12 hours earlier..

My body forgets how to function as I stare at him. I'm not even sure my heart is beating in this moment. It's not possible. It's not possible... This is a dream.

"Hey sweetheart." Cody smiles stepping towards me.

I stumble back. "No. No. No. No. No I buried you.. This is a dream."

My hands slap over my eyes as I chant for myself to wake up, needing this to be over. Needing this dream or nightmare to end!

"It's not a dream." He speaks softly.

I pull my hands away and shake my head, whispering in disbelief. "No.... No."

My confusion, shock, upset, joy and anger blends into chaos. "NO!" I yell as he reaches for me. Slapping his hand away, I shove him away. "NO! NO! NO! NO!!!"

"Lamb.." He whispers making my heart break at the pet name he used to call me.

"NO!!" I scream hitting his chest and shoving him further away from me. "This isn't real! This isn't! I mourned you! I buried you! I died with you! You're a ghost!"

He grabbed my wrist and pressed his hand against my chest. "Do I feel like a ghost? Can't you feel my heart?"

My fingertips close over his thumping heart. "This isn't happening..."

"Lamb.. Please." He pleads as I break down.

"You can't be here. You're not here. What's happening?!" I cry at him, my lungs fight for air as I expel everything from my body.

"I am. Sweetheart look at me."

I shake my head and try retracting my hand. At first, I fail but after the third attempt he lets my wrist go, letting me snatch it back.

"Leah–"

"Get out. I don't care where or who or why! Get out!"

"You're in shock." He speaks lifting his hands in defence, but I can't stand to see him stood there. I freak and run to the bedroom, shutting myself in it. Looking at his things, his clothes still sat on the chair, his cologne bottles still sat on the dresser, his ties still hung in the wardrobe and I knew... I knew his toothbrush still sat beside mine.

A sob escapes my throat as I slide down the door holding my chest at the pain inside me. I can't cope with what's happening around me and if I died in this moment? It would be a welcome development because life had just kicked my fucking ass.

••••••

I'm sat on the bed, surrounded by photos of us, reliving our memories, remembering better times, when he opens the door gently and pokes his head around.

"Can I come in?" He asks softly.

I shiver and wipe my eyes, my other arm still clutching his pillow. "H-how?"

The smell of coffee hits my nose as he walks in and sets it onto the bedside table. "Drink it whilst it's warm. There's some whiskey in it too... For the shock."

I shake my head "I-I can't."

"You need to." He soothes picking up the cup and bringing it to my lips. My face crumbles and I begin to cry again causing him to set it back.

"I don't understand."

"I know darling. I know. I'm so sorry for all of this."

"But you... I... You are dead."

"I'm dying, yes. We all are. Every single day. But I am not dead yet."

"But you got buried. You had the guns and the flag..." I insist.

"I need you to drink some of this and I'll then explain."

I choke a sob and sip at the coffee as he brings it to my mouth again. The liquid is scolding hot and I whimper as it slides down my throat.

"Can I touch you?" He asks.

"I'm scared." I admit.

"I know." He places a hand on my knee and looks at the photos of us "You kept them all. I saw them and the clothes when I came in. It's like I never left."

"But you did. You left me.."

"I didn't mean to. Sweetheart, I need you to listen to me very carefully okay?"

My eyes look at him retracing every little pore and hair on his face. The colour of his eyes and the smile. That smile...

"When we go on tour, we are given dog tags.."

I nod. Remembering the days he would come home with them still on, how he kept them on even as we made love. How I would hold onto them afraid that if I let go, he would slip through my fingers for several months again.

"We were out of base. On foot in the real bad parts of Israel. What you see on the news? That's Disney land compared to what we were in... We got ambushed. Our squad and two kids. Two kids that were we trying to get out of the no man's zone. We went from 8 to 3 in a matter of an hour. I thought that was it, I thought that I'd never get home. So I took the dog tag from my boot and gave it to Trey, who shoved it into his boot. Told him to get back to base, alert the proper channels, but to send my tag back to you... I thought I was going to die and I didn't want to leave you with nothing. I wanted you to have a piece of me, always. But it was a set up. The two kids, they were working with the rebels who shot them both down like stray animals. My other tag was torn off in the struggle. I don't know how but Trey got away. Only he never made it back to base. They.... He died so painfully." He stopped to shake his head as emotions flooded his face.

"I still hear him. His screams. Still see the flames. I still smell the smoke and I'll never forget how they sent him back. In a body bag, charred, all they had was my tag.. They thought it was me. That was until I was left with Wally, tied up in a cage in the middle of the fucking desert. I... It's so good to see you."

I shake my head "But all this time."

"The last 6 months I've been back here. With investigations and the exhuming of the grave. I had to go through therapy and I thought you'd have been there when my parents came but you never were.. I guess they forgot to tell you."

"I.. We haven't spoken since your funeral. They.." I shook my head.

"I saw the flag. I told my mom that it should have been given to you. I'm so sorry you had to endure that." He answers.

"But you.. I don't understand how this is happening."

"I know it's hard. It's a lot to get your head around, but I owed it to you. I had to come and see you. Face to face."

"I've been so lost without yo—" I pause when I see the band. "What the fuck is that?"

He removes his hand from my knee and twists the band on his wedding finger. "Um."

"Is that a wedding band?! I- Are you kidding me?!"

"It happened so fast. I... We were grieving."

"We?!"

"Cassie.. Trey's girlfriend. I... This is so fucked up." He whispered turning away from me as I looked at him in horror.

"You got married to his girlfriend?!"

"I promised I'd look after her and TJ. He never got to meet him. I wanted to keep my promise but things got clouded and you never showed so I thought we were over but..."

