Chapter 20: Crashing Waves

I feel naked. This is bad. A horrible idea. How is this even allowed? And why are these garments so expensive when it can only cover a percent of your body?

"Damn, Denise. I didn't know you have it in there."

It was a sexiest joke. And Yllona was fairly entertained at how uncomfortable I am.

"Shut up, Yllona."

I never felt this exposed in my entire life, as if people would actually see through me.

Pinigilan ni Yllona ang ngiti. "But seriously, Denise. It was not bad. You have curves. The color suits you."

"Was that supposed to make me feel good?" I asked sarcastically.

Tumango si Yllona. Kahit pa kung tutuusin mas exposed ang suot niya kesa sa akin. She's wearing aquamarine bathing suit. Inabot ko ang puti kong shirt.

"Please, let me have this one if you want me to survive in there."

Yllona pondered. "Deal."

--

Banana boats. Parasailing. Jet skis. Ito ang bumati sa amin pagpunta namin sa beach. Nandoon na ang mga kasama namin at nag eenjoy. Some were doing water activities. Most of the women are sun bathing with a glasses of fruit juice in their hands. This kind of life actually exist, huh? Being with these people just cemented a truth. I don't belong here.

From the corners of my eyes I saw Landon. It's hard not to notice him with her woman wearing a bright red bikini. Landon was sitting on a lawn chair, wearing nothing but trunks. His woman was sitting on his lap facing him and complaining something. Probably her uncured blindness for a proper sitting spot.

Nagtama muli ang aming mga mata. May sinasabi ang babae sa kanya pero hindi ito pinapakinggan ni Landon. Nakatitig siya sa akin. There is something in the expression in his eyes, something foreign to me. He's distant and contemplating.

Lumayo ako sa grupo at umupo sa ilalim ng isang palm tree. Yllona joined the group next to the banana boat. Mula noong nangyari ang insidente sa gym hindi ko na nakausap pa si Landon. I expected him to annoy the hell out of me by pointing out how he saved me from crushing my ribs. But he didn't. And his silence is something that often mess me up. If I could only talk to him.

Nang magsawa ang aking mga kasama, bumalik ang ilan sa hotel. Nanatili ako sa beach malayo sa kanila. Nang magdadapit hapon na naglakad lakad ako sa dalampasigan. When I was young, and when my family was not ruined yet, every vacation we'd head to the beach. We'd rent a small cottage. My Dad would cook and grill sea foods. And we'll spend the whole day on the beach with my Mom, creating sand castles and picking up shells, and other cliché stuff that for me was the only good memories I have. Maybe clichés aren't that bad. It's predictable. It's safe. No tears, no anxiety, or unexpected turn of events that could shake your system up and crush you down. Like the way the waves crash the sand castle and leave. Like the way my father crushed us and left.

"Hey, human girl."

Lumingon ako sa kasunod kong naglalakad sa dalampasigan.

"Hindi ka pa ba susunod sa loob?"

Tuluyan ng lumubog ang araw.

"No."

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad.

"It's dangerous to be alone here,"

"Says a blood sucking guy."

"Touché."

Huminto ako sa paglalakad. The sand sipped between my toes and the waves crashed against my feet.

"Your wrist?"

I raised my hand to see what he's referring to. Kanina noong nagbibihis ako muli akong nagkamali ng galaw dito kaya muli ko itong binalutan ng benda upang hindi ko magalaw at sumakit ng tuluyan.

"It's nothing,"

"It seems like you can't knock a person's face for a few days. Should we try?"

Ngumiti si River, exposing a set of white teeth. But then, a strange glint caught my eyes. From the hanging white lights on the palm tree I could see his fangs.

"I have two working feet that can kick your ass."

Humalakhak si River. "You take jokes too far, don't you?"

"Having a boyish grin doesn't always makes you less dangerous, are you aware of that?" I countered.

"Whoa, human girl chill," he said chuckling with his hands raised in resignation. "Even if I wanted to, family code, dude." This dude thing is contaminating. "You don't touch what's marked. It's an undefined teritory."

"Good."

"My sister seems right."

"What?"

"You're too endearing for your own good."

Strange family. I thought as River head back to the hotel. I told him I'll spend a few minutes more in the beach.

Ngunit sa totoo lang hindi ko gustong bumalik doon. I could hear their party noise from where I stand. The blinking lights, their laughters, their shouts. The beach party started an hour ago. And I'm no mood to join the fatal fun.

I stayed on the beach for a few more hours. I wasn't worried about the danger lurking in the dark. It's an exclusive property. A Monaghan's property. Ngunit kalaunan kinailangan ko ng bumalik. Lumalalim na ang gabi.

