Chapter 27: Blood and Drugs

Bumalik ang lahat sa dati sa mga sumunod na araw. I was back to my old routine with Elyse. Gigising ako ng maaga para magluto ng aming almusal. Whenever Elyse is around we never run out of food. The cup board and refrigerator is always filled.

Matapos kong magluto ay gigisingin ko siya. Elyse is a deep sleeper at pahirapan ang paggising sa kanya tuwing umaga. I would knock, open the window for fresh air to enter, remove her blanket, hit her with a soft pillow, before she decides to wake up.

Matapos magising ay sabay kaming kakain at maghahanda sa pagpasok. Elyse often takes a lot of time preparing, from singing in the shower, dancing around while dressing, to chatting while putting make up on. I don't have that much energy during the morning. I'm not a morning person, so I wonder how can she do it.

Sabay kaming papasok sa university. Almost everyone is used to it by now. Elyse McDermott is back. The campus sweet heart. The princess of smiles. I would walk beside her as people greet her, including her old friends, Justin, Clomil, and Daniela.

I was still sorry for all the words I've said to them last semester. But Elyse is here now, and she's way better friend than I am. At least we could all agree to that.

Classes are also back to normal with a more competitive sylabus. There were a lot of group projects and activities.

After class I'd go straight to my part time jobs in the library and coffee shop. I was so thankful that the Jamiesons still accepted me after months of being away.

After class, Elyse would meet with Landon. She would be back late in the evening, sometimes sneaking in for me not to hear her. But I could hear her. I could hear everything from the silent purr of Landon's car, to the sound of his kiss on her lips, to Elyse drunk giggles and swaying steps at the staircase.

And I would lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, aware of every emotion I was feeling. From my pained heartbeat, to the trembling of my hands. And I would wish a hundred times to erase the memories of Landon in my head.

I would do anything to avoid them. In school, in the apartment, or even in my working place. I'm glad I have part time work. May rason ako upang iwasan si Elyse.

Maagang natapos ang aking klase noong hapon na yon. Nagpaalam ako kay Elyse na bibisitahin si Mama. Gusto niyang sumama pero may susunod pa siyang klase. We only have two classes in common.

Dumating ako sa Saint Judes. I was there because they called me to review the changes they have made for my mother's treatment. Unti unti na siyang gumagaling kaya naman maging ang kanyang gamutan ay nagbabago na din.

Binisita ko si Mama sa kanyang kwaro bago pumunta sa opisina. Nakaupo siya sa silya sa tapat ng nakabukas na bintana at nagbabasa. Napangiti ako sa aking nakita. I never saw her this peaceful before.

"Mama."

Lumingon siya nang marinig ako. Agad siyang ngumiti at tumayo. Sinubukan niyang maglakad nang walang tulong ng wheelchair. The years of having a weak body due to overdozed of drug left her legs paralyzed. Ngunit kahit nahihirapan siya ay nilapitan niya ako at niyakap.

"Denise..."

"Kamusta na ang pakiramdam mo, Mama?" Tanong ko.

Hindi siya sumagot. Sa halip tinitigan niya lang ako. Hinaplos niya ang aking mukha na tila ngayon lang ulit ako nakita ng lubusan. "Denise..."

"Ako nga ito, Mama."

"Ang laki mo na. Mas matangkad ka na sa akin. Napakaganda mo, anak," malumanay niyang sinabi.

Ngumiti ako.

"Nag aaral ka ba? Saan? Pasensya ka na at hindi alam ni Mama."

Inalalayan ko siya upang muli kaming umupo sa kanyang kama. Madami siyang tanong sa akin. Sinagot ko yong lahat. Tila nagising siya sa mahabang pagkakatulog. Nagkwentuhan kami. Nagtawanan. Niyakap niya ako ng ilang beses at sinabi kung gaano siya kasaya na makita akong lumaki nang maayos kahit wala siya.

"Konti nalang, anak. Makakabalik na ako," sinabi niya. "Hindi ka na mag iisa."

Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay. I hope you can come back soon, Mama. Can we go away when that happens? Parang hindi ko na kasi kayang manatili dito. Tahimik kong sinabi.

Nanatili ako sa kanyang kwarto. We talked about random things. Even outrageous ones. Hanggang sa may binanggit siyang bumura sa aking ngiti.

"The guy... who is he?"

"Guy?" Tanong ko.

