The Delinquents

Chapter Seventeen

"I feel awful," I said, lifting a hand to the back of my neck. Lily and I were stretched out in the backyard, soaking in some of the end of summer sun. She didn't lift her sunglasses as she looked over to me, raising one dark eyebrow.

"What a change," she said sarcastically, "you never feel awful."

I rolled my eyes. "I mean it, I really do feel bad."

"Him leaving has nothing to do with you," Lily reassured me, stretching out her dark limbs and sighing.

I looked across the backyard where Derek and Keegan were tossing a football back and forth between them. Derek's back was to me leaving his cousin in full sight. Our relationship had blossomed as we began to fully trust another. Now that we were no longer harbouring secrets from one another we were able to commit fully.

"I feel like it does," I told Lily. "Not a day after I went on that rant did Derek announce he was leaving Ash Falls. I mean I told the guy he was afraid of his own life and the next day he announces that he's going to go tackle it? Seems like one hell of a coincidence."

Lily lifted her sunglasses on top of her head and pushed herself up on her elbows. "Honestly, Piper, you didn't tell him anything that he didn't need to hear. I'm glad someone finally had the balls to say it―"

"Did someone say balls?" Gabe asked as he walked by, free from his session with Evan.

"Suck it, Gabe," Lily retorted.

He grinned. "Oh Lily pad, wouldn't you just love―"

Lily held up a hand and turned to me. Sometimes ignoring Gabe was more effective that bickering with him. "Look Piper, you may like to think that everything revolves around you but it doesn't. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him―"

"Swim," Gabe supplemented as he took a seat at the end of Lily's lounge chair.

She glared at him. "Drink."

I shrugged, "I just feel bad I guess. I can't help it."

"At least you feel something," Gabe said, squinting from the sun. "Better than Zombie Piper who only rose from the dead to use the bathroom."

My stomach twisted but that was all I felt. Speaking about my past, my feelings, and my future with Keegan and Evan had helped me get over the initial shock of my mother's passing. The guilt was mostly gone, all that remained was grief.

"It'll be weird without him around," I said, "weird for Keegan I imagine."

Lily snorted. "Keegan barely notices his cousin when you're around. I wouldn't worry too much. As for Derek, I think it's time he learns to navigate the real world. He's been here far too long looking out for a kid who doesn't even need him. This is the best thing for him."

"I just can't wait for the newbie," Gabe said cracking his fingers. "I hope it's another girl and I hope she's a total babe with huge―"

"Gabe."

He sighed. "Look, before you paint me as a pervert, I'm just saying Ash Falls is a lonely place for a teenage boy with hormones and urges. I had hoped when you showed up Lily that you'd maybe... I don't know take an interest in me but it was obvious after a day that you were untouchable. And when Piper showed up... well I really hoped then but Keegan has that whole tall, dark, handsome and mysterious thing going..."

"Do you not have any restraint?" Lily asked, baffled.

Gabe rolled his eyes. "Just voicing my feelings. That's the only real way to make progress you know."

I smiled. "You're different now Gabe. I think looking for Travis made you a little more approachable."

To my surprise, Gabe blushed. "I guess I saw what keeping it all in gets you in the end. I mean Travis was a cool kid or whatever but he wasn't honest about how he felt and shit. Look where he ended up, alone and on the run. I can't believe the kids in juvy."

Lily looked down, pressing her lips together and lowering her sunglasses again. I knew it was hard for her to listen about Travis's misfortunes. It was hard for me to imagine Travis sitting in a detention centre but it was somehow harder for me to remember the kid he was when I first got to Ash Falls.

"He put himself there," Lily said bitterly. "He didn't have to run. We would have helped him... he didn't have to face it all alone." Suddenly, Lily got up and left, heading inside without another word.

Gabe scuttled back and stretched out where Lily had once been. He folded his arms behind his head and closed his eyes. "Travis will be fine," Gabe informed me, "he'll make it through." I wasn't sure if Gabe was right but I hoped he was.

Evan had us all gather in the kitchen once everyone had had their session with him. He had purchased a small cake for Derek's departure and displayed it on the coffee table as we all gathered in a circle. Juice boxes were handed out and bowls of chips were passed around as Evan opened up a conversation.

"Today is the last day with Derek amongst us," he said, "though Derek may be here under different circumstances, he's been an active and supportive member of the group. You've made great progress since arriving, Derek, while I'm proud of your decision to leave, I will miss your company."

Derek smiled. "It's been great here but I think I've overstayed my welcome." Derek's eyes were careful not to meet mine. Keegan grinned and took my hand, obviously proud of his cousin.

