I turn over in the plush, new mattress Beau bought for us, heart dropping when his side of the bed is empty. Tilting my head, groggy with sleep, I can hear the sound of the shower in the master bathroom, the deep sound of his humming, if I'm really still.

Placing my palm on Beau's side, still warm from where his body slept, I take a moment before joining him so that he doesn't see how emotional I am today. By some cruel twist of fate, Beau leaves for his tour this evening. The thought makes my gut wrench painfully, the ache in my chest growing more acute now that the departure date is finally here.

While the past month has been phenomenal, it doesn't change how bad it will suck when Beau is finally gone. My stomach twists in anxious anticipation already - I'm not sure how long I'll make it without seeing him, touching him, holding him.

Not to mention the dreams I had last night. Nightmares actually, or perhaps flashbacks, from the last time I was with Beau while he toured. Nerves ripple through me, sending a chill up my spine. There's so much on the line - Beau's sobriety, our relationship - and even more that stands in our way. Never mind the lifestyle that tore us apart last time - a new, curvy obstacle with a septum ring lingers in my mind, filling me with ugly envy.

Before I can dwell too much on the negative thoughts bubbling to the surface, I toss my covers to the side and make my way to the bathroom.

Might as well enjoy the time with him that I have left.

***

I shift my weight from foot to foot anxiously, fighting to keep the tears at bay as Rey and Beau triple check that everything they need has been packed. Rocco, former manager of MisFits, and now manager of Beau, and I guess Rey, too, barks orders into his phone while trying to coordinate all of the moving bodies going in and out of the tour bus. No matter how many people scurry about, carrying equipment and bags, I can't focus on what any of them are doing, too focused on my nerves.

"Alright, time to get this show on the road!" Rey has been obnoxiously high spirited, chomping at the bit to get going. Beau makes fun of her easily but she only brushes him off, sending him an adoring smile every time he takes a sarcastic jab at her. "Did y'all ever realize how much sense that phrase makes?" She laughs at her own revelation before heading off on some last minute task without waiting for a reply from anyone else.

Forcing my eyes to meet Beau's, I'm greeted by a sympathetic smile. He lifts his arms to welcome me in and I accept, gratefully leaning my forehead against his chest. His scent tingles my nostrils and I'm once again thankful that he left me a few of his old t-shirts to sleep in.

Knotting the thin black fabric of his cut-off tank top in my fists, I try to melt myself to him - as if the closer I am to him, the longer it'll take for the world to finally tear us apart.

I've tried to be positive and if I'm honest, I'm beyond happy that Beau is back on tour. This is what he loves to do and I love to see him doing it, but I'm scared. Not just for me and my heart, but for him and his.

Blinking back tears, I whisper, "How are we going to do this?"

"Hey," Beau's finger is beneath my chin immediately, tilting my head back to meet his pretty green eyes. "Don't say that."

I barely feel my lip begin to quiver before Beau kisses me, my tears salty on his lips. For that instant, I don't feel nervous - I just want to kiss him forever.

Pulling back, Beau cups my face in his long hands, using his thumbs to dry my cheeks. "We got this, you know?" His thumbs continue to trace my face, connecting the dots of my freckles. "There is one thing, though." He smirks mischievously but instead of it's normal endearing effect, it reminds me of the Beau that always got into trouble. I shake the thought away - as devious as he still is, this new Beau has barely stayed out past midnight since we've reconnected. Even then, it was normally to work on music.

I squint my eyes at him. "What's that?"

Reaching behind him, he takes two backstage passes from the pocket of his black jeans. "You're going to have to take some time off of work." He grins, handing the passes over to me.

Ignoring the butterflies in my belly that swarm anytime Beau acts sweet, I check the ticket information he's presented. "Boston?" I stare up at him curiously, my bottom lip between my teeth. I've never been to Boston before - Gemma has gone more than once, but didn't care that much about the history, more infatuated with shopping and the night life.

His eyes darken as his grin fades and I brace myself for whatever is to come. "I grew up just outside there,"

I never knew that about him. I refused to invade his privacy by researching him the way that horrible woman, Fiona, had requested. I guess where he grew up never really came up.