Naglakad ako pabalik sa resort. Malayo palang naririnig ko na ang kanilang ingay. There were cheers and persuading. They are playing a sort of party game.

Umakyat ako sa view deck kung saan nagaganap ang party. May bonfire at walang lamang mga bote ng alak sa buhanginan. Nakaupo ang ilan sa kahoy na sahig. Ang iba sa gilid ng pool. There is a bar in the counter that serves drinks.

"Okay, Clifford!" Narinig kong sinabi ng isa sa mga lalakeng nakaupo sa sahig at may hawak na bote matapos itong paikutin.

"Kiss the girl you want to fuck."

Napakurap ako sa kanilang laro. What the hell is this game?

Nakaupo si Landon sa isang lawn chair malapit sa pool. Binaba niya ang hawak na baso ng alak. May nakakalokong ngiti sa kanyang labi bago siya tumayo at naglakad papunta sa babaeng kanyang kasama na nakaupo sa bar stool malapit sa akin. It's too easy for Landon. He could do more than just kiss a woman.

Muli akong naglakad papunta sa entrance ng hotel. Ngunit natigilan ako nang may humila sa aking siko. The sudden act forced me to turn around. I was greeted by Landon's warm lips.

"Whoa!" Narinig kong sigaw ng mga kasama namin. But as Landon slowly move his lips against mine, nawala ang ingay at gulong aking nararamdaman.

This... this is what exactly confuses me. This game he's playing. He was distant and cold, but his kisses were burning. I was breathless. His lips taste like liquor. Landon smiled against my lips and ended the kiss with a whisper.

"Never take that shirt off outside."

It sounded like a warning. I didn't know what to make out of his statement. I was flushed. Bumalik siya sa kanyang upuan na parang walang nangyari. The woman Landon's with gave me a sharp shameless look.

Tumalikod ako. My face was burning. I feel humiliated and low. Nagpatuloy ang kanilang laro. My knees were weak. I found a glass of liquor on the bar, I took it in one gulp. The strong taste almost knock the life out of me. I immediately regretted it. I was never a drinker.

Naglakad ako papasok sa hotel. Ngunit bago pa ako makapasok sa maliwanag at maaliwalas na lobby, someone splashed a drink on my shirt.

"Opps," I immediately recognized the voice as Landon's woman. "Sorry." She didn't sound sorry at all.

Bumaling ako sa kanya. Ngunit agad akong napahawak sa counter nang maramdaman ang pagkahilo. The drink... I could feel it burning my throat. Ano ba ang nainom ko?

The woman left with a snide smirk seeing how a simple drink took a toll on me. Maybe she didn't need to take revenge for her trumpled ego, the liquor is doing her job.

Damn it. Pinilit kong tumayo sa gitna ng pagkahilo. I trudge my way into the lobby, my every steps are becoming heavier every second. My head is clouded and my vision's spinning. Fuck, alcohol.

Nakarating ako sa floor kung nasaan ang aming mga kwarto. I grabbed the door handle with a sweaty hand. Locked. Why is the door locked? I was frustrated. My body is sticky. My mind is in a haze. Umaakyat ang masamang pakiramdam sa aking lalamunan. I sat on the floor on the hallway. I felt like crying.

"What are you doing?"

Tumingala ako. Landon's face was staring down at me. This is all his fault. This... and everything bad that happened to me ever since the night I met him. Tumayo ako. Ngunit halos bumagsak ulit ako. Napahawak ako sa pader. Landon was confused, suspicious.

"Are you drunk?"

"You..." tinuro ko siya gamit ang aking daliri sa kanyang dibdib. "You are a piece of shit, an asshole. And I'm so done..."

"What the fuck are you saying?"

Humakbang ako palapit sa kanya.

"You're a bad... bad person. You don't care what people will feel as long as you are entertained. I hate you... I goddamn hate you for playing these games and messing with my head..."

Tears started streaming down my eyes. "I hate you... Landon..."

I didn't know if it was the effect of the alcohol that gave me the courage to say those things. But it's not only words leaving my mouth now. I could feel my lunch surging to where they've entered. I threw up on Landon's white button-down shirt.

"Fuck, Denise!"

I started crying. I don't know why but Landon's angry voice seem to hurt my drunken pride. Umupo ako sa sahig ng hallway at umiyak.

"What the hell is this shit, Denise? Why did you even drink?"

I cried even harder. Pakiramdam ko may kasalanan ako at pinapagalitan niya ako. Landon was staring down at me, mad, surprised, amused.

