Well, I've definitely fucked up. Almost 5,000 years of royal bullshit? No thanks. The most contact I've had with royalty were the ones I've slept with. Long story. But, fuck me, has the last year with Loki been boring as Hell. And, oh my God, the amount these lot drink and I can't even have any. It's a right tease, and I hate it. Hate it with a burning fucking passion. But, apparently, I'm currently Loki's free therapist. His brother's coronation is in two-ish days, and Loki doesn't like or agree with it. Either way, I'm not transcribing this fucking rant so I'll skip to when I speak up:

'Fucking kill him or sabotage it or some shit. Don't bring me into your sibling drama,' I told him, lying on the end of his bed.

"I've tried to kill him multiple times as a child, but it was all for fun. He never died," Loki explained, "and will you please control your language?"

'Fuck you, first off. Second off, fucking try harder then! You'll be ancient by the time you take the throne. That's if his next demon spawn doesn't take it first. Unless you plan to pull some Lion King shit.'

"Lion King?"

I looked at him from his bed, 'Are you taking the piss?'

"Now what?"

'Fucking watch a film for once!'

"Watch your mouth!"

I was ready to curse him out again but we were interrupted by his mother, Frigga, walking in to ask if Loki was alright, also asking who he was yelling at. Loki made up some lie and said he was fine. During his attempt to get his mother to leave, I had an idea.

'You know...' I started after Frigga left, 'I might have an idea on how you can sabotage your brother's coronation.'

Loki turned to me, "Go on..."

'So... I've been eavesdropping lately... and I hear you lot have an issue with giants.'

"Frost Giants. What's your point?"

'What if... hypothetically... they made their way into Asgard?'

Loki was quiet, obviously thinking it over.

'Listen, you know more about this shithole than I do so you work out the logistics or whatever the fuck you want to call it.'

And suddenly he was up and out, dragging me with him. And, the rest is just plain old boring, but, in short, we did find another way out of Asgard and into the realm of the Frost Giants. It does have a name but like fuck I know how to spell it. Loki made a deal with these things to show them the secret passage from here to Asgard so that they could take their Casket back. Whatever the fuck that is. Anyway, two days later, it was Thor's coronation. And I'm already bored. Well, aside from this morning when Loki was getting dressed into what he was wearing to this coronation. I don't know what he's wearing, but it is showing every bit of his bulge. Good luck to the chick who ends up marrying him. Anyway, there wasn't a single person absent from this coronation. I'm pretty sure everyone in Asgard was here, cheering for the eldest son of Odin.

As he slowly made his way down the aisle, I commented to Loki about how I was already bored. He didn't answer since his mother and one of the Warriors Three, Sif, was right in between him. I was sat on the stairs in front of Loki. I'm not standing for this bullshit. The only time I have was when I watched Bonnie and Clyde being carried off to their graves. Now, that was something to watch. Anyway, Thor made it to the stairs of Odin's throne, shooting a wink at his mother and smiling at his friends. Odin stood from his throne and banged his staff, making the room quiet. And time for the long ass speech while we wait for something actually interesting to happen. Odin did the whole 'do you swear?' thing with Thor, who agreed to all of it. Odin was ready to make Thor king, but he went quiet. The Frost Giants were here, apparently. But where? I'm not seeing shit.

Either way, Odin banged his staff again, and we went down to the Weapons Vault right after. Well, they were definitely here. There's ice everywhere along with their bodies. Thor spoke up that the Giants should pay for what they've done. Who gives a fuck? Our plan worked. Odin told Thor that they had already paid with their lives. The Casket was safe, and all was well. Are royals really this fucking stupid? Or is it just him? Their argument continued, Thor wanting to teach them a lesson while Odin disagreed. Oh, please continue. This is the best entertainment I've had all day. Thor continued to argue, ready to bring up the argument of him being King, only for Odin to shut him down, telling him that he wasn't king just yet. In other words, shut the fuck up. Loki dressed in something more comfortable, and Thor flipped a table later in the day. Fucking Christ. It was just a coronation. There will be another. Loki came out from his hiding place to join his brother on the stairs. I stayed behind them

"It's unwise to be in my company right now, Brother," Thor told Loki, "This was to be my day of triumph."

"It'll come," Loki assured him, "In time."

'Fucking bullshit,' I said as the Warriors Three walked in

They saw the mess as Loki whispered to Thor.

"If it's any consolation, I think you're right. About the Frost Giants, about Laufey, about everything. If they found a way to penetrate Asgard's defenses once, who's to say they won't try again? Next time with an army."

"Exactly," Thor agreed

"There's nothing you can do without defying Father."

Thor looked at his brother, seemingly with a look that made Loki's face fall.

"No, no, no. I know that look," Loki said as Thor stood up

"That's the only way to ensure the safety of our borders!" Thor argued

"Thor, it's madness."

"Madness?" Volstagg asked, "What sort of madness?"

"We're going to Jotunheim," Thor said

'Oh, shit. This just got interesting.'

"What?"

"This isn't like a journey to Earth where you summon a little lightning and thunder, and the mortals worship you as a god. This is Jotunheim," Fandral argued

"My father fought his way into Jotunheim, defeated their armies, and took their Casket," Thor said, "We would just be looking for answers."

"It is forbidden!" Sif told him

Thor chuckled, "My friends, have you forgotten all that we have done together? Fandral, Hogun. Who led you into the most glorious of battles?"

"You did," Hogun admitted

"And Volstagg, to delicacies so succulent, you thought you'd died and gone to Valhalla?"

Volstagg laughed, "You did."

"Yes! And who proved wrong all who scoffed at the idea that a young maiden could be one of the fiercest warriors this realm has ever known?"

"I did," Sif said

"True, but I supported you, Sif."

'What a fucking narcissist,' I said to Loki.

"My friends, we're going to Jotunheim," Thor declared.

.....

'You're all going to fucking die.'