"you stabbed me in the back,
but not deep enough."

☆

andy's pov

"she's a fucking demon."

hours had passed since my little altercation with dahlia. despite my best efforts, none of my bandmates were wanting to accept my 'no, don't wanna talk about it' as a good enough answer to their onslaught of 'what the fuck is wrong with you?'s. sitting bored in our dressing room with not much else to talk about certainly wasn't making it any better.

"i've never seen you act so out of character." jinxx spoke in what was somehow the kindest language i'd heard in the past few hours. "what the hell could she have possibly done to you that was bad enough to make you talk like that?"

"if you knew her like i do, you'd understand." i insisted, knowing i was right regardless of whether a single one of them wanted to trust me.

"dude, regardless of who she is, what she did or what she might still do." jake chipped in. "i've never seen you speak to someone like that; let alone a woman half your fuckin' size."

"i know. i can't explain it." i laid my truth out on the table, pacing with slow steps around the room while everyone else sat. "she has this innate ability to piss me the fuck off in a way no one else has ever accomplished." i felt like i had a million eyes on me rather than just the eight i was so used to.

"alright, well." jinxx shook his head and rubbed the spot just above the bridge of his nose, like the frustrated father-like figure he'd always been for the group. "you need to just.. be an adult and learn to control it. we're here to do our jobs. you're gonna get yourself knocked out if you keep acting like you did out there."

"for real." our lead guitarist continued, not a single moment between their scolding for me to get in a word if i wanted to. "clearly her and her brother have a little more of a moral compass, because they could've just let their bassist fuckin' jump you."

"i would've just let him." cc added.

"okay. thanks, guys." my head shot to our drummer who was leaning against the wall, unmoving, then back to the rest of my band. "your support really warms my heart."

"i'll support you when you stop acting like an ass." cc immediately retorted, not usually one to take sarcasm and not give it right back. "i just wanna know what this girl could've done to you that was so awful that you would hold a grudge this goddamn long."

"seriously." jake's hand motioned to cc to dramatically show us all that he agreed. "like, how long has it been since you were in high school?"

"okay, i get it." i raised my voice just enough to get my point across, eyes widening and arms spread out into the air around me.

"but clearly you don't." jinxx replied, his eyes following me as i anxiously stepped around in the same circle for the millionth time. "you won't even tell us what happened."

"it's not– it's not as black and white as 'something that happened in high school,' i can't just–" i stumbled over my choice of words, desperately trying to think of a way to shorten my thoughts without getting angrier. "it's a long fuckin' story. for the time being, you're just gonna have to deal with the fact that i don't like her and i'm never gonna act like i do."

"fine, man." cc lifted himself off of his diagonal lean against the wall, stepping over to the empty couch and flopping onto his back over the armrest. "but don't expect any of us to be on your side until you explain yourself."

"why don't you ask her what happened, if you're all so fuckin' worried about her feelings." i rolled my eyes, speaking mostly to myself.

"oh, don't give us that mumble-y bullshit, please." jake commented the second that the last syllable of my sentence rolled of my tongue, irritation filling every sound that left his mouth.

"that girl is already walking around this place like she's the glue that's gonna hold this tour together." i motioned to the door, myself and then to the rest of the group, expressing my frustration in the most politically correct way i knew how. "like everyone's here for her. someone needs to check her ego before she–"

"shut the fuck up." he cut me off as the conversation became just the two of speaking, and the rest of the band watching intently. "that's golden coming from you, first of all."

"what the hell is that supposed to mean?" my brows narrowed as i fought against raising my voice too much more than i already had, controlling the rage stirring in my chest.

"andy, love you, man. really do." his tone lowered as he extended me a half second of sympathy before he jumped right back into criticism. "but you've got a little bit of an self-importance issue of your own to be talking about someone else's ego."

"little bit?" cc barely looked up from his phone.

"fuck you too." i shot back.

"besides.. what does her band have to do with whatever personal problem you have with her?" jake jumped back in after me and cc's one liners. "i mean, spawn of satan or not, her and those guys really have something going for them. they're kind starting to be of one of the biggest groups in the scene right now."

"oh, kill me." i denied, crossing my arms and looking away in disbelief of what i was hearing. "if someone would've told me this run of shows was just gonna be months of me forcibly living in dahlia fawn's shadow, i think i would've passed on the money."

"she's like five feet tall. something tells me you'll be just fine in her shadow." jinxx replied, smartly.

"very funny." i simmered. "look," i dragged my hands down my face through a fit of stress. "when i have the time and the emotional wherewithal to explain every detail to you guys, i will. but if until then, if you still want to turn your fuckin' backs on me for some girl that you just met because you don't know the full story, be my guest. i'll continue to do what i'm here to do."