"I didn't know a spit fire dragon is a cry baby when drunk."

Umupo siya sa tapat ko at hinila ako patayo. "Come on. As much as I want to witness this, you can't drunk-cry in the hallway."

I felt Landon's hand on my waist. My mind is occupied with the ocean, and Landon's angry voice and spilling a truck load of juice on a bitch face. I smiled at the thought.

"And now you're laughing, jesus, what is wrong with you?"

Bumukas ang isang pintuan. Bumungad sa akin ang maliwanag na paligid. I winced at the light. Mabubulag yata ako. Pumikit ako ng mariin.

"Turn it off!" I said. I started crying again. "Turn it off!"

"The drunk Denise is as annoying and as entertaining as a bratty kid."

"And you're an asshole!" I snapped back. Umalis ako mula sa kanyang pagkakahawak. Dumerecho ako sa bathroom para mahilamos. Pagbalik ko, napansin ko ang interior ng kwarto. Our room has two beds for Yllona and I. This room has only one. I thought they are rich. Can't Landon afford a double bed?

"Look at what you did to my shirt. Fucking disgusting," sinabi ni Landon habang inaalis ang damit.

Hindi ko pinansin si Landon. He could say anything he wants, I can't hear it. Tinitigan ko ang basa kong t-shirt na may kulay orange na mantsa. Sinubukan ko itong alisin. But my injured wrist was on the way. I tried again.

"What are you doing?" asked Landon.

"Help me take this off."

Tinitigan niya ako. Tila gusto niyang matawa. "Do you realized what you're saying right now, Denise?"

I frowned. "So... sticky..."

Umiling si Landon, like I'm a lost case.

"Help me, please?" I tried my best pursuasive voice. "Please?"

Lumapit si Landon sa akin. "Are you aware of the consequences of your request?"

Nanghahamon ang tono ni Landon, nakangiti. Tumayo ako upang humarap sa kanya.

"Aren't you afraid I'd do something to you? I'm a man Denise. And we are in a dark room basically half naked."

Natawa ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero may kung ano sa kanyang sinabi na nakakatawa. Ah, I knew it.

"I know you won't do some thing... I," I slammed my palms on my sticky chest. "I'm way out of your league. I don't even make it to the bottom of your criteria..."

Unti unting hinila ni Landon pataas ang t'shirt na suot ko. Nang muli kong makita ang kanyang mukha, nakatitig siya sa akin. The air between us became pressured and heavy.

"How sure are you about that?" He whispered between my lips.

I became aware of his broad bare chest and my exposed body. He was standing tall and dark in front of me. He stepped closer until there is barely a space between us.

"I'm pretty sure... I know I can't..."

Landon's hand snaked on my neck and the next thing I knew we're kissing. His lips were hungry, searching, wanting. Napaatras ako sa glass door ng terrace na nasa aking likuran. I heard a bang as Landon pinned me in to the glass. His hands on my arms securing it against the door and the other one on my neck.

My head's spinning. His hands roamed my body. Roughed, heated. My hand's on his chest, feeling his heavy breathing.

"Landon..."

Hot. The air was hot and thick. Bumaba ang mga halik ni Landon sa aking panga. I nearly clawed my nails on his chest.

Bahagyang nakabukas ang pintuan ng terrace. I could hear the waves crashing below, along with our heavy breathing. I groaned as he pushed me harder against the glass. I'm afraid it would break any second.

"Fuck."

His thumb caressed my exposed stomach in a circling motion. Pataas ng pa taas. I trembled when I felt his hands on my breast, gently cupping it with his palms. The alcohol. The ocean. Landon's hands on my body. The heat. And banging of my body against the glass. Everything's swirling. All I was aware of was my heavy breathing.

"Tell me to stop, Denise," I heard his rough whisper. "Tell me to stop while I can still control myself."

Naramdaman ko ang malambot na kama sa aking likuran. The soft linen, the floral scent.

It was the alcohol. I have no control over my mind, my body. Whatever he's doing is sending me on edges and I want him... but I know... we both know this is not me.

Landon cursed under his breath. Saka siya tumayo at huminga ng malalim. Hinablot niya ang kumot at binalot ito sa aking katawan. I'm tired. The bed is comforting. The intense emotions drained the energy left of me. And the alcohol is finally draining down my system.

Naisuklay ni Landon ang daliri sa kanyang buhok habang nakatitig sa akin. I closed my eyes.

"Such a tease," I heard Landon said.

"You must not be drunk in front of other men, Denise."

***