Staying quiet, I wait for more information, the tickets suddenly heavy in my hand, but he doesn't continue. Looking over my head, his face is blank, his knuckles white as he clenches and unclenches his fists.

Piecing together his suddenly somber mood and what little backstory I know, I'm guessing it's still hard to go back there. I can't quite believe that he's willing to take me with him.

Shaking his head, Beau runs his hands over his hair. "I fucking hate that place." He tilts his head back to the sky and lets out an exasperated sigh.

"Hey," I mumble as I pull his hands from his hair and hold them in mine, tracing his tattoos with my thumb. His eyes are emotional in a way I've never seen them before and for a second, I don't quite understand. But then the realization hits me hard, forcing the air out of my lungs.

He's afraid.

Instantly, I give him the answer I know he needs. "I'll be there."

Easily, his playful grin falls back into place, his mask back on as Rey and Rocco approach us. "You're fucking amazing, you know that?"

He kisses my hair and I mutter, "Yeah, you're a lucky guy."

Rey eyes us curiously, dark, sculpted brows raised high. Shocked at my own mind, I feel my cheeks redden as I refrain from telling her to mind her own business.

"We'll have a guest up in Boston," Beau explains, slinging an arm over my shoulder.

Rey grins hugely - the only way she knows how, it seems - and gives me a small hug. "We're gonna have so much fun!"Awkwardly, I return the favor, feeling as though I'm hugging a child because of how short she is. "Ah!" She giggles, "I'm so excited!"

I smile politely, backing up just a touch. What she lacks in height, she certainly makes up for in volume.

"I'm excited for you guys, it's gonna be great." I say honestly, knowing my pitiful expression probably doesn't help me much.

Tuning her out, I take a look around the lot. The crowd has thinned and a number of trucks have left already. I know the time has come but I can't let go of Beau's hand. I know I'll cry if I do.

"Alright, this time we've really got to go," Rocco nudges Beau's shoulder as he walks past, tugging Rey with him like a lost puppy.

Looking over her shoulder, Rey offers me another face-splitting grin, her voice even raspier as she gets louder. "Don't worry Emma, I'll keep Beau's ass in check!"

"Fuck off," Beau shouts without taking his eyes from me. Despite the harsh words, his expression is amused.

I'm glad one of us is.

"Thanks," I shout back, unsure how to feel about the statement.

Before I can get myself too worked up, Beau pulls me into his chest again and I lean back for a kiss. After what feels like only seconds, he pulls away, leaving my lips tingling for more.

My chest constricts painfully and I force myself to keep a small smile on my face. "Go on, rockstar, you've got fans all over the U.S. waiting on you," I shove him playfully, my fingers lingering over his chest.

Chuckling, Beau leans down and plants another kiss on my lips, a deep hum in the back of his throat. "Be good while I'm away," He pecks my nose and I scrunch it beneath his mouth.

"You be good while you're away,"

"For you, Emma?" His mouth touches mine again and I close my eyes, savoring every delicious second before we break apart again. Taking a couple of steps backwards towards the bus, Beau winks. "Anything."

The lump in my throat grows, making me unable to speak as Beau finally turns and jogs the rest of the way to the bus. I watch even after he's inside, finally letting tears fall when the vehicle pulls from the curb and drives away.

Hopping in my car, I toss my phone to the passenger seat and take a few seconds to let my tears dry. Then, I pull out of the parking lot and drive back to my condo.

***

BEAU

"Hey," Rey kicks me from the other bench-seat in the van with one of her heavy, black boots. "I'm talking to you. Are you deaf or just stuck up your own ass again?"

Finishing up my text, I tuck my phone into my backpocket. I can't help but smirk - what a fucking wise ass.

"I was texting Emma." I tell her, looking around for wherever I left my notebook. I've been feeling inspired lately, maybe because I'm back around my muse, and I want to make sure I get some new lyrics down before I forget them. "Hand me that napkin," I point beside Rey, giving up on the notebook.

