2 year ago...

The blazing sun shone down on the small gathering. Two sections of chairs had been set out on the grass, a small aisle left in the middle of both. I didn't glance around, I kept my eyes fixated on the front. I ignored the feeling of my blood boiling within the confines of my skin and keep my eyes ahead. My eyes fixed on his photo...

His smile. His beautiful, beautiful smile looks back at me. His eyes light and beaming.

My nails dig into my palms as I clench my fists tightly, determined not to break. But it's only when I see the casket being carried in that I allow the first tear to shed.

Sobs echo around me, cries and hushed whispers trying to comfort others can be heard as 6 guards in full uniform gently place him down before they began their full military funeral. 

I couldn't believe it... I still refused to believe that he was in there. That a man with such love and kindness was being laid to rest. How such a big part of my life could be put into one casket when in all honestly? One was not enough.

Since the knock arrived on the door, I had been in a downward spiral. I cried, sobbed, screamed, and bellowed. My heart felt like it had been crushed within my chest, left to blacken and rot. That my blood had solidified at my feet. How could he be gone when I still felt him at home?

Each shot that rang out from the rifles transported me back to a time where we were happy. A time where we laughed and loved together. Where I held him against me and beamed with pride. How I accepted his proposal in North Dakota, after a beautiful week away in a log cabin, immersed in nature and each other.

The service continued, the pastor said his words, talks about his life, his ambitions, his family and his fiancée, me. He spoke as if he knew him, but he didn't. They didn't know him like I know him. They didn't know that he wanted to leave, that he struggled with the aftermath of conflict every time he came home. How he had nightmares and sometimes woke up covered in sweat! They didn't know him!

The shades on my face covered the sore eyes, the same eyes that I had supported every damn second since I had found out that he wouldn't be returning home back to me.

The flag was folded, neatly, precisely and then walked towards me. My chest began to hurt, the pain made me want to get in the casket with him. To be buried with him because that's where my heart was going. Then the final blow came.

When the officer passed me and knelt before his mom. Why? Because I wasn't his wife. I bit my tongue and tasted the copper that filled my mouth as I prevented myself saying something. This was not about me. This day was not about me. It was to say goodbye to a decent and honourable man that I will miss, forever!

But they had struck a cord, his family had started the flame that burned away at my soul. They had done this in spite of me, always claiming that I was never good enough for their boy. But I never thought they could be this vindictive.

This was them telling me that I was nobody to them.

Not now he was gone.

•••••••••••••••

Present day...

I thought back to a time when this lifestyle was a million miles away, that this was something that happened to other people, not me... But here I was, wondering who the hell this guy was and whether I should go through with it or not. $2000 was a large amount of money for 15 minutes and for someone in my profession? It was easy money. But my conscious wasn't allowing me to even consider it. Because 15 minutes is nothing, not really. But living with the knowledge that I sold my own body for sex will haunt me for the rest of my days. I know it will.

But why hadn't I told Ace no? Why after Zak left and insulted me with money had I not walked back into club and told him to shove the offer?

And the answer? I had no idea.

Seeing Zak walk away hurt, but for him to pay me off and degrade me to feeling like a hooker stung. Already giving me an insight as to what is to come. Which is probably why I still hadn't answered Ace or seen hide nor hair of Zak.

Maybe he listened? Maybe he wasn't coming back? A part of me hoped for it to be true, because then my decision would be easier. I would do it. I'd sell myself like some low rent hooker, and why? Because I had nothing else to lose. I wouldn't have to see the disappointment in Zak's face when he realised that I had done it. 

Whilst another part of me hoped he would come back, and that part of me was telling my mind 'No' not to cross that line because once you do, it can never be undone. I didn't want to disappoint or let him down.

To try and ease my mind about the situation, I had watched Pretty Woman, but I wasn't Julia Roberts, there was no Richard Gere coming to save me. If I did this than I was alone, much like I am now.

"Leah!" Ace snapped making me jump. I almost dropped the beer bottle in my hand but managed to salvage it before it smashed on the bar. "Where's your head at?"

I shifted on my feet.

"I don't know why I'm even asking. Listen. You and Patience are going with Candy to this.." He slid a leaflet across the bar. "I hope you've waxed."

Looking down at the leaflet, I saw the words and internally groaned. POOL PARTY!

"Go there, look happy and hand out cards. Do some PR, give head before I give a shit, just get more clients in this club." He demanded before walking off and barking orders at the other girls.

Snatching the leaflet off the bar, I screwed it up and threw it in the bin, glaring daggers at him as he sauntered off.

"If looks could kill..." Patience spoke appearing beside me. Her hand held up my bag and I begrudgingly took it. "Bikini is inside, we will get changed on the way. Chop, chop." She smiled before tottering off.

The ride over to the party was something else. We changed, prepared and arrived at the party in perfect condition.  Patience supported a small red bikini that barely covered her boobs and rode up her ass. Candy wore a off white bikini that illuminated against her beautiful dark complexion and I was in a black one. Matching my hair and my mood.

"Cheer up! Free drinks & business what's not to love?!" Candy asked grinning.

"Is this really want we have to look forward too? Poaching at a pool party with guys that would barely cover the entrance fee?" I ask.

"Ignore her, she's pissed that her boy hadn't come back. I haven't seen him either, did you break up?" Patience questioned.

"We weren't together. He was a client."

"A wealthy one..." Candy sniggered.

"It's not about money."

"It's always about money." She deadpanned.

I shook my head and looked away "You're wrong.."

"Sure thing kitten." She replied as we left the car.

Music filled the air as we entered through the side of the building. With night slowly falling, small lights had been turned on around the pool side whilst the pool itself glowed. Hundreds of people had turned up, filling almost every available space on the ground and the pool as they laughed, drank and frolicked.

