The Delinquents

Chapter Fifteen

            The trip was over as soon as the police officer woke up. Right away he was suspicious, questioning each of us separately, asking us to verify the details others had given and putting pressure on our story. Thankfully, we had spent most of the car ride making sure we were all on the same page. Me and Keegan were up early and walked around the campsite, we found Travis at the entrance, he didn't say anything until he saw Evan.

            We pulled up to Ash Falls, the police officer letting his siren wail once before turning off the engine and helping Evan escort us all inside the perimeter of the facility. We unloaded our things in our rooms, quiet until Evan shook the officer's hand and we were finally alone.

            We were all gathered on the staircase, Gabe and Lily sitting together, Simon leaning on the railing, Derek hovering near the top and Keegan and I huddled together at the bottom. The door closed and Evan walked towards  us slowly, eyes heavy, mouth set in a frown.

            "Living room," he murmured. Evan started walking before any of us moved. We all were still and silent for a long moment.

            "We're in deep shit," Gabe said, slapping the tops of his thighs. "Deep stinking shit."

            Lily wrapped her arms around herself, eyes bloodshot. "He'll understand."

            Derek snorted. "Gabe's right―for once―Evan is pissed."

            I sneaked a look up at Keegan, his dark eyes met mine. "How bad?" I whispered to home, stomach tense with nerves.

            He shrugged, "I guess we'll have to find out." He reached out and took my hand, tugging me along with him. The base of my skull thumped dully. I didn't have a concussion but it was still sore.

            Evan was in his usual seat, surrounded by the empty chairs until we filled them. He was silent for a long time, tired eyes appraising each of us individually. When his eyes met mine I felt as though he was communicating something different to me than he was the others; gratitude.

            "What were you thinking?" Evan asked to no one in particular. He pressed his hands together and then pressed them to his open mouth. He was the picture of stress. "What were you thinking?"

            Lily's bottom lip stuck out, almost like she was going to cry again. "We needed him back."

            Evan sighed heavily, the sound tormented and full of pain. How could he respond to that comment? How could he discipline a group of delinquents for truly caring? For risking themselves to help another? For so many of the people gathered, what we had accomplished tonight was not in their nature.

            "I don't know what to say," Evan said miserably.

            Gabe's smile was sneaking. "We did it, though," he beamed. "We freaking did it."

            Simon laughed a little. "Yeah, we did."

            Derek wasn't able to repress his grin either. "It was totally crazy."

            "Fucking nuts," Keegan grumbled. I looked over at him, surprised to see a smile suppressed underneath his permanent scowl.

            Lily let out a shrill laugh. "We must've been out of our minds."

            "Or just listening to what's in our hearts," I said. She looked at me and smiled, nodding slowly. I felt them all look at me as the silence built. I took my time in meeting Evan's eyes, waiting for his verdict.

            "I should send you all back to your hometowns, allow the law to process you like all the other delinquents in this country. I really should get rid of you, you're all a liability now." The silence was no longer uplifting, it was oppressive. "You really disappointed me, tricking me, stealing from me," his gaze pierced mine, "sneaking out and risking everything in the presence of a police officer. It was  betrayal. I should feel offended," he said, "deeply offended." Evan paused, a smile eventually fighting its way onto his face. "But all I feel is pride."

            Gabe let out a long pent up breath. "Holy shit, thank God."

            "What you guys did, risking your own freedom to help Travis... I never imagined you cared enough about anything to go to such lengths. I am so proud that you took a risk for something you believed in, for someone you love."

            Derek's face was red. "We are sorry for tricking you, though."

            Evan's eyes met mine quickly. One look told him all he needed to know. I would keep his secret. "I nearly had a heart attack when I found out what you had all done." We all looked downwards, an innate response to shame. "And I nearly died again when you brought him back."

            Lily was hesitant. "What's going to happen to him?" Shortly after we arrived back to camp the police officer on duty had woken up and called in reinforcements. After a lot of coaxing by Evan, Travis agreed to go with them. That was the last we had seen or heard from him.

            Evan sighed. "He's been changed by his situation. His parole officer was notified that he returned, as was his lawyer. Child services are investigating the... new allegations." He was referring to the hideous burn scar along Travis' leg. The one he had kept hidden until last night. "It's likely he'll face a lesser sentence because he turned himself in however; it is likely that he'll have to do a stint in either Juvie or a mental facility."

            "Shit," Keegan grumbled.

            "Poor guy," Simon sympathized.

            Gabe rolled his eyes. "Juvie has got to be better than the shit hole we found him in. That place was disgusting. It was crawling with diseases, surrounded by drug dealing pimps and let's not forget that it was freaking creepy as hell."

            I couldn't disagree with him there.

