EMMA

I trail my fingers over our initials carved permanently into my childhood book shelf, a tingling numbness running through me. It all felt so good back then, like fate had handed us another chance and things were finally working in our favor. And now, part of us will stay like that forever, etched into the old wood of my parents lake house.

Not for the first time over the past couple of days, I feel a rush of panic, wondering what Beau is doing now. No matter how emotional I was when we last spoke at the hotel, there was no denying that Beau looked seriously unwell.

The last couple of his shows have been cancelled, citing a serious case of the flu. But somewhere deep down, perhaps buried so that I won't perseverate on the thought, I know better. My stomach rolls violently, my body becoming physically sick at the idea that he is out there somewhere, suffering horribly.

Tearing my eyes away from the neat "B.L." etched forever on my bookshelf and my heart, I walk to the center of my childhood room and cross my legs on the floor. Taking in the emptiness around me, I'm suddenly glad I didn't let Beau fill the house with furniture like he had hoped to. It'll be hard enough to figure out what to do with the place, as is.

My phone rings loudly, shattering my quiet suffering. Not recognizing the number, I hold it to my ear reluctantly, speaking at a barely audible level.

"Hello?"

"Emma, oh thank God you answered." Rey's voice is frantic and rushed and I nearly drop my cell to the floor. "We need your help, we-"

"You need my help?" I cock my head to the side, my brain slowly processing the information. When my thoughts finally catch up to the bitter disgust on my tongue, I snap quickly. "How dare you?"

"I know, Emma, trust me I know how this looks." Rey is wobbly and unsure of herself, but I feel no desire to lessen her nerves. "I'm so sorry, okay? I'm so fucking sorry, I really messed up." Her voice cracks and I wonder if she's really crying. "But we can't find Beau and he won't answer any of us. Emma, he... I was... oh, God." She breaks down in pitiful whimpers as I remain silent on my end. "I was drunk, Emma." She finally admits.

As I hear the words, I suddenly make the connection - the red rim around her eyes, the pale skin and dark circles - and I'm not sure how I missed it, having gone through the exact same thing with Beau. I guess I never thought she could be so stupid as to take him down with her, though. My face distorts into a scowl, any shred of respect I had for her completely gone now.

"You were what?" I mutter, positive I couldn't have heard her correctly, as my breath quickens.

"I'd been drinking and I kissed him and I, I think... I think Beau relapsed." She's certainly crying now, sputtering borderline incoherently.

"Of course he did!" I shout at my screen as I rush to my feet but halt at the doorway, unsure where I will even go. There's no where to go - no one knows where Beau is and if he doesn't want to be found, then we're all screwed. "How could you be so stupid? He's an alcoholic, Rey!"

She sniffles weakly. "I know, I'm so... I'm just so sorry."

I shake my head madly, searching my thoughts for any possible solution. The ache in my own heart ebbs, filled with new pain for Beau. There's no way he isn't holed up somewhere now, lured back into the vicious cycle of his addiction. I saw it on his face, the defeat and surrender, and wrapped up in my own frustrations and sadness, I ignored it, needing to take care of myself before I tended to anyone else.

I tilt my head back and stare at the faded lines where my constellation stickers had adorned the ceiling, guilt gnawing at me mercilessly.

"Me too." I exhale, wasting no time and hanging up with Rey immediately before dialing Beau's number as quickly as I can.

My heart lurches in my chest when the call connects, but ultimately falls when Beau says nothing. I only hear his breathing - unsteady and slow.

"Beau, are you there?" I ask, my stomach clenched in knots, terrified of what I will find.

After a few seconds, his voice, flat and devoid of any feeling, comes through the speaker and I feel a flood of momentary relief. "Yeah."

I'm not sure why, but I'd been expecting... more, I guess. I ignore the tightening of my throat, the tears that well in my eyes at simply hearing him, even when he's so far away.

"Where are you, Beau?"

"Everything hurts, Em." Instead of answering my question, Beau slurs softly, his voice sounding like his mind is somewhere even farther away than he is. I wish that I could see him.

"I know," I sniff, blinking hard and concentrating on keeping an even tone. "Beau, you have to tell me where you are. You could get hurt."

"I'm a big boy," I can see the arrogant, humorless grin on his face as he argues with me. The nonchalance stings.

"Have you been drinking?" I ask without thinking, immediately cursing myself when he falls completely quiet. I push again, worried that he'll hang up. "Where are you, Beau?"

He answers finally, sounding flat and tired. "I'll text you the address."

***

EMMA
ONE MONTH LATER

The young girl behind the counter at Nadine's pushes her magazine aside, hopping off the stool to take my order. I smile at her politely, eyeing the magazine as discreetly as I can.

The headline is about Beau's latest stint in rehab. I don't need the tabloids to tell me the news, and the headline actually disgusts me - can he ever get a break? - but I can't look away.

It took everything in me to not rush to the airport and take a plane to LA, to find Beau myself and to nurture him back to the man he was when he came to Nana's funeral. In the end, I did what I knew was the responsible thing to do: I called Rocco and gave him the address of Beau's motel, never feeling more traitorous in my entire life. I cried myself to sleep that night, imagining Beau in his motel, hoping I would come to save him, and instead being greeted by his manager to drag him off to a rehab facility.

The tour had been cancelled, Beau's name dragged through the mud, his career as a performing musician nearly destroyed yet again.