"no one's turning their back on you, andy." cc's eyes practically rolled to his brain. "don't be so fucking dramatic."

"i'll be as dramatic as i wanna be." i turned away.

"okay, well." jake huffed as he pushed himself up to his feet, with his eyes on his phone to look at the time. "you can stay here and be alone in your angst if you'd like, but the rest of us were gonna go be supportive and watch their set." he tucked it away, walking right past me and stopping in the open doorway.

"this has nothing to do with my angst." my shoulders pivoted my whole body, turning me to face forward again. "there's a tv in here that'll stream the whole thing. why are you gonna stand backstage?"

"because lonny wants to watch them in person," the skinny drummer laid out on the other side of the room jumped up and dusted himself off. "and the rest of us aren't miserable." he walked up with jake.

"if you wanna go with us, you can." lonny stood, pulling at the bottom of his t-shirt and fidgeting with his lip piercing. "i don't know what everyone else thinks, but i don't feel right just leaving you here."

i stood in silence.

"they're starting in like ten minutes." jinxx stated, heading towards the door with the rest of the band. "are you in or out?"

"jesus. fine." i let out the sigh i had been holding back in my quiet, shaking my head at the ground and following after the rest of my friends. "but i'm not gonna like it."

"we've stopped expecting you to like anything, andrew." cc cracked a small smile as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his black skinny jeans.

"stop fucking calling me andrew." i shoved him in the shoulder as he managed to make me laugh for the first time in hours, lifting the tension out of the air by at least a little.

i slowly caught up with lonny as the rest of the group seemed to drag back, letting my voice settle back down to a neutral sound. "so what is it about them that interests you so much?" my body tried its best to catch up, slowing my heart rate and calming my fuming head.

"i don't know." he replied, simply. "i just like their music. it's different. and they all seem really nice."

"looks can be deceiving." i said, a bit quieter than i'd been speaking seconds before. "just letting you know."

"look, dude. i can appreciate that you two have clearly been through something together," as much as i wanted to deny or argue against his assumption, i didn't have the energy or the nerve. "but i also think all of us would appreciate it if you'd just let us make our own judgments. if you're right, i'm sure we'll all pick up on it soon."

i bit on the inside of my cheek, holding back words about just how much i hated how right he really was.

"okay." i settled on a quick response and a nod, sticking close to my much more kind natured bassist as all five of us reached the backstage area.

"ah, my man." my ears perked up when i heard cc's voice, someone or something clearly catching his eye. i allowed my head to follow the sound, quickly realizing where his eyes had fallen when we entered the room. in the back corner just beyond the line where the main stage began, stood two members of the third band on this complete shitshow of a several month tour; chris motionless and justin morrow.

"coma." chris stepped forward as cc walked over, extending his arm for one of those sort of brotherly half hugs with a pat on the back at the end; which for the life of me, i never fucking understood. but that's besides the point. "wondered when i was gonna run into you." he said.

i made the choice to keep to myself as the rest of my bandmates and the extra singer and bassist made a bit of conversation. walking over to the dead end of then brick wall that they'd left vacant, i sunk into the deep corner and listened to the faint sound of excited voices beyond the curtain.

"i'm kinda shocked to see you here." my head shot up from my phone at the sound of a low voice after a few minutes had passed by. me and chris's height seemed to line up perfectly when i stood up straight, tucking my phone in my back pocket.

"what?" i questioned with a genuine tone, acting like i hadn't heard him, or that i was even remotely interested in having this conversation. because god knows i wasn't.

"i said i'm kinda surprised to see you here." jesus christ. i thought as he walked a few steps closer to my side and leaned against the wall next to me. "like, here, here. backstage before letters' set with everyone else."

"why do you say that?" i pretended i didn't know; probably not particularly well. it'd been a while since i'd acted in anything professional, and even that never translated very well into my convincing people of my white lies.

"i mean," he chuckled. "maybe because you and fawn kinda look at each other like you're trying to kill the other one with your eyes."

clearly he hadn't heard about earlier today if that's all he has to say. i thought.

"mmh." i looked away and to my anxiously tapping foot and shaking knee. "so since when are you two close enough for you to be calling her fawn." what left my mouth was almost involuntary. i completely changed the subject and regretted it the moment i heard myself say it.

"yo, dude." i can tell he was trying to stay friendly. i couldn't entirely relate, but i respected it. "i was really just making a statement. did you guys like.." he paused. "fuck around or something?"

my stomach twisted into a knot.

"what?" i cringed internally when the sound of my voice cracking filled my ears. "no. absolutely not." my insistent denial of his harmless question clearly humored him a bit. he visibly fought the smile trying to creep onto his mouth.

"okay, man." he nodded, turning his face away from mine and scanning the room. "just asking."

