I'm not jealous.
I promise I'm not.
I wish you all the best,
And everything good for your friends.

But I still manage to question my worth.
Will my support ever be enough?
Am I saying, expressing my words right?
They seem to stumble and fall.
I bruise and hide it.
I manage to smile.
But on the inside I'm tearing myself apart.
Why did I write that?
Why did I say that?

The wall I built.
The insecurity I have.
It makes me feel needy, selfish
And most importantly,
Jealous.

But not because you have other friends.
No, I'm afraid I'm replaceable.
Not needed, not wanted.
If I disappeared, would you remember me?

My mind is saying no.
My heart is saying yes.
My doubts are overwhelming.

I don't want to be needy, selfish or greedy.
Please understand I don't want to be this way.

But you have better friends...
And I have nothing to offer.