Dear Diary.

I said i will never write again but I need it. I need this, if I remembered  the password  to the Edward account...i would probably be talking to Zaneh. I miss her, it's crazy how I miss someone who I treated stinking shit everyday.

It has all happened so fast, I don't even know where to start. Well the part where I was at graduation expecting Zaneh to show up so I could express my undying love for her ?? No just kidding well maybe bury the hatchet. I don't want to hate her, I hate hating her; if that makes sense.

Maybe I should start on the part where my dad and his gum tree finally tied the knot. Uhm no that's a happy part. Their happy part not mine.

Maybe I should start on the fact that my mom didn't show up like she promised on my graduation day so I just left. My mom wasn't there and Zaneh wasn't there so yeah fuck it.

Maybe I should start on the part where I found out Zaneh was going to Columbia University  of New York and applied there as well. Is it bad that I low-key prayed that they would reject Zayn so I would be alone with his sister. In a different place, where no one knows our history, I know she likes me and I have often thought about how I feel about her. We could be together in New York alone without the judgemental people who would constantly ask what is the Jork doing with a weirdo...anyways she doesn't know I'm Edward and she probably hates my guts. The stress from home just made it worth taking it out on her at school maybe I hated the fact that we could never be seen together not in that town...but in New York we could. Am I embarrassed  of her ? I don't know.

Maybe I should start on the part where I dumped Sophia on graduation.

Maybe I should start on the part where I explain why I am in England right now ? My mom was never okay like I presumed. After I left the graduation  ceremony, my dad informed me how my mom had tried to commit suicide. She is fucking selfish, she didn't even think about her own fucking son. how I would feel ? How this would affect me ? How I would live with the pain of knowing my own mother took her own life ? I would never forgive her. Lucky for her it wasn't her time, she didn't die.

She was depressed and never told anyone. I knew it from the start  when she started travelling without a trace. I blamed myself for not pushing for her to get help or assistance. What kind of a son am I ? I was partying in Vegas while my mom was drinking her sorrows in a foreign land.

She is okay now. I have been spending loads of quality time with her. The day after graduation, I came back home so I could be with my mother. She needed me. I was all she had after my father left her for a younger-

I'm just happy, I have a second chance with my mom. As cheesy as it sounds I haven't been able to stop telling her how much I love her since she was discharged from the hospital.

Life is funny very funny. Will I return to the US ?

I don't know but all I know is the woman who gave birth to me needs me the most right now.

Will I ever see Zaneh ? If fate allows it. Behind those hideous baggy clothes and glasses... lies a beautiful girl with an amazing smile and a big heart.(Watched her many times from the corner of my eye enough to know.)

One day, ein tag, een dag. . .

H.