It was the right thing to do, I remind myself sternly as I take my iced coffee from the perky brunette behind the counter. "Thanks, Lilly," I place a twenty in the tip jar.

Rejoining Nadine and Gemma at the far table, I quietly listen to Gemma gush about her quickly approaching engagement party. The diamond on her left hand gleams in the warm light coming through the window, shooting rays of sparkles and happiness in every direction.

"I still can't believe you're getting married," I smile, keeping my straw between my teeth. Connor really had been the one after all. I didn't bother telling Gem that I thought it was a little fast - that's the only way she knows how to live life, anyways. "I'm so proud of you," I squeeze her hand across the table.

Nadine chuckles beside her, shaking her head. "I don't think anyone can believe it, girl. Crazy Gemma is finally settling down."

"Hey," Gemma frowns, pulling her surprisingly consistent blonde locks up into a long ponytail atop her head. "I'm still crazy."

Nadine makes eye contact with me across the table and puckers her lips knowingly.

"Poor Connor," I joke, knowing that they're perfect together. He mellows her, which I never thought was possible, and she just seems so happy. She even went to work for her parents company, barely complaining about the mundane routine of a desk job.

I lift my head at laughter coming from the older women across the shop and grin at my own thoughts.

They had called Adam and me right after Connor proposed, only minutes after in fact, asking us to join them as the maid of honor and best man. But it was me who felt honored to be there for her - always on the run, always single and ready to mingle Gemma, finally taking a serious plunge with someone.

And now, I stare out at the bridal magazines Gemma has spread over the small table, I have the honor of pulling together their engagement party. And the bachelorette party after that, of course, as Gemma wants as many celebrations as possible.

Thank God for Adam, I think for the millionth time, thinking of how depressing it'll be at the wedding without a date. Blinking away the thought before I can get too down, I point at a strapless gown on the pages in front of me.

"I like this one," I tell them both, already drifting into a yet another daydream, imagining myself, not Gemma, in the gown. I'd wear my hair piled high on my head, and a veil over my face. My mind flashes forward until I'm walking down the aisle, meeting a certain dark haired man at the altar.

"I've got to get back to it," Nadine stands and brushes some crumbs from her apron. "But you know where to find me if you need any help with this party, Miss Emma." She pulls me from my fantasy, raising her brows at me skeptically before patting my shoulder and returning to help Lilly behind the counter.

I refocus on the spew of information Gemma is dictating to me: opinions on white or ivory
dresses, cake or a dessert buffet, traditional vows (who is she kidding, of course they won't be traditional), and what song is best to dance their first dance to.

She's so nervous, so unlike Gemma.

Placing a gentle hand atop hers, her ring sharp on the inside of my palm, I speak calmly. "Hey, you have time to think about all of this. Why don't we just start with the party, okay? Have you decided on your colors?"

As Gemma purses her lips in concentration, I tear my eyes from her face and cover my mouth, a wave of nausea rolling over me. Unable to breathe through it, I jump to my feet and run to the small cafe bathroom, ignoring the eyes of the older women on me as I rush past their table.

Just in time, I lean over the toilet bowl and empty the contents of my stomach in one big heave. Using a damp paper towel to cool my forehead, I flush before Gemma pops her head through the door.

"Emma, are you okay in here?"

I nod quickly, blushing deeply as I step through the door and see all the other customers watching me carefully. Pulling the door closed behind me, I shrug casually. "Just felt a little sick, is all."

"Oh," Gemma frowns briefly before pulling me back to the table by my elbow. "Well I hope you're not pregnant, because I need my Maid of Honor - and I'm really needy."

Hours later, I'm tapping my foot furiously on the tile floors of my bathroom, feeling like a complete idiot. Gemma was only joking about the pregnancy thing - there's no way. My reflection stares back at me in the mirror, an impatient scowl on her face.

If I'm so sure, why did I rush out to buy a pregnancy test? I twist the stick over and over in my hands, biting my bottom lip until I taste blood.

Just do it, already, my mind instructs firmly. Tapping the counter with my fingers, I finally let out a deep exhale.

"Fine." I groan to no one, pulling my jeans down and sitting on the toilet. Reaching between my legs, I roll my eyes to the ceiling, ignoring the thunderous pounding of my heartbeat in my ears. My stomach lurches when I begin to pee, having held it in all day for just this moment.

This is so stupid.

Finally satisfied that the stick has an adequate sample, I place it on the countertop and retake my place on the toilet, my knees bouncing rapidly. Time passes so slowly that it's painful, each second that ticks by twisting my stomach into tighter and tighter knots.

It's easy for my mind to wander, to follow paths I can barely stand to think about right now, so I pick at my cuticles roughly, the sharp tugging of my skin the only thing keeping my mind from drifting.

I jump when my phone timer signifies the five minutes are finally up. Taking a deep breath, I stand to my feet and close my eyes, grabbing the pregnancy test with shaky fingers.

Okay, I breathe slowly. Okay, this is it.

When I'm finally able to open my eyes, my heart pounding hard against my rib cage, I stare at the stick with my jaw dropped.

Only one word stares back at me on the tiny screen.

I hear the plastic stick clatter from my hands into the sink as my eyes slowly meet my reflection in the mirror.

"Oh, shit."

THE • END

I couldn't bear to wait, so... Happy last chapter, my loves!
Make sure to tell me what ya think in the comments & stay tuned for a super exciting update soon!!
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