Zak POV

I sigh gently, looking down at the woman whose idea of bed, was sleeping on the couch with what looked like my jacket draped over her shoulders.

My hand reached out and with my index finger, I gently removed a piece of hair that landed over her face. Giving myself an unhindered view of her perfect features.

She sighed softly at my touch and stirred gently before falling back to sleep. My eyes never left her face as I lowered myself onto the coffee table. Watching her sleep whilst I tried to calm the storm inside my body at what had just happened.

Looking down at my hands, I turned them over, finding blood.

The bowl of water from earlier was still sat on the end of the coffee table, so whilst she slept, I cleaned my hands off the best I could before disposing of the water and cotton balls.

Standing in the kitchen, I looked out the window feeling the turmoil setting into my gut.

She's going to have so many questions, questions I don't have the answers too. What if she takes it all out on me? Maybe she won't understand? But he asked...

"Zak?" Leah's small sleepy voice rasped making me spin instantly to stare at her as she rubbed her eyes.

"Hey sleepy." I whispered crossing the kitchen and pulling her into my arms.

With a grumble, she nuzzled into my neck, letting me inhale her scent. Letting me saviour it before everything goes to shit..

"You're cold." She mumbled rubbing her hands up and down my back trying to create a little warmth.

"I'm fine."

She pulled back and glanced up at me, her eyes still a little tired, her skin a little paler than normal from sleep. I smiled softly and soothed my hands over her hair and face.

"Did you find him?"

My heart sank but I nodded.

"Where was he? Is he.... Is he okay?" She asked cautiously.

"He was sat at the veteran memorial. Um.. Maybe uh, maybe I should get you a drink first, tea? Coffee?" I suggested trying to delay this a few more minutes. I had just got her back. I wasn't ready to let her go. I didn't want to let her go!

"Zak what's happened?"

Seeing her pleading eyes, I caved and guided her to the couch before gesturing for her to sit. Worried, she sank onto the couch, her hands held together.

"This is bad.. Isn't it? That's why you're making me sit down."

"It might be a shock..." I replied quietly.

She took a shaky breath before straightening her spine. "Okay. Okay I'm ready."

I wasn't..

"I found him at the memorial, he was upset. We talked, well he did most of it, I listened. About the war, about you, about how he felt."

"You're using past tense."

"What?" I ask looking up from her hands.

"You. You're using past tense and you can't look at me. Just tell me what has happened Zak because you're scaring me more."

"He got upset and he had his gun, I thought— I thought he was going to kill me. I..." I paused.

"Tell me exactly what happened. Because you trying to make this easier isn't working. I need the uncensored version Zak. Please. You owe me that." She whispered as her hands went to her mouth.

I nodded, agreeing that I owed her that. Clearing my throat, I wiped my palms across my jeans.

"He got up with the gun, he turned to me and asked me to do him a favour," I spoke as Leah took a breath. "He asked me before putting the gun to his head. He uh.. He pulled the trigger as I yelled at him to stop."

Her gasp broke my heart, but she needed to hear it all. She wanted to hear it all....

"But it just clicked. I.. I don't quiet know how or what happened but he just smiled before handing the gun over to me, before pulling all the bullets from his pocket. He gave me all of them, except one.. He said he is keeping it as a reminder. That he did the gun thing to make me realise how much I love you. That I do so much that I wouldn't want any harm to come to him because you care for him greatly."

"H-he's alive?" She stuttered. I nodded causing relief to wreck through her body. "Oh thank god."

I gave her a moment to process it all before I carried on.

"He asked me to take him somewhere.."

"Well where? Did you just leave him there? Is he okay?"

"He will be now. Yes."

She frowned "Now? I don't.. Where is he Zak?"

"He's in Henderson.. In a hospital."

She sat back "What? Well what kind? Is he hurt? Is it a medical hospital?"

"It's a psychiatric hospital."

Her face goes a shade of grey that makes my own face drain. The colour is frightening on her features and I don't know if she's going to flip out, explode or cry.

"It's a psychiatric hospital which help with PTSD. There is a 24 hour walk in. I took him and I stayed with him."

She shook her head "No. No... No he's not crazy. He's not. He just needs a little counselling. He doesn't need to be locked up. He's okay, you seen him... Okay not at his best but he's okay. He is. He just needs a little help."

"Sweet pea." I whisper reaching for her hand but she pulls her hands out of my reach.

"No, he's okay. I know he's okay." She answers, in full denial.

"He is sick. He knows he is sick. It was his idea—"

"But you didn't have to listen to him!" She snapped before burying her face into her hands.

"Leah. He needs more than just a little bit of help. I was there when he saw the first doctor. Baby, he's not well, at all. He's not sleeping. He's not eating."

She frowns "He is sleeping on the bedroom floor, of course he's sleeping! He told me—"

"He was trying to protect you. Worried in case anyone broke in. He wanted to be able to launch his attack first before anyone harmed you. He's laying there all night on alert."

