When I step into the office on the monday morning after spending two weekends to myself and a whole week without going out, I feel worse than I did the whole time. I didn't step out of my apartment once I knew that I could go there. Uncle Marcel did stop by this saturday night to have dinner with me and discuss few things from the office but that was all. Of course, I didn't go to the party with Aaron last Saturday because from now on, I plan to live my life peacefully, away from the drama.

I know it would be hard to avoid going to parties where my best friend will be invited and she would do everything in her sense to drag me with her but I can be a little persuasive when I want to be. After all, I have my tricks. It took a lot of effort to successfully avoid Aaron the whole past week but there weren't many efforts from his side as well, which made it easier.

It takes me a minute to get the coffee and then I make my way to my desk and start arranging the files dumped there. The email inbox is full and I know my day will pass going through them and arranging Uncle Marcel's schedule for the upcoming days. He told me that he has to fly down to California for some meeting and tried to convince me to accompany him but even he knows, that will never happen.

"Good Morning Diana." I hear Lucy's chirpy voice and I immediately relax at the thought of not working the whole day.

"Good to have you back here. Just for my sake, I hope you don't fall sick anymore." I give her a small smile and she laughs. Apparently, her headache turned into viral and she was on bed rest to gain back her immune strength.

Her eyes meet my face and she gives me a curious look which makes me frown. But then, she speaks up, "Have you not been sleeping properly?" She asks.

"What do you mean?" I give out a nervous laugh.

"The bags underneath your eyes are pretty evident." She points out and I look away from her.

"It's nothing. I've just been working on something," I lie and she nods, thankfully not asking me any questions further.

"I'll see you around." She waves with a smile before disappearing to her office.

It takes me a minute to gain back my strength as I fix my eyes on the computer again. I was told to prepare a presentation for the company because apparently, the person assigned to do that fell sick from the department but I'm pretty much used to doing work that does not really fit the tag of 'receptionist' anymore.

I don't really complain because I'm working in a publishing house when I don't relate to Literature in any fucking way. Mr. Wilson a.k.a my uncle gives me good salary and I guess, that kind of makes up for everything. Also, I am provided with all the fucking small details from Lucy so it works smoothly.

Neither of the people working here or I should say my colleagues talk to me because I remember when I first joined in here, I heard a lot of crap going on from department to department about me and then finally, I snapped at one lady. From there on, my chances of bonding over with anyone here went down hill. Except Lucy, she knew more than I liked her to know but it worked for me as long as she kept her mouth shut.

When I'm halfway through the presentation, my phone starts ringing and Ella's name flashes on the screen. I have pretty much avoided her the whole week, ignoring her calls and even when I did answer, I hung up as soon as possible.

At first, I let it ring but then, she calls again and I sigh. "Hello," I greet her as I pick up the phone.

"Long time no see." She taunts.

"We just met last friday," I tell her and she gives out a bitter laugh.

"So tell me, why are you avoiding me?"

Her question immediately makes me run out of ideas as I start biting my bottom lip hard to come up with something but when I fail, I give her a pretty small reply, "Who said I am?"

"Are you forgetting the part where you can't lie to me because I'm just a genius like that?" She argues and I rub my temples.

"I haven't been avoiding you, Ella." I say, trying to sound a bit more convincing this time.

"Alright Dee, what's wrong? You don't sound so good to me." She immediately sounds worried and I close my eyes for a second.

"I promise it's nothing. I just have a lot of work from office but I'm glad that Lucy is well now so she can help me with it."

"And now, you're diverting the topic. I'll see you in an hour and I don't take no for an answer." She orders and I go tense in my seat.

How the fuck am I supposed to face her and lie on her face?

"You won't come down to my office, you know it's against our rules. You won't be here unless I ask you to!" I threaten her and then I hear her sigh.

"What's the matter Diana? Is everything okay at home? I haven't heard you sound so low in a long tine."

I know what she means by that. I haven't been sleepless in a long time either but the last few days kind of took a toll on me so that's why I spent as much time at my apartment as possible.

