I pull my bottom lip through my teeth, as I pull on a set of hips, willing them to keep going. To keep their rhythm, but the second they slack, my desperation airs out.

"Keep going." I pant feeling a small bud coil in my stomach.

"You like that don't you? Huh? You want it all?" A groan comes back at me.

"Yes. Please yes." I beg.

"I-I- Jesus Delilah you're hurting."  He speaks, causing me to pull my hands off his hips and flail them back against the bed.  "I'm almost there."

Don't you dare...

"No keep going."

"I can't. I- I–"

Then it happens.

"Fuck." Jack grunts stilling himself, stealing any source of excitement from me, instantly.

I should know his routine by now, but I am always so under satisfied that I always forget it as he drops down on me, winding me in the process. Before panting in my face, he then rolls off me and onto the bed. "Wow. That was so good."

For you maybe, you inconsiderate prick.

I simply smile, not wanting to ruin his moment. "Uh yeah, it was."

The lies had got convincing over time and I always had hope that one day it would happen. That he would take second in the cumming olympics. But he always took gold. Leaving me without my dose of endorphins or afterglow that so many women... Okay, Poppy always talked about.

I'm serious, that girl may as well have a halo around her hair from how well she glows and how soft her hair and clear her skin is.

Where as I may as well be one of the three pigs that the big bad wolf stalks. Or even a troll that lives under the bridge.

"Was that okay for you?" He asks rubbing his chest.

I nod. "Fine. You?"

"I was looking for a little more than that.." he laughs slightly.

"Great." I force out begrudgingly.

As I'm looking at him, I get the case of the giggles. Remembering a time when I asked him to pull my hair or slap my arse. How disgusted he was over it, how he asked if I was okay and if I had been drinking.

"It must have been really good." He chuckles.

"Yeah." I lie still sniggering to myself.

The man was so vanilla, I wondered if he ever heard about rough sex or even a little role play. If I said 50 shades of Grey he'd ask for a paint swatch and if I said a playroom? He'd expect a games console.

It's not that I didn't love Jack, I did. But I just wished he was more equipped in bringing excitement. I want him to knock me off my feet, shove me into the bedroom, tease me until I couldn't take no more and then savage me like a starved animal.

I got planned love making.

He even suggested a roster once, I almost punched him in the throat.

I love the intimacy, the levels of connecting with a soul, or at least I did until it got so clinical and routine. But then he had always been a quick finisher. At times I was grateful, it meant I could go back to my book..

Like I said. Routine.

Then Jack's last goodnight? Was rolling onto his side, facing away from me.

Leaving me to stare at the ceiling and hope that sleep came to me soon.. Very soon.

+++

"That is it! I need to go to a sex shop and I need to buy a dild— Hi." I freeze seeing an unknown man in Poppy's kitchen.

He smirks "Hi."

I look at the tanned Greek god before me, stood in a pair of black boxer briefs. Leaving little to the imagination...

His brown hair was cut into a shaggy do and his beard wrapped around his face, trimmed to the perfect length. Not to mention his ab defined stomach that I'm sure he was tensing but hell I didn't care. I wanted to lick it..

"Who are you?" We both ask at the same time.

"Delilah."

"Trent."

I nod. "Um.. Nice to meet you. I- where are your clothes?"

"On the bedroom floor." He states.

My face is getting redder by the second and I can't help but stare at... Everything.

"Delilah? Hey!" Poppy speaks coming down the stairs looking seriously sexed up. No joke, her hair is almost an Afro.

"Hey, um... I've just met Trent."

She smiles and gives me a wink as he turns to flip on the kettle. My eyes widen at the state of his back, littered with scratch marks.

There was no need to guess at what they had been up to all night.

I watch as he makes her a coffee without a second thought, coffee Poppy never touches, unless she's been out or up all night doing ungodly things.

"Well it's nice to meet you Trent, I just need a word with Poppy about my handbag she borrowed." I lie and drag her into the lounge.

"Woah woah woah. Slow it down lady. I'm a little sore... If you know what I mean." She giggles.

No. I really didn't.

"Trent. Where? How? And do they clone yet?" I ask causing her giggle to turn into a cackle.

"He's pretty hot huh?"

"Absolutely. I came to moan about Jack but that man has just taken all the negative energy from me."

"He certainly takes it from me." She replies falling onto the couch.

