The Delinquents

Chapter Nineteen

The house was completely silent. Early morning light was trickling into the house, washing out the colour on the walls and exaggerating the dark circles under everyone's eyes. We all sat in the living room, perched separately on different chairs, not moving, not speaking.

I sat in the middle of the couch, arms wrapped around my torso, head lowered between my shoulders. We all listened as the last of the police cars pulled out of the driveway, leaving us with an hour of bliss before parole officers, court liaisons and other group home directors came.

Evan walked into the room slowly, his footsteps carrying with them a weight that smothered the room. He sat down on the edge of the couch, folding his hands in his lap. He was still wearing his pyjama bottoms.

"It's over," he stated quietly.

Gabe looked up, opening his mouth to say something and thinking better of it. Simon put his face in his hands and lowered his shoulders. Lily turned her gaze out the window, tears making her eyes glassy.

Evan sighed and pinched his nose. "They're taking you all away from me," he said, voice shaking with emotion. "I'm no longer a fit guardian for you, no longer responsible enough to look after your treatment, safety and progress."

Gabe swore.

"You'll all be put under review, each case looked at and evaluated separately. I will prepare a final exit statement and my recommendations. I don't know what will happen guys, I can't tell you anything for sure. Some of you will be released under a parole agreement, some to other group homes and if the judge on your case thinks necessary, than a detention centre."

"This is crazy," Simon mumbled, shaking his head. He looked up at me and narrowed his eyes. "What were you two doing out there? What happened?"

I felt the focus of the room shift to me and felt my throat close up at the same time. What happened? I wasn't even sure I knew. "We were talking," I said, repeating what I had to the officers who had asked me the same question. "Just talking."

"You're not supposed to be outside at night, never mind without supervision," Evan lectured, his voice stripped of any real emotion. He was just going through the motions now.

I sighed. "I know, he wanted to talk to me and I told him that he was supposed to be leaving soon." Evan met my gaze evenly and said nothing. Disappointment forced my eyes away first. "He was upset."

"No shit," Gabe muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"These kids stumbled up to the fence and were saying all sorts of stuff. I don't know why but Keegan thought he'd confront them. It all sort of spiralled out of control from there. The kid was running his mouth, saying stuff about how I... how I was a prostitute and Keegan lost it. He launched himself over the fence and the rest..."

"Bad timing," Lily breathed, "all bad timing."

Evan's eyes were rimmed with red. "What did he say to you? When I was with the hurt boy and you two were talking. What did he say?"

I squirmed in my seat. Guilt, grief and regret was eating a whole through my stomach. "He told me he loved me, he told me that I'd have to wait for him. I told him I would wait until he was better."

It was silent.

"And then he lunged at the kid and got himself shot," Gabe said.

I nodded, pressing my lips together hard as my eyes began to sting. Without my consent, the images started rolling. The flash of light, Keegan bending over, the officer dropping his gun, Evan yelling, Keegan falling.

"Derek is going to be devastated," Simon mumbled.

"No kidding, the guy leaves and the same night his cousin gets shot," Gabe added, "I'm sure he's kicking himself in the ass right now."

"I haven't heard anything about his condition," Evan informed us, "I'm sure we should know soon. One way or the other." Another stretch of silence ensued.

"So now we just go?" Lily said. "After everything... all the group sessions, all the individual therapy, losing Travis, bonding and fighting and loving. It's all over. Just because Keegan hopped the fence?"

Evan sighed. "If I can't keep the delinquents in the facility than I can't guarantee their safety or the safety of the surrounding area. Travis's escape wasn't exactly forgiven, I was under a microscope after that. Keegan escaping would've been one thing, but him relapsing... closing down Ash Falls is the right thing to do guys."

I looked down. This was my fault. All of the delinquents who had found a home here would be ripped apart because I had to hash out my relationship with Keegan. All of their futures were in jeopardy because I was foolish.

And Evan, his future was in jeopardy too. After everything he had done for us, for me, I had ruined his livelihood. After taking me in, helping us find Travis, helping us to work through our own demons, this was how he was to be repaid.

"This is our last hour together guys," Evan said gravely, "our last hour as a family."

Simon brushed away a few stray tears. "Thank you for everything, Evan. I just wish I could've been better for you, I wish I could've made more progress, let go of my crutches sooner."

Evan gave him a shaking smile. "You're alright, bud, you did a great job."

Gabe swore. "I didn't think I'd have to do this so soon, Ev. But you've been the most constant thing in my life these last few months. You're the only one who's actually given a shit about me since I was a kid. You're a great guy, Ev, I wish things could be different."

Evan nodded. "You're getting there, Gabe. Even if we don't meet again, know that I'll be thinking about you and hoping you're doing good."

Gabe stretched out his jaw, eyes glassy. "Likewise."