"Yong laging pumupunta dito noong wala ka. Siya ang nag asikaso ng paglipat sa akin ng kwarto."

Tuluyan akong tumahimik.

"Hindi ko natanong noon kung sino siya. Sino siya, Denise?"

My chest clenched. Could he... could he be?

Pumasok sa kwarto ang isang nurse. Kailangan ko ng asikasuhin ang papeles ni Mama. Nagpaalam ako kay Mama at sinabing babalik ako agad.

Habang naghihintay sa loob ng opisina hindi ko mapigilang isipin kung sino ang tinutukoy ni Mama. Isang parte ng aking isip ang hindi gustong malaman ang sagot. Natatakot ako. Ayokong umasa. Pagod na akong masaktan.

Dumating ang papeles at ang head nurse. She explained my mother's development and the changes in her treatment.

"Magkano po ang aabutin nito?" Tukoy ko sa kailangan kong bayaran na bills.

Tinitigan ako ng nurse, tila nagtataka. "Hindi mo alam?"

"Ang alin po?"

"Everything about the treatment to your mother's recovery was already paid for."

Napaawang ang aking lapi. "Po?"

Pinakita niya sa akin ang bills kasama ang papel kung saan makikita ang deposit at account ni Mama. Binasa ko ang nakasulat.

"Mr. Monaghan."

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa papel. This can't be...

Before I left Saint Judes sinabi ko kay Mama na isang mabait na estranghero ang tumulong. Na hindi ko ito kilala at walang kaugnayan sa akin. I promised to visit her again any day this week. I plan to visit as many times as I could every week.

Bumalik ako sa apartment na lutang parin. A part of me was hopeful. But a larger part of me was scared. I'm afraid of what I could do if it's him.

Wala si Elyse sa apartment noong dumating ako. It was Friday night. She must have been with Landon.

Natulog ako. Bandang alas nuwebe ng gabi nang makarinig ako ng busina ng sasakyan. Nagising ako sa mababaw na pagkakatulog. Sumilip ako sa labas. Isang hindi familiar na sasakyan ang nakaparada doon.

I must have been Elyse. That was my first thought. She often to it. Honking non stop to wake me up whenever she forget to bring her keys with her.

Pinusod ko ang aking buhok at bumaba sa sala. Binuksan ko ang ilaw saka pumunta sa pintuan upang buksan ito. Ngunit natigilan ako at napatitig sa taong nasa aking harapan.

Tinitigan niya ako. He was wearing a slightly ruffled white shirt under a black jacket, and black jeans. His eyes... they were watchful as they scanned me. Bumilis ang tibok ng aking puso. From his sharp nose, bushy eyebrows, and the light sprinkle of stubble on his clenched jaw.

I miss him.

"Lan-"

I was about to say his name. Ngunit agad akong tumigil nang marinig ang mga yapak sa aking likuran.

"Landon."

Elyse was there. Staring at us, wearing a dress fit for a party, a gold purse in hand. Agad akong umatras at lumayo kay Landon.

"Do you..." Nagpabalik balik ang tingin ni Elyse kay Landon at akin. "Do you know each other?"

"No." Agad kong sinabi. Umiling ako. "I don't..." Agad akong tumalikod mula kay Landon. "I thought it was you..."

"I forgot my phone," sagot niya sa akin. Humarap si Elyse kay Landon. "Sorry, it took me long."

Elyse was still staring at us kaya pinili kong bumalik sa loob ng bahay.

Pilit akong ngumiti. "Matutulog na ako." I nodded at Landon as if he's nothing but a stranger.

Nang makaakyat sa pangalawang palapag napatakbo ako pabalik sa aking kwarto. I waited for them to leave. Ngunit lumipas ang ilang minuto ay nanatili sila sa labas.

Sumilip ako sa bintana nagtataka sa dahilan ng kanilang hindi pag-alis. They were talking. Elyse's mood seemed to shift when they were left alone.

She was pointing at the door where they left. Elyse was asking Landon. Her voice was hushed, rushed. Landon said something I couldn't hear.

"Landon, please..."

Those were the only words audible from their conversation. Hanggang sa pumasok na si Elyse sa sasakyan at sumunod si Landon.

--

Hindi umuwi si Elyse buong gabi. Ni-text ko siya, asking her where she is. It took hours bago siya sumagot.

"Won't be home this weekend."

She didn't tell me exactly where she is. But I assumed she's still with Landon so I don't have to worry about her.

