A group of ten mismatched characters are stranded on an orbiting shuttle, retro model 'Orient Express', waiting for a storm to pass so they can land on the tiny, crazy outlying planet of Mina. The blue flowers in Bette's voluminous brown hair signal she's on her way to a wedding. She carries one small piece of hand luggage, and drapes a long fur coat over her upper arms to hide her flaccid bingo wings. Her costume is of a 1920's vamp, without the cigarette. She raises her hooded eyes and looks around. The others have each entertained the room with fabulous stories from all over the galaxy. She has never told a tale in her life without a drink in her hand, but it is indubitably her turn to speak. Egads! She should have thought of a story before they all turned to look at her.

I don't really speak. I sing.

You don't mind? Oh well then, that's fine. I can sing you

... to sleep, huh?

Oh you sleep now, honey. 'Cause you'll never sleep again after this tale I'm singing you, true as the day, learned from a songstress of Mina. I see you've heard of Mina. Yeah, they do things a little differently there.

The song that I sing you is not very old

(unlike yourself)

(shush let her get started)

The song that I sing you is heartless and cold.

Hear my voice now and take heed of my warning

For ere night is passed your own troubles are coming

And you will stand or you will fall

Revealing the colours of your own soul.

Mind the wedding singer.

That's just traditional folks, let me just say. That's how all the night-before songs start on Mina. You know how they do their weddings, right? Songs for the girls and their mothers the night before - I really can't tell you what the boys do, don't know, wouldn't want to know, really, no I wouldn't! And the games in the morning. You know, the games, right? The girls do up the bride in her costume and do her hair in braids with the silver circlet round her head and then they take her out and walk her in the wrong direction and get her lost, and steal her shoes and all that? Oh that's just the start of it! I'll stop later and fill you in if you look lost, honey.

Just remember, the wedding has to take place exactly at midday or you have to wait another year, and you have to fulfill the four somethings. Yeah, the four somethings. You know? Sure you know! Something old, something... yeah, the four somethings. Except on Mina, you have in addition to return the borrowed thing before sundown, or the marriage is invalid. They're very picky about borrowing and lending on Mina. And taking. At least, they think they are. You can make your own minds up about that, can't you?

So here goes, back to the song. Is everybody hushed now? Then we'll begin the love story of the girl Ella from the planet Mina, true as the day, just as it was sung to me by her aunt:

When Ella first espied the man she'd wed

All the stars around just seemed to fade.

His kindness and gentility and grace

Shone hopefully upon her best friend's face.

Ella then resolved to stay a maid

Forever and forever one more day.

Her heart was broken so severely

There were no words of comfort you could say.

She tried to hide her misery from her friend,

Whose happiness was simply overflowing,

But truth will out and her sad looks and sighs

Were soon to blend with other looks more knowing

That honestly were frankly quite enthralling.

It didn't take our Ella very long

To capture and entice her darling one

Who brought a grand old name, though not a dime

To her immensely wealthy business realm.

Her father seemed contented with the deal

And rapidly arranged to put a seal on it.

The father of the groom had disappeared,

While Ella's mother feigned disinterest,

So Ella and her father set the date

Leaving little time to contemplate their wisdom.

Ella's little friend had to pretend

That she had never noticed his devotion

And had instead to aid and to abet

The wily Ella with her preparation.

What she felt inwardly we will not say,

Knowing her to be a girl of honour,

Realising she had probably

Escaped a fate of utter mortal horror,

Luckily deceived at once by both

Her wily one-time friend and untrue lover.

What name had he? I hear you ask what name?

Oh I don't know. Did it ring a bell?

Have you maybe heard it once before?

Perhaps you're right. Later we may tell.

Well Mina's mad traditions are well known

As the opposite of every elsewhere.

For if the bride is late, or yet her groom,

The wedding is put off another year.

Instead of helping them their friends resolve

To tease the bride and groom who struggle to reach

The great stone circle celebration place

Just a bit beyond the beach.

In Ella's parents' day it was the same.

They both had made it to the place together.

They spoke their words and made their vows

In simple seeming pleasure.

But one last thing had to be done

Before the sun came down on their endeavour

And that was to return the special gift

Which for the ceremony they had borrowed.

The other three somethings were easy to do,

But nothing was ever more truly true

Than the laws of borrowing on Mina.

'Neither borrower nor lender be

If you want your conscience free,

Start your life together fresh.

Make sure you've given everything back

Before the sun goes down.'

What was the name of her fathers's best man?

No matter. They'd had to jump into a van

And clatter over the border.

They dragged him out of a casino fight

In order to do what they must and might,

To hand him back that special thing.

It was a handkerchief, yes, not a ring?

That's right. And they did it before sundown

So their vows were complete and eternally bound.

People said the shock was too much

When they saw Ella's mother the moment she touched

The kerchief to drunken Edward's hand.

Some say she swooned right there on the sand

So relieved was she to make her vows complete.

'No stress like that, I want it simple and neat,'

Swore Ella to her father as they planned

An easier way for her special day,

Relying once more on the friend she had betrayed.

And thus it was, as they threw her shoes

Over the waves on Mina's shores

Ella, the almost real princess

Fearlessly trusted her way was best.

'It's time, I think,'

No, stay and play,'

'I think it's time, I can't be late.

How far will it be across the sand

To the circle and the marriage gate?'

She just flew off, barefoot as she was,

Not glancing back as a weak person does,

Making a bee line for the crowd

As shadows shrunk the time allowed.

Heart exploding Ella landed

Right on time in her father's arms,

With her flowers of blue and her new silver crown ,

And an old silver belt upon her gown.

All that remained was a borrowed thing.

She glanced around quickly for her friend,

A tiny speck almost out of sight

Still playing with immense delight

Way out upon the sand.

No time left! Midday and no shadows.

Now or never she knew!

At last the sight of her mother!

A flicker of hope grew.

Arms stretched out, her mother passed

A handkerchief neatly folded

Which she grasped in haste

Advancing at a pace

Through the gate

Where her lover waited.

They eyed each other up and down

Arriving at the table.

Now she would take off her crown

And pass it to him gladly.

The vows were made.

The crowd displayed

All manner of rejoicing.

But one thing more

Before

Before

One thing remaining.

No smile he gave,

No smile at all,

Her true love stood there waiting.

The gift, she mumbled,

Return the gift,

And then to our merry-making.

The handkerchief still in her hand

She reached out to her mother

And instantly

The earth and sky

Crashed and clamoured

With flashes of fire.

'Egads!' she cried! 'Ye Gods! Help me!

What on earth what have I done?'

On the kerchief neat embroidered

Was an echo of a name,

A name that sparked a memory.

It was one and the same!

'Twas Edward's gift that he could not reclaim!

Old old was the memory.

Old old was the pain.

Cold cold were Edward's bones

And the borrowing must remain.

'The wedding is void!

The nuptials annulled!

Go home everybody, go home!'

Ella stood alone, alone.

Ella stood alone

While her mother, and her groom,

Fair Edward's son

At last together went home.

The song that I sing you is not very old,

The song that I sing you is heartless and cold.

Hear my voice now and take heed of my warning

For ere night is passed your own troubles are coming

And you will stand or you will fall

Revealing the colours of your own soul.

Mind the wedding singer.

Hey, that's what they do on Mina! They'll do anything to put you off getting married, really! If you think you're too young to be grandparents, you should take your kids there on holiday. No-one gets married on Mina unless they think they'll die if they don't.

They have the happiest marriages on Mina. It's their best kept secret!