            "I'm just happy to know that he's safe," Evan said, "it was eating me alive not knowing..."

            Gabe nodded and then grinned. "So are we done here or what? If we're not going to do group then I'm happy moving towards the realm of video game or sleeping―I could use a few solid hours."

            Evan scowled. "Just because I'm proud of you guys doesn't mean I'm not hideously angry. TV and internet is banned indefinitely. I'm serious guys, don't let me catch you doing either." There was a chorus of groans.

            "So what are we supposed to do?" Simon asked.

            Evan shrugged, gesturing towards the backyard. "Enjoy the outdoors, our camping trip was cut short. Read a book, lord only knows how behind you all are in school." Simon sunk into his chair, face the epitome of boredom.

            I felt a tug on my hand and looked up, Keegan was already standing. He held my eyes for a long moment then inclined his head towards the backyard. I got up and followed him outside, stomach hardening as he lead me past the cherry blossom tree.

            Keegan didn't stop until we were right underneath the tree. He pulled me down, sinking into the soft grass. The wide branches and thick leaves protected us from the sun, obstructing the intense rays from touching us. I peered upwards, grabbed by the beauty of the tree and repulsed by the memories it brought back.

            "It was a few years ago," Keegan rumbled, looking towards the woods. He sat with his back against the trunk of the tree, knees drawn upwards, arms perched lazily on his bent legs. "Before I had control, before I even wanted control."

            I tried to stop him, "Keegan―you don't have to explain―"

            "I do," he breathed, eyes heavy. "Please let me."

            I shrunk back, body wrought with tension as I prepared myself. "Okay."

            "I had always been a hothead but it was getting worse as I got older. I was young, maybe fifteen. My home life was shitty. My dad was a prick, my mom not much better. I didn't have anyone stable in my life―aside from Derek but he was always busy with school. I had gotten kicked out of sports," he flashed me a sad smile, "too aggressive for little league."

            "Anyway," he continued, "I wasn't really ever that smart and was too ill tempered to try learning anything I didn't grasp the first time. Eventually, teachers gave up trying to help me. They saw me as the problem kid and after a while, everyone else saw me that way too. My friends abandoned me, my family treated me like shit and eventually, I just gave up. I don't know," he threw his hands up, frustrated by his inability to express his idea. "It was like I was angry all the time, not irked our upset, but angry.  It was exhausting, to be in a state of perpetual anger.

            "I got into a lot of fights during that time of my life. Over everything and nothing. It wasn't just scraps either, sometimes I'd draw blood. Anyway, I got expelled, whether it was for fighting or poor performance I have no idea. My parents were pissed at me, but there was nothing new there, I had to move schools... it was the same at the new place. I tried to be better though, and managed for a while, mostly because I didn't want to provoke my parents.

            "There was this one kid, though, I'll never forget my first impression of him. He was just... he was one of those people who almost invite violence, who almost need conflict in order to stay alive, to prove they're worth something. He was attracted to me because I could give him that. He did everything in his power to make me upset. It was constant harassment. Looking back, I have no idea how I abstained from beating the shit out of him for so long.

            "Anyway, this kid, he'd antagonize me, right? And then one day, I just lost it, I fucking lost it. I punched him in the mouth, hard enough to make a few teeth lose and to draw blood. But he was deranged, he just laughed, and of course, that only infuriated me further. Maybe I'm a freak or maybe it was just pent up anger but I wailed on him so hard that I blanked out completely. I lost track of when his laughter turned to grunts of pain and those turned to desperate pleas. When I was pulled off of him, he wasn't smiling anymore."

            I cleared my throat, trying to keep my voice even. "What happened to him?"

            Keegan's eyes were distant, miles, years away. "He―ugh―sustained multiple injuries. I didn't know, at that time, that his dad hit him too. A months before we met, his dad had tossed him down a flight of stairs and he had messed up his back. I was the one to seriously fuck it up though. I guess he hadn't healed right or whatever and me wailing on him woke up the old injury. He didn't..." Keegan cleared his throat and blinked a few times. I realised then that he was close to crying. "He didn't walk again after that."

            I gritted my teeth, trying to keep the nausea down. I couldn't imagine what that would feel like, to be antagonized for so long and then to lose control only to... it was unimaginable. I looked up at Keegan, not sure how to feel. Not sure if I was sad or frightened, full of pity or shame.

            Keegan dragged his hands over his face and through his hair. "I didn't do anything for him, afterwards. I just left him there. I was scared out of my mind and I ran home, hid in my room for two days. Police officers came to the door, my dad cussed 'em out and they came back with an arrest warrant."

            "Keegan..."

