Imperator Caesar Publius Aelius Traianus Hadrianus Augustus, son of Trajan Parthicus, grandson of Nerva, to the young citizen Parthenos Antinous of the Bithynian Province, student of the Imperial Paedagogium at the Caelian Hill,

I am a thousand leagues away from you, yet I see your face everywhere. In the statues of the Temple of Venus at Baalbek, in the smile of an Assyrian princess and the waves of the Aegean.

Commodus has proven an erratic travel companion. He has shocked our hosts with his decadent flights of fancy. He is attended by more slaves than an Egyptian pharaoh. A parade of exotic animals accompanies him to every banquet, which he decorates with no fewer than a sea of lotus blossoms. He paints his face with flour to protect it from the sun and lately refuses to eat anything but ostrich eggs, which are impossible for our humble hosts to procure.

When I think of you and your gratitude for a single fig, Antinous, I am moved to tears. They have a saying in Mauretania: "Better a handful of dried figs and content with that, than to own the gate of peacocks and be kicked in the eye by a broody camel." It's silly perhaps but I feel your soul recognizes mine. I hope you are well and that school suits you.

All my best, beloved

September 26, from Smyrna

Antinous smiled at this letter, which he had discovered that evening on his bed, the seal detached from the parchment but not broken. The slave who delivered it caught his eye and quickly made himself scarce.

Antinous took a piece of papyrus and quill to draft his reply.

Parthenos Antinous of the Bithynian Province, student of the Imperial Paedagogium at the Caelian Hill to his Imperial Majesty,

School in Rome is different. The other boys do not like me because I am Greek. I don't like them either. I made one friend. He invited me to compete in wrestling and footraces.

Philosophy is my best subject. My teacher lent me the writings of the Roman philosopher Cicero. It is good but not as good as Socrates. My mathematics teacher thinks I have a natural aptitude for the subject but lack focus. My rhetoric teacher says I am behind in the Five Canons; invention, arrangement, style, memory, and delivery, especially delivery. I learn quickly, which pleases him. The only teacher who does not care for me is Tulius my Latin grammar teacher. He struck me with his staff because I lost my tablet and answered him in Greek.

Thank you for the figs. Tell Commodus to eat one so he doesn't get kicked in the eye by a camel.

All the best from your beloved

October 19, from Rome

🌿

When the weather was mild, his mathematics teacher, Decimus, worked outside on proofs and formulas. The curious mathematician found inspiration in the geometry of Roman architecture, the branching pattern of a tree, and the symmetry of a boy's face.

Antinous walked alongside him, often tangled in the folds of his teacher's white toga that flapped wildly in the wind. He sought his counsel on a problem that he had scribbled down on his new tablet. New to him. Leonides must have owned it for years. The wood was worn where his thumb held the frame. Antinous placed his thumb in the same groove.

Because Decimus liked to keep the company of students, he invited Remus to join them. Math was Remus' strongest subject. Naturally. He was more calculating than Archimedes.

They walked up to the peak of Caelian Hill and looked down at Rome. The sun rose above the city's bustling markets like a shiny coin. Men in arms, like a river of gold, raced through the streets in horse-drawn chariots. It was Armilustrium, a festival in honour of Mars, the god of war.

Decimus pointed to the Temple of Mars and asked the boys to devise a formula to determine its height and width. Antinous was too busy watching the garlanded soldiers purify their weapons. He did not know where to begin, and, squinting at the building, was distracted again by the sound of buzzing.

A wasp's nest had fallen and cracked open on the ground beside him. Inside were tidy rows of cells, each in the shape of a perfect hexagon.

He then remarked, "It is interesting how a wasp can construct a nest the way we construct a temple."

Remus, who had begun by calculating the distance between where they stood and the temple, stopped scribbling. "You're comparing the filthy home of an insect to the complex grandeur of Roman architecture?"

"Your architecture is inspired by the Parthenon in Athens. All of your temples are pale imitations of Greek ones."

Remus ignored him and turned to Decimus. "Teacher, can you please explain to Antinous how the mathematical mind of the Romans engineered the aqueducts while Greeks were still shitting in the street."

Antinous, ignoring Remus asked Decimus, "Teacher, can you please explain to Remus that Greeks INVENTED MATHMATICS."

"Teacher, can you please explain to Antinous that-"

"Enough!"

The mathematician was diplomatic to a fault and did not take sides. He simply said that the gods were the first architects and that they must make an offering of frankincense to Mars.