"Here, freak." She rolls her eyes, but hands it over anyways. That's one thing Rey always makes fun of me about - my need to always have a paper and pen on me. "Why not just use your phone?" She's always asking me. She uses hers all of the time, spending hours furiously typing away whenever she's feeling creative.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned or some shit.

"And we literally just started driving, what could you be texting her about already? Did you forget something?" Rey pulls her feet beneath her legs and leans back in her seat, staring at the geometric design she got tattooed on her forearm.

Glad my phone is in my back pocket and password protected, I shake my head. "Don't worry about it,"
Scribbling frantically on the napkin, I don't speak until I'm done.

"Why are you here, anyways? You're not riding with the guys?" I nod my head to the window casually. Rey's band mates - four dudes who basically kiss the ground at her feet - are in a separate bus. I don't spend much time with those guys - they're cool enough but not so cool that I'd risk fucking up to go to the club with them.

I told Rocco I needed my space and since I'm the main event, I get what I want. Two vans it is. But here Rey is anyways, nosy as ever. She, unlike her band, sticks to me like glue.

"Just till we stop for food," Rey shrugs, completely unaffected. "Then I'm hanging with them. Scott says I spend too much time with you now, thinks I'm getting a big head." She pops her bubblegum between her lips. I tilt my head at her, staring at her quizzically. "What?" She asks, immediately bringing her hand to her face. "What, Beau!"

"Nothing... its just, yeah. Your head does seem a little big to me, too." I burst out laughing as she kicks me again, calling me a "fucker" under her breath.

Finally alone since Rey kept her promise and hopped on the other bus after we stopped for some drive-thru, I dial Dr. William's phone number.

Immediately, his face fills the screen of my phone.

"Why the long face, Dr. Dex?" I smirk to myself, seeing the annoyance in his expression.

"You're late, Beau. First appointment while you're gone and you're already late. I'm concerned." He looks it. He's not wearing his glasses, his light eyes piercing even through the screen.

I lie back into the bench-seat, using one hand to hold the phone above my face, and the other to prop my head up. "We just got a little behind schedule is all," Rolling my eyes at his glare, I admit the truth. "Rey was in the van with me, Dex. Wasn't gonna happen,"

Instantly, the man relaxes, a small chuckle escaping him. "Fine. But don't let it happen again; my time is valuable, you know."

"Oh, trust me, I know. I've got the bank statements to prove it," I scoff. And the truth is, I don't mind one bit. I'd give him any amount of money to just keep me the way I am now - to keep me from going back to how I was.

Getting into therapist mode already, Dex replaces his glasses. "So how're you feeling, now that you're on the road officially?"

"Good," I nod. "Excited, I guess." He waits me out in the obnoxious way he has, knowing I'll eventually spill my guts to get him to stop staring at me like that. "Kind of scared."

"Why's that?"

I let out a deep sigh. When I finally speak, the words tumble out of my mouth all at once. Before I know it, I've spent the better portion of an hour rambling in hopes that I won't go back to my old ways. "What if it gets to be too much, you know?" I groan, running a hand over my eyes.

"Well, Beau, that's the thing. Sometimes life gets to be too much - it's just how it is." He pauses briefly, "The important thing is how we react when life brings us to that point. How should you react when you start to feel things building up?"

I hate when he does this. I'm not the fucking shrink.

"Call you, I'd imagine."

"Right - use the tools you have available to you. You can call me, or you can journal, like we've talked about. Make music, go for a walk, do something to get that energy out. Just make sure you let it out via a positive outlet." I nod and he reaches off-screen to write some notes down while I take in his words. "How're you feeling about Emma staying behind?"

"I miss her already," I admit, slight smirk on my face as we transition to a more pleasant topic.

"Hm," Dex nods sympathetically. "Does she know that?"

He's testing me now - to see if I actually follow through on what we talk about. Smug, I nod again into the camera.

"She should, considering I texted her as much before I even left the parking lot."

Hi!! Long time no update, my apologies loves! Not too much action in this chapter but definitely some insight into Rey and Beau's relationship and Beau's own mind... what do you think - should Bemma be worried? What do you think of Rey? And what lies ahead in Boston...?
Thanks for your patience !! Much love