REID GRITS HIS TEETH as a hand slides down his flank, and then, fingers curl around his inner thigh. He grips the railing, and the wood groans. He's light-headed.

He wants the voices to be quiet. He's separate from the dark melody, but also not; they're him, singing his most deranged thoughts, and he doesn't want to give in because giving in means he's lost.

He grabs the fingers covering his mouth, pulling them away with some strain, and rasps, "We're not good for each other."

The palm sliding up his neck and tipping his head back against a hard shoulder has him letting out a long, shaky exhale.

Lucas's fingers move to Reid's joggers, grazing slowly. "Let me show you—" He pulls the drawstring loose. "—how good we are for each other."

The graze of cold fingers on his skin shivers. He takes hold of Lucas's wrist, squeezing. The sharp inhale of pain against his ear has him whispering harshly, "I said, no."

He wants this. He does, but he can't have it. Not when he's hearing voices and the thought of ripping into Lucas's throat is becoming just as enticing. It's taking every bit of willpower he has to not give in.

The chest flush with his back rises in one deep inhale, then another. His limp fingers are at the mercy of Reid's harsh grasp, but the waver in his voice isn't from pain; there's a deeper emotion there that aches Reid's heart: "Are you serious? I can't fuckin' tell. I can't....please."

Lucas doesn't wait for Reid to reply, laying rough kisses up the column of Reid's neck, making him dizzy. "I love you." His free hand cups Reid's cheek, trying to force his head to turn towards the mouth that's surely waiting to claim his again. "I fuckin' love you."

Reid's breath hitches. Lucas loves him?

The pebbles of unease have become a landslide that he's close to being crushed willingly. Love, really? Lucas really loves him?

His heart is beating reverently, and at the same time, his stomach is churning with dread, realizing how much he wants that to be true. His head is a mess. He doesn't know how to feel about this, but he does know they can't do this right now.

"Lucas, stop," Reid whispers shakily, even though that's the last thing he wants.

He doesn't expect his words to be listened to, and he's not. His cheek is kissed, his neck, and his ear is bitten hard enough to make him flinch, and hiss cold air through his teeth.

The voices have quieted. Usually, pain is the only thing that's worked to rid him of their deranged song, but now they're gone. And he realizes that he's not giving in to his vampiric impulses. Is that what awakens them?

How funny. He's suddenly decided to stop being a complete idiot. He has no idea why, just that he really likes Lucas; he's a good friend that Reid doesn't want to lose, and he might really love Rowan. He doesn't want to hurt either of them. He's not mentally sound enough to handle this. Not since that bathtub. He will hurt them both if he doesn't back off.

Wow. He's being super-rational. When did that happen?

He's breathing heavily, his lower stomach squashed into the edge of the railing, and Lucas, overwhelming with only one hand, is slipping his fingers under Reid's shirt and his damn mouth, smearing spit across sweaty skin and biting, enticing the basest of Reid's instincts.

When a shiver has his grip loosening, Lucas's hand slips from his hold to slide beneath his waistband. It takes great effort, but he forces clarity and lays a palm on Lucas's thigh, shoving with intent to force the man away.

The resistance Lucas gives hastens Reid's already rapidly beating heart. He pushes harder, and then there's an arm around his chest.

He's losing himself to the hand that's groping him rough enough to hurt, but he's strung out, wanting, and the pain is lost behind pleasure.

The railing he holds with shaking fingers splinters, and he gasps on thin breath, "Fuck."

There's no answer except harsh breaths in his ear and more passion in the hand that's making him bite back groans. The roughness of the calloused fingers teeters on hurt and mind-numbing pleasure.

He's so close to giving in, but he struggles anyway.

And a hand grabs his elbow, trying to pin his arm to his chest, and a hard body shoves against his back to subdue him.

He nearly screams.

He remembers Kenneth, the sparring, and tosses an elbow back. Lucas is staggered, just enough for Reid to turn and push the man away with a harsh shove to his shoulder.

They stare at each other, wide-eyed, as the world comes crashing back down with a rumble of thunder and a spark of lightning to brighten the dark sky overhead.

A light rain breaks through the dark, churning clouds overhead. Pattering against the deck softly.

Lucas is breathing heavily and chokes out, "Fuckin' why?"

"Why?" Reid replies winded. He leans an elbow on the railing, needing support as he calms his breaths. He closes his eyes, feeling like his energy is sapped. "You just said—those three words, that's why."

"What was all of this, then? A fuckin' game to you?"

The emotion in Lucas's voice has Reid's eyes opening. He takes in Lucas's fallen expression and nearly lies just for a chance to rid the man of the slight quiver in his mouth.

He doesn't lie; he says, "The motel. I had just seen my mother's killer, and fuc—I'm messed up. I don't know what this is. I never did. I never asked you to kiss me." He inhales, his face flushing with humiliation. "The belt. That was what Gabriel..."

Lucas turns away and rubs his mouth. He goes through shades of emotion. Reid watches warily, anger in the deep rise of his broad chest, despair in the wither of his expression, and then acceptance in the slump to his shoulders.

Once he's done his mental freak-out, he looks at Reid, eyes desperate, and says softly, "It's fine."

"It's not."

Lucas nears. "It is."