"So what is this place? Hotel? Some type of club?"

"Hotel. Their annual pool parties are phenomenal, drinks are cheap, standards are low and we have the bodies and the sexual pull to make men part with their hard earned cash whilst we shake our asses." Patience explained.

"And fight off any competition." Candy added before hissing at two women who were watching us carefully.

"I feel like I've walked onto the set of Bring It On.." I replied. With I sigh I added "Let's just get these cards handed out."

Patience handed me a small stack of cards before slapping my ass "Go get them tiger!"

Rolling my eyes, I headed off with a fixed smile and a little money to buy myself a drink or two.

Slipping around the swimwear cladded bodies, I grinned and winked at specific men hoping they'd take the bait and come over. Always looking for the ones that looked over the age of 25, free and slightly intoxicated.

I kept my hands free by tucking the cards into my bikini top and joined the dancing, waiting for some poor sucker to take pity on me and buy me a drink.

......

After distributing all the cards I had, I found myself enjoying the party, occasionally I'd bump into Patience or Candy who would ask for my opinion on a guy or sometimes a girl before dancing away again.

Every guy that offered me a drink, I accompanied to the bar, to make sure I didn't get roofied and I knew the girls well enough to know that they would be doing the same.

Dancing in my own little bubble, I heard a loud pulse of laughter fill the air and followed it, to find out who was having an even better time and if I could join when I paused...

Candy was stood beside a girl as she shook her ass and tried to twerk but failed most likely to the amount of alcohol she had consumed. But it was the people stood behind Candy that I looked at.

The group of men, all donned in black clothing were sat on the large grey couches beside the pool, giving them an almost small V.I.P area where women were slowly sauntering past to try and gain their attention. And whilst I had no clue who the others were, I knew one.... Zak.

I watched in horror as Candy handed out the cards to the group. Each one taking the card before looking back at her. One man who was stood with Zak on the night he left, glanced in his direction and fanned himself with the business. Zak on the other hand tossed it onto the table and picked up his beer and took a mouthful looking away.

Chewing the inside of my mouth, I watched as Candy sat herself between Zak and another man, her eyes batting up at him and her hand touching his knee. He gave a tight smile and slowly shifting himself in his seat, removing her hand discreetly in the process, making my own pride swell a little. When she tried again, Zak made the same move again, giving me a little hope that he wasn't completely disgusted in me or what I do. Who was I trying to kid? He was probably terrified that he would catch something.

But I was clean. 100%. Hell I can even get proof!

When Zak didn't play ball, Candy turned to her next victim and turned on the attention. I sighed as I looked at Zak, his phone in his hand as he spoke quietly to one of his friends, having a laugh and smiling.

My own lips formed and before I knew it, I was walking over there.

My feet edged closer and I wanted nothing more than to slip onto his lap and nuzzle into his neck, where I knew I was welcome. Or was once welcome.

I stopped and went to backtrack when I bumped into Patience.

"Nu-uh. You're not running. Ace told me about your buyer. $2000 is a lot."

My heart sank as I tried to gauge her reaction, but I couldn't work out what mood she was in or how she was taking this. Patience worked her ass off and as far as I knew, had never been offered money like this. Yet here I was being a spoilt bitch about it.

"Patience, I—"

"Listen. Ace isn't always right you know." She started making my words pause. "Just because a guy sees everything when we strip, does not give them full access to any other part of our body. There's a difference between looking and touching. What we do can be dangerous, but before you give Ace your final answer on this deal. Ask yourself if you are mentally prepared for it. Because that's a line you can't go back over, Leah.."

"I know.." I murmured.

"And I bet he wasn't happy when he found out?"

"That's why he left."

She nodded "You know, Ace didn't like it when I started doing it. He got uptight about it all, but then he realised that he couldn't stop me, but could control the guys that came into the club. I had one bad incident before Ace took over. I'm not saying he is a saint Leah, I'm just saying that he will look after you and not place you in harms way.."

"It sounds like you and Ace—"

"Were a thing?" She guessed making me nod. "We still are. Not all open relationships end badly."

"I was never with Zak."

"But you wanted to be... I seen the way you look at him." She countered making my objection fade.

It was true, a part of me had grown too fond of his company, his kindness and his soul. Not to mention how much I missed him. Every night since he had left, I had waited for him to come back. Hoping he'd walk through the door with a shy smile and give me an opportunity to take him aside where we could exchange apologies. Because I felt I owed him one as much as he owed me one.

But there was one overhanging cloud... What do I do about Ace? Because he was determined to stop Zak coming by all together if I didn't play ball.

Tell him then.

My mind mentally froze as the voice didn't sound like my own. But someone else's..  It made me look around, to find the face of the voice owner, when I knew, deep down, it was impossible..

I closed my eyes, savouring that little moment, before taking a breath. I opened my eyes, I jumped back in surprise to find Zak stood in front of me.

"Thought I recognised those curves.."

"Zak." I breathed with relief that he actually wanted to speak with me. That I didn't have to fight for a second of his attention or face the sniggers of his friends. This was just me and him.. Like it always had been.

"Hey sweetie."

••••••••••••••••••••••

Sorry updating took so long, mental block. (Sorry if it sucks guys. Although the flashback doesn't. Just the rest.) Plus the weather has been suuuuper hot in the U.K. This week &a because I'm saving for America, I've chosen to stay home to save some 💵💵 whilst everyone else goes to Europe.

(So I'm gettin that Vitamin D now! 🌞🌞)

Fact: I cried writing that flashback and researching military funerals. You Americans show your appreciation for soldiers and veterans so beautifully when they pass.

Love to you all!