"But I didn't know. I... I'm going to be sick."

Less than a second later, I throw myself off the bed and have my head down the ensuite toilet, throwing up everything in my stomach until I dry heave.

When I feel that it's safe, I slowly make my way back into the bedroom to find Cody looking at our photos. "I remember this day.."

"Do you love her?" I ask.

"Leah..."

"Do you?" I push.

His head lowers and he nods "I don't know how it happened.. I'm so sorry."

"Are you happy?"

"I wanted you. So fucking bad. It hurt."

"I know it does..." I whisper wiping my eyes as fresh tears roll down my cheeks.

He gets up slowly and looks down at me. "Just say the word.. Tell me you want me Leah."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Because what? You'll leave her? Destroy her life and his son's? For your own gain? You married her Cody. You married her and not me! I loved you first! You were mine and I was yours! You were my everything!"

"I know! I know and I'm so fucking sorry!" He exclaims grabbing my hands but his skin alone makes me cringe.

"No." I reply taking my hands away "Please, don't touch me. I can't stand it. How could you do that to me? To us?"

"I thought..."

"You thought wrong!" I cried. "Just get your things and get out."

His face drops "Lamb, please.."

"Don't lamb me. You put me through all this? You didn't think about me when you were with her. You didn't think of me when you promised to love and cherish her! I don't think I can bare you anywhere near me. So just go."

He steps back. "This is the shock talking. I get that.. But I want to come back tomorrow. To talk. Can we?"

"What else is there to say? You left me."

"Let me come back tomorrow when this has had time to sink in. Please believe me when I say, I had no idea that you were kept in the dark. I thought you moved on, so I left you alone. It hurt, but I wanted you to be happy. But if I knew... I would have came home to you." He insured.

I didn't say another word as he slowly left, leaving me alone and cold again. It wasn't until the door clicked shut behind him, that I hit the floor and began crying all over again. Confused as to why this was happening to me.

Confused as to why, my fiancé had just walked back into my life, how I should be over joyed, blessing gods and throwing myself into his arms. But I wasn't.. Instead, all I wanted was another man.

I wanted him to hold my hand and tell me things were going to be okay. I wanted my safety harness, my comfort blanket, my life buoy. I wanted one man who made all the chaos stop. The one who kissed my forehead and played with my hair. I didn't want Cody anymore...

I wanted Zak.

••••••••

True to his word, he showed up at 9am. Far too early for a house visit, but not too early for someone who has been up all night crying, screaming and falling into a trance. I was exhausted, my mind was shattered.

He stepped through the door with a baby blue button down on, my favourite colour on him, because it accentuates his eyes which always shone. But this morning they didn't. They looked duller and I couldn't decide if that was due to tiredness, what he experienced or if he knew what was happening here.

"Did you get any sleep?" He asks softly making me shake my head.

"I.. I couldn't." I reply

"I understand, I couldn't either." He slides into the seat opposite me looking over me as still, I'm sat here clutching his pillow. Just for some sanity, although me hugging a pillow isn't giving me much sanity right now.

"You could hug me instead of that pillow, you know?"

I shake my head "No, because it makes this real and it makes letting you go again even harder. No.."

"Leah, I never meant to hurt you. Never.. Lamb you don't have to let me go. I want to stay—"

"You can't. You have a duty to her and that little boy. You made those vows, you will stick to them."

"But seeing you, seeing that what I was told was wrong..."

"What? Makes you entitled to come back? It doesn't. You can't step back into your old life after creating a new one. You had chance to come back. To me and explain to me what happened! 6 months ago I wouldn't have thought twice about it! But now? Now I can't.."

He shifts in his seat "But why? What's changed?"

"Me. I've changed." I reply.

"I-is there someone else?" He asks glancing away from me.

"You have no right to ask that."

"I know..."

I rise from my seat with shaky legs. "I don't know why you're back here. Maybe this is some sick twisted mind game? I don't know.. But I have to do things today. So if you'll excuse me. I need to shower."

He nods.

I spend almost an hour under the shower head, numb of all emotions, trying to wash myself and clean my hair when all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep. Getting out, I change into my clothes and half dry my hair before making my way out the bedroom with my packed suitcase.

Cody stands up instantly "Where are you going? Don't leave."

"I have to be somewhere, like I said. You're welcome to stay here, live in the tomb of our life we once shared. Like I have for two years, mourning you. You know where your clothes are." I finish, not letting him have a chance to add on to that as I leave my home quickly.

••••••••••••••

Present.... Zak's house.

I nuzzle into his neck, inhaling deeply at the cologne he always wore. Letting the pulse in his neck throb against the bridge of my nose.

"I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that, and now this. It's not right." He whispers rubbing my back.

"I needed our counselling time." I reply quietly.

His hand runs down my spine again "We can forget this arrangement, you don't have to do this. We can—"

"No." I interrupt sitting up to look at him. "I don't want to and it's not because of the money. I want to be here... If that's okay?"

A smile pulls on his lips "Of course it is."

"Really?"

He nods "Absolutely.. I mean, it's not every day I get told there's a zombie Ex walking around."

And just as easy as that, saying something that seems so inappropriate, he makes me laugh.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Oh! Hot damn! We didn't expect that!

Happy Sunday everyone! Have this update early 🙊

Big shout out to my girl ChasingShadows89 , who allows me to bounce ideas and create story plots with! Without her input and persuasions on ideas & updates, you would all be waiting for me to get a move on 🙈

So what's next?

Ace struck Leah.. Is that finished?

Cody is back. (Finally settled on his name, I know. I know)

And will Leah finally break her two years of mourning for a man who... Well he started a life with someone else!

Psssst... New character coming in soon.  Sh*t is gonna hit the fan!