I went to my usual routine on weekend. I ate breakfast, cleaned the house, and prepared myself to go to the coffee shop for work.

I was quite an ordinary day. Ngunit bandang tanghali nakaramdam ako nang panghihina.

I was cleaning the tables outside the shop when the heat started to sting my eyes. The noises I've been trying to dismiss from my mind was suddenly booming in my ears.

At first I thought it's because of the heat. I was thirsty and wanted something to cool myself. Something icy. Ngunit pagdating ng hapon ay tuluyan na akong nanghina.

Ilang beses akong tinanong ni Maureen kung okay lang ako. Nag dalawang isip akong sabihin na hindi. Nahihiya ako kay Miss Van. Kapapasok ko lang at hindi ko gustong magkaproblema.

But later than afternoon Miss Van adviced me to go home. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang sumunod. Umuwi ako upang matulog thinking it's just another sleep deprived day.

I felt strange, like the feeling when you have a fever and you started to crave for something outrageous. Something that can fill your numb and tasteless tongue.

Magdadapit hapon na nang magising ako. I woke up thirsty. My mouth was dry. Agad akong bumaba sa kusina upang kumuha ng malamig na tubig. I dropped several ice on the glass with cold water.

I gulped it all out. But for a reason it couldn't satisfy the thirst I was feeling.

Malalim ang aking paghinga. Pinapawisan ako. Ano ba ang nangyayari?

Bumalik akong muli sa kwarto. Madilim na sa labas. But Elyse wasn't in the apartment yet. I tried to take a cold shower to let the heat out. Pero tila maging ito ay walang epekto sa akin.

I lay on the bed more tired and thirsty than before. I crave for something metallic... this craving... this kind of craving...

Tumayo ako at hinanap ang phone ko. I fumbled through my things with trembling hands. Natatakot ako. Alam ko ang pakiramdam na ito.

I dialed the first person that came into my mind.

"Hey, human girl."

"River... River help me."

--

I was cowering at the corner of my room when River came. I was crying. I was afraid and confused.

"Hey..."

Lumapit siya sa akin. Ngunit noong mga oras na yon maging siya ay natatakot akong lapitan. Hindi ko alam ang nangyayari sa aking katawan.

Whatever it is... I don't want it.

"Denise..."

"River what is happening?"

"Calm down..."

Umiling ako. Lumapit siya ngunit mas umatras ako palayo sa sulok. Napahawak siya sa kanyang ulo at tahimik na nagmura.

"I will explain to you everything, okay? Just please let me help you."

"How?"

"What you're feeling right now... it's blood lust."

Tuluyang huminto ang mundo ko sa narinig. Napatitig ako kay River. "No. River, no!"

River sighed deeply as if the fact he's about to say was as hard to reveal as it was for me to accept it.

"We need to do it for you to live."

There was a haunting silence after his statement.

"Denise, you won't be here if he didn't do it."

Umiling ako. Nag uunahan ang luha sa aking mga mata.

"But... I'm Denise... I can't..."

River took a step forward. "You are. You still are. This pain won't take long. Makokontrol mo din ito. I'll help you."

Muli akong umiling. The ranging emotions and my thirst tripled the pain I'm feeling.

I recoiled when Riven touched me. "Hey, do this and it will go away."

Tinitigan ko siya. He held his arms in front of me. Maugat ang kanyang kamay. His fingers were long and rough. His pulse pulsated from his wrist. It was like the sight of drug.

"I can't..."

"Look Denise. Manghihina ka kung hindi mo ito gagawin. You need to at least feed your craving dahil hindi mawawala yan."

I was heaving deeply.

"It's drinking from someone else's body. It's a natural process, Denise."

"Pero masasaktan ka..."

River chuckled. "Pain coexist with pleasure. You should know that by now, Denise."

He guided my hands to held his toned arms. Bumilis ang aking paghinga. Tinitigan ko siyang muli bago tinanggap ang kanyang pala-pulsuan.

Once my lips touch his skin my teeth dugged into his skin. Blood oozed from the cut. I sucked the mettalic liquid. It reached my tongue like ice cold water crashing the desert. My breathing renewed. Quicker. Harsher.

I wanted more.

The sensation of it flooded me. The sweet yet metallic taste of blood on my tongue. My thumping heartbeat, my rough breathing, the exquisite bliss of finally feeding my thirst.

I stared at River and he stared back at me intently. He smiled and whispered under his breath.

"I'm screwed."

***