            His entire body was filled with dread. "The kid's dad was pressing charges, even though the fucker hit his own kid often enough. Who knows? Maybe he was mad that I messed up his favourite toy?" Keegan's voice was sharp, more cynical than I had ever heard it. "I went to Juvie for a stint but caused a lot of trouble. Started a lot of fights, ended a lot more. I was in and out of isolation a lot. Just when I had become too big of a burden, just when they were about to retry me as an adult, Evan stepped in. I've been with him ever since."

            I took my time in answering, digesting all the information. "But it wasn't always easy here, right?"

            He shook his head, full of shame. "I don't even know why Evan bothered. He should have just let me go to prison. I was confrontational, always putting his questions back on him. I didn't want to cooperate with others, I nearly fought... and then Derek got himself put here and I was able to find some stability."

            "Keegan I don't know what to say."

            He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I know, it's a lot."

            "You've been through a lot of pain," I said slowly.

            "I've inflicted more than I've endured."                    

            "But you feel pain over that too, it makes it better." He raised an eyebrow in question. "It's one thing to do horrible things with no remorse but you feel sorry for what you've done. Who knows how your life would have been if your parents cared more or if the chemicals in your brain were a little different? I hate to say it, but that kid was barking up the wrong tree. That doesn't make what happened his fault but he does have a hand in what happened to him."

            Keegan was silent for a long time, looking up at the trees of the cherry blossom as the wind  tossed them around. "The only other person I've ever told all that too is Evan, of course Derek already knew." He looked down at me. "I must say, I don't think I've ever felt more at peace with my past then right now." He leaned in closer, the proximity between us made my heart pick up pace. "I think I love you, Piper."

            Air evaded my lungs. I felt lightheaded and giddy. I looked up at him intently, searching through my own thoughts, trying to decipher my own feelings. When I looked at his dark eyes, the intensity of them, the strength of his features, the darkness to him and the unmistakable light that I had kindled within the depths of that darkness, well, it was safe to say that I loved him too. So I told him that. And he kissed me. And I kissed him back. And I was happy.

            But happiness can only last so long until its dragged away from you, clawing and kicking and screaming. I knew as soon as a I saw her, hovering at the backdoor, unsure whether or not to approach me. Slowly, she raised on hand in wave.

            I backed up against the tree, standing and holding onto the rough bark. It wasn't enough. The world still fell away underneath me.

            Keegan was at my side instantly, hands on my shoulders, mouth murmuring words into my ear that I didn't care to hear. I knew why my Aunt was there, and the realization of that truth almost crushed me where I stood.

            "No," I begged, "please no! No!"

            My heart was being ripped in two. As was my soul. One half the girl I was before, the other, the hollow person I was after. The word orphan bounced around in my brain, making my ears ring, making my stomach roll. Orphan. It didn't sound glamorous when it accurately described you.

            "I'm sorry," Keegan whispered to me. He knew too.

            I looked up sharply, noting for the first time that my Aunt was heading towards me. I backpedaled immediately, my back rubbing up against the tree until I could swerve around it. Keegan froze, head tilted to the side, hand outstretched towards me.

            "Piper?"

            My Aunt was still walking towards me and for whatever reason, I turned and ran from her, hightailing for the forest, for the cover of trees. I couldn't hear the news, I wouldn't make the loss real.

            "Piper!"

            I ran as fast as I could, throwing my arms up to protect my face as I broke through the tree line. Thin branches scraped my skin, my lungs burned from disuse and my skull was throbbing.

            I didn't stop though, not for a moment. My feet got ensnared in thick roots and low plants, tripping me more often then I was able to run without issue. I fell, scraping my palms and staining my knees and elbows with grass and dirt.

            I stayed down, turning to sit, and clutched my raw hands to my chest, lip puckering, eyes watering. I was seconds away from falling apart. The knowledge of my inevitable breakdown did little to stop it.

            I felt like there was a balloon in my chest, rapidly expanding, pushing at my ribs, suffocating my heart. Without warning, it burst and I was empty and unfeeling. Tears fell with no consequence, I sobbed but couldn't feel my breath heave and catch, I rocked back and forth but barely felt the motion.

            What did saving Travis matter when I couldn't save my mother? What did loving Keegan matter when I had lost the only person to love me unconditionally? What did breathing matter when she no longer was?

            I didn't bother to note how long I was alone in the forest. I didn't notice who it was that picked me up and took me back to the house. I didn't feel it when Derek tended to my wounds, Lily helped me into a warm bath, Keegan tucked me into my bed. I didn't hear the words of comfort Evan offered.

            I just turned over in my bed, bringing my sheets up above my head, burying myself in my grief. I was a shell now, empty, hollow, with nothing left inside of me. Orphan. Orphan. Orphan. Alone and un-tethered.

            Bitter.

            Devastated.

            Hollow.

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