"Are you okay?"

Reid blinked back to reality and found himself in the living room doorway. He hadn't even been aware he'd stalked through the house, having been focused on not letting the burn in his eyes overwhelm him because the last thing he wanted to do was cry.

He must have been drawn to her.

On the couch, tangled in a grey blanket, Rowan's green eyes were wide with concern. "What happened? You look..."

Crazed? That's how he felt. It was as if his life was falling apart before his eyes, and he couldn't do anything to fix it. He felt out of control. Since Hannah had walked into the shop all those weeks ago. No. It all began the morning he found his mother brutalized. He'd become a stranger to himself, never knowing why he had an addiction to self-destruction, but couldn't stop.

No matter how hard he tried.

'She's a distraction,' the voices whispered in the back of his mind. 'She'll keep you from reaching your full potential. From defeating Azrael. From becoming who you're meant to be.'

A warm touch on his face startled him. Somehow, Rowan had risen from the couch, crossed the room, and lain her soft palms against his cheeks without him realizing. He breathed in her enticing vanilla scent while staring into her green eyes.

He wanted to let her presence comfort the raging tsunami of despair he was drowning in, but he couldn't.

"Reid? Talk to me, please."

Reid eased Rowan's soft palms away from his face. "No..." Confusion turned her lips into a frown, and she retook her touch with a few curious blinks of her long lashes.

The television was on low. She'd been watching the soap opera he'd shown to her.

"This—us," Reid rasped. "I can't do it anymore."

"Why?" Rowan asked shakily. The emotion in her green eyes made it so hard not to comfort her he had to clench his hands into fists to stop himself from reaching out.

He tried to even his breathing and failed, his chest rising quicker. "Presley showed me a picture of Eliot."

Rowan backed away with a slight shake of her head. She gripped the edge of the leather couch, laying her palm on her chest above her heart.

Her misery filled the air, worsening the burn of tears he was trying to resist. For a while, neither of them spoke, but Reid wouldn't break the quiet. He needed to hear Rowan's explanation.

"Eliot..." Rowan forced out, her voice shaking with emotion. She met his gaze, her green eyes damp. "When I first saw you... I was drawn to you because you reminded me of him."

Reid's heart ached so fiercely he wouldn't be surprised if he suffered cardiac arrest in the next few minutes. "Is that all we were to you?" He didn't know what he'd do if she said yes. Probably implode from within and never recover.

"No," Rowan said earnestly. "I fell in love with you. Eliot was a different person than you. I don't see you as the same. I promise. You share some similarities, looks-wise, but he was quiet and reserved. You're so lively, and you never fail to make me laugh—you're you. No matter what Presley claims. He's just as hurt about Eliot's death." She glanced at the window, probably thinking of the werewolf running amok in the woods behind the house. Her green eyes found him again. "That's why he's so hostile towards you. I'm so sorry, Reid. It's not your fault. I'll talk to—"

"It doesn't matter," Reid said quietly.

'She's lying. She's under Azrael's thrall. That's why he let her go. She was meant to seduce and corner you.'

Rowan hurried to him, laying a hand on his arm, and he flinched away. The hurt in her eyes caused his breath to catch.

"It does matter," Rowan gasped. "I should've told you." Tears fell down her freckled cheeks. "It just hurt too much to bring Eliot up. It's not healthy, I know, but I've learned that it's easier if I try to forget. Remembering him rips my heart apart."

The urge to pull her close and comfort her was nearly too much. He'd rather suffer a knife to the gut than finish these words, but he needed to because he loved her, and these whispers were plotting her death. "I hear voices and have no idea where they're coming from."

"I know."

They all know.

But not to the extent he was suffering.

They didn't know that late at night the whispers were louder. They told him terrible things about everyone he loved. They wanted him to give up his humanity and cut ties to his human side, and he was fighting so hard to resist them.

But he was losing.

"They're telling me you're a liar." He saw hurt and shock take her pretty features, but he couldn't stop. He needed her to know the danger she was in. "You never told me details about how you escaped Azrael."

"A vampire helped me."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He came to me and said he had been paid to get me out."