"why?" i paused between my follow up question, but couldn't seem to keep in my curiosity.

"hmm?" he raised both of his dark, painted on brows as he came back around to face me again.

"w.. why did you ask me that?" my heart rate gently became faster beat by beat as i awaited his answer.

"oh. i mean, no reason, i guess. really. you just seemed bothered that i called her something that wasn't her first name," he poked at my concern about the nickname that even i used for her. in hindsight, i could've said literally anything else in response. "and i've learned that men and women in this industry don't usually hate each other that much unless they've.. yknow."

"yeah, well. we haven't." i replied in a blink, saying the first reply that came to my head, regardless of its legitimacy.

"okay. good." he caught my attention again. what the fuck was 'good' supposed to mean? "cause i just wouldn't have felt right about it if you two were ever a thing."

"i'm sorry?" he must've thought i was an idiot or something, having a different question about every other thing that came out of his mouth.

"yeah, i guess you haven't really been around, huh." he grinned as if i was supposed to have any idea what that was alluding to. "i mean– i'm not gonna lie to you. man to man, i'm chasing after her a little right now." he looked forward, leaning the side of his head towards me instead of looking me in the eyes, like he was telling a secret.

"and.. why is that." to say i was uncomfortable was beyond what i'd call an understatement.

"seriously? she's, like, a total smokeshow." he laughed, consistently looking around us, like he was looking out to make sure she wasn't walking in while we were talking about her.

an unfamiliar burning feeling hit my chest.

"but i wouldn't wanna be, y'know– disrespectful if you guys had history." he seemed to take my silence as something beyond what it was at face value. silence. i didn't know what to think, let alone say.

"um," i awkwardly mumbled.

"so you're sure it's cool?" he asked, again. i wished i could commend him for caring so much, but the awful feeling pulling at my heartstrings distracted me almost any real, put together thought.

"uh. yeah." i nodded, shaking myself out of the spaced out state i'd briefly fallen into. "fuckin'– go for it, man." i realized what left my tongue was just about the nicest thing i'd said about anything associated with dahlia for days.

"sick." was all he said in reply. "ah, speak of the devil. good talk, biersack." i flinched as he gave me a friendly punch on the shoulder. i turned my eyes up to see him already making his way over to the short, pale, platinum blonde that had walk in the open doorway.

dahlia stood against the wall a few feet from the rest of her band, and from what i could see, she was fixing her in-ear and messing with the mic pack stuck to the back of her tight shorts. her back faced away from chris as he walked up behind her, touching her just enough to catch her attention.

gross, was all i could think as she whipped around to find him in front of her, instantly beaming like a single star in a dark night sky. shoot me in the fucking head.

chris leaned his shoulder against the black brick structure that surrounded the stage, completely blocking my view of her. probably better off, i thought. i cringed at the faint sound of a feminine laugh touching the air and just barely making it over to me.

fuck, i can't wait to get out of here.

in that very second, the dozens of lights circling all around us and on the main stage progressively dimmed until we were stuck in near-blackness.

"c'mon, c'mon." somewhere in the darkness, i heard the low voices of the remaining members of dahlia's band; aside from damien, i didn't know one of them from adam. or however that phrase goes.

a dim, ambient intro sound began to play on a track through the massive speakers on stage and all around the venue. screams and hollers filled the air, shocking my ears. from my spot in the corner, i saw the faces of the four instrumentalists fall under the singular backstage light as they passed by me and started their walk out to the stage. one by one, a glare was shot my way until all their footsteps led them away and onto the platform in front of the audience.

i rolled my eyes. like i give a flying fuck, i thought.

"go knock 'em dead." i somehow managed to hear chris's voice over the sound of the guitars, bass and drums slowly building onstage and the crowd. he reclaimed his spot a few steps away from me, walking the front-woman for the next hour to the line that divided us and the beginning of the first set of the night.

she turned for just a moment, locking eyes with me with an intensity in the huge, forest-like circles on either side of her freckled nose. her brows softened from the pointed state she'd had them in when she looked at me. her body relaxed, slim fingers tightly gripping the microphone i noticed was in her hand at the last second.

she stood still on the border between the back and the front stage as her band threw the song into it's loud intro. every one of the guys on stage began to sing in unison to the music."i see through you, i know what you are. i've seen the devil more than i've seen god."

the cheering, screaming and various sounds of excitement filling the room was piercing. halfway through when the boys sang the second repeat of the line, the shock that ran through every body backstage showed itself on all of our faces. dahlia ran out into the suddenly flashing lights that covered the whole span of the room, smoothly and fully screaming into the mic in her hand halfway through the line– "more than i've seen god."

suddenly, my almost lost memory of the loud, angry piece of music that was about to performed in front of my eyes came flooding back to me. "jesus christ." i said out loud, barely realizing i had until it had already left my mouth.

