Zak POV.

Of all the years I've lived alone, having women float in and flutter out, none of them had made and left an impact as hard as what Leah had...

Waking up in a silent home, knowing that I was alone, besides Gracie who was so independent that she only looked to me for food or the toilet, was hard.

I shoved the pillow with her perfume on aside after waking up to find myself hugging it, with a disgruntled noise, I rolled across the bed, picked up my phone to check to see if she had called.

She hadn't.

I don't know why I expected her to call me, I was the one who did her wrong. Even if I still like I was owed some kind of explanation.

Why didn't she tell me about the baby? I wanted to know everything about her and not because I wanted to control her. But because I care for her and if this caused her pain, I want to help her deal with it. In a healthy way.

I figured if I had proof, then she couldn't lie to my face, brush it off like it was nothing.

It was disheartening to think that she didn't tell me any of this, her past because she didn't trust me. But now I see that I couldn't be trusted at all, after blowing everything wide open.

Glancing at the other side of the bed, I frowned. My mind already replaying the moments I woke in the night, reaching out for her, only to find that she wasn't there and the nightmare was actually real.

I had hurt her.

My fingers worked of their own accord and a second later my phone was pressed against my ear. I waited, and waited and waited until the call disconnected.  I had to speak to her. Apologise. Beg for her forgiveness. I screwed up, worse than I ever have before...

...........

".... And then I called back, that's what she said!!"

Laughter flittered around the room as I looked at the water bottle in my hand. The crew had come over to keep my company, but I wasn't company to keep if I was being completely honest. They were all having a whale of a time, filling my home with laughter, all whilst I brooded in the corner. Just me and my water bottle.

"Hey Zak? You playin'?" Bacon asked gesturing to the pool table.

"Nah." I replied looking over to Gracie who was sat by the door, looking to go out. I got up and opened the door, allowing her to rush out into the garden, I followed behind her. Instantly checking the garden for any objects that shouldn't  be there.

Being on TV gave you a lot of things, fame, women, respect, money. But it also gave you haters and those kinds of people will do anything to get to you.

So throwing poison over my back fence wouldn't faze them, but it would kill my dog outright.

I'm sat on the garden furniture when I hear footsteps coming towards me.

"You liked her huh?"

I glance over at Billy who's holding his beer, figuring if I could confined in anyone it would be him, I nod.

"Then why are you sat here? Go to her man."

"I fucked up Bill. Really fucked up."

He shifted on his feet and eventually came over to join me, making my voice dip to give us some privacy.

"Then tell me what you did."

I repeated exactly what I had done and how it unfolded yesterday, and from the look on his face when I had finished, I knew he would be pissed too..

"What is mentally wrong with you?" He asked making my eyes snap to his face in annoyance. "I'm serious, you get something good in your life and you have to sabotage it. Every time man. What were you trying to punish her for? Having a life before you? Not telling you about something sensitive like that?"

I shrug.

"Dude. Can you imagine the pain she must have gone through? To... To be happy about a new life, something precious, for it then to be snatched away cruelly?"

My eyes land on the pool. "That's all I have thought about since she left."

"What did you want the outcome to be?" He questioned.

"I don't know.. That maybe I could help her?"

"You ambushed her bro. You backed her into a corner and threw her pain at her face. I understand you completely, because I've known you for so long. You have a good heart, but that was a bad move. An error of judgement. Hell I don't know. But it was stupid and reckless."

"I know."

"If you know, then why are you still sat here? What good is feeling sorry for yourself going to achieve?"

"I don't know Billy, that's why I'm still sat here. Like this!" I complain.

"How about doing something about it?"

"I've tried ringing her." I muttered.

"Ringing her? Hell no, this shit needs to be done face to face. Properly. You need flowers, you need chocolates and whatever else women like. You grovel, you crawl over hot coals and you let her lash out at you with everything she has until the pain eases. Or you leave her alone. For good."

"No." I reject.

"Then I suggest you start finding a way to fix things."

I mumble and grumble folding my arms.

"She doesn't want me anyway. She wants her ex."

"Really?" He asks incredulously. "Well that's alright then. Yeah just let her go if that's what you think she wants. I mean, don't put yourself out. I guess it makes sense in some weird way that you like her enough to push her into her exes arms."

The idea alone makes me angry.

"You don't think she's here for my money. Do you?"

Billy shakes his head. "No, bro.. The way she looked at you the other night? I'd say she was smitten and struggling with how to deal with any of it. You forget, you're not an easy person to read or deal with. Maybe it's because you've been hurt in the past, but I know she's happy with you and you are with her. So what if Bacon doesn't like her? He will get over it. He will see that you're happy and right now, that's all that matters to us."

"You're right." I sigh.

"Usually am. Now figure out what you're gonna say and hopefully that will be an apology. Then go and see her, over the phone isn't how you wanna play this bro."

I nod in agreement before he goes back inside.

Black heart and ugly soul.

I frown remembering her words, wondering if I did have those things. But what's really strange, is I have been called worse, but those words effected me more than the trolling or abusive I've received over the years. It was just five words but in that moment that cut me deep. Throughout the years, I've had my fair share of women blow through, leaving a trail of fire in their wake as they scream out of here, throwing insults at me, calling me things I knew myself to be. But I just deflected them. Until Leah..

Jeers filtered into the nights air from my home as the crew played pool and drinking beer. As I looked in seeing them smiling and laughing, a familiar feeling crept back in slowly. My skin began to itch and my blood began to thicken in my veins until I finally realised what it was..

It was the same feeling I had a few months ago. Before I met Leah. The same feeling I had when I stopped going to see her.

I pulled out my phone and looked for her number. My thumb hovering over the call button as I looked at the digits.

What if she's with him? What if they are together?

I shut my phone off and shoved it back into my pocket. Billy was right, I've pushed her into the arms of Cody. So why shouldn't I deal with the pain or consequences of that. I might have to face that I've just lost one of the best things in my life so far. All because I waded in with my size 11's. Trampling anything in my path, including her feelings...

••••••••••••••••

What is that feeling Zak has?

More of their story coming up, you'll see why he's fallen smitten & how important Leah became in such a short period of time..