When I heard the news, I was afraid Keegan was going to flip but he was far from angry. Perhaps Gabe was right, perhaps I had a big enough influence on Keegan to allow him to free himself of his crutches.

"You're going to do great, Derek." I hoped Keegan was right. The last thing I'd ever want would be to see another person in Travis's place again.

Derek smiled, a little unsure. "I hope so."

The makeshift party went on. I managed to snap two mango peach juice boxes. Simon was happy to keep the bowl of chips in his lap prompting Gabe to throw some pretty nasty looks his way.

Keegan held onto my hand as he spoke to his cousin, trying to get a feel for where he was headed next. From what I could pick up Keegan wasn't sure that Derek should attempt to reconnect with their family.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up to see Evan smiling behind me. I was confused, I had already had my daily session. He motioned with his hand and eyes for me to follow him so I got up and carefully disentangled Keegan's fingers from mine.

He fixed his dark eyes on my instantly. "Where are you going?"

"I'll be back soon," I told him. Keegan looked from me to Evan and then nodded to himself, releasing me completely and turning back to Derek who was watching the entire exchange. For some reason, I felt as though the looks Derek and Evan had given us were negative.

"Sorry to pull you away from the party, Piper," Evan said as he held the door open for me. I slid underneath his arm and took a seat opposite to his. "I just have a few things I wanted to speak to you about?"

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked. My mind immediately turned to when I dropped the bottle of shampoo in the shower and didn't pick it up until it was already half gone. Surely I wasn't being punished for that?

"No," Evan said, "not exactly."

I sighed. "Well?"

"Well, I have to be honest here. Relationships between the kids here is... not forbidden per se but it's not supposed to be promoted." I felt my breath hitch for a moment.

"Promoted?" I repeated. "You didn't promote Keegan and I to..."

"No," he affirmed, "but I didn't do much to discourage it."

I was silent for a long time. "You arranged for me and Derek to go out. Isn't that relationship promotion?"

Evan blanched. "Well... yes... but I figured that Derek wasn't really a part of the program and I had confidence in you. I didn't see anything wrong at the time."

I felt my eyes sting but I wasn't close to crying. Not yet. "But there's something wrong with me and Keegan."

"One of the tricks to this business is to allow the group to bond, but keep them separate enough to ensure that recovery and realization is an individual process." I already knew where this was going. "You and Keegan seem to be very dependent on each other. This has only increased since you recovered Travis."

"We are close but―"

"Piper," Evan interrupted, "I'm not going to tell you to break up with him. It's far too late for that. But I do have to caution you, at least I feel like I must."

Nerves twisted my stomach painfully. "Okay."

Evan folded his hands on his desk and lowered his voice. "Very soon, Keegan will be making his exit from this program. He's made tremendous strides towards recovery and has really excelled in his sessions. I'm going to recommend him for evaluation next week and after that it should only be about another week before I know if he's been approved or not."

I felt cold. "Keegan's leaving?"

Evan nodded. "Hopefully, yes."

Before now, I had never thought to ask where Keegan was from. He could live on the other side of the state. He could live across the country. I had no idea where Ash Falls recruited from, whether it was a part of the local judicial system or separate.

"That's good," I practically had to force the words from my mouth. "I'm happy." My chest and eyes were burning. I couldn't imagine going through this program without him.

"Now I have a few concerns. Firstly, I'm worried that his progress is too dependent on you and as soon as you're no longer an emotional outlet for him, he'll revert to his old ways again." I had to admit, this was a relevant worry. "I also worry that when Keegan hears that he is leaving, he won't want to."

I looked up. "You think he'd toss the exam or whatever?" Evan nodded gravely. "I don't think―I don't..." The problem was, that was the kind of thing Keegan would do.

"I know you want him to succeed, Piper," Evan said, giving me far too much credit. Yes, I wanted Keegan to succeed but I wanted to succeed with him and at the same time. "We just need to make sure he wants that for himself."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

Evan leaned back in his chair and sighed. "I don't know, Piper."

I closed my eyes and rubbed them, feeling tired and hopeless. How was I supposed to make sure Keegan left when it was the last thing I wanted him to do?

I looked up at Evan, being the most honest with him since my arrival at Ash Falls. "I don't know how I'll do it without him."

"You will," Evan assured me, "You will."

"Thanks again everyone!" Derek shouted, waving with one hand while the other held the taxi's door open. "Bye!"