Lily snuffled and wiped her hand under her nose. She opened her mouth to speak but launched herself across the room instead, pulling Evan into a tight hug. She cried against him, whispering words I couldn't make out.

Evan pulled her away and wiped a tear from her chin. "You'll always be the bravest girl I know, Lily. You just got to remember you're on strength, okay? Everything that happened to you, was completely out of control. You've handled your sentence beautifully. I am so proud of you."

Lily nodded, wrapping her hands around Evan's wrists. "Thank you, Evan." Lily composed herself and moved back to her seat, accepting Gabe's hand on her way back.

Evan clapped his hands together and straightened himself up. "I wish I could've been better for you all. I wish I could've done a better job. I wish I could've kept this place open but everything happens for a reason, I guess."

"It's not on you, Evan," Simon said. I felt my cheeks burn and looked away.

Evan sighed. "I had meant to tell this to everyone in their own time. I had wanted this to be a sort of reward for your exit. But I guess we won't ever get that chance. So I'll tell you now."

"Is this about..."

Evan nodded. "My parents split up when I was young. I think they were embarassed that their marriage failed and projected that onto me. They both expected complete obedience, compliance and perfection. I had to get good grades, I had to have good attendance, I had to hold down a part-time job, I had to excel at sports. Naturally, I pushed back against all of this. I was young, and with my youth came a tremendous amount of stupidity."

"Parents," Gabe said, shaking his head.

Evan grimaced. "I fell in with the wrong kids. They were thrill seekers, tired of the suburban life, facing their own family stresses. They accepted me openly, didn't pressure me to be anything―at least not at first. Their acceptance was everything to me, I felt like I owed them. It started with dares; steal a pack of gum, try to buy alcohol with a fake I.D., lock some kid in their locker."

Evan rubbed his hands over his face. "And then it escalated. Soon I was stealing high price items, I was selling drugs―pushing them really―I was bullying kids. I never kept any of the money, that all went to the 'group fund' that really just went into buying more drugs. I was bullying kids because it was the only power I had in my life."

"Things got messy, the cops got involved, my parents found out. I caved and squealed, giving up trade secrets and names. A few months later I was targeted. If I hadn't been an athlete I probably would've been killed, because I was an athlete I was able to kill someone else."

No one spoke. There were no questions, comments, expressions of sympathy or surprise.

"One of the kids pulled a gun, I reacted, the gun went off and he was hit. He died an hour later in the hospital, I was hauled in. Self defence went out in the window with my past taken into consideration. I was already a thief, involved in the consumption and selling of drugs, I had already assaulted multiple people. Murder was the next logical step. Because I was sixteen I was tried pretty harshly, I was put in a juvenile detention centre and then I was moved to a higher security facility. Eventually my case was repealed and I was released with a 'clean slate'."

"Holy shit," Gabe mumbled.

"The kid I killed was seventeen. He had a younger sister who he worked to support. His grandparents were raising them because his parents were both in jail but they were too old to work their retirement plan didn't go far enough to cover their school supplies and clothes. He had intended to kill me that day but only because he was protecting his income, protecting his sister. For whatever reason, the back story behind that night doesn't matter. What matters is that I let my life get so far out of control that it ended up killing someone else. That isn't excusable. To this day, I visit his grave and I visit his sister. Since that day I dedicated my life to making sure no one made the same mistakes."

"Evan..." Lily said, voice choking off with tears.

"Sometimes life gets hard. Sometimes it feels pointless. Sometimes you feel like there's no way out. Sometimes you don't know why you matter. But you do matter, and the people around you matter. To make the mistakes you've made at so young an age is a tragedy but to let them define the rest of your life would be a bigger one. For a long time, I didn't feel like I deserved forgiveness. I thought I was permanently broken, I thought I was stained and I thought I was no good. But I was wrong. His sister forgave me and eventually, I forgave myself."

Evan sighed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is whatever mistakes you've made in your life, don't let them decide your future. Everyone is capable of committing terrible crimes and everyone is capable of incredible acts of kindness. You just have to chose where you want to delegate your energy to."

There was a knock on the door that made everyone jump. Evan cleared his throat and stood up, disappearing into the other room. We all sat silently as we strained to listen to the conversation happening in the front hall.

"Piper," Evan called. I stood, stomach clenched with nerves as I headed into the front hallway. In the doorway stood Kristina, the officer who had dropped me off to Ash Falls. She smiled timidly at me, her eyes holding a heavy sadness.

"I'm here to take you back, Piper, an emergency hearing has been arranged for you. You'll have to gather your things now," she told me.

I swallowed and looked up at Evan. He smiled at me and put a hand on my back, guiding me upstairs to my room. He hovered at the door while I threw my clothes into my suitcase, feeling as though my muscles were moving without my notice.