"But... But I saw him eat!"

"He's bulimic..."

She shook her head at me "Why are you lying? He's been fine. He's..." she trailed off as realisation hits her tenfold making me grab her hand instantly. "Oh god.."

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

"H-he said it was just the taste of tomato. He said he didn't like it anymore and it reminded him of blood.. He... He was lying? Was that an excuse to throw it all up?"

"I don't know." I admit. "But he is sick."

"H-Henderson. Henderson you said right?" She asks making me nod. "Well I have to go there. I have to make sure–"

"No." I interrupt making her eyes flash to me.

"What?"

"He doesn't want to see you. He asked me to tell you everything and then tell you that he needs you to stay away. He doesn't want you to see him like that.. In there."

"No. No I'm not having that! That's not right! He needs support!"

"He has it." I answer tightening my grip on her hands. "He has it darling. But he needs to do this for himself. Not for you... He can't be given hope if there is none."

I reach up and swipe away a tear that rolls down her cheek. "You think I'd lead him on?"

"No, not at all. But I don't think he trusts himself to stay if he has to watch you leave. He didn't want to say goodbye because they make you cry. He just wanted to go and do this for himself. He didn't want to see you upset anymore."

It pained me to see her cry now, but I was strong, mentally stronger than what Cody was now. "But he has no things. No clothes." She points out.

"I got him everything he needed. The only thing he checked in with was his clothes and Amelia."

A sob leaves her chest and with a harsh tug, her hands leave mine. "This isn't right! No. I need to see him Zak! I need to go and make sure he's okay!"

"You can't.. Sweetheart. Please."

"You can't stop me!" She snaps as tears roll down her face.

"No, I can't. But he's requested nobody comes to see him. Nobody. Please respect his wishes."

"But how can I know if it's right for him?! We said we would get him help! Together! You went behind my back! Again!"

I lowered my head "I did. But this time, I'm not sorry."

Her eyes widen.

"I won't apologise for helping him out. He's desperate, Leah. You didn't see him at that memorial. You didn't see him put the gun to his head. He needed help and he knew where he wanted to go."

"But I haven't seen it!"

I pulled my phone out and wrote in the hospital before finding their website. "Here... It is right here. Look. Look at everything they do, and more. All new patients meet their assigned psychiatrist within 24 hours of their admission. Within 72 hours they have a case manager and primary therapist. This is one of the best programmes he can be on, Leah. Look, he gets to wear his own clothes, not white scrubs, he gets to interact with people of his own nature. People who are suffering too. Baby we can listen to him, but we can never understand what he is going through. We won't ever be able to deal with the horrors he has to."

"B-but what if they don't understand him?" She cries.

"They are trained to. They will know what to do.. They will be able to help him with his anger."

Her eyes flash to me as I nod. "I know he's hit you before. He told me and the doctor."

"He didn't mean too."

"I know. He said he woke up and you were stood over him with your hood up after coming in from the rain. He said he struck your cheek as he flipped out."

"It was my fault. I should have remembered.. It was a long time ago."

"It was still a turning point in his mind. "

She wipes her face. "W-well. Well he will need money won't he? So I need to get ready. I need to get ready and get a job because I said I would help. So I will pay for his treatment. I'll go back to the club, the pay is good and—"

"No." I answer. "You won't be going back to any club doing any kinds of shit like that."

"But his bill—"

"I paid it. In full. So that there is no hinderance to his care at all."

"Y-you did that for him?"

I shook my head. "No, I did that for you. Because I'm serious about this, us. Him getting help... I'm sorry you didn't get to say bye to him before he went in. But it was his one of his requests.."

"A-and the others?" She asks. "What else did he want?"

"He wanted you to move on and be happy. He told me to tell you how I feel and to get you out of this cycle you're in. Because it will make you sick too."

"I don't understand.." She replied shaking her head.

"I love you Leah. And I think you love me too. We've spent all this time, cloaking our love in lust and like because we are afraid of what might happen. But Cody, he makes sense. Why waste time? Life is precious and I want to spend as much as my life with you as you'll let me."

"But how can I be happy when he's in there alone? It's wrong."

I smiled gently and blinked away my own tears "He said you'd say that. But he told me to tell you that he won't be alone. He will never be alone, but that he's just joined a different squadron, only this time, the war is for his own mental health."

"You're upset..." She noticed.

"I'm not heartless, baby." I answered wiping my eyes quickly.

Leah launched herself into my arms and hugged me tightly. "Promise me he is safe."

"I promise you.."

Her arms tightened around my shoulders. "Now promise me we will be too?"

"You have my word."

"Thank you for everything Zak. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Then the gentlest whisper left her lips. "I love you."

••••••••••••••••••••

Shout out to all the readers who thought that the chapter was going to do dark! - I've created monsters! 🙊😈

An actual representation of me whilst writing this.

Okay there was more than that. But I made Cody. I grew him and I fell for him. He's now getting the help he needs. Now, excuse me whilst I go and eat my emotions.