"Everything is fine." I repeat the same thing again but my best friend isn't convinced.

"I'll drop by at your apartment at night, we'll have dinner. You owe me a lunch date anyway." I hear the finality in her words and I think of using one of my tricks.

"You know I can't El, not on a monday night." I tell her the magical words that will immediately make her backtrack.

"Enough of your excuses, darling! Connor will help you with the work, I promise you."

Bitch! She used her trick on mine. Now, there's no way out of this.

"Okay!" I finally agree.

"Alright. I'll bring chinese over or do you want pizza?" She bursts her questions and I can hear her smile on the other side.

"Chinese sounds good." I smile as well and she agrees, hanging up a minute later as she promises to see me in few hours.

When I look up, I almost startle as I see Uncle Marcel hovering over my desk.

"That sounded like a nice plan to me." He smiles and I laugh.

"Yeah, she can be convincing sometimes."

"I assume Connor will be helping?" He knows the answer already but I nod to him anyway.

"Yes, he will be." I smile at him.

"Are you okay? If you want to take a day off, please go home." He tells me and I shake my head.

"I'm fine, Sir. I'll just be done with the presentation in half an hour and then you'll be good with all the papers and presentations for California." I inform him.

He nods, "Are you sure you don't want to come along?"

I laugh at his question, "You know the answer to that already. When you brought me here almost four years back, you made me a promise that you'll never ask me to go back to that place ever again."

He passes me a sad smile, "I remember and I'm not forcing you into anything sweetheart. I just think you should move on and visit their once, maybe not this time but some time in future."

Does anyone else think that I haven't moved on yet? This has to be a joke!

"I already have moved on, Uncle. I think I'll just get back to my work now." I brush him off and he nods before making his way back to his office.

My thoughts have been a mess since few days already and this heart to heart conversations with Ella and Uncle Marcel are now getting on my nerves. I better get done with these fucked up emotions today itself and then get back to my own self from tomorrow onwards. It takes me a moment to get ahold of my thoughts but then I make my way towards the coffee machine and get myself another cup.

After I get back to my desk, I finish the presentation and then get to the emails and their responses. We're often mailed manuscripts so it's my duty to forward them to the people who's job is to check them out.

The constant supply of caffeine beside me helps me to keep my mind concentrated where it needs to be. I check my phone in between for ten minutes and there are messages from both Derek and Aaron. But then there's Georgina, asking me if I'm free tonight for a party.

Weekday parties aren't my thing.

"That's probably your fourth cup of coffee since morning," I hear the voice that I've come to despise the most.

My head shoots up at him and all I do is glare, "No one asked you to keep the track."

I see as he shrugs his shoulder before speaking, "Couldn't help it."

Well, that's my cue to avoid his presence as I start typing back a response to one of the mails. I'm well aware of the fact that he's standing right in front of me but I couldn't care less about what he wants.

"I want to apologise." I hear him speak and I give out a bitter laugh.

There's no remorse regarding the time I slapped him. He might be a decent person and I might have overreacted, but I certainly didn't care back then, pretty much why I still don't give a fuck.

"Okay, apology not accepted. Now, move your ass from here before I get you fired," I threaten him.

He smiles a little, "You wouldn't do that. If you didn't want me to have this job, I wouldn't have it from the first day."

Well, I might have felt pity for him back then but now? Pure rage.

"Don't test my patients, Sir. I can be pretty ruthless when you expect it the least," I say, meaning every word.

He seems taken aback by the venom dropping from my tone but I cannot help it when it comes to people who disappoint me in my life. Derek never reached that list before, but he's lost the right to talk to me as well. And as for Aaron, we were never on good terms so it doesn't matter anyway.

"I'm sorry, Diana. I didn't mean to say anything in front of my brother, it just slipped in the moment," he pleads, trying to convince me.

I believe him, I understand where he's coming from but I don't care about that. The damage is done and now, it's time to find new people I can party with.

Maybe, Aaron's college mates?

Yes, my thinking skills have been damaged.

