A few hours passed and Ryland had helped me change into his sweatshirt and sweatpants. He tucked me into bed beside him and he reached over turning off the light. I couldn't stop the scream of terror that escaped my lips as the darkness filled the room. In my mind I was back there again back in the blood covered, cold cell. Ryland immediately turned it back on and pulled me against his chest, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

"We can sleep with the light on." He reassured me. I frowned knowing that it would keep him up.

"Off." I whispered. He gave me a look and shook his head.

"Not until you're ready."

His grip on my waist tightened as I laid against his side. My fingers intertwined with his. I refused to close my eyes, scared this would fade and I would end up back there.

A few hours passed as I continued listening to Rylands heart beat. The only reminder that I am out of there. That he is alive. That Cade lied.

"Did you try to sleep?" Ryland mumbled rubbing his eyes. "You need rest, love."

"H-He tricked me." I breathed quietly. Rylands eyes softened as he stared into mine.

"I-I t-thought you were gone." His grip on me tightened as he slowly leaned forward brushing his lips against mine.

"I will never leave you. That bastard will pay for everything he has done to you. You have my word." He spoke his eyes flickering between red and green.

"I-I c-can't f-feel her." I sighed as tears fell down my cheeks.

"She will come back. She just needs to recover like you. I'm sure of it." I really hope he's right. I grew accustomed to her being apart of who I was.

He traced circles on my stomach trying to soothe me to sleep but it was no use, I wasn't going to sleep again after that. After a few hours passed by and Ryland fell back asleep I slowly pushed myself towards the edge of the bed. I carefully placed my bruised and scarred feet on the soft rug underneath our bed. I carefully shifted so more of my weight was on my feet. Slowly I I pushed myself up, ignoring the pain that shot through my legs and abdomen. I held onto the bed as I cautiously took a step and then another. I quietly opened the door and walked into the hallway, leaning on the wall for support.

I got to the stairs and realized I was going to have a problem.

"Octavia?" I jumped and nearly fell to the ground before arms grabbed ahold of my body stabilizing me. I screamed out at the touch and whoever it was quickly let go as I leaned back against the wall.

"It's me. It's James." I opened my eyes that I had been squeezing shut tightly.

James' tall and muscular frame filled my vision as I took an unbalanced step towards him. Tears were soon filling my eyes, same with his. He pulled me into his chest as we both cried.

"I missed you, Tia." He cried softly hugging me even tighter. I winced as he pressed on my injuries. "Sorry." He pulled away scanning me.

"You look awful." He sighed. I did my best to give him a dirty look, but he was probably right.

"You should be laying down, you look like you're about to collapse." He growled softly going pull my arm, but I stepped out of his reach, wobbling slightly.

"Jeremiah." I whispered.

"Are we going to kill him?" He asked, to my surprise complete seriousness took over his face.

"T-Talk t-to him." His eyes softened and he nodded. Before I could react he picked me up and carried me down the stairs. He grabbed my cloak from the coat rack by the door and helped me wrap it around my shoulders.

He went to pick me up but I shook my head.

"I-I want to try." I whispered. He nodded and gave me his arm instead. I carefully took it and we slowly made our way outside. Our boots crunched on the snow covering the ground. It was flurrying now.

"He basically lives on the training grounds now." He spoke looking ahead. "If it is too much you tell me and we will leave Or kill him.

I just ignored him as we continued our slow paced walk. We finally reached and I couldn't help the shiver that wracked through my body. James pulled the door open and led me inside.

"A f-few minutes a-alone." I asked him squeezing his hand gently. He gave me a wary look but nodded his head.

"I'll be outside. If I hear anything I'm coming back in." He snapped before turning on his heel and opening the door. I carefully made my way to wear I heard the slamming of a dummy. My feet were dragging against the concrete tile as I tried not to fall as I made my way over.

He finally came into view and he didn't look good. He had huge bags under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in days. He had bruises on his face as well, faded but still noticeable.

At the sound of footsteps his eyes snapped up and locked with mine.

"J-Jeremiah." I breathed, trying to walk closer and nearly falling.

