EMMA

Stifling a yawn, I jab at the buttons on the break room coffee machine. You'd think for all of my time working in Nadine's coffee shop, there wouldn't be a beverage appliance I can't use.

And yet... I grumble at the machines various buttons and settings, scouring the touchscreen for anything that just says coffee.

Giving in, I slump over in one of the chairs around the large conference table and lay my head down, cursing myself for staying on the phone with Beau for so long the past few nights. A new wave of concern washes over me - I loved our conversation last night, but something seemed... off. It wasn't anything Beau said, or even really how he said it. But I just have a feeling and can't figure out what it means yet.

The sound of the break room door squeaking open makes me reluctantly lift my head from the table.

Jess grins at me, her own empty mug in her hands. "Long night?"

I nod, holding back another yawn. "Didn't get much sleep,"

"I'll make two cups then," She busies herself grabbing the cream from the fridge while the machine whirs to life. I scowl at it as it spews delicious smelling liquid into a mug.

Lizzie comes through the door next. I frown somewhat - I'm normally so careful to avoid her breaks. I really must be exhausted.

She tosses her curls over her shoulder, like she has no cares in the world, but makes a point to say hello to Jessica only. I hold back an eye roll, perfectly content if we never speak.

As she flits around the break room, she makes exceptionally friendly small talk with Jess, acting as though there's no one else there. "I can't wait for this weekend - Tori and I are going to take a train into the city and treat ourselves to a spa day,"

"Better than my weekend plans," Jess chuckles, sliding my mug across the table. "Looks like a movies and takeout night for me,"

My thoughts fade into a daze of tired thoughts while they chat. I only notice Lizzie leave because she shoots me a sinister grin before she lets the door shut. I shake it off, too sleep deprived to care.

"So that's still going on, huh?" Jess ventures quietly, staring into the steaming mug. I shrug half-heartedly, taking a sip of my own coffee despite the scalding temperature. "You know, if you ever want me to talk to Shannon,"

"No!" I snap my head up in Jess's direction. "Sorry, but please don't bother Shannon with this. It's fine, really."

There's no way I'll have Shannon finding out that hiring me also brought along a lot of drama. I can keep my head down, ignore Lizzie and Tori, and get my work done. I don't need anyone fighting this battle for me. Especially not my boss.

"Okay. If you ever change your mind..." Jess offers a small smile.

I nod, grateful for the support but knowing I never will. "Thanks, Jess."

The rest of the afternoon goes by in a similar haze. I read and reread the manuscripts in front of me but can't pay attention, my sleeplessness mixing with the anxious feeling deep down that Beau isn't telling me something. When the clock finally reads five o'clock, I shoot up from my desk, my things already packed, and exit the building without even waiting for Adam.

When I get home, I snuggle into my couch, pulling my heavy knitted blanket around me and cranking the air conditioning down. Flipping through the channels, I land on a trashy reality show and keep it on, letting the mindless gossip numb my tired brain.

I pick up my phone and sigh, doing the math in my head. Beau will be performing now, I know. I hop onto Instagram to see if anyone's posted about the concert, knowing how it would seem to anyone else. Truly, I'm just curious. I'm not trying to keep tabs on him, I just like seeing him do his thing.

My fingers freeze over my screen, stomach lurching.

One of the large Bean fan accounts has a screenshot at the top of their page, the headline bolded.

Beau Lewis and Emma Carter - a true love story or complex publicity stunt?

***

It's pouring by the time I arrive at the coffee shop - hair soaked and frizzy, clothes wet through. But I hadn't trusted myself to drive, not with the pulsing pain stemming from the left side of my chest and the tears clouding my vision. So I walked, all the way across town, letting the rain conceal my tears.

I knock at the already locked door.

How many times can you let the same person hurt you? In the exact same way, no less?

The story had been reported by an "inside source close to famous guitar player, Beau Lewis" claiming that Beau had shared the inside scoop.

How could he?

I pound on the door now, knowing that Nadine is cleaning in the back room and prepping for tomorrow morning. Lizzie's nasty sneer is clear in my mind, and somehow I already know she'd seen the story, too.

Years ago I'd sat in this same cafe as a mean town girl called me a "slutty sell out." She hadn't known it, but she was right. Now everyone else knows it, too.