Remus tucked his tablet beneath his arm and climbed down the hill back to the courtyard in a huff.

Antinous shook his head. "I don't know what I've done to make him hate me so much."

Decimus motioned with his finger in the air, the way he did when illustrating an equation. "Do you see that bracelet on Remus' wrist?"

The boy's slender arm was swinging by his side. The copper bracelet dangled from his wrist and looped over his small hand. 

"It was a gift from the emperor. Remus was Hadrian's beloved..."

"Until?"

"Until he wasn't."

🌿

Antinous ran to the gymnasium, kicking up dust with his sandals. He was late. The boys had begun picking their matches for wrestling.

He approached the boy in charge, who he knew was named Marcus. He was tall as a cypress tree and a fast runner. Antinous asked what team he was on. Marcus brushed him aside and told him to get to his lessons, the games were for older boys.

He glanced around, scanning the group for Leonides. When he couldn't find him he said. "Leo said I could join."

Marcus arched an eyebrow. "Leo?"

"Yes... My friend Leo," he repeated, surprised by his own boldness.

Marcus scratched his head. He had a vague recollection of Leonides mentioning that someone new would be joining them. He let Antinous stay and ordered the boys to pair off. They crowded 'round with their hands on their hips and spat on the ground. Antinous adopted the same posture and also spat.

Marcus called out names on his tablet. Victors of yesterday's match were to choose their opponents today. Each one looked to be paired up with a partner of a similar height and build. Antinous was lucky he was tall.

He perked up when one would walk past him, he widened his stance, puffed out his chest, but he was not picked by the first victor, nor the second, or the third.

"Titus!" Marcus called. "Cajus!" They looked at Antinous, shook their heads or winked and backed away. They did not see him as a rival but as a conquest. Their bodies had fully matured and his hadn't. His slim frame and hairless skin held the charms of a girl, while his Greek heritage alluded to the sacred pleasures of his boyhood. It was not that they hated him, the way classmates did, it was that they knew they could beat him and found no honour in such a match.

Marcus wrote down the names of each pairing on his tablet until nearly all were matched but Antinous. He knew he would be picked last and already felt sorry for whoever had the dishonour to be stuck with him.

With only three boys left to be picked, Antinous felt a warm hand on the back of his neck.

"Sorry I'm late," Leonides said.

He was holding Antinous' broken tablet, which he had artfully mended with plant resin.

"I pick the Greek," he said without a trace of irony. "He wrestled in his homeland. The birthplace of all great warriors."

Roman eyes bore into Antinous now, jealous and ashamed they had not thought to pick him first. He lifted his chin, vindicated.

"Very well," said Marcus, arranging the last two pairings.

They then drew lots to see who would go first.

He did not know why Leonides believed in him but he had never felt more proud.

They sat on the ground, Antinous cross-legged and Leonides with his leg bent, his tanned forearm casually balanced on one knee.

He leaned over. "Good Armilustrium to you."

"Yes! Good Armilustrium! It's my favourite Roman festival!" It was the only one he knew.

"Mine too." His blonde curls, brassy in the sunlight, shone like armour. "My father is a senator, but when I see the chariot races and soldiers honored in the Circus Maximus on Armilustrium... I know I am destined to be a warrior."

"My father's a farmer but I am also destined to be a warrior! I'm making an offering of frankincense to Mars this evening. I will make an offering on your behalf as well."

Leonides laughed and squeezed the back of his neck again the way one might do an overzealous pup.

Antinous knew the rules of wrestling. A point was scored when one man touched the ground with his hip, back or shoulder, was forced out of the wrestling area, or conceded in a submission hold. After scoring a point, the opponent must be given time to rise to his feet.

In Greece, wrestling was the highest expression of strength, represented by their god Heracles, son of Zeus. Wrestlers competed in the nude and were admired for their beauty. Romans did not see the beauty in strength. They valued winning and the winner in a Roman match was often not the strongest but the most cunning.

Leonides grabbed a handful of dirt and clapped his hands with it, improving their grip. He turned over Antinous' hand and poured some into his palm, so he might do the same. As Antinous clapped the dirt between his hands he felt the fraternal bond between warriors going back centuries.

He was too excited to pay attention to the other matches and before he knew it Marcus was calling their names. It was their turn.

He crouched down in the arena, which was nothing more than a circle drawn in the dirt. Leonides flexed his tanned limbs and did the same. The boys were chanting his name.