I eye her for a few seconds wondering if I should mention anything that has happened over the past week away. If she would understand when I explained how Zak would stare at me or our moment in the kitchen. But I had a feeling that I would sound pathetic. Like some pubescent teenager making something out of nothing. Maybe I had read the signals wrong and let's not forget... I am with Jack.

I take a seat on the couch opposite her. "How long has this been..."

"He's an old friend. We never got to the whole wham bam stage, until last week and girl, let me tell you.... We haven't come up for air. Swear to god I am at the point of starvation from the continuous fuckathon."

I wince at her crudeness. "You're something else."

"Thanks babe." She giggles sitting up and looking at me. "Oh wow, you look awful."

I point to her "You know how to make a girl feel special."

"Anyway how was work? How was Zak?" She asks wiggling her brows at me.

"Good, challenging. Something that I love. Aaaand he's not a complete douche."

She grins knowingly. "I knew it."

"He may or may not be alright once you get to know him..."

"That's something. But there's only one problem? Does he get to know the real you?"

I tilt my head "Pops. It's not that easy. Besides I am me."

"I know babe." She frowns "But you have been this way for so long. I just worry you'll never find your way back home."

"This is home. This is me. I-"

"No it's not. I love you Delilah, you're my sister from another mister. But I know when you're feeding me bullshit and I know when you're not happy."

"Oh really? And tell me why I'm not happy then?!" I snap getting on the defensive.

"Delilah. I'm not–"

"No. I'm being me. This. This is me now. I know you don't approve and I quiet frankly I don't approve of your string of men every single week! But I don't shove it down your throat!"

The door opens to the lounge and Trent eyes me before looking at Poppy. "You hungry?" He asks.

She nods and gives him a smile. "I'm fine... Really."

You'd have to be a fool to know that he was subtly asking her if she was alright, not if she was genuinely hungry.

"She's fine." I bite before rising to my feet. "Sorry for screwing up your morning."

"Delilah.."

"I'll speak to you when you're not busy." I mutter.

Leaving the house, I'm half way up the drive heading towards my car when she comes running out.

"Delilah.. Delilah wait!"

I stop and turn to face my friend, her glowing radiance just irks me some more.

"I'm sorry okay. I'm just... Sorry for being a bitch." I sigh.

"I poked my nose into your business. I know how you get when people do that, I just care."

I nod.

"But you're right. You're still a bitch." She adds making me smile. "Look I can get Trent to go home and we can have a girls day and–"

"What? No. No." I frown shaking my head. "I got to go and do some stuff anyway. Review footage and that."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Look I'm just tired and cranky, ignore me. I better let you go back to Mr. Hunk in there.." I answer.

Poppy steps forwards before throwing her arms around me. "Ill ring you later. Love you."

"Love you too. By the way he's got a good ass." I mumble.

"He's got a great ass."

And that's how quick we get over our arguments or disagreements. We have always been the same. My problem was that I had built up walls so high that even Poppy, after the years of being my friend, still struggled to climb. My defence mechanisms were still in place and letting anyone in was hard. It always will be.

Saying my goodbye to Poppy, I head home again.

+++

"You little brat! Get here!"

"Miss, Delilah is doing it again!"

"Mrs Winters, you're daughter has had a seizure."

"Put her in her room and lock the door! I told you what to do but you won't listen! She's evil!"

"Mom? Mom? No, no come on. Wake up. Don't fall sleep again. Mom.. Mom!"

I jolted from my daydream as I sat on the end of the bed, still wrapped in a towel with soaking wet hair. The remnants of my make up still stained down my face from the showers spray.

'I just worry you'll never find your way home...'

Poppy's words rung in my conscious and at times I did wonder it myself. Would I play my new and improved Delilah so well that I forgot about the old Delilah?

At times I would like to think so, I would love to.. But there were other times that I didn't want to, because despite everything, that was who I really was. Letting her go would be like letting go of my identity...

Looking at myself in the mirror, I slowly loosened my grip on the towel until one side fell slack and away from my skin. Exposing one side of my body..

I could be the new Delilah, in my mind.

My fingers found the raised skin, along my breast bone. The memory of it still haunted my mind and in the small hours of the morning, when restful sleep was plagued with nightmares, I would always be back there. Fearing for my life.

I could be the new Delilah. My eyes moving to the aesthetics that I needed to be the new Delilah.

Of course I could be the new Delilah, I could never forget the old Delilah...