(warning... A bit...18+ ish)

Humanity in the modern day was at peace. Though racism was here and there, hate was easily spread across the internet, global warming was causing climate change, countries were electing the most ridiculous leaders that made the most selfish ridiculous choices, and the people were more depressed than ever before...

Humanity was technically at peace with no threat of collapsing.

That did not sit well with the man downstairs. Bored out of his mind, he decided to take a little trip to humanity to announce their little game to shake things up a little. Thunder roared everywhere. Water turned blood red as everyone's day to day was interrupted by a massive dark figure in black robes and even blacker horns who arose seemingly everywhere across the sky.

"Humans! It I!"

"Satan!"

"A-K-A Lucifer! The Devil! The Big D! Mister Evil! Goatfucker69yolo!"

"Yep! That's right BILLY ANDERSON OF KENTUCKY, WEST STREET 567A, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER 987362180!!

"I'm the one you used hacks on Call Of Duty! Bet you feel real dumb now! But I'll get to you in a minute... Cheating little bitch...."

"Anyway, Hi! Devil here... I've noticed you all have been pretty boring lately... So I've devised a plan to shake things up!"

"Whoever Sins the most in the next Decade, shall gain my powers!!"

"Yep, that's right YOU can be the next Devil! It's great! God can't do anything to you and best of all, you get to live in Hell and Not go through it!"

"This ought to concern most of you, since the majority is going to hell! Yeah, it turns out social media? A sin. Big 'ol sin. You got an account on a social media platform, yep, you're a sinner."

"So yeah! Go wild people! Sin, and sin some more and you'll get superpowers. The more you sin the more power you get. The ultimate sinner gets all the power and the rest go to hell!"

"Enjoy!"

"Now where are you Billy!?!"

[1 Year Later....]

???: Now... Start from the beginning... Who the fuck is that young Johnny Depp look mother fucker?!

???²: He's... What we've been looking for....

[A few hours ago....]

Three sinners burst into a crypt that was only recently found. They brought in blood with their footsteps after slaughtering the people reaching the area.

Dude: *gasp*

In this crypt was a coffin. Ancient runes across it warned those who could read it from opening it. Sadly, there wasn't anyone who could read it.

Dude: Ya know what this is?

Foob: Nah, dude.

Loob: Tell us, dude.

Dude: It's an ancient loot box... If I open this and get a legendary pull, Imma be trending on X for at least a week!

Dude; A month if I skull fuck whatever its inside!

Dude: Ohhh, my sin ranking is going to go up with this stunt!

Loob: Dude, don't skull fuck it, the last time you did that, I think you gave me an ancient STD.

Dude: And bitch...? I gave Foob the same thing! He ain't mad about it!

Foob: That's because I respect that prank you pulled! Made me question my ways, Dude!

Dude: Maybe I oughta give him anal from now on, eh?

Foob: Whoa-whoa-whoa!Wait-wait-wait! I ain't bi curious bro!

Dude: Well you ain't kissed me yet!

Dude: But Alright, shut the fuck up and roll the cameras!

Loob:(pulls out phone)

Dude: You recording? Poggers!

Dude: Yo! Its ya boy! TheDudeloveher8008! I'm coming to you live in this dope cave.

Foob: It's called a crypt.

Dude: Bro, I ain't trying to be educational!

Dude: Whatever, it's time to open up this loot crate! After these sponsors!

???: Stop!

Dude/Foob/Loob; Hm?

A short raven haired lady with a goth aesthetic charged into the crypt. Despite the darkness in her style, there was purity in her eyes.

(8000000th ranked sinner; Lucy Westenra)

Lucy: Don't open that coffin carelessly!

Lucy: This place was once guarded by the forces of hell and heaven... It stands to reason that whatever is inside is dangerous.

Lucy; Though I personally believe it might hold the key to stopping this sinful nonsense-

Dude: Big pulls no whammies!

*BAM*

With a fist glowing red, they punch the lid off the coffin.

Lucy: Fuck!

Loob: *coughs* So much dust!

Dude: I can't see what's inside-

*WHOOSH*

Like a rake getting stepped on, a man swung out of the coffin and onto his feet. Fully nude and proud of it.