The delinquents were spread out across the porch, everyone waving and yelling their goodbyes. Derek smiled again before slipping into the taxi and closing the door. A moment after it was shut, the taxi peeled away.

"Wow," Keegan murmured, "I can't believe he's gone."

I looked up at him, going to take his hand but withdrawing mine at the last moment. If I was going to start moving away from him, I had to start early. "It's the best thing he could do for himself," I said, "he wasn't moving forward here."

Keegan shrugged. "I guess you're right." Keegan went to throw his arm around my shoulder but I moved away before he could. I struck up a conversation with Lily to cover but I could still feel Keegan's questioning gaze on my back.

"Inside everyone," Evan said, "we have dishes to clean up and then we've got to start moving up to bed. Come on, come on."

We all moved inside the big house gradually. I was careful to stay away from Keegan, latching onto Simon as a way to assure our separation. Instead of drying with Keegan, I opted for clearing the table instead.

Keegan was giving me funny looks and kept trying to talk to me but now that I had solicited Simon's conversation, he wasn't letting me go.

"And you see, the thing is, I didn't even think Avatar was that good of a movie. I mean the effects were alright but―"

"Go dry," Keegan said, tossing the dish towel into Simon's hands. Simon looked at me and then Keegan before scurrying away without another world. I was quiet as we worked together, passing dishes to Gabe and Lily and wrapping up untouched food.

Keegan worked close beside me, his shoulder brushing mine occasionally. I was reaching for the pitcher of water when he grabbed it from me and held onto my wrist, forcing my eyes to meet his. I looked away and he let me go but the intention was obvious, he wanted to talk to me.

"Thanks everyone," Evan said, "Good work."

Half an hour later I was sitting up on my bed. Lights were already out so I was sitting in the dark, the only illumination came from my open window. I knew I had a while to wait, Keegan wouldn't come until he was sure everyone was sleeping, but I was too wound up to sleep.

It had only been one afternoon but I had already botched the entire mission. How was I supposed to keep this up for weeks when Keegan was already so insistent after a few hours? A part of myself whispered that he would move on but I knew that wasn't true, not as long as we lived under the same roof.

Whenever it seemed like my life was taking an impossible turn, I always brought Sarah to mind. Her wound would always be a fresh one because each day I was reminded of what she would never experience. Sarah would never have this problem because she would never meet a boy and fall in love and face separation. I was lucky to feel this pain, at least, that's what I told myself.

I thought of Sarah and my mother and wondered if they had been reunited. I thought of my father next, wondering if he'd see me now that we were the only two left in the family. I doubted it, he saw my taking care of my mother as betrayal and now that I was a criminal, I couldn't see him wanting to meet me for brunch.

I heard a knock on my door and straightened up, listening closely. Keegan whistled softly and I knew it was game time. I stood and grabbed a sweater, not sure how far the summer air had cooled off without the touch of the sun. I slammed my feet into converse, regretting my choice to go sockless as soon as I was out of my door.

Keegan had already disappeared down the stairs and was most likely working at getting the back door open without making too much noise. I held my breath as I passed by Evan's door and then slipped down the stairs, skipping the third step because it creaked.

The door was open when I got to the ground floor. I zipped up my sweater before I made my way into the backyard, finding Keegan sitting on top of the picnic bench on the far right side of the yard.

I walked over to him slowly, not sure if I should meet his eyes or keep my gaze away. In the end, his eyes caught mine and didn't let go. I sat beside him, placing my feet on the seat and folding my hands between my knees.

"What did Evan tell you?" Keegan asked.

"What do you mean?"

Keegan rolled his eyes. "When he pulled you away from Derek's party, he must've told you something. You started acting weird as soon as you got back into the room. Don't deny it Piper and don't lie, we're past all that."

I licked my lips, genuinely unsure what to do. I tried denial once more. "He didn't tell me anything, Keegan, he just wanted to talk about my progress. I'm just tired and I felt bad over Derek leaving."

"Piper," Keegan said forcefully, "I need to know. Whatever it is, we'll face it together." He took my hand and froze me completely. This was the problem but it had also been our solution.

"You need to stop holding my hand," I whispered. Keegan didn't let go but instead gave me a very confused look. "You're leaving, Keegan," I told him, "Evan is recommending you go in for the exit evaluation next week. You've graduated I guess, changed enough for them to contemplate releasing you." A tear dropped onto my cheek, surprising me. I wiped it away impatiently.

Keegan was quiet for a long while. I assumed that a multitude of emotions were going through him. For the first time, I realised that he may be happy to leave. This thought brought real fear to my heart. I guarded myself against rejection, against his choice to leave me behind happily.