"It wasn't your fault," Evan said quietly.

I felt tears rise. "Yes it was."

Evan's gaze burned into my back. "Keegan made his own choices. He had his own issues that have nothing to do with you. You might have been out there with him but he decided to act on his own accord."

"If I hadn't told him," I started, looking over my shoulder at Evan. "If I had waited―"

Evan shook his head. "I was the one who wanted you to break it off with him. The responsibility for that falls onto my shoulders."

I pressed my face into my hands as a sob wracked through me. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, Evan. I know how much Ash Falls means to you, how much we all mean to you. I've destroyed everything."

I felt Evan's hands on my shoulders and turned into his chest. "Don't worry about me, Piper. I'll take a few more courses at a community college, I'll revamp the program, add more security. I'll get Ash Falls running again. I promise."

I looked up at him through wet lashes. "Thank you, Evan. For advocating for me. If you hadn't offered to take me in I would've ended up in prison. It would've been the end for me."

Evan smiled. "You'll be okay, Piper. You're a survivor." I hoped he was right.

I closed my suitcase and took a long look around the room, scanning for anything I might've missed. Honestly, I didn't care about anything I brought enough to come back for it anyways. I figured I was most likely stalling for time.

I looked up at Evan and felt my heart constrict. "How will I know about Keegan? I know he's still in critical... how will I hear one way or... or the other."

Evan frowned. "I'll try my best to let you know when I hear anything, Piper. For now, just focus on yourself. You're going to have to prove to a judge why a detention centre wouldn't be beneficial for you. I'll do my best in my final report to make sure you don't end up in one, but group homes run by the state are crowded at the best of times and if they don't think you have the need..."

I felt a twinge of nerves but not at my next housing arrangement. What if Keegan died? What if that shot was fatal? What if they couldn't save him or what if they looked at his record and decided they didn't want to try?

Evan mistook my expression and put a hand on my shoulder. "It'll be okay, Piper, even if you end up in a detention centre I doubt it'll be more than a year."

And if Keegan did make it out where would he end up? He had violated the terms of his parole, he had attacked a kid and beaten him unconscious, he had escaped his group home and he had resisted arrest. I doubted there was a final report letter strong enough to keep him out of a detention centre.

I took a deep breath and held it in my chest for a long moment before exhaling. "I guess I better go," I said reluctantly, eyeing the doorway. Before I could take a step Evan wrapped me in a hug so tight I couldn't wriggle my arms free to return it.

"Take care."

"Goodbye." I started down the stairs and paused when I saw Simon, Gabe and Lily gathered at the bottom. Lily and Simon were crying a little whereas Gabe's eyes were red and his jaw was working overtime to keep any tears from falling.

Lily stepped forward and took my hand as I came down the stairs. "I can't believe..."

"Bye, Lily. Hopefully we see each other again," I said. She nodded vigorously and pulled me into a hug, her tears escalating for a moment before she deflated and pulled away.

Simon gave me a quick hug and a mumbled goodbye before drawing back into himself. I turned my gaze to Gabe next, not sure how to approach. He hadn't always been the warmest but he had saddled up when it mattered.

"You haven't forgotten how to pick locks right, Pipes?"

I smiled and winked. "Locked doors can't stop me."

Gabe smiled and scratched his neck. "Good luck, Piper. Hopefully we don't run into each other in a detention centre." I sent him a shaking smile and looked away, afraid to cry. If I cried than I would sob and if I sobbed I wouldn't be able to leave.

I picked up my suitcase and pulled at the bottom of my sweater, suddenly conscious of police officer's stare. I hung my head and moved towards her, feeling her hand on my shoulder as she guided me towards the cruiser.

A moment later we were pulling away from Ash Falls, the big house quickly getting smaller. I didn't look back. I couldn't. But I didn't need to; I knew what I would see, a house that haunted and comforted me, people who supported and cared for me.

I would see a beautiful girl, a boy with flames in his eyes, a blonde delinquent who loved the chase, a drug addicted sweetheart, a man who only wanted to help, a cousin with a heart of gold, and a guy filled with anger and love who wasn't sure how to express either.

I would see a forest at night, a bucket of water balloons, a circle of chairs and couches, a swimming pool at night, a burning shed, a cherry blossom tree. I would see a boy burning a piece of paper, choking down pills. I would see his lips on mine, his hand in mine, his heart next to mine.

I would see blood and laughter and tears and pain. I would see help and loss and love and excitement. I would see friendship and darkness and trust and growth. I would see it all as it was built and see it all as it fell. I would see everything.

But I didn't need to see what I could feel. I didn't need to see what I would carry with me until the end. I didn't need to see what had made me who I was. I didn't need to see because I hadn't and wouldn't forget.

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Only one part left! (: