It feels like I'm losing it sometimes. I'm trying so hard to keep my cool, but every time something goes even slightly wrong, Aura is there for me to vent on. I know it isn't fair for her, but I can't help it!! I usually just find myself laughing it off as if it's some kind of game

Like earlier, I gave her a shove just to see her fall. It was meant to be a joke, but I saw her flinch ever so slightly and I couldn't help but giggle at her. I guess it's just a way for me to blow off some steam. I even spilt some cold tea on her head just to see her reaction. It felt like a small revenge against how out of control my own life feels

I tell myself it's all just fun.. But, somewhere, deep down, I know it isn't right. Whatever, instead of dwelling on it, I can just laugh it off, hoping it'll make things seem less serious. If I can just keep making light of it, maybe it won't bother me as much?

I'm... worried that I'm becoming like Mother, but if I keep pushing those thoughts away, I won't have to confront them. I guess for now, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and try to keep up this little game. Maybe it'll help me keep my sanity intact, even if it means putting her through all that