When my eyes open the next morning, I do not come face to face with Rambo or my lounge, I find myself in bed alone, with no real idea on how I got here. A golden glow basks the bedroom, signalling the first light of the day and the eerie quiet that follows has my chest heave. I have no doubt that Cody has gone home, back to his wife.. I still get a bitter taste over that.

But as I swing my legs off the bed and stand up, I find a pillow at the end of the bed. I frown and slowly make my way to the end of the bed to find a small blanket folded neatly beside it.

So he stayed but slept on the floor? The blanket was folded and the pillow didn't look used. Perhaps he changed his mind then?

Shutting my own mind down, I left the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. My throat felt thick with sleep and the mere thought of a cold bottle of water sounded like heaven.

Snagging one from the fridge, I passed back through my home. Seeing no signs of Cody or our movie night last night and settling on the idea that he went home in the early hours.

Guzzling back half a bottle, I tossed it on my bed and went straight into my bathroom to shower, rubbing all remnants of sleep out of my eyes whilst hoping some serious hair conditioning could tame the chaos of my bedhead. When a yell in fright made my head snap up and my eyes widen in fear.

"Get out!!" Cody yelled trying to cover himself.

A towel was already around his waist, shaving foam was on one side of his face, the razor he had been using was somewhere in the room after he had thrown it. But my eyes zoned in on his as I froze. The look of terror in his eyes as he tried to cover his body had me confused.

"N-no." I stuttered.

It wasn't a no, I'm not leaving. It was a no for how he was reacting. This was Cody, the man who was never shy to stride about in a pair of boxers. Who had given my elderly neighbour a show once or twice, a old joke was that he caused her heart attack. Confident Cody..

"Please! Please, please!" He begged trying to hide himself behind a hand towel. Of all things.

I stepped forward, confusion still clouding my mind. My ears ignoring his protests until I stopped in front of him, seeing what he was hiding..

Silver streaks littered his body, some longer than others, some lines, some circular, dotted across his skin like...

My eyes moved to his face, which was downcast full of shame, that caused me to frown and instead of trying to make sense of it all, I gently took the hand towel causing his eyes to flash to mine.

"Plea-"

"Let me see them." I whispered, wrapping my fingers around the towel. Cody shifted on his feet before swallowing hard, his hand fell away from the towel, allowing me to hold it against his chest, until I was ready.

I didn't wait, I didn't do it slowly, I treated this like a bandaid. I ripped it off quickly, not that I was intent on being a heartless bitch, but prolonging his pain didn't seem fair.

My eyes landed on his torso, littered in the silver lines and circles. All different in sizes, some were higher than others, but they were all categorised the same..

Shrapnel scars.

Scars of the war, physically, emotionally and mentally. I heard once upon a time that no soldier went into the war and left the same. That each tour, something would happen that would scar them. Something would change their perspectives on life.

Forever topless, confident, beach and surf loving Cody was gone. Now was stood a man that was ashamed of his body. His scars. The same scars that he gained defending his president, his country. Our future...

My eyes moved from one side to the other, passing his silver tags that hung on his chest. The permanent reminder that he will always be a soldier was not only hung around his neck, it was now covering his body.

I opened my mouth to speak, feeling like I should be saying something but what could I say? They aren't noticeable? They are covering his torso.

That he shouldn't be ashamed of them?

He shivered when my fingertips grazed over the first ones, my eyes flashing to his face to make sure that it was okay. Me touching him was okay. But he didn't move or shove my hand away, he just stayed completely still.

I could no longer feel the warmth of the bathroom after he showered, the moisture in the air, the smell of his shower gel and hair shampoo. It had all just fizzled away, much like the shaving foam on his face. It was just us, me, him and the aftermath of war.

My eyes settled on his chains that were moving with his chest, reflecting the light above our heads.

The feeling of needing to say something was stifling, but how did I play this without upsetting him? Then I remembered something.

"Did you seriously sleep on the floor?"

His eyes moved back to mine, surprised that I had even started with a question like that. But there was relief in there and he gave me a small smile "I'm used to it. There was no California kings when we went on tour."

I returned his small smile "I wouldn't have minded.."

"I would have."

My mind stalled before it kicked back in. "O-of course. R-right cause of um.. Of Cassie." I took a step back from his body.

"Not because of Cassie. But because of you."

