taught Yuuki to be herself, to find her own path in the world, her mother had done the opposite. Forced to fill the space that her brother had left behind, unable to match up to his shadow, from head to toe, from her thoughts to the words she spoke, everything about Yuuki had to be changed. Instead of fighting the way her brother would have wanted, to please her broken-hearted mother, Yuuki agreed to every decision that had been taken without her consent, wearing clothes that had been handpicked for her, using make-up like an armor to cover up her flaws. She did it all, hoping that one day her mother would smile once again but there was only coldness in Amane's heart and now, Yuuki didn't know how to defy her.

If she did, maybe then she wouldn't be betraying her closest friend so easily.

As the words she chanted changed, Yuuki saw something, a darkness so vile that had wrapped itself around Aria's body. While she didn't know what it was, Yuuki was sure that this was part of the reason why her friend kept dying and coming back to life. But the spell that had been cast to put her in this state was incomplete, still struggling to complete the circle and do what it truly meant to. A good friend would find a way to get rid of this curse and the shadows that were leeching off of Aria's strength. Yuuki had never been a good friend, only taking action when her mother ordered. Unfortunately, Amane Watase didn't want Aria to be saved. She wanted the spell to be completed and Yuuki would be the one to help her.

While Yuuki had sinned throughout her life, nothing hurt more than betraying Aria.

It was supposed to be a simple mission, a second chance given after Yuuki failed the first time, creating a mess for her mother to clean up. All she had to do was keep an eye on Aria Pierce, a strange girl she had met a year after her brother's death. The memories from her first mission still fresh in her mind, the last thing Yuuki wanted was a repeat of the past and so she went in with a plan to keep Aria at a distance. Unfortunately, the exorcist had always been sharp and there was no spying on her. The only choice Yuuki had was to befriend her and that choice had been her downfall.

Even though Yuuki would never admit it out loud, she always felt like she was with Tsubasa whenever Aria came around. The exorcist was a little too loud, a little too wild but from the way she smiled, the way she spoke about life, it was like Tsubasa had been brought back to life and Yuuki found herself falling deep, her life spiraling out of control. On the one hand, she wanted to protect Aria but on the other hand, she couldn't disappoint her mother.

She couldn't save one without hurting the other.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, watching as her spell fell apart, Yuuki sighed, staring down at the letter her mother had sent her, one that relayed orders and nothing more. There was no affection, no concern was Yuuki's well being and absolutely no explanation as to what Amane was planning.

All Yuuki had to do was write back to her mother, let her know everything that she had found out. If she wanted, she could lie, pretend that her mother's plan was falling apart, that Aria was alright. Just one act of defiance and Yuuki could escape from the shadows she had lived under her whole life, she could be whoever she wanted to be. She could stop hurting people to please someone who would never love her. But that one step was always too hard to take, the end result of choosing for herself too terrifying.

Failure is not an option, Yuuki. Do this for me. Do this for Tsubasa.

Gasping with fear, Yuuki pushed herself away from the table, away from the letter that made her feel less than human. Every time she tried to breathe for herself, the memory of her mother's cold eyes and the words she spoke always came rushing back, haunting Yuuki until she did what was expected of her. Tsubasa was dead. He had been dead for years and yet, somehow, her mother could still use him as a weapon to keep Yuuki in line, to make her fear freedom.

Curling into herself, with her throat closing up and body shaking, it took everything Yuuki had to not break down, blinking away the tears that were clouding her vision. One, two, three she chanted in her head, hoping the distraction would help her calm down but her mother refused to be pushed away, her dark eyes staring at Yuuki even though she was nowhere around.

"Hey, hey, Yuuki, you have to breathe okay? Come on, breath with me," a gentle voice broke through the chaos in Yuuki's mind, guiding her thoughts.

"Do it with me. In," the voice ordered and without questioning, Yuuki followed, filling her lungs with air. "Good. Now, out."

Surrounded by a familiar warmth, through her blurry eyes, Yuuki finally looked up at her savior, finding her brother in their reflection. "Tsubasa?" she called out with a smile, reaching out for the one person who had loved her unconditionally, the one she had missed so much every day of her life.

But her happiness didn't last for long as her vision finally cleared and Aria's confused face came into sight.

"Kind of offended that you think I look like a dude but we'll talk about that later," the raven-haired girl commented, not noticing the dejection in Yuuki's eyes. "You wanna tell me why you're having a breakdown in the infirmary?"

A true Watase heir would have shrugged off the question with a logical answer, one that would not give away any signs of weakness. A true heir would have never allowed themselves to be in such a position, to begin with, but unfortunately, unlike the people who came before her, Yuuki was flawed. Every time she tried to answer, her mouth refused to open while her mind was still too shaken to even remember words.

"Yuuki?" Aria called out again, concern lacing her voice and somehow, that hurt more than anything in the world. As a child who had always been desperate for love, Yuuki had found it in Aria, in her friends and yet, all she could ever do was hurt them.

Taking in a deep breath, she quickly wiped away the tears in her eyes and grabbed the letter from the desk. "I'm fine," she lied, hoping that her shaky voice wouldn't give her away.

"Bullshit." Aria rolled her eyes but stepped back, knowing from experience that Yuuki wouldn't talk if she didn't want to. "Your mom say something again?"

"Yes," Yuuki answered, body stiff as she clutched the letter to her chest. "Do you want to know what she wrote."

This was a question that Yuuki had asked Aria before, hoping for an answer that would ease her guilty conscience but just like the last time, the exorcist shook her head. "Whether I know what's in the letter or not, it won't change what's about to happen. The letter means nothing to me," Aria answered, her brown eyes flickering over to Yuuki. "But it means everything to you, doesn't it?"

Within seconds, Yuuki had been unraveled, the tears that she had been struggling to hold back now slipping down her cheeks. Despite having power flowing through her veins, she was weak, a child that had never learned how to fly and too afraid to try, she sobbed and cursed her luck but never tried to break free from her mother's hold. Misery wasn't enough to change the world and what difference could Yuuki make when she couldn't even save herself? With her dreams locked away in a castle, she could only wait for someone to unlock her cage.

"You should hate me," Yuuki whispered, her head hanging low but Aria just smiled, just the way Tsubasa would.

"I could never hate you."

"You should," Yuuki repeated, her body trembling.

Grabbing her jacket, Aria stood on her feet and reached out to ruffle Yuuki's hair like she was a child that had made a mistake. "So, what does your mother want me to do?"

Flinching, Yuuki looked away from her friend, knees pulled up to her chest as she answered. "She wants you to renew your contracts."

Knowing that Yuuki didn't know any more than this, Aria just nodded. "I can do that," she said, as her fingers traced Agni's mark. "He wants to tell me something and I owe it to him to listen." Then, with a smile and wave, Aria was walking away, leaving Yuuki to make her choice.

A lie could set Yuuki free while the truth could bury her further in the darkness.

But as her fingers moved to write, tears spilling from her eyes and onto the blank she before her, Yuuki knew that freedom came at much too high a cost. If her mother had put shackles onto her when she was young, Yuuki had held onto them even when her wings had been set free, the road to independence right before her. The truth was that she was afraid, afraid of the future, afraid of making a decision she could never take back. Most of all, she was afraid because she knew that the days she spent with Tsubasa would never come back.

As the now filled sheet of paper began to glow, shrinking into the form of a butterfly, Yuuki realized that it was for the best that Tsubasa was gone. This way, he would never see the disappointment Yuuki had grown up to be.