Lucy:!??

Foob/Loob:(STARES)

???: *SNIFF*

???: Oof! It smells like sin...*snif* *sniff* and it ain't me?

???: Oh, ho, ho! Which one of you did the bad thing?

Dude: I'm the baddest one up in this house! Ranked 4042689th!

???:(smirks) Ranked?

Dude: Yeah! Now where is my prize bitch?

???: I'm supposed to give you a prize?

He hops down from the coffin.

???: Ohhhh~, I love giving people prizes. Especially SUR-prises!

???: But I have the awful habit of getting everyone the same thing...

Dude: No worries. Gift giving is like rocket science. Now what's this prize.

???:(smirks) Ohhhhhhh... Just a little death.

*SHUNK*

Stabbing his fingers through Dude's neck, this entity proceeds to rip off his head along with his spine.

*SPUSHHH*

Holding the head over his own, the man crushes it, allowing all the liquid gore to drip into his mouth.

???: *gulg* *glug*

???: *burp*

???: Refreshing...

Lucy: Hey!

Where the other two stood terrified and now stinky, Lucy dared to stand up and shout.

Lucy: That was rude! You shouldn't do that! You... You... Erm... What's your name? It feels rude calling you... Well, you.

???: Me? Ohhh... People know me. I'm famous you see.

Swinging the spine around his neck like it was a towel, they hold onto it on both ends as they approached the lady, dapperly waltzing over as if there was a song to which beat he stepped to.

???: The names Cain.

Lucy: Cain...? Like... Cain and Abel?

Cain: Yep.

He stops in front of her. Being a head taller, she is forced to look up as he is forced to look down. As Lucy continued to chatter, Cain tilted her head, examining her neck and shoulders, he was looking for a place to bite.

Lucy: You're the first murderer... The father of Murder... He who would commit any sin....

Cain/Lucy: You're perfect!

Cain: Awww thank you.

Lucy: No problem.

*BANG*

Lucy:(clenches chest)!?

Cain looked at the bullet holes in his chest, then at the one in  Lucy's.

Cain: Oof! Never fun getting your tits popped.

As Lucy collapsed to the ground, Cain glanced back to see that Foob shot him with a shotgun. Throwing the spine casually like a frisbee Cain cut in half both Foob and Loob, the worst nicknamed people this side of the world.

Cain:..... (Shrugs)

Cain: All well that ends well!

Lucy: Urk... Agh...,

Cain: Oh, you're still bleeding out? Thought those sacks were filled with fat, not blood.

Lucy: Hugh...

Cain: What?

Lucy: S...S...

Cain: Don't tell me you want to live? Believe me, it gets old...

Lucy: Stop the... Sin games...

Cain: Sin games?

Picking her up by the face, Cain bites into Lucy's neck, draining her blood and her injuries away, Cain attempts to gather more information from Lucy but her light headed state left more to be desired.

(Present...)

Lucy: And then I woke up here... I want a cookie.

???: Cain...

Cain: Hey.

(The Father Of Murder; Cain)

Cain: That pigeon out the window.... Its so god damn fat...

???: Look at me.

Cain: Sure, I could use an erection.

(19350th ranked Sinner; Judith Seti)

Cain: Nah, you ain't really doing it for me. It's the outfit.

Judith: You're Cain. From the bible.

Cain:(smirks) No, from the north pole... Candi-Cain. That's candi with an I.

Judith: You're one of the first sinners...

Cain:(nods)

Judith: Can you win this Sin game? Can you put the fear of God in every living soul so they might repent and we may return to a more civilized world?

Cain: Does nearly every man in the world want to touch Lucy here VERY VERY inappropriately?

Lucy: Huh?

Cain: Of course.

Cain: Because... I've killed for less...

(Many years ago.....)

"You've struck your own flesh and blood. Stolen away his life, and proceeded to do the same to that all which was holy and dear to us all!"

"You sinned! Done the unthinkable and forbidden! You brought Murder into this world! Doomed the future to meet tragedy. And for what? "

"Why did you do such a thing to your brother!?!"

....

....

....

Cain:(shrugs) Felt like it.

TO BE CONTINUED.....?