This. Was. Not. Happening.

Unable to think, I watched as Zak stepped back before marching around the car. His eyes fixated on me.

My hand shot out and hit the lock, sealing me in the car just as he pulled at the handle of the door. Aggravation bit at his features, his eyes blazed but instead of yelling. He closed his eyes, stepped back and took a breath.

"Open... The door."

Cool, calm, controlled..

I shook my head when he opened his eyes, denying his request, scared of what may happen if I did. I wasn't scared of Zak or what he might do. I was scared that the second I opened the car door, that all this was going to become real. Right now, this was all speculation, that I could be pregnant. That I could still deny that anything was wrong. I could lie through my teeth and fix a smile. Or at least I could.... Until Zak found me.

"Open the door Leah. Now." He spoke.

"I... I can't."

"Just use the fob and unloc—"

"No! No. I.." I trailed off and gripped the steering wheel under my fingers. He deserves better than this...

It's still salvageable.

Wrong! Everything you touch is ruined!

I brought my head forward and laid it on the steering wheel, accepting my fate that I have screwed up one of the best things in my life and I was about to lose someone all over again.

"Baby.. Open the door."

As a tear rolled down my cheek, my hand slid from the wheel and I opened the car door. Letting him in and preparing myself for the consequences.

His fingers removed the keys from the ignition before he crouched down and rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken them. I shouldn't have taken your car. I'm sorry. I just..." I shook my head and clamped my eyes shut.

"Cody doesn't want to see you–"

I fling myself back in the seat "Who says he was going to see me?!"

"Well that's why you are here... Isn't it?"

I shake my head "I just... I need to see that he's okay, to move on."

"But I thought you were moving on. What's happened since?"

"Nothing." I lied wiping my cheeks and grabbing my phone. "H-have the car. I need to go."

My body began working on its own accord as I got out and swerved past him, after deliberating in the car for so long. I was now putting myself in action.

Marching in, I went straight to reception, looking at the receptionist and her friendly smile. "How may I help?"

With my heart racing in my chest, I answered "I-I'm here to see someone. He was admitted a few days ago. His name is C-Cody."

.......

A nurse escorted me through the building quietly, speaking to me in a quieter tone in a hope that we wouldn't disturb anyone whilst they were here.

After finding out Cody's schedule and addressing my reason (in a fashion) for being here, I was allowed to go and see him.

"He's just in there." She whispered nodding to the window. I looked at her worried. "It's a one way glass, he can't see you."

With some reassurance, I approached the window and let my fingertips cling onto the wooden sill as I looked in to find Cody sat at the table. Upset crippled my heart as he was sat alone, looking at the table. He looked lost, broken and alone. Something my heart couldn't take.

This isn't right! This isn't right! He can't stay here! He's coming with m—

Before I could finish that trail of thought, a group of men around his age joined the table, one placing a cup down for Cody as he took a seat beside him, another sat and began dealing cards across the table whilst the others joked and laughed.

But what I noticed most of all was the light in Cody's eyes and how he was instantaneously happy at the company.

"W-who are they?" I ask glancing to the nurse quickly.

"They are veterans as well, they all understand each other and have so far build their own squadron. If you ask me, they are all as thick as thieves when together. Seems that you can take them out the forces, but never take the forces out of them." She smiled.

I turned back and faced the window, smiling as tears filled my eyes. "He's getting the help he needs though, yeah?"

"Absolutely. Leah, you are listed as his next of kin. He was very stern on that. I also have authorisation from Cody about discussing his medical information with you. If there's anything you're worried about?"

I shook my head "No. Not anymore." I replied as he laughed with his new squadron, slapping one of them on the back.

"It can be difficult to see them in this situation, it is often a last resort for most men. But I can tell you with an honest heart that Cody has strength in him. He may not know it yet, but he's going to leave here a better man."

I nodded "I can see that now. I just never got the chance to say goodbye. He didn't want that. But for me... I needed to see him. Just to be sure he's okay."

"That's understandable."

Bringing my fingers to my lips I pressed a kiss onto them before pushing my hand against the window. Taking big gulps of air, I stepped away from the window and wiped my face, trying to gain some control over what was happening here.

I now understood his reasons for not saying goodbye to me, it was painful, but I needed to do it. I needed to close the book on us, as a couple. We could still be Cody and Leah. But only as friends and there will never be a time when I turn him away. His name will always be tattooed across a section of my heart, he was my first love. He had given me a gift once upon a time too..

Once I knew I wasn't going to break down and sob like a child. I turned and faced the nurse. "I'm ready to leave now."

Leaving the centre, feeling a ton lighter, I slowly made my way up the path and was about to pull my phone from my pocket to ring a taxi when a familiar voice spoke.

"Need a ride?"

I looked up at Zak who was leant against his car, not an inclining of anger or hurt on his face. Just understanding.

A cry/ laugh escaped my chest. "Yes... Zak I'm sorr—"

"Shh. Let's just go home." He whispered brushing my hair behind my ears. "We can talk properly then okay?"

"R-really?"

"Of course."

I eyed him, waiting for the mask to slip, but when it didn't, I stepped back "But I thought... Why aren't you angry?"

He smiled softly "I am, but in my own way. I'm more upset that you went to this level, rather than talk to me... Leah I'm here for you. Okay?"

"But—"

"But nothing. Let's just head back home and have our own counselling session... Shall we?"

I nodded, as my face crumpled as emotions flooded my body at his kindness and understanding of everything. I wanting nothing more than to be able to lay in his lap and share my worries and fears, so long as I got to hold and keep him at the end.

"Good. Now get your ass in the car." He answered in slight jest.

I got in quickly, incase he changed his mind. Sitting silently, Zak slid into the drivers seat and started the engine. After reversing the car out the bay, he put it into drive before picking up my hand and threading his fingers through mine, giving a supportive squeeze.

I gave one back and sat silently as he drove us home, keeping my hand within his.

All the way.