"tell me about it." chris replied to the words i hardly knew i'd even said, clearly thinking my reaction was that of the same awe he was feeling. "fucking insane."

"cover your ears and shut your eyes, cause what i'm about to say is gonna ruin your night." i couldn't believe the sound coming from her little body; a dirty vocal better executed than you might hear come out of most male singers. "this is a call out, and i'm not afraid to drop some names." she captivated the crowd with just the wave of her free hand, sending chills across my skin at the sound of the roaring wave of voices singing along with words i'd never heard before. "you've dug your grave and you have no one but yourself to blame."

she moved around the stage with grace, filling me with a familiar hatred– i despised how i couldn't take my eyes off of her.

"i see the world in black and white, because true color always fades away under the right lights." she hung her head low, bending her back over with both hands on the mic. every voice on stage filled the monitors once again in perfect unison as she lifted up and tossed her arm out to point the microphone at the crowd.

what sounded like every single breathing person in the room shouted, "i see through you, i know what you are."

"i've seen the devil more than i've seen god." her voice quickly jumped from a rough, raspy scream to a smooth, balanced tone to sing the chorus, flipping her neck up to make her long hair cascade overtop her head. her fingers drug through the bleach blonde mess. "and when he has you by your neck, i hope you choke on every fucking word you said." her back arched with her neck as she held the mic over her bent back head.

"you've run out of luck, and i'm calling your bluff." i felt the air in my lungs grow thin when her head whipped to our side of the stage. gently, everything around us seemed to slow down. that same feeling that hit me the night before grabbed me by my throat. her gemstone eyes shined underneath of the stage lights and so clearly, purposely stared into mine. my heart beat in time with the drums.

"you stabbed me in the back, but not deep enough." she sunk down to her knees and hit the hard platform beneath her, practically shaking the whole room with her voice. "but not deep enough. i see through you." she finally let go of her contactless grip on me.

the hard bottoms of her boots sent her high above the ground as she jumped along to the bumping sound of the music and energy surrounding her. her and the band behind her repeated the chorus until the guitars slowed and the drums became gentler, easing into an eerie bridge.

she slid herself down back onto her knees just inches away from the edge of the raised platform, her slim thighs slightly spread open. every move she made screamed just how much she knew every eye in the room was on her. her head dipped down to the mic, hair concealing her face like a curtain to a blinding sun beyond the window it covered.

"you said i'd never make it, you said i'd fall on my face." her fingers dragged through the long, almost gray strands that hid her head, placing just enough behind her ear that she could be seen again. "but now i'm right where i belong, and i put you in your place." her hand planted behind her as she arched her back and neck with her knees still on the stage. i couldn't stand how easy it was for her to captivate everyone in the room.

"you said i'd never make it, you said i'd make a mistake." she quickly flipped herself up again, jumping back onto one foot with one bent knee between the lines. "but now i'm right where i belong," she stood up swiftly and fast. "and you've got nothing to say."

the repetitive chorus came crashing down again, the crowd seeming to get louder with every time it came back around. dahlia clicked her mic back into the stand just in time to direct the audience in front of her, giving them her arms and pulling her voice away from the microphone. purely instrumental came from the stage for the first lines, ecstatic fans singing, "i see through you, i know what you are."

"i've seen the devil more than i've seen god." the widest smile i've seen on that girl's face in the whole time i've known her touched on her lips as she looked out to the waves of people singing with her. she stopped, letting them go at it by themselves again, simply leading with her hands and jumping around again. the lines repeated until the end of the song, when she slid herself back up to the mic stand and gripped it hard, squinting her eyes through the last night of dirty vocal.

"you stabbed me in the back, but not deep enough."

the lights fell pitch black again while the music sizzled out into the end of the song. the crowd screamed a mass, ear shattering scream. the spotlights gently came back up to the light the stage equally, revealing the band and their grinning faces. my stomach twisted and turned as i looked out to the scene. fuck, there was a lot of things i hated, but i think i hated having to admit when i'm wrong more than anything else.

"i guess you guys knew that one, huh?" dahlia's giggly voice rung through the auditorium. "but in case you're just here for motionless in white, we're letters from your ghost. welcome to the fuckin tour." she purposely skipped past the third act on the ticket. cheering filled the room once again the moment she spoke her band's name. "we love you guys. this next song's called sun killer."

an unavoidable ache filled my bones at their next song began to play. i knew if i stood there any longer, i was going to make a scene in some way. my feet carried me away from my spot next to chris, passing by my band members who immediately began to question where i was going.

insisting i'd be right back, i disappeared into the hallway to find somewhere to be alone until our set.

☆