Celia straps me into Mitchell's Immersion program computer. She tells me about all the time Mitchell has been spending trying to break into one of Nate's files without any success. "I think you need to try to open it. I think you might be the key," she says.

"Why?" I ask, pulling the visor strap behind my head.

"Because the file is called 'Isla.' Nate must have really liked you," she smiles, plugging a computer chip, Nate's chip, into Mitchell's machine. "Was he nice?" she asks as she pulls the visor over my eyes.

"Not really," I say, "but he saved mine and Daniel's lives. I wouldn't be here without him."

"Okay, good," I hear her say as my visor connects into the Immersion program, "because I'm starting the program in three, two, one."

The pixels fill in before my eyes, and I'm immersed in a white space with file folders lining the vertical plane in front of me. I read the titles: Strategies, Immortal Daily Life, Leadership Team, Refugee Camp, Medical Experiments, Biological Experiments, Chemical Experiments, Physics Experiments, Mechanical Experiments, and finally, Isla.

I take a deep breath, and press my hand against my name. It darkens before opening onto a second blank white plane. A command in Nate's voice sounds around me: "State the password."

The password? I have no idea what it could be, but in front of me, I see seven blank spaces waiting to be filled in. Seven letters? I count the letters in all of our names, and highly doubt that Nate would have chosen Winston's name as his password. It will be a word that means something to us, I think.

I remember all the times he told me to remember the numbers 358. I thought it was just the room number, but could it have also been part of this password? That would leave four numbers or letters... Could it be that simple?

His command sounds around me again: "State the password."

I bite my lip, and try it out: "3-5-8 Isla," I say.

There's a pause before I hear, "Incorrect. State the password."

"Isla 3-5-8?"

There's a pause before Nate's voice returns, "Correct."

I laugh, "Seriously?"

The white plane in front of me breaks apart into thousands of pixels, piecing together a still image of Nate, sitting at his desk in the medical lab, just like he was when I went into the lab to check on him after the Immersions. The night he kissed me... and stabbed me.

He's looking out of frame, his eyebrows up in anticipation. I wait for a minute to see if he moves at all, but when he doesn't, I reach out my hand to touch the flat plane before me. The scene comes to life.

"Is it ready yet?" Nate asks. His voice sounds like it's echoing in a tunnel.

"Yep, now it is," the person from out of frame says, and even though I can't see him yet, I hear it's Declan. And then his whole face fills the image as he inspects the lens. Declan's so close, I can see the hairs up his nose and the blurred pores in his skin. He backs up and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, so before I lose him again, I touch the screen to pause the image.

I sit on the blank floor, and let Declan's goofy expression shine over me for a few minutes while I collect myself. All my nerves are tingling in anticipation. What is this video for? When did they film this?

I take another deep breath, and press my hand to the screen again to start the video. Declan steps back behind the camera, and Nate grimaces in annoyance. "All right. Thanks. You can get out now, Kunkle." He catches himself and looks straight into the camera: "Dr. Kunkle."

I hear Declan laugh off screen. "Oh, I get it. This is for Isla." His smiling face returns to frame. "Hey Isla," he beams, and my heart aches. I knew I missed him, but it wasn't until this moment that I realized just how much I need him. My best friend, outside of my mom and Daniel.

"Alright, alright, just... get out," Nate says, shooing Declan away.

The door behind the camera opens with a loud click, and Declan's voice calls to me from the distance, "Bye, Isla." I want to cry hearing those words, but at least I got to see him, for however short a time.

The door clicks closed, and Nate takes a breath in preparation. I find myself doing the same, and I'm glad that I'm already seated.

"Hey, Isla," he starts, "if you're watching this... we both know what's happened to me. I know you're probably furious," he says, and the sharp pain returns to my stomach. "But I need to explain myself to you. I wasn't going to make this video, but then I had to give you that shot, and...," he looks around the room, "by now, you know what was in it, other than the mutated DNA. I'm sorry." He sighs and rolls the sleeves of his shirt up to reveal his glowing keypad. "I'm going to come clean. About everything. You asked me once who I was, and I only told you parts of the truth.