"Okay, I heard you. You can leave now," I tell him, not even sparing him a glance.

"Diana, I-"

Before he can finish his sentence, I stand up from my chair and look straight into his eyes. Enough of this shit, really!

"Why does all this even matter to you, Aaron? You came back a month ago and I've known you from like, three weeks? Yes, I will understand if this bothered your brother but why you? We were never on good terms and if I don't want to see your face anymore, it shouldn't fucking matter." I whisper yell at him through gritted teeth, not wanting to create a scene in front of all the office members.

When I finish speaking, I see as the realisation of my words dawn upon him and he nods his head. He looks like I've slapped him again but within a second, he composes himself.

"It shouldn't matter to me, Diana. We weren't even friends, but you know why I wanted to apologise? Not because I want you to talk to me but because I'm genuinely sorry for what happened that day. Apparently, taking your advice to live a little didn't work out so well for me. So, I'll spare both of us from the torture now onwards and won't approach you anymore."

With that, he makes his way to his desk, not even giving me a chance to respond to him. He's right, finally I get to live in peace - well, after I talk to Ella of course.

The rest of my hours at work go in rush as I keep myself busy with the work. When it's time for me to leave, Lucy takes over and I have to invest about half an hour more to keep her updated on the stuff she missed on while she was gone.

"Do you have plans for tonight?" She asks when I'm about to leave.

"Yeah, Ella's coming over in few hours." I inform her and she nods.

I don't bother asking her why she asked me the question. If she had anything in mind regarding us hanging out, she already knew my answer.

When I reach my car, my phone starts buzzing and it's Ella.

"Hey, change of plans. Connor's already taking over, so you come down to my boutique and pick me up?" She barks the order and I sigh.

Well, I thought I would have the day to myself to prepare for the conversation but her sudden change of plans ruined it.

"Okay, I'll be there in half an hour." I say and hang up.

It takes me exactly half an hour to reach down to her boutique and I don't bother getting out of the car. She knows how much I despise her co-worker. To put it in simple words - she claims that Ella is her best friend and I cannot stand the sight of her pretending to be one. So, whenever I come down here, I ask Ella to meet me on the sidewalk already and then all I have to do is pick her up. I called her ten minutes before reaching that I'll be here soon so she should get out already.

When I catch her sight, I stop the car and she immediately hops in.

"I haven't missed you at all," she announces as soon as she gets in.

I laugh at her words, "Yeah, okay, I missed you too."

It takes us twenty minutes to reach my apartment but throughout the drive, Ella filled me on her life during the past one week. When I unlock the door to my apartment, it's pretty messed up and my best friend immediately cringes at the sight.

"I will clean it up and you can unpack the food?" I suggest, gesturing at the packets she's holding in her hands.

"Sure! I hope that your kitchen isn't a mess." She thinks out aloud and I smile.

Well, it would have been if I hadn't cleaned it last night. She makes her way to the kitchen and I immediately get down to cleaning the living room. At least enough for us to have food here without stepping on trash each second.

"So what did you want to talk about?" She asks me as she sets a plate full of food in front of me and I eye her.

"Let me reframe that question for you, okay? Did you mean that, what did you want me to talk about forcefully?"

She smiles a little at my response, "Your dark circles speak a lot for you so you better not test my patience and spill it up."

I was well aware about the fact that I had to talk to her about whatever happened but I just liked to believe I could get away with it somehow but I cannot see that happening right now. The determination in her eyes is evident as she's ready for me to speak my heart out.

Well, she's forgetting that I lack one.

"Something happened at Derek's party," I start and she nods.

"No shit! You've been avoiding everyone ever since."

Why does this seem harder than I thought? All I have to do is tell her what happened and get over with it but I know exactly what's stopping me - I just don't want to name it.

In past few years since I've known Ella, she has tried her best to keep her judgement away when it came to me. But I can tell that even though she sometimes resist giving words to her thoughts, doesn't mean she doesn't feel that way. Yes, I hate to admit this but I fear my best friend's judgement. Because when it comes down to someone else, I don't give a fuck but when it comes to down to the people I love and owe so much, I do fear what might go on in their head where my actions are concerned.