"It's not," Reid whispers miserably. He lets Lucas lay his palms on his biceps and squeeze gently. Staring up into Lucas's eyes and seeing the emotion the man is trying to hold back with a gentle smile, Reid finds the courage to admit, "I'm not...dealing with the vampire thing well."

"I know."

"No. I'm scaring myself."

"How can I help you?"

"Stay away," Reid says, and when Lucas's touch falls away, he adds hastily, "For now. Stay away. Until I can get a handle on everything, once we're not fighting for our lives, let's talk. Talk." He laughs a little. "We don't do that enough."

Lucas leans his lower back against the railing with a defeated exhale. "Yeah." He runs his fingers through his rain-dripping hair and, with a slant of his gaze, whispers, softer than the stormy wind, "I'm sorry for..."

Rain drips down Reid's face and catches on his lashes. He could step under the overhang near the door and block the falling droplets, but he feels lanced into stillness by Lucas's intense gaze. "It's fine."

That was the wrong thing to say. Reid knows he's messed up when Lucas's expression twists.

Lucas shifts, leaning his forearms against the damp, and hangs his head. "Fuckin' no, it's not fine."

"I..." Reid's heart hastens. "You said it was fine."

Lucas looks at him, and there's a deep weariness in the man's gaze. "You said stop, Love. The vampire shit, that's fine, growing pains or whatever." He rubs a hand over his face. "But this shit, it's not fine."

Reid moves closer to the railing and admits softly, "I didn't hate it."

"I would have kept going if you didn't push me away."

Flushing despite the chilly rain dampening his skin, Reid gestures with a hand to the traitor in his joggers, who's still very much on board with what had nearly happened moments ago. "I wasn't that opposed. It wasn't...I could have pushed you away at any time."

Lucas looks, and looks, long enough for Reid's face to flare hot. He says gruffly, "You don't know what you want."

Reid snorts. "You sound like Kenneth."

"He's fuckin' right."

"Shut up. I know what I want. I don't need to be coddled. Not by you."

Lucas takes him in with a lingering sweep of his dark eyes, and then, with a long inhale, he averts his gaze to the darkened tree line. "This shit needs to be spoken about beforehand. That means boundaries and hard limits. A safe word. I knew that. You didn't. You'd let me do anything I want, treat you any way I want, and that's not fine."

Silence stretches while Reid flounders on what to say. How can he explain what he's feeling for Rowan and that she's making him want a future, filling a broken piece of him that he didn't know was empty? How he doesn't want to hurt Lucas by making him something to hide behind closed doors? How the thought of Asha and her sad eyes ache his heart with so much guilt that he's afraid he'll be consumed?

And how can he voice the certainty that he's being utterly selfish by letting his gaze flicker to the man's mouth? He's turned on by the fantasy of Lucas giving him no choice but to take what the man gives until there's nothing left. He'd let Lucas mould him into that man who deserves the worship Lucas gives him. But he knows that would destroy them both.

Reid could love him, but not like Lucas deserves, and that is all that matters.

But then, his racing thoughts blank when Lucas says hoarsely, "I'm done."

Reid feels sick. "What?"

Lucas looks at him, anguished. "You said it before; I make you feel on the edge of something you won't come back from. It's the same for me. I'm not this guy anymore. Years ago, it wouldn't have mattered.

"I would have ruined you and not lost a moment of sleep over it, because you'd be mine." He sucks in a sharp breath and chokes out, "I don't want whatever this is. Shit. I love you; I meant that, but I don't want to hurt you. I can't."

"But—"

Lucas growls, "Don't you fuckin' dare. I said, I'm done." His gaze softens at Reid's flinch, and slowly, he lays his palms on Reid's rain-damp cheeks. "If you tell me there's a chance..." His lips quiver. "Don't do that to me. Tell me there's nothing between us. Tell me that this won't ever happen. Please."

Reid blinks against the burn, taking his eyes. "This..." He forces the words past his constricting throat. "There's nothing between us." He lays his fingers over Lucas's hand, feeling the man's tremble, and clutches tightly, squeezing. "This won't ever happen."

Lucas smiles miserably. "Thought that would hurt less, but no, fuckin' kills." His hands slip away, and Reid feels their loss all the way to his aching heart. Then after a lengthy exhale, Lucas mumbles, "Get some sleep. You look exhausted."

Reid's throat burns. "Yeah..."

Lucas makes for the door with the slow gait of a man who's on his way to the gallows.

"Wait," Reid blurts, and Lucas pauses near the door, holding the knob loosely. "Are you, uh, going to leave?"

"What?"

"We need you..."

"Fuckin'..." Lucas hangs his head. He rubs his eyes with his palms. "No. I'm not going to leave. And the fact that you think I would if you didn't...screw off."

Reid chokes, "Fuck, Lucas, I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Whatever."

The sound of the door opening, the creak of the loose tile that's beneath the mat as Lucas steps inside, and then, shutting with a soft click comes from afar, background noise to the heavy rain that is suddenly battering the roof.

He doesn't go inside, even though the stormy air is cold and he's shivering in his wet clothing. 

He slides down the wall, his legs feeling weak.

What the hell just happened?

He thumps his forehead against the damp railing a few times, but the headache he causes doesn't give him answers.

He feels miserable.

He's yours, the whispers in his mind growl in outrage.

"Shut up," Reid mutters, and they quiet.