Dawn's Pov

My blood roared in my ears, my throat burned, my eyes stung, and my heart pounded with pain. I turned my car into Becky's street and pulled up into the driveways just opposite her sprawling apartment complex but I didn't step down just yet.

The rain thrummed on the roof of my car, falling heavily, spitting out big drops of moisture, bleeding for me, torn, washing away every hopeful dream that had died an ugly death tonight. I lowered my head into my trembling hands, trying to get a hold of myself but I couldn't. I sobbed shamelessly, feeling humiliated and violated and used.

How could he?

How could he look me in the eyes and lie to him all this while?

How could he keep a whole part of his life away from me and have me believe I was his first and only love whereas I was just a second choice, a rebound for his major loss.

Did he ever love me?

Did he think of her when he was with me?

Oh, God.

My chest felt tight. He'd given my fragile heart more than it could take and now it squeezed against my ribs so hard that I thought it would burst.

I clutched my chest as more gut-wrenching sobs wracked my body. I'd never felt pain this potent before. It was unfathomable, searing, suffocating.

I couldn't do this.

I pulled out my keys and got down. The rain soaked me to the skin, drenching my hair, and my clothes.

Russo, the security guard at the entrance of the apartment complex rushed over and covered me with his purple umbrella. He'd asked me if I was okay but I simply nodded and headed upstairs to Becky's room.

I needed my best friend, more than ever.

No one else would understand. Paula would've gone all out mama bear on David and my mum, being the peacemaker she was, would've called him over and urged us to talk out our issues.

I didn't want that. I didn't want him. I couldn't stand the sight of him. I didn't want to see him, smell him, or breathe the same air as him. I didn't want him to touch me or talk to me or try to explain things to me.

I wasn't strong enough to hate him but I was sure as hell going to try because he hurt me, he hurt me so bad that the mere thought of him made sickness spread in my gut like cancer.

With my trembling hands, I pressed the buzzer. It rang but no one answered.

"Becky..." I was cold and shivering, my breath shook as I dragged air into my lungs. I pressed the buzzer again. "It's me, Dawn..."

The door opened slowly. "Dawn?" The drowsiness in her eyes faded at the sight of me, instantly replaced with confusion and worry. "Oh my God, you're soaked. Are you okay?"

I shook my head, feeling a new wave of tears prick my eyes. I wasn't okay, I was in pain, I was confused and angry and alone.

"David..." I couldn't find the words to explain what he'd done. "He-he-" An unexpected sob ripped through my throat. I slapped my hand over my mouth and tried to quiet myself.

"Oh, my God." Her arms immediately draped around me and I pressed my face against her shoulders, crying out to my heart's content.

***

The next morning, I sat on Becky's breakfast bar, staring blindly at the plate of pancakes she placed in front of me.

There was butter on the top and syrup all over the stack. It looked edible but even if I was hungry, I couldn't eat it.

"You need to eat." Becky urged as though reading my mind. She pulled out a bottle of water from the refrigerator and handed it to me. "The cook doesn't come in till Monday. I got my nails dirty just to make it for you."

"I'm not hungry." I managed to mutter. My lips were parched. My throat was sore. It hurt to speak. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. It hurt to sleep.

"You haven't had anything since you got here." She stated, crouching down next to me. "I don't know what happened between you and David and I'm not going to pry until you are ready to talk about it, but please remember that you're pregnant and you cannot neglect your baby's wellbeing just because you are grieving."

I opened my mouth to counter her opinion but nothing came out. She was right. My shoulders dropped in resignation. "I'll try to eat."

"That's all I want to hear." She leaned closer and rubbed my arm soothingly. "I'll be leaving for work soon. George only allowed one of us out of the office. Russo will bring up your luggage from your car, but in the meantime, you can wear something of mine. I'll regulate the shower while you eat, it's a bit tricky."

"Thank you, Becky. I honestly don't know what I would do without you."

She offered me a sad smile. "We aren't best friends for nothing." She got up and nodded to the pancakes. "Eat."

I took the lid off my bottle of water and drank as she walked out of the kitchen.

I finished the bottle, closed my eyes, and breathed deep before digging into my breakfast.

It tasted great.

When Becky told me the shower was ready for use, I finished my last piece of pancake, got up, and walked into the guest bedroom. An outfit was laid out for me on the freshly made bed. A black jersey and denim shorts. Inside the chrome bathroom scented like lavender and sandalwood.

I moved to the square mirror and shed my clothes in front of it. My reflection was a mess, a semblance of how I felt inside. It would take at least a day and two ice packs for the swelling around my eyes to come down.

One day and I already looked like a car ran me over. The thought made me sick to my stomach. I didn't want to be this way, I wanted to move on from all this without having to break down.

I turned away from my reflection and entered the standing shower. I spent twenty minutes in here. For the first half, I showered, and the second half was spent crying my eyes out because everything reminded me of him.