By the time Nadine arrives at the door, I'm shivering but not from the temperature or my wet clothes.

"Emma! What are you doing in the rain?" Nadine rushes me inside, pulling me in by my shoulders. Without thinking, I allow her to sit me down at a table, to brew me a steaming cup of cocoa - my preferred beverage over coffee, but only when I'm sad - and wrap a throw blanket over my shoulders.

She sits across from me, her deep brown eyes watching me intently, concern etched over her features. I'm not sure how long I sit there, wordlessly; I only know that I don't know how to admit the truth to Nadine. That when I was younger I made a deal for large amounts of money - a deal that got me where I am today - by pretending, no, by lying about my relationship with Beau.

"Miss Emma," Her voice is as soft as her palm when she places it over my hand. "I started babysitting you when you were only six years old. Your sad face hasn't really changed much,"

If I wasn't so hurt, I'd smile. The first time my parents had Nadine babysit, I wanted nothing to do with her. I wanted my mom and dad, not some sixteen year old who brought yummy treats from the cafe where she worked. But she won me over, talking to me like a real person, not a child. That's where the Miss Emma nick name came from, I remember suddenly.

I stare at the woman who has become a sister to me, and finally tell her the truth: that for years, I've been lying to her.

By the time I'm done explaining it to her, I've told her everything. The deal that started it, the shame, how it felt to actually fall in love with him, not once but twice, and how gut-wrenchingly painful it is to have my heart broken by him for a second time. My cheeks are soaked again but this time, there's no rain to hide the tear stains.

"Emma," Nadine pulls my quivering chin up to meet her eyes. "Do you regret what you did?"

I open my mouth to speak, but can't bring myself to say that I regret the deal with Beau. It changed my life - not just because I got to go to school.

It brought me to him. And no matter what he's done, I'll never regret loving him.

I shake my head, a tear dripping off my chin and onto my chest.

"Then don't let anyone else make you," She stares into my eyes intently. "Let them say whatever they'd like, it doesn't change who you are." Nadine wraps her arms around me, pulling me close to her chest. "I know who you are, Miss Emma. This deal wasn't the worst thing you could've done, and the lies you told... They didn't hurt anyone. You're a good person,"

I hiccup as my tears continue to fall. "But Nadine, how did they know? How could he do this to me?" My shoulders shake as all the memories of the talk show come flooding back - the way Beau's words made everything numb, the pitying look on Val's face as he destroyed everything on live TV. "It hurts,"

"Sh," Nadine smooths my hair and gently strokes my back. "Sh, it's okay. It won't hurt forever,"

I close my eyes as hard as I can, wishing everything would just go away. The sound of the rain against the front window is thunderously loud, like the sky is weeping, too.

So many feelings overwhelm me: anger and sadness, betrayal and shame, crashing into one another until they become one painful emptiness in my chest.

"I thought he changed," I whimper, the paparazzi images of him and Rey flashing in my mind, the off feeling I had after our phone call, the weird number calling his phone during our drive, the time he spent with Jace, not caring if I knew that he was safe, and finally the article exposing our story, all collecting at the forefront of my thoughts. "I thought this time was different,"

"I know," Nadine doesn't budge, holding me close to her even after the last of the sunlight has faded. "It's not your fault."

As my butt grows numb from the coffee shop stool, Nadine invites me to spend the night with her but I decline. Right now, all I want is to be alone. If I go with her, she will distract me - with movies and treats, and whatever else she can manage. She'll take care of me.

Right now, I need to take care of myself. I stand and give Nadine another hug, insisting that I walk home. I need time to think: to figure out where things went wrong - when exactly I let myself become Beau's fool again.

As I cross the threshold and hear the jingle of bells above the door, the memory of Beau coming through for the first time overtakes me. Crazy hair and tattoos, in a cut off tank top and combat boots that clomped when he walked, he ordered a black coffee and I ended up making him two.

What would have happened if I hadn't worked that day?

I finally turn away from the coffee shop and continue my trek home, still trying to decide if Beau could really be the same person as he was back then.

Hi loves! Thanks for reading ❤️
So... I guess the cat is out of the bag! Who spilled the beans?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments if you liked the chapter!