"Oh," Keegan breathed. He was still holding my hand but his touch was limp now. "I see."

"Do you?"

Keegan looked at me. "You're happy to have me gone then?"

"What?"

"This was just a fling to you? Me and you? It was all to pass the time better while we were on the inside? Now that I'm leaving you're going to find another person to replace me? Maybe the new guy who walks in or Simon or Gabe if you can't wait."

"Simon?" I all but shrieked. "Are you kidding me?"

Keegan recoiled. "You were talking to him today for like an hour!"

I rolled my eyes. "You're so stupid, Keegan. Yes, you're right, I want you to leave―" Keegan visibly flinched, "but only because I think you deserve to start a real life. But a bigger part of me doesn't want you to go anywhere which is why I have to distance myself from you, so I don't hold you back."

"Hold me back? You're the only reason I even went forward."

I closed my eyes. He was confirming every fear Evan and I had. "That's what Evan and I were afraid of. He thinks you're progress is too dependent on me and worried you wouldn't excel if I wasn't with you."

"Did he ask you to stay away from me?" Keegan asked, face reddening.

"Not in so many words," I said, "No."

"Why doesn't he just recommend you leave to? Why don't we go together?" I hadn't thought of this before. I hadn't thought it would be that easy.

"If that was an option he would have given it to me. Whatever change he's looking for in me... well I guess it hasn't happened yet." I drew circles on his palm, trying to steady my voice. "I guess the idea is that you're strong with or without me. Even if we were to leave together, there's no guarantee we'd stay that way."

"Fuck," Keegan swore. "You don't think we could make it outside of Ash Falls."

"I don't know," I said honestly, "I'd want to make it work but where would we live? How would we get money? Most likely we'd have to go back with our families and I don't think we live close. I don't remember seeing you in the halls of my high school." I bumped my shoulder into his, trying to lighten the mood and failing.

"So why don't I just say I don't want to leave?"

"I'm not sure if you get that choice," I said.

Keegan thought for a moment. "And if I threw the exam? Regressed on purpose."

I shook my head. "You'd break Evan's heart and you'd be letting yourself down."

Keegan stood up suddenly as his entire body filled with tension. "So what? You just don't want to try anything? You just want to be separated?"

"It's not my first choice, no," I said, tensing myself. "I just don't see another way that's realistic, Keegan. It won't be forever anyways, just until I'm released. Who knows? By then you could be settled somewhere and I could join you and... I don't know."

"I've been here for over a year!" Keegan exclaimed, "it could be months, years until they let you go! And even then, they might think it would do you some good to go to jail." I paled, my tongue turning to lead as I thought about it.

"What are we supposed to do then?"

"Run," Keegan said.

I shook my head. "Whatever the answer is it's not that. Look how Travis ended up."

Keegan was about to say something but a peel of laughter and the distinct smash of glass pulled our attention away from each other and to the fence at the top of the yard. Keegan took a few steps towards it, nearly blocking my view as five boys sauntered up to the gates. The wind carried their conversation to us.

"―told me that this was a house for criminals. Apparently the kids here are seriously fucked up. One of them escaped and was on the news and shit, like helicopters were out looking for him."

"I wonder what they did to get in here," one of the boys said.

"Killed most likely," another said with confidence, "probably started with animals and then―"

"Hey!" Keegan shouted. I jumped up and grabbed his arm immediately. Keegan only shook me off.

The boys gathered at the gate readjusted their gazes so they were focused on us. One took a step back while the others leaned into the gate. I flushed red with embarrassment and disgust. I suddenly felt like an exhibit in a zoo.

"What did you say?" Keegan yelled, voice low and threatening.

"What are you doing?" I hissed under my breath, "leave them alone."

"Are you one of the kids that go here?" the tallest boy yelled. The others laughed.

I watched Keegan's muscles flexed and felt my stomach flip. Whatever he was doing, it was out of character - at least, it was out of the character he had recently become. Keegan started walking towards the gate, narrowing his eyes and keeping his muscles tense.

"Do you really want to find out?" Keegan asked.

We were close enough now to read the expression on the boys clearly. The tallest boy was trying to put on a brave face while the others ranged from unsure to terrified.

"Did you kill someone?" the tall one asked, trying to sound cocky.

Keegan was now toe to toe with the kid between the fence. "And if I did?"

"Did your bitch kill someone too?"

I tensed, knowing this kid had gone too far. "Don't!" I shouted.

But it was too late.

* * * 

*not edited!

This story is coming to a close soon, just warning you! (: