Zak POV

My eyes were staring at the back of her head, the long dark tendrils of hair were resting against the stark white pillow, gracing down her back as she slept.

How could she be sleeping at a time like this?

I know I couldn't. I tried but my mind was tearing in half every time I thought back to the doctors appointment. How she so easily said that she wanted an abortion. It fell from her lips as if she was asking about the weather...

I understood she was scared, hell, I was too. But I thought that if we had each other we could maybe make this work.

Never in my life had I imagined that I could be a father. I could be responsible for someone. Truth be known, I was scared shitless, but that doesn't mean I want to take the one opportunity I had been given and throw it away! My feelings ran deep for Leah, real deep. She knew I loved her and she loved me. At least I thought she did?

The second the doctor confirmed my suspicions, I looked at her in a new light, marvelled her and almost began to worship her, until those damning words left her lips....

I was scared of the unknown, which is how I became a paranormal investigator, because I didn't know anything of the afterlife, but I rose to the challenge of that. So why can I not rise to the opportunity to do this?

A safe home, a well paying job, so much money that I didn't know what to do with it, time, my age, hell... I was in the best situation to be a father. Wasn't I?

Was she scared about the baby? Or was it me? Was I not father material?

Maybe I wasn't... - Now that thought stung.

Would she leave me if I didn't agree with her choice? Would I lose her and my chance at being a father?

I never had a stable father role in my life, but instead of that deterring me, it only made me more determined to focus on being one, a better one than I could ever imagine!

My eyes settled on the gently curve of Leah's hip, imaging the shape changing as my baby grew within her stomach. How her stomach would stretch to accommodate the tiny human created by us. How she would have that pregnancy glow about her, how I would get up in the middle of the night just to get her whatever she needed. Even if it was raisins! And I hated those little curranty bastards!

For the first time, I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to be Zak, the boy from Washington DC, the now Vegas settled paranormal investigating, museum owning, reformed player.... And father to one.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to be someone's everything... I wanted to
Be a dad.

......................

Leah POV.

Rolling over in bed, I reached out for the warm body and went to pull myself across. But stopped on the account of the bed being cold.

Scrunching my eyes at the morning light, I grumbled and stared at the empty pillow beside me. Where was he?

Yawning, I stretched my body before sitting up in bed and looked around the bedroom, through narrowed eyes as my eyes felt assaulted by the light.

The bathroom door was open, telling me that he wasn't in there. Deciding to go and look for him, I pulled back the bedding and went to slide out the bed when my eyes landed on the information pamphlet the doctor had given me yesterday...

My eyes zoning in on the one word I hated. The meaning and motion of that word laying heavy on my soul.

My hand grazed my stomach instinctively before I realised, snatching it away, I frowned and got up.

Find Zak.

Find Zak.

Find.

Zak.

I went all over the house, in every damn bedroom, nook and crannies before I found him. His feet pounding the treadmill as he ran staring at the monitor in front of him.

In a pair of running trainers and shorts, he had ditched the shirt in favour of going topless. Letting the sweat roll down his skin as he puffed.

His head tweaked hearing me by the door, but he didn't stop.

"You're up early..." I spoke quietly moving into the garage.

His head lowered and he pushed the speed up. "I wasn't tired." He grunted back making me nod.

"Have you eaten?" I questioned whilst trying to work out how long he had been up for him to be this sweaty.

"Not hungry."

My shoulders sagged. "You should eat—"

"I said I'm not hungry!" He snapped pushing the tempo button again.

I watched the speed pick up and his body go from a light run to almost a sprint. His body began moving differently and his feet were struggling to keep up with the speed...

"Zak slow down."

His chest began working harder and a struggled look filled his face but before I could move, he snarled and pushed his head down.

The smashing of his feet were almost deafening.

"Zak, slow it down."

He ignored me again.

Worried for his safety, I went forward and reached for the low button when his hand shoved mine away.

"LEAVE IT!" He shouted.

My eyes flicked across his body and down to the treadmill. Do something!!

"No! Slow it down or I'll turn it off." I warned.

"Zak...."

"Zak."

"Zak!"

Screw this! 

I walked beside him and yanked the lead from the wall aggressively. Cutting the motor dead and causing Zak to fly off the treadmill.

My eyes nearly fell out my head as he went over and landed on the floor hard.

"Shit!" I cried falling to my knees to check if he was okay. Reaching for him, he shot away.

"Don't touch me!"

He got up hastily and walked off his limp as I stayed knelt on the floor.

"Why are you being mean?"

His eyes flew to me "Me?! Why am I being mean? Why am I not enough for you?!"

Shock hit me dead in the chest "What on earth are you talking about?" I asked getting up and walking over to the work bench he was sat on. "Of course you're enough! You're.. You're incredible, amazing and I don't deserve you! Why would ever think that you weren't good enough for me?"

He scoffed and looked up at my face "I'm not good enough to be a father."

Air left my lungs as his eyes showed pain and he lowered his head "That's why you're having an abortion. Isn't it?"

"N-no." I stuttered shaking my head. "No. That's not why I want this."

"Then what is it?! You were willing to do it with Cody! Willing to do it then but not now? Why not? I'm here!Living and breathing, Leah! Why can't you let me have the chance?!"

"But you never wanted kids. You... I.." I shook my head "It was different with Cody."

"How?" He questioned. "How was it different? I'm here, I can give you everything you want and more. You'll never have to work! I can support you... You both." He spoke glancing to my stomach.

"I... I can't."

"Why?!" He snapped angrily.

"Because I can't! I don't want this baby! I can't have this baby! You don't understand! I can't lose another baby! It hurts too much! After Amelia, I- I can't do it!" I cried.

"So, I don't get a say in the matter?" He asked looking at me. "I don't get a say on whether my baby lives?"

"It's not a baby. It's nothing right now."

He flew from his seat "Fuck you!" He yelled in my face making me gasp back a cry. "This is not just your decision! I want to try! I want to be a father! I want to—"

"It's not a video game Zak! It's a life!"

"That you're going to take!" He threw back.

"It's for the best..."

"For who? For me? For us? No.. It's best for you. Fuck what I want, right? Men don't get a say. Well you know what? If I could have that baby, if I could physically carry a part of you and me and have a baby. I would! And you know what that tells me?"

I shook my head.

"That I'm more committed to this than you are. You don't love me. You don't want me!"

"That's not tru—"

"Yes it is!" He shouted back making me lower my head.

"You know.." He continued with a lower voice making me glance up to him. "For the first time since starting this lifestyle, I want something, that I can't have. I want something, I can't buy. And I would... I'd buy it. Maybe I wouldn't be amazing at it, but I'd learn. I'd do everything I could to make that baby's life amazing..."

"Zak—"

"No... No don't you dare try and make excuses. You do whatever the fuck you've decided to do. I'll support you. But I'll tell you this, I don't condone it. It makes me sick!" He hissed before storming out the garage and slamming the door closed behind him.

A cry escaped my chest as tears began to stream down my face.

This was the start of it.. This was the start of my world caving in.