He wasn't here but it felt like he was and I couldn't stop thinking of the times we'd showered together; the times when he'd taken me hard on the wall. I didn't miss it, I didn't think of it because I liked it. I was appalled and I wished I could wash every second of it away-every kiss, every love bite- I wanted to forget it.

I was wrapped in a towel when I finally unlocked the bathroom door and walked out. I dried my hair, pulled it up into a messy bun, and got dressed before walking out of the bedroom to fish for my phone.

I was sure I had a lot of calls. Most of them would be Paula, I couldn't face her yet. I needed to get myself in order before I answered her grilling questions because she was going to have them.

I crossed the small hallway leading to the living room and opened the door. "Becky have you seen my-" my words were suddenly cut short and my steps halted at the surprising sight in front of me.

David was here, standing in the middle of the living room, looking torn and sunken. I took a step back. "What are you doing here?"

A grim look settled on his pale, unshaven face.

"I let him in." Becky chirped, walking out of the kitchen with an apologetic look on her face. "I had no idea he was the one. He said he wasn't going to leave until he saw you. I'm sorry."

"Well, I don't want to talk to him." I turned around swiftly to walk away because I could already feel the tears rushing up my eyes. I didn't want to pathetically break down in front of him. He didn't deserve to see me fall apart. He didn't deserve to see my tears.

"Dawn please wait. I just want us to talk."

I stopped but I didn't respond. I just kept staring at the door in front of me, angry and frustrated because I knew I needed to have this conversation with him. Even if I didn't want to, I had to.

I finally turned and glanced at Becky. She nodded in understanding. "I'll be in my room." She excused herself, leaving us to an eerie silence that lingered until he spoke.

"Dawn, I fucked up." He started, taking one slow step after another towards me. "I screwed us over and I'm sorry."

"If that's what you came to say, you can leave now."

"I'm not done yet." Another step on his part and I moved back. He took the hint and stopped. "You have every right to be angry with me, I should have come clean from the very beginning but I was scared that you wouldn't understand me so I thought I could keep it all away from you. I thought if I kept that part of my life out of the picture, it would be fine. And it was, we were happy. But then Alexander came into the picture. I didn't know he existed, Dawn. You need to believe me when I say I just recently found out. He is sick, he needs my help and I've been trying to sort things out first before coming to you about it. I didn't want to burden you."

I laughed but there was no humor in it. "Is this supposed to make me feel better? Am I supposed to fall back into your arms and sympathize with you because your son is sick? Am I supposed to care?"

He blew out a frustrated breath and forked his hand through his hair. "Dawn, please listen to me."

"No, you listen." I jabbed my fingers in the air at him. "I get it, your family history is fucked up, you hid your first love and son away from me because you were scared. But the thing is if you had come clean from the very beginning, I would've understood because I loved you! I would've stayed and stuck with you regardless because I loved you! But you didn't care enough for that. You played me! You made me fall in love with the incomplete version of you! You lied to my face, time and time again without guilt! You selfish piece of shit!"

His eyes burned red as he walked toward me.

"Don't you dare come close to me," I warned, backing away but he reached for me and trapped me in his embrace. "I'm sorry, God I'm so sorry. Forgive me please."

I put my hand between us and pushed him off me. "I won't." There was no use. I gave him every part of me now it was all missing, scattered, shattered. "I've heard what you've said but none of it justifies what you did, so leave."

"Dawn... Please give me a fighting chance. Let me in one more time and I promise I'll make things right." He sunk to his knees in front of me and clasped his arm around my waist. "Please..." He pressed his face against my stomach, shaking his head as he pleaded desperately, unaware of the life force growing inside me.

A sinking feeling settled in my chest as the realization hit me that no matter how hard I would try to forget this man, he would always be a part of my life and I couldn't hide it forever.

His grip around me tightened. "I can't let you go. If you need time to process it, I'll give it to you. I'll wait weeks, months. Just tell me how long?" He lifted his head to search my face for an answer but I didn't have one for him.

"You don't get it, do you." I peeled his hand off me and stepped back, shielding myself. "There is no coming back from this. I don't want you anymore neither do I love you and if you keep disturbing my privacy, I'll get a restraining order. Stop the act and leave. You've made a fool of yourself enough." I turned around and walked off without sparing him a glance.

I wasn't going to let him manipulate my feelings. I was going to make my decision based on my mind. When I opened the door to the hallway, Becky jumped, startled.

"I'm so sorry, Dawn." Guilt shimmered in her eyes. I didn't need her sympathy. I didn't need anyone to pity me. I wiped my cheeks and sucked in a shaky breath. "Call the cops if that's what it takes to get him out of here. I don't want to ever see him again."

I didn't wait for her to speak. I walked fast to the guest room and once I made it in, I slid down to the floor and buried my head in my knees.

I cried and it was because his apologies weren't going to be enough. It wasn't going to take back the humiliation he put me through. I cried because I knew, deep down, I knew I would never trust him again. I couldn't live with a man I didn't trust, I couldn't give him my body, my child, the remaining fragments of my heart knowing he could easily break it again.

He'd shattered parts of me that could never be replaced and the only option left on the table was separation.