I frowned at him.

"I can't bare the idea of being allowed to hold you when you sleep and having to let you go when you wake." He admits.

The answer bubbles emotions up in me quickly and it's my turn to look away. My eyes find the razor on the floor and I reach down, picking it up before handing it back to him.

"Yours, I believe."

"Old times sake?" He asks making me look back up to his face.

"But I-"

"I trust you." He answers.

Nodding, I move to the sink, I rinse the razor and turn to pull myself up on the counter whilst Cody lathers up his face again. Once he's set, he standing in front of me, between my knees and braces his hands on each side of my body leaning in whilst I lift the razor up slowly and begin shaving his face. He tilts his head giving me more access as we go. Occasionally my eyes flicked up to check his, wanting to make sure he was still comfortable.

But somewhere along the line, my mind got lost. As I dragged the razor along his jaw, I found myself having time travelled, back to when it was us, in this home, planning a future. A family, a wedding.

He hissed, making me jump back from my mind to find that I had nicked his skin. "Oh god. Oh god I'm sorry." I panicked grabbing a face cloth and putting cold water onto it. I pressed it against the nick and waited patiently for it to stop.

"Where did you go? In your mind?" He questioned. Already revealing that he could still read me like a book.

"Back a couple years. When this was a daily routine."

He smiled slightly "I purposely refused to shave about two weeks after every tour because we used to play the shaving game."

I chuckled "You had some good designs."

"We had fun."

We had fun. We always had fun, until he would come home and tell me he was going away again.

My eyes danced across his tanned chest, speckled with silver.  I felt his cool breathy sigh against my warm skin. Taking hold of his tags, I fiddled with them whilst I waited for the blood to stop.

"I really want you to have them.." Cody whispered quietly making me glance back up to his face.

"But that...Cassie—"

"I don't love her, Leah. We both know it, like I know she doesn't love me. She will always belong to Trey."

"Why did you marry her then?"

"Honestly?"

I nodded.

"Because I couldn't have you anymore. We were lost, grief entwining us together. I felt lost, for once I felt like a lamb, not this big strong wolf that you always loved. I was lost and alone. Hurting and aching. Cassie was... She was there. It was wrong. But we both went along with it, what's the saying? Fake it until you make it?"

"That's no way to live."

"I know.. My only problem is, with you, I never had to fake it. Ever. If I thought cutting out my heart and giving it to you would show you how serious I am, I'd do it."

"That's really gruesome." I murmured.

"But it's the truth. I'd do it, give me a knife, give me a damn spoon and I'll show you. I...." He stopped and cranked his head to the side.

My eyes flickered across his face wondering what was going on, when my ears picked up the faintest beep.

"Is that your phone?" I questioned.

He nodded "Probably my mom."

I hum. "How are your parents?"

He shrugs nonchalantly "Wouldn't know. After I found out that they fed me that bullshit about you moving on, I went over there and told them that they are dead to me."

My eyes widened "Cody, you can't—"

"Why?!" He snapped making me sit back slightly. Seeing my unease at his abruptness, he stood back slightly, making my hand fall from his cheek. "This whole mess, all of it. Is because they couldn't keep their noses out. We could have been happy, you could have been pre-.." He pauses and looks down to my stomach.

"Life doesn't work the way we want. Life isn't something we can control." I answer quietly, breaking the tension.

"You know, I could do exactly that on tour. I did exactly that on tour. Controlled life."

"And look at how that has ended."

His eyes moved past me to look in the mirror, cocking out his chin, he inspected the small cut. "You've always had healing hands."

"I try my best."

He looks down at his "Mine were made for blood shed. Do you think we were always chasing a dream? I mean, you're a saint, me? Well..."

"You're not a bad man. If that's what you're implying. You did what you had to over there. To survive."

"There could have been an easier way, mediation or—"

"Talking whilst they throw their whole artillery at you? I'm no expert and I'm not trying to sound cynical but a bullet is a lot stronger than a word."

He nodded and sat on the edge of the bath. "But one word could stop a war... Ever thought about that?"

••••••••••••••••

Had to end the chapter there and give you all a little food for thought on that.

One word can start and it can also finish a war.

Two souls damaged & trying to find some healing.  Why am I getting the feels for Cody? Our suspected bad boy isn't at all what he seems.

Zak is making his return soon. Pinkie promise.