"This part is true: My name is really Nathan Ward. I was once a traveling survivor with a large group of people, including my family. My group was found by those machines you call 'Prowlers.' There were so many of them, we never stood a chance. My cousin and I were in the same machine, but the rest of our group died in the other machines. If you were captured by the government, you probably know my cousin. Her name is Ava Ward. If you meet her, could you show her this? If that's possible?" He waits for a bit, and swallows hard.

"Ava, if you see this... I miss you. I never meant for us to be separated. I thought I was doing the right thing, volunteering. I thought they'd let you go. That's what they told me. They said your parents were still alive, and that they'd let you all go if I agreed to be their test subject. I didn't realize they hadn't done any of that until after they converted me, and I was connected to the computer system. I'm sure it looked like I abandoned you, but," he says, his eyes tearing, "I would have never done that on purpose. We are family."

His apology explains a lot. It explains why Ava never cried for her cousin, why she didn't care when Mitchell announced he was exploring his files. She died believing her cousin betrayed her. I hadn't let Ava's death truly register, but now, hearing Nate's apology, it hits me: She can't hear it, she'll never know he tried, and she's not here anymore for me to show her.

I catch my breath from crying, long enough to mumble the words, "She can't hear you, Nate." I inhale more deeply, and let out an involuntary wail before saying, "Ava's dead."

"Okay, now back to Isla," he says, once again displaying the controls on his forearms. "As you can see, I'm not entirely myself. They implanted a device in my brain that allows them to control me, and that also allows me to connect back to the bunker's system. They can control my thoughts and actions if they need to, but my feelings for you are all genuine. I know you don't care, since you have Daniel."

My heart breaks. It's not that I didn't care, it's that I couldn't care. If I had, I would have lost sight of what was important.

"But, I like you. If we were other people, if the timing wasn't so terribly wrong, I think you could have made me very happy. And I would have made you happy."

I'm sobbing now. I never thought about an alternative to this life, but somewhere out there, in some other dimension, an Isla and a Nate might still be alive and well. Maybe they are a couple, or maybe they are strangers, but at least, somewhere in some time, Nate has his mind and his life.

"I was ordered to keep watch over you. That's why there's an entire file folder for you, but don't worry... after sending partial files, I erased all but this one. In case this gets into the wrong hands, I didn't want anyone knowing you like I did. So don't worry: No one will know your favorite color or your favorite food. No one will know what you're afraid of or what motivates you. No one will know what you love most. They'll just know what you did. They'll know you made the Knock Out serum with Declan; they'll know you were on the Leadership team; they'll know I kissed you; they'll know I set you up to look like the mole. That's all.

"But while I'm on the mole subject," he starts, "I had to do it. I had to make you look like the mole. I apologize for any thing that might happen to you because of that. We're still on the Immortal now, so... maybe nothing happened, and this is all news to you, and you're just now feeling betrayed, in which case, I'm sorry again."

He sighs and continues, "I don't know what's going to happen once we get to the bunker. But I know what I need to do. Dr. Patel is going to be with me...," he clenches his jaw and his nostrils flare as he exhales. "I'm going to have to kill him if he tries to stop me. I'm going to try to split up, but... I might have to kill him. Then I have to find you, and bring you to the President. But... I can't let you die." He points to his brain, and says, "This isn't a life. I've lost everything. I don't want to continue living if I lose you too. Even as a friend. I couldn't, and I will do my best to keep you alive. But that's probably why you are able to watch this right now. Because I'm dead. Don't worry, I'm ready."

He takes a breath and wipes his hands against his pants. "I hope Dr. Patel is still alive. I hope everyone is, and that we won. We have to take them down. Their plans are much more controlling than we even imagined. And don't let Gunther Quail trick you. This whole thing goes deeper than him and the President. There are people all over the world pulling the strings, and they won't stop until we make them. If I'm still alive, then you and I are already working on that part," he says, smiling, but then his expression fades. "But if I'm not, I'm counting on you. I'm counting on my cousin and on Kunkle and your mom and the scientists. You all can do it. You don't know it yet, but one day, you're going to do something amazing, and everyone will see what I see. I hope that you'll see it then too."

I smile through the tears. He gave me the shot that changed my DNA and allowed me to rescue all the people from the bunker. Maybe he is right, I can do this. I can really be a leader.

"Well, I don't want this file to be too long, and in case you're mad at me or something, I don't want to annoy you any longer." He stands up and comes toward the camera.

What were your last words to me? There's no way he could know now, but maybe I can get a new set of last words to rest my mind on.

He reaches his hand around the camera, but stops himself. He leans his face down so that the screen is comprised of only him. "We found you, Isla Blume. Now save us from ourselves." He smiles his familiar crooked grin. "Bye."

I know that's not what he said as he was bleeding out, but still, I feel a sense of closure. The screen fills in with white pixels again, and I'm left to sob in the blank file folder. I let myself sit there for a few minutes, soaking in Nate's final apology to me, until my crying slows.

"Celia!" I shout upwards, "Press the end key!"

I let myself take a few more breaths, my head hanging between my knees, and when I pull myself up to call again, Celia is lifting the visor from my tear-stained face. I brush the tears away, and put on a brave face.

"Could you see all of that?" I ask upon seeing her wide dark eyes and downturned lips. She nods lightly. I don't know what to say or do, so I try to hide my sadness. "So, you met Nate. See? He wasn't all that nice, after all."

She frowns, apparently swallowing a distasteful thought. "Is what you said true?"

"What did I say?" I ask, unstrapping myself from the computer.

Celia's eyes are glassy with tears. "That Ava is... dead?"

"Oh," I choke, "Yes. She was caught, and they killed her."

"Who killed her?" she asks, and I shake away my first instinct to laugh at the stupidity in the question. Because it's not stupid. There are layers of distrust still in this world, and many people who would have been perfectly fine killing a young girl over her freedom. It wasn't too long ago that a group of people I trusted had wanted me dead. Daniel had a point about the Deathless.

"Cooper's soldiers. Ian was there. He told Daniel before Joe converted him, who, by the way, is also converted."

"I can't believe it. Any of it," Celia says. "Does... does Nina know? They were close...."

"I don't know. If she doesn't, I was going to tell her. What do you think?" I ask, throwing my legs over the side of the Immersion program chair. It's all I can do to keep from going limp with grief.

"Ava was her friend. Wouldn't you want to know if Nina had died?...Or me? Besides, we can't lie to her."

I remember all the lies and stories I've been told since the Prowlers collected me from my home. The stories the scientists told me that put me in harm's way. The stories Nate told me that ultimately landed me here. He saved my life, but he also lied to me, and put all of our lives in danger. As much as I'd like to remember him fondly, he created a situation for which he'd have to save me, and that's not noble. That's just playing your cards right, even if he was doing it out of love. No more stories, no more games.

"You're right, we can't lie. Let's go," I say, and Celia nods.

We head to the door of Mitchell and Celia's forest green and gold room, when Mitchell opens it from the other side.

"What are you doing in here, Isla?" he asks, his eyebrows lifted in spiked peaks. I take Celia's hand and try to walk past Mitchell in an effort to ignore him, but he grabs my arm. I'm surprised by how strong his grip is around me.

"You've been in the program, haven't you?" I open my mouth to lie, when he asks, "What did you see? Did you open the file?"

The computer is still on and the program is still in the main menu of Nate's files. There's no use in denying I tried to open it, so I purse my lips and say, "No. I couldn't figure out the password."

"He chose a password specifically for you."

I roll my eyes. "Well, I don't know what it is, Mitchell. Can I leave now, or are you going to question me more about stuff I don't know or care about?"

"You don't care about what Nate left for you? There is a file just for you."

"No, I don't care, Mitchell. I don't care about traitors," I say, hoping my words hit him like daggers.

"I need to access that file," Mitchell hisses, and a drop of projectile spit hits my cheek.

I don't know why this out of all the things that have happened in the past few weeks is the last straw, but it is. I move my arm up beneath Mitchell's chin, and push all my weight onto his throat, until I have him pinned against the wall. Mitchell reaches for my neck with his bony arm, but I slap it away before pinning it against the wall too. He's not stronger than I am, especially not when I'm fueled by anger, which still seems pathetic, so I laugh in his face.

"Isla, stop. It's not worth it," Celia says.

I push my arm further into his throat before releasing my hold on him, and he falls like a pile of bones onto the floor. She's right, it's not worth it. I'm not scared of Mitchell. I'm scared of his power here. And it hits me what I have just done. My chest clears of tension, and I'm suddenly flushed with terror.

I reach down, and pull Mitchell from the floor. I dust off his suit, muttering, "I'm sorry. I was angry. I'm... sorry."

Mitchell coughs, and adjusts his collar.

"We didn't erase the Immersion recording," I say. "You can watch me look at the file. I'm sorry." At least Nate didn't leave anything too incriminating for me behind. His was the only name that file ruined. "Let's go, Celia," I whisper, pulling her out the door, and as we leave, I glance over my shoulder to see Mitchell approaching his program.

In the Comforter's quarters, Celia and I find our friends huddled around the center couches, and between seeing Nate and Declan again and assaulting Mitchell, it's all too much for me. I can't face Nina right now, especially if she doesn't know Ava is gone. I can't tell her. I turn to Celia, my mouth wide in panic, but somehow she knows. "I'll tell her," Celia says. "Rest here."

I sit down on one of the cots, and watch Celia approach the girls. I begin to cry again, and even though Nate just told me he believed in me and even though Daniel and the girls believe in me too, I feel like too much of a coward to be their leader anymore.

Nina stands and asks Celia what's wrong with me, but Celia is too soft spoken for me to hear anything else. All I can do is watch Nina's face drop, first into confusion-maybe at the mention of Joe and Ian's conversions-and then into shock. Celia shakes her head, and as the girls circle around Nina, she and I make eye contact.

"She's dead?" Nina asks me. A tear escapes her, but other than that, she fights to stay calm. "And Ian didn't stop it?"

My heart breaks, and I leap off the bed to be close to my friends. Right now I don't need to be a brave, fearless leader, I just need to be a friend. I hug Nina and tell her, "I am so sorry. If Ian's ever back to normal, he will remember her death. I'm sure there was nothing he could do."

Nina nods and pulls away. "Well, for his sake, I hope there wasn't." Her eyes are red and her lips quiver as she shes, "I could kill him."

Then, all the girls come around us, and I grab Celia's hand. This is the closest I've come to siblings. Celia is right, but not only just about me and her. We're all sisters. I could never leave them behind, and if Daniel understood that, he would never be able to leave them behind either.

Only two more days and we will all leave, together. All but Ava.

We stay.

No matter what happens at Cooper's meeting with the council tonight, we stay and fight together.

***

The song "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars always reminded me of the relationship between Nate and Isla, even from Book 1. When I was writing the first book, I listened to this song a lot to prepare myself for scenes between the two of them. Isla definitely has a complicated connection with Nate, and Nate definitely wanted that connection to be a little more well-defined. The lyrics "I don't love you, but I always will," I think perfectly encompasses Isla's feelings toward Nate. 

The scene in this chapter with Nate's recording was something I had planned even before I finished writing the first book, because I knew that Nate had to die, but I also knew that both Isla and I would need closure.