They waited for the signal. Marcus lifted his hand and the match began.

The pair danced around each other, shuffling their feet in the dirt, before finally locking arms and grappling. The older boy's grip was firm and commanding.

Seconds into the match, Antinous lost his footing.

"One point," Marcus announced, his left hand outstretched, indicating that the point belonged to Leonides.

The boys cheered.

Antinous got up and rolled his shoulders. It was his turn to display his strength. Once again the two circled each other. He wasn't strong enough to perform a throw but if he could get a grip on the older boy's waist he thought he might be able to hook his leg and trip him.

As he reached out Leonides twisted his torso and locked an arm around his neck. Antinous fell to his knees.

The boys roared with approval.

Leonides pressed his lips to Antinous' ear. "Fight. Fight back."

A tiny growl escaped his throat, but try as he might, Antinous could not break free from his grip and had to concede.

Marcus indicated that another point had gone to Leonides.

Antinous took a breath and rose to his feet. Leonides was already upon him.

"I had not yet risen!" he cried.

"You were standing," Leonides argued with his hands on his hips, not even tired.

Marcus made the call and sided with his friend.

"Filthy Romans," he muttered under his breath, sounding exactly like his father. "You're all the same."

Wild as bat, he came at Leonides, arms flailing, abandoning all honour and sportsmanship.

Marcus fouled him for slapping. Him! A Greek! Outrageous!

"So it's alright when you break the rules but not when I do it?"

"I didn't break the rules," Leonides said with a composure that drove Antinous mad.

He swallowed the bile and tears that were building in his throat as the others looked on with amusement. His own classmates, had gathered 'round now, craning their necks to see what all the commotion was about.

Antinous forgot about the beauty in strength and now fought solely to win, or rather he fought out of a fear of losing.

He ran across the arena headfirst into the older boy's chest.

Leonides caught him by the waist and flipped him down on his back. The air left his lungs threatening never to return.

He lay there for a moment blinking at the cloudless sky.

"That's three points," Marcus said, marking it down on his tablet. "We have a victor!"

"Le-o!" "Le-o!" "Le-o!"

Leonides extended his hand to Antinous to help him up but he refused to take it. Instead, he crawled up on his hands and knees and stumbled out of the gymnasium into the courtyard, blood dripping from his nose.

Leonides chased after him. "Antinous! Wait! It was only a game!"

He whipped his head around even though it was pounding and felt like it had been split in two.

"I thought you were kind."

"Letting you win would not be kind."

"Let me win? You're a cheat!" he said pointing to the blood dripping from his nose. "See!"

"You're wrong. I fought with honour. Your ego is bruised worse than your body, Greek."

Antinous turned his back wanting nothing more than to nurse his wounds alone.

Leonides followed. "Antinous, please—"

"Leave," he said coldly in Latin.

Who was this Roman to speak of honor? He had humiliated him in front of everyone. Where was the beauty and fraternal love in such a match?

He thought he would be alone in the courtyard since the others had gone to their lessons, but Remus was there, so still and pale, Antinous mistook him for the winged Anemoi that adorned the fountain.

He slid the copper bracelet up his arm where it squeezed his small bicep and appeared almost part of his flesh. Remus examined the precious metal with the same expression that Antinous looked upon the blood he'd wiped from his nose.

"Men's intentions are not always what they appear," he said. Antinous didn't recognize the timber of his voice. Was that... empathy?

"He gave me his tablet yesterday and today he humiliated me in front of everyone."

"He's fickle, those with power always are."

Though he didn't care for Remus he found himself agreeing with everything he said.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

Antinous nodded.

A smile tugged at the corner of Remus' lips. "I stole a jug of wine from the cellar and hid it in my sleeping quarters."

His eyes went wide. "That is an offering for Armilustrium."

"Come by after dusk and we'll drink to the gods."

He returned Remus' sly smile. "Or men."

"Yes, let's drink to fickle men."

A/N: So it looks like Remus and Antinous might become friends after all... or will they?

Was Leo right to unleash his full strength on Antinous during their wrestling match or should he have held back?

It's early days but who do you think cares for Antinous more, Hadrian or Leo?

And that bit about the camel in Hadrian's letter is a real ancient Mauretanian saying. You can't make this stuff up!

Exciting news: I got my tickets to the Hadrian opera!!!!!! I'm seeing it next week. Here's the poster 😍  

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