'Do you see?' the whispers growled. 'She's lying.'

"That's it?" Reid replied softly. He believed her, but the whispers sang that she couldn't be trusted.

Someone had left the drapes of the windows near the mounted television and its glossy cabinetry slightly open. Stars dotted the night sky. The voices were always more sentient when the shadows clung.

"Yes," Rowan whispered. "I didn't even know his name. He left the moment we were out of Shadow Peaks. He gave me his sweatshirt. I didn't even see the crystal; he had kept it in his pocket, and the fact that he had one meant he was one of Azrael's generals. I don't know why he betrayed Azrael, but I'm grateful he did. I walked alone until I found that Pancake Express."

"I hope he was never found out," Reid whispered. If he ever met that vampire, he'd embrace him. He was Rowan's saviour and asked for nothing in return. Sure, the guy claimed he was paid, but no money would save him if Azrael learned about his treachery.

"Me too," Rowan murmured, glancing at the television. The soap opera's familiar credits were rolling. "I know what you're doing..." She looked at him, and her gaze was fierce. "I won't let you push me away—not when you need me. I know you're struggling."

Reid had to be honest. He couldn't pretend he had a handle on any of this anymore. "I know you're not lying—I know. But they're convinced you're working with Azrael and playing some sick game to break me."

"That's not true," Rowan choked, teary.

Reid inhaled, trying to calm his racing heart. It didn't work. "I don't want to put you in danger by having you around me while I'm like this."

"You'd never hurt me."

"I wouldn't, but they would. I'm scared I'll lose myself to them. And if that day comes, I don't want to be alone with you."

"I trust you."

Reid laughed bitterly. How could she say that? He didn't trust himself. He wished she'd just walk away and stop staring at him with so much affection he felt suffocated. He didn't deserve her unwavering love.

"You hardly know me," he whispered.

"I've looked into the eyes of monsters, and when I stare into yours, I see a good man who will never give up fighting." Rowan gave him a pretty smile that wobbled slightly at the corners. "I won't let you push me away so you can suffer by yourself. I'm here for you. I'll talk to Presley. His issues aren't yours. And they shouldn't come between us. Okay? I'm not going anywhere."

"I let Lucas get me off."

The television began playing the soap opera's whimsical theme music.

Rowan stared, scarred throat bobbing.

She didn't look shocked.

And he shouldn't be, either.

She was a journalist. She would've noticed Lucas treated him with more than a friendly fondness.

"When?" Rowan asked tightly.

"This afternoon."

After a long, awkward quiet, with Reid's heartbeat pounding in his ears, Rowan asked quietly, "Do you love him?"

"Yeah," Reid admitted with a rasp of emotion.

"More than you love me?"

He didn't think it was possible to love someone more than he loved her. "I can't drag you down with me, Rowan. They've been trying to beat this curse and have come up with nothing. There's a good chance it'll consume me. It has gotten worse since I lost the companion bond with Kenneth."

"Let me help you," Rowan said, desperate, moving closer.

"That's..."

Rowan caught his wrists before he could step away. Her green eyes were teary. "They want you to push me away. Don't listen to them."

Reid groaned. He didn't want her forgiveness. He wanted her to hate him, hit him, scream at him, and call him a piece of shit. "I just told you about Lucas."

"We never promised that we'd be committed to each other. I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship."

"But I wanted you—wanted to be something more. And I messed it all up. It's eating me up inside. I keep doing impulsive shit. Sex and drugs, it's all the same."

"Then, make me yours. Promise that you won't stray. Tell Lucas I'll stab him with a fork if he tries anything."

Reid laughed, miserable. "I taught you that one, didn't I?"

"Yup," Rowan replied, smiling prettily. She inhaled, expression falling to seriousness. "But, joking aside, if you want to be with him, I won't interfere, even if it'll break my heart."

Reid grabbed her fingers. Her hands were so warm, and he could feel the coldness that had been settling over his heart melting. "I want you."

"Then make me yours."

"You're saying..."

"You've asked me to marry you twice. I'm saying yes." Rowan's cheeks were flushed pink. "But let's start with dating first."