"Are you going to tell me what happened or not?" Her voice brings me back from my thoughts and I nod.

"Promise me that you won't freak out?"

She frowns at my words, "How bad could it be?" She wonders and when I glare at her she gives me a look, "Fine, I'll try my best not to freak out."

I take a deep breath before parting my lips to finally explain it to her, "I smoked that day," I tell her and I see her brows furrowing deeper.

"And?" She pushes.

"Well, I smoked pot." I finally confess and I hear her gasp.

Her hand which was earlier by my side in a comforting gesture immediately jerks away, as if I just burned her skin.

"Ella, let me explain please." I plead and she shakes her head.

"What's fucking there to explain? You promised me something Diana! Fuck! You promised all of us." She yells as she gets up from the couch and starts moving back and forth in front of me.

This is exactly why I hate confrontation, it never ends up good with me. People say honesty always lands you up somewhere good but I don't see that happening for myself.

"I know and I'm sorry! It just happened in the moment and I am really fucking sorry. You have no idea how hard it was to truly admit it to myself that I did something I swore to myself I wouldn't." I scream and she finally stops to glare at me.

"Tell me how it happened, I want to know every fucking thing!" She orders and I nod, motioning her to come and sit beside me.

When she approaches the couch, she leaves a lot of space between us and I start, "Well, it was basically Shane's idea. You were right, I should've stayed away from him and I will from now onwards. He just set the joint between my lips and I lost it."

She sighs as she finally looks me in the eye, "That's not all that happened, is it?"

Her question makes me want to smack myself but I shake my head off those thoughts, "I kissed Aaron." I admit.

"You did what?" She sounds surprised and I close my eyes.

"Yes, and I'm not sure if I slept with him or not! He has been trying to talk to me but all I've done is ignored him."

"Diana, how do you feel about this?" I finally hear the calm voice that belongs to my best friend.

"Like I'm a piece of shit who has no idea why she even deserves to be on this earth?" I give out a bitter laugh, almost choking on my words.

"Don't say that!" She shushes me up as she wraps her arms around me and I sigh.

"It's true Ella. You and I both know I wouldn't be here if it weren't for that one thing I hold onto. I did something miserable and then I'm waking up beside a guy in his clothes, no idea what happened the night before."

The words are itself to make me want to puke but I gulp down as I keep my eyes fixated on the wall in front of me.

"Oh my god! You stupid idiot person." Ella squeaks and I frown at her.

"What?"

"Oh my god!" She face palms.

"You already said that and now you're freaking me out. What the hell is wrong?" I ask, worried.

"It wasn't Aaron who changed you in his clothes. I did that! I was searching for you all over his place and when I couldn't find you, I asked Aaron to help me. He wasn't in his senses either, he was really drunk but then he mentioned that you passed out in his bedroom! So, when I finally found you, I changed you out of those uncomfortable clothes and helped Aaron get settle as well. He was really drunk and I was afraid that if he didn't get some sleep, he would fall sick and start puking everywhere." She explains and I look at her with a blank face.

My thoughts are all over the place when she stops speaking and I have no idea how many minutes pass before I finally make sense out of the whole scene. Everything makes so much more sense now.

"Are you fucking telling me that I spent last week self loathing when I didn't even do anything?" I finally ask her and she shakes her head.

"You did smoke pot!" She spits and I back away as I stand up.

"That's not the fucking point! You know what exactly went through my head Ella, you know how vulnerable I must have felt." I shout at her and she flinches at my tone.

"Do not talk that way with me! If you would've told me all this earlier, I would have been able to help you out." She shouts back and her words stir something inside of me.

It was after all, my fault.

"You're right, I'm sorry." I say before rubbing my temples.

"Diana, you should talk to Aaron as well and apologise." She tells me and I'm about to laugh until I look at her and realise that she's serious.

There's no fucking way I'm going to apologise to him.

~

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