I left before he woke. Slipping out his room as if we had been up all night having sex. The wobble in my step not helping my look as I made my way back to my room in his shirt too.

Truth was, and the main reason I was sneaking off, was simple. I didn't want the pity, nor did I want to deal with whatever he had to say. Last night I had stunned him into silence, but I had no doubt that he would have questions now and I didn't want to answer them. Any of them.

I locked myself into my room after sticking a do not disturb on the door. Before stripping off and taking a hot shower, well what the motel considered hot.

Washing myself back to normality, or a sense of it, I got out and looked in the mirror. My reflection looked back at me, my eyes looked sore and I looked dragged down by the world. It usually came after a meltdown...

Grabbing my make up bag, I emptied it on the side and took a breath before getting started.

Everyone was entitled to a meltdown, just a moment of pure upset and hate, people would cry, get drunk, scream, attack items like walls, dry walls, doors. I was a crier.

Today I would feel a little worse for wear until I got food into my system and placed myself back behind the barracks of my mind. Where nothing could get to me...

+++

The afternoon was buzzing, despite the crew being out until dawn this morning, Billy, Aaron and Jay had stayed up, and Dakota like me had only just made peace with the fact morning had come quickly and flew by leaving us both out of sorts. 

The men had gone out to have breakfast and I had settled for a vending machine snack because I didn't have the energy to sit there deal with anything or anyone.

I was tired and when I was tired, I was cranky.

"Healthy start." Zak spoke looking to the snack I had in my hands, as he left his room, his bag on his back. I was sat on the hood of his truck looking across the road that sat opposite, eating peanut M&Ms. "Where is the crew?"

"Gone for food."

"And you didn't go with them? For something more substantial?" He asks coming to stop in front of me as I looked down at the packet in my hands.

"Are you going to judge me on everything today?" I ask.

"No, I just wanted to know, that's all."

I lift my head back up and shrug. "I just... Never mind."

He frowned at my response and looked around us. "How are you feeling, today? After last night."

"Everything is fine."

"Clearly it's not. Is it?" He pushes.

I grit my teeth "Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop pushing me into talking. I did enough last night, my head feels like a swarm of bees, okay? Stop prodding that nest."

"I want to help." He comes back.

"Well I don't need your help, or your pity. So just forget I said anything!" I snap.

The sunglasses are taken off my face by his hand causing me to scrunch up my eyes at the light. "What the fuck, Zak?"

"Why are you wearing them?" He asks.

"Because the sun is out?"

"I mean your contacts. Why are you hiding your eyes?" He demands.

I look away from him "Because.. Because I have to."

"Why?"

"Because people stare! Okay? You think it's nice to have men ogle you, tell you you're pretty and have nice eyes? They don't care! They just say it because they think they can get you into bed! They're not attractive or beautiful, they are nothing but a damn curse! So I wear contacts, I cover them. Because look at what happened when I didn't? And look what's happened since I have? Two completely different lives. I actually have my shit together." I argue back.

"Because you're growing up, Delilah. Not because you're covering your eye colour. I," he pauses. "I can't stand here and say I understand, okay? Because I don't. But I don't think you should hide who you are. Not to me at least, I have questions-"

"Of course you do." I answer bitterly, hopping down off the hood of his car, I shoved the bag of M&Ms in the bin as anxiety held my intestines.

"I have a few but I don't give a shit about finding out the answers because I know you did what you had to, for a reason. You do things you have to, for a reason. But let me be the reason that you act yourself when around me. I know everything, I've seen everything and I don't judge you. I have no right too either. You've supported me over this lockdown, you've put up with my shit on the lockdowns before. I don't want things to change, I like sparring with you. I like the fact you tell me I'm an asshole and I'm some arrogant self righteous jerk off." He speaks smiling slightly.  "But I want to be your support, your crutch. For whatever you need, if you want to shout, kick and scream, I'm your guy. And if you wanna hot make out session which is totally forbidden. Hey, I'm you're guy. But don't shut me out..." He turns to walk away causing panic to grip my chest.

"W-where are you going?!"

"To return the key to reception. Before we get breakfast and hit the road." He tossed my shades back to me. "Stop shutting me out, my wild Phoenix."

+++

His wild Phoenix.

Sitting opposite him in the restaurant, I couldn't help but admit how much I liked that idea. But as he described our make outs, those momentary mental slips that happened between us, they were forbidden.

Me liking the idea that I was his something is forbidden.

The only thing we should be is colleagues, maybe friends but nothing more.

Yet I knew the past three days something had been breached, a new level of trust, or sensitivity.

Whatever it was, being his wild Phoenix seemed appealing.

"Here." He spoke pushing some Bacon onto my plate as he chewed the pancake.

It was then I realised how different Zak and Jack were..

Jack was the kind of guy to take food off your plate to put on his already sky high one.

Zak was the kind to give you his last rasher of bacon because you ate yours too quick through enjoyment.

I had seen a new side of him, a sensitive and kind soul that was hidden when I first met him. Not because he shared his bacon, although that was probably one of the most attractive moves a man has made. Because let's be honest, bacon is life.

But because last night, I had just let it all out and instead of judging me, or laughing or even walking out the room because it was too much to handle - as Jack once said.