"Octavia?" He spoke his eyes widening and filling with sorrow and hatred but not towards me.

He stood there as if frozen on the spot.

"You shouldn't be here, with me." He sighed rubbing his temples. "Does Ryland know?"

"I-I don't blame you." I sighed.

"You should." He growled softly. "You should want me dead. You should hate me more than anyone. I broke your trust, I betrayed you." He snapped quietly, he seemed close to tears. "I betrayed you."

"I-I wouldn't have forgiven y-you if you betrayed our people. T-Thank you." I mumbled trying to make my way over to the chair to sit before I collapse.

"T-The only people I h-hate are the ones who did this to me." I mumbled.

"I am so sorry for everything. I will forfeit my position when the war is over." He spoke looking at his wrapped knuckles.

"I-I forgive you. Y-You will not." Was he crazy. "I-I need y-you, you are my f-friend r-remember."

"Octavia." He sighed. "This is my fault, don't you understand? This is all my fucking fault!" He yelled raising his hands. "I gave you over like it was nothing! I didn't even put up a fight! I was no fucking friend." He ran his hands aggressively through his sweaty hair.

"S-Stop." I spoke looking into his eyes. "Y-You owe it to me t-to stay."

I slowly stood up and wobbled over to him. His eyes were filled with tears. I cautiously wrapped my arms around his torso. That seemed to break him. He wrapped his arms around my body gently as sobs wracked through his.

After a few minutes we pulled away.

"I want to train." I spoke without a stutter, shocking myself. "I n-need to be able to end this." I spoke lifting my shaky hands.

"We will start when your ready." He spoke bowing his head slightly. He was about to open his mouth when a loud roar sounded nearly shaking the complex. Ryland. I wobbled towards the noise and James was already inside charging towards me. He grabbed ahold of me causing Jeremiah to growl.

"W-What's going on?" I asked cautiously as he carried me towards the entrance to the training grounds, Jeremiah following close behind.

"You're fucking pregnant." He growled. "You left your mate after being tortured for almost 3 months and now you are talking with the man he hates the most in this pack. He's ready to murder everyone, Octavia. I thought he knew, or you left a note or something." I frowned realizing I made a mistake.

We quickly got back to the pack house and the second my feet touched the snow the front door slammed open. Ryland was about to shift, his eyes the darkest shade of red I've ever seen them. His face filled with rage as he charged towards me. He grabbed ahold of me and lifted me into his arms bridal style. He didn't say a word to anyone as he brought me back to our room and placed me on the bed. He took my boots off and threw them on the floor before pulling my cloak off and throwing it next to my boots.

I looked up at him, my hands shaking in my lap.

"Do you know how I felt when you were being held by Cade?" I visibly flinched at the mention of his name. "Do you know how it felt every night I went into the woods for any sign that he messed up. That you escaped and I could get you back? Huh? Do you understand?" He growled viciously. "When I wake up to find my severely injured and pregnant mate who I lost for months gone without any word, do you know what crossed my mind? Any idea?" I aggressively picked at the sides of my finger nails to distract myself.

"No idea?" He snapped. "I thought he fucking took you again, when I finally got you back, I thought he fucking got you while I wasn't on my guard." I couldn't help it as the tears began endlessly flowing down my cheeks. The sobs wracked my body as I pulled my knees as close as I could to my chest.

I heard him sigh before I felt a dip in the mattress beside me.

"I'm sorry." He sighed pulling me against him. "But next time you want to go somewhere, just tell me."

"I-I'm sorry." I cried wiping aggressively at the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

He grabbed ahold of my waist and pulled me onto his lap as he rubbed my back softly.

"I know you went to see Jeremiah. I want you to tell me exactly what happened." He growled into my hair.

"I forgave him." I breathed resting my head on his shoulder. "It w-wasn't his fault."

"I don't think I will ever forgive him for what he did to you." He growled. "You are everything to me."

I leaned back and looked into his red eyes. I slowly leaned forward and softly pressed my lips against his before pulling away.

"I-I love you."

"I love you." He smiled kissing my cheek.