Reid smiled, eyes burning. He came to her looking for punishment and instead found his salvation. Again. "Dating, marriage, and then a baby?"

She was so beautiful, curling lashes fanning her enchanting green eyes. And her smile, dimpling her freckled cheeks, made his heart leap against his chest happily. "That's how you're supposed to do it, right?"

He tucked a fiery curl behind her ear. "Can you ever trust me again?"

"Why couldn't I?"

"I just told you that I was with Lucas this afternoon."

"You told me. That's why. I can see the guilt in your eyes." Rowan smiled sadly. Her soft palm lay on his cheek, warming his skin. "I saw you at the auction, remember?"

Reid's face heated. "I remember..." She'd stolen his heart in her pretty dancer outfit. He cleared his throat. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough."

"He tried to castrate me."

Rowan giggled. "I did hear you complaining."

"Yeah, it hurt."

"I thought you were playing some sex game."

Reid laughed. "We were. I just didn't know it."

"Is it over with him, Reid?" Rowan stared deep into his eyes.

Knowing he'd never be with Lucas again as more than friends left an ache that Reid couldn't ignore, but he'd always known they wouldn't last. How could they? Both their hearts were pulled in other directions, towards beautiful women who wouldn't give up on them even though they should.

"Honestly, it never really began," Reid replied softly.

"Then make it official with me."

"Rowan..." Reid's fingers brushed the soft strands of red hair from her pale, freckled cheek. He needed to tell her this was over, but couldn't bring himself to say the words. "You should hate me."

If he turned away from her, he knew for certain that he'd fall further into darkness. She was his light. He was dancing on the edge of madness, and even if it was probably futile, he wanted to hold on to his sanity a little longer.

He was so selfish.

"I'm about to be really stern," Rowan said with pink cheeks. She was so damn cute. "Okay?"

"Okay. Be stern with me."

"We commit to each other right now, or that will be it." He could see how much saying that hurt her, but she lifted her chin, pushing through. "If you can't trust me to help you at your lowest, then this, between us, will never last. I'll give you one chance."

"One chance?"

Rowan smiled sadly. "I'm an all—or—nothing kind of girl."

He understood. If he slipped up again and ended up with his tongue in Lucas's mouth. That would be it for them. She was giving him one chance to commit to her entirely.

Reid whispered, "The voices want me to hurt you."

"Yeah? They can shut the hell up."

She had to be nuts to brush such a thing off with a breezy grin.

He loved her so much it stole his breath.

"I want to get to know you," Reid said, reaching out, taking a gentle hold of Rowan's soft hand, and running his thumb along the backs of her fingers. "The baby." His palm settled on her stomach. "She's mine, no matter what happens." Rowan was trying to hold back another wave of tears, sniffling. "But when I get these whispers out of my head, and we're not fighting a war, let me take you on a date and get to know you. I want to do this right. You deserve more than what we've been doing."

Rowan smiled, teary. "I'd love that."

"But..."

"But?"

"For now, if you'll have me, I want you." Reid was so close to tearing up, throat constricting. "I want you so badly. I never wanted to give you up. I just didn't want to hurt you."

"I know," Rowan said softly and kissed him.

Gripping her chin and reciprocating hungrily, Reid devoured her faint gasp, his fangs and his fast-beating heart aching.

She threw her arms around his neck. He stumbled a bit, his back hitting the framing of the doorway. Rowan was trying to climb him like he was a tree, and she was an adorable squirrel, giggling cutely as he laughed.

He loved Lucas. He couldn't deny that. The man was special to him and always would be.

But they would destroy each other.

His vampire side wanted the man and everything he gave, pain and pleasure. But the bit of humanity Reid had left wanted to hold Rowan, protect her from this damnable world, and never let her go.

She was his spark of life—of goodness—and gave him the strength to continue fighting for the future her captivating green eyes promised.

He knew there was a good chance he'd snuff her light.

The shadows were pulling him under, shaking his sanity, but he didn't want to give her up.

He was being a fool. He should've told her it was over for her protection, but her soft lips against his, her vanilla scent enveloping him, and her in his arms, fitting so perfectly, quieted all his worries.