He wiped the water that had collected in his own eyes, stood up, buttoned up the shirt and pulled me into a hug. He spent the whole night with me on his chest and didn't push me off or roll away from me. When I woke, I had his heart under my ear, and his large hand on my back protectively.

"What?" He asks pulling me from my head, to find myself staring at him.

"Sorry?"

"You're staring with some bemused look, have I got something on my face?" He asks grabbing a napkin and wiping his face whilst looking at me to guide him.

I smile "No, your face is clear."

"So.. What made you happy?"

"You." I admitted "Sharing bacon is a pretty big step."

He chuckles "Up there with marriage right?"

I nod and laugh as he goes to swap our plates.

"I'm kidding, you can eat that bacon. And everything on that plate, you cost me a fortune. Pancakes, bacon and juice.." He tsks.

"Oh I know. Such an expensive girl."

"You are. Wanting Michelin stars at breakfast." He jokes.

We were sat in some little diner, it was outdated and had the red leather booths which were torn and grubby. By rights neither of us should entertain a place like this. I'm not saying we are snobs but anything was better than this. Yet the food was amazing and the company I was in, was even better.

After finishing breakfast, we get in the pick up truck with all intentions on leaving when Zak turns off the engine and stares out the window at the trees in the distance.

"What's wrong?" I ask taking off my belt.

"I just need a minute." He replies making me nod.

I wait for five and a half minutes before moving across the seat bench and kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you for breakfast."

He shifts in the seat and looks at me "Are you playing a game with me Delilah?"

I sit back "I don't follow."

"Do you love Jack? I mean really love?" He asks.

I think about the last month since joining the crew and everything that has happened.

How I've kissed and made out with Zak, how he's walked in on me in the shower, how I've caught him in a towel, twice, how we have been since being in Virginia City & Reno.

Did I love Jack?

I thought I did, but I'm questioning everything, even myself.

"Yes?" I guess.

He nods. "Please don't be offended when I say we shouldn't get any closer than mere friends or colleagues.. Because I-" he gestures to his head. "I keep having these urges up here and they are wrong."

I tilt my head "What about?"

"What do you think?" He asks before starting up the truck and heading back to Vegas.

He had told the crew that we were heading back as they were all due to fly back at some point today. So we were merely getting a head start in a race they would win.

Every time I yawned or got comfortable in the seat, Zak would turn the A/C onto me. Making my body turn cold and I would end up turning it off.

"Stop.."

"You're going to fall asleep. Don't."

"What's wrong with that?" I frown.

"You've got contacts in and I'm just as tired so it's helping me too."

I sigh and sit up. "Do you want me to drive?"

He scoffed "Girls don't drive my truck."

My eyes instantly narrowed "Lucky I'm not a girl then.. Pull over."

He kept going for almost a mile and a half before he pulled over and slid across the bench whilst I straddled his lap to climb over, the position was compromising and he looked up at me as my breath hitched.

"No." I spoke and lifted my leg over before sitting in the drivers seat. With flushed cheeks, I got comfortable, undid the window and turned off the A/C before starting it up and heading off whilst he slept it off beside me.

+++

My eyes flashed over to Zak who was fast asleep, his feet propped up on the dash and his head pushed into the seat. I didn't want to wake up, but I had to.

"Hey!" I slapped his arm making him grumble. "Come on."

He mumbled under his breath and tried to turn away when I pulled his ear.

"Lila, please." He frowned.

"No, come on, we're home."

"Our home.."

I frowned "No. you're home.... Zak!" I shout making him jolt awake and look around in alarm.

"Huh?"

"Dude, we're home."

He blinked before nodding. "O-oh okay."

Shaking my head I got out and helped him unload the truck before removing my own bag and stuffing it into my car.

He came out his house as I leant against my car. "All set then?"

I nodded "Yep."

"Hey uh, you know you can always come over. Any time you want. Billy will be here for the next week also with reviewing and you haven't met Devin yet."

"Okay." I reply with a smile. He yawns wholeheartedly making me giggle. "Go take a nap."

"I'm going, I'm going." He natters before stepping forward and giving me a bone crushing hug. "Thank you, for these past few days."

"Thank you too."

When he releases me, I worry I'm going to be boneless jelly, but I'm set back onto my feet.

A kiss is pressed onto my forehead as I hold his sides from the hug. "When you come over, remember to forget your contacts. Be the real you."

"You won't like the real me." I reply.

"I think the Delilah now and the real Delilah are not that far apart. If you got contacts, you get no entry."

"Blackmail huh?"

He nods "Absolutely."

We part ways and I leave Zak's home with a smile spread across my face. I'm happy, relieved even to have someone other than Poppy to really confide in. Jack knew parts but never the full extent of what I went through. And even then he complained it was too heavy, too much.

Parking up, I got my bag and trudged up to my apartment. Letting myself in, I found a bag, on the floor. Jack...

"Hello? Jack?" I called out.

"Delilah." He called back as I entered the kitchen.

I paused seeing a black mass of clothes on the floor and him with scissors.

"What's going on?"

"I've been shopping." He states.

"Oh right. And you're cutting up your old clothes because? They could go to good will."

He laughs. "Not mine. Silly... They are yours."

My face drops and I take a closer look at the ruined articles on the floor. I look back up to him with one conclusion, he knows about me and Zak...