Ten sestertii.

That was the cost of a ticket to watch the gladiators. Antinous had nine sestertii and waited patiently until the end of the week to receive his state allowance. The money would be better spent on a new tunic or the public baths, but ever since he arrived in Rome he dreamed only of attending the Flavian Amphitheatre.

Remus and Romulus passed him in the courtyard with twin smiles. The night of Armilustrium haunted Antinous but they went on as if nothing had happened. Still, he could see those smiles cracking beneath the surface like weathered stucco.

Their next lesson was rhetoric. They were debating a passage from Homer's Odyssey. To Antinous' horror their teacher, Gallus, used the Latin translation that referred to Odysseus as "Ulysses." It was bad enough that he was expected to read artless Roman writers. Did they have to butcher the Greeks as well?

Antinous thought nothing of the exercise until he noticed the passage Romulus had chosen to discuss. While Remus was a cold and calculating mathematician, Romulus was an impassioned orator. Antinous had the misfortune of sharing the same name as the poem's famous traitor. Since their plan with the dagger fell through, Romulus sought to lash him with his tongue.

"And what do we make of Penelope's foremost suitor Antinous? He is arrogant and wicked to be sure, threatening to steal everything from our hero Ulysses. You might say, 'Romulus, all of Penelope's suitors are arrogant and wicked,' " he gesticulated with a bony finger, "but remember, Antinous is the only suitor Homer does not portray with sympathy. Why? Because he leads the campaign to kill their son, the innocent Telemachus, who was only a baby when Ulysses left for Troy! Furthermore, Antinous is the first suitor to die. Pierced by the arrow of Ulysses, he chokes to death on his own blood." He made choking sounds in Antinous' direction. "Tell us, Greek, why were you named after the epic poem's greatest traitor?"

"Now, now, Romulus," Gallus tsked, braiding his thick fingers over his belly.

Antinous should have kept his mouth shut, but he had a quick temper and couldn't help himself.

"I was not named after Antinous in the Odyssey! I was named after the princess Antinoë founder of my town's Greek mother-city Mantineia!"

This sent Romulus into hysterics. "I stand corrected, everyone, he's named after a woman. That's much more fitting!"

Everyone burst out laughing.

"What of it? My mother's a woman and she's braver than any Roman man."

Gallus intervened, sternly this time. "That is enough." He motioned for Romulus to take a seat on the straw mat.

As he sat down, Romulus whispered in Antinous' ear, "Your mother's a Greek whore who spreads for Roman men."

Without thinking, Antinous made a fist and punched him in the mouth. Romulus fell backward and shakily touched his split lip.

"Brother!" Remus cried as he kneeled over his twin. "Look at what this brute's done! He attacked my brother! What kind of person would do such a thing? He's an animal!"

"Antinous!" Gallus pointed and sent him out of the classroom. "I don't know how they shape young minds in Bithynia, but violence is not tolerated here at Caelian Hill."

They attacked me with a dagger! He longed to say. They are the brutes! They are the animals!

But all he could muster was, "Yes, teacher."

By noon all of the teachers had learned of his outburst and the Headmaster decided to withhold Antinous' state allowance as punishment.

He dug into his leather pouch and stared at his nine sestertii. He thought of the match that would begin later that day, the one he would miss. It was so close yet so far away.

He stood by the fountain and waited for Leonides to emerge from his philosophy lesson. Antinous hoped he would catch him alone. Leonides had so many companions that Antinous often had to wait his turn just to speak with him. Sometimes he waited all day to receive a kind word or a mere pat on the head. Leonides was older. Seventeen. Antinous was twelve. Of course he preferred to spend time with boys his own age. It was only natural.

He climbed down the steps with an arm draped around Marcus' shoulder. It was hopeless. If he was with Marcus there was no chance that they would speak. The tall, gangly Roman was his closest friend. Even though he was a rather serious boy, Marcus always made Leonides laugh. Antinous hadn't figured out how to make him laugh yet.

He must have sensed that something was wrong, however, because when he saw Antinous' face, his arm fell from Marcus' shoulder.

"Have you been waiting for me?"

"Me? No." He toed the earth with his sandal.

Leonides shrugged and turned to leave.

"Wait!" He didn't know what to say but he didn't want Leonides to go. "Will you help me practice my wrestling manoeuvres?"

They wrestled in the tall reeds under a fiery sun. Though Leonides didn't burn, he did have a constellation of freckles on his left shoulder that reminded Antinous of Cassiopeia. Not that he would ever mention it. Who spends time thinking of one's freckles?

He ran at the Roman with a grunt.

"Whoa!"

Antinous had gotten better at wrestling. He was not yet skilled enough to best Leonides but he was able to execute a few basic manoeuvres. The Roman knew there was more going on beneath those ropey muscles than a desire to win.

Panting Antinous said, "Did I nearly pin you?"

"Well, normally wrestling with you is like wrestling a mosquito and today you're a very angry mosquito."

Antinous sat on the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees.

"What happened?"

Did he really have to talk about it? All he wanted to do was wrestle in the sun and forget his worries.

"I got in trouble during my rhetoric lesson."

He arched an eyebrow waiting for the whole truth.

"Romulus called my mother a whore and I punched him in the face."

"Antinous! You musn't let your temper get the best of you."

"I know," he said tearfully. "Now the Headmaster is withholding my state allowance. My life is over."

"They can't withhold it forever," he said placing a hand on the boy's scraped knee.

"No," Antinous sniffed, "But I was planning to buy a ticket to see the gladiators at the Flavian. The next fight may not be for weeks!"

Leonides looked over the hillside down at the city. "Is that all? I could take you."

Antinous wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

"Really? You would do that?"

"You're my friend."

Friend. He considered him a friend and not just a silly child who followed him around all day.

"Thank you!" he stammered, so grateful he could hardly speak. "I have nine sestertii. I only need one more for the ticket."

"My father's a senator. I don't need a ticket."

🌿

There were so many people in the market he could hardly see his own feet. The roads were clogged with chariots and oxen. Merchants screamed from their stalls with cured meats and fresh game. Slaves ferried buckets of water on their head from the wells to wash the bloodied floors of the slaughterhouse.

Leonides told him to hold his hand so they wouldn't lose sight of each other. The Roman's hand was large and warm and Antinous' smaller hand fit snugly inside its grip.

It dawned on him that without having to buy a ticket for the Flavian he could now buy all of his necessities, like a respectable tunic, since the one he was wearing was frayed. But he was never good with money and instead bought himself some sweet meats and candied fruit. Then at one stand he spotted a lyre carved from ivory. The merchant said it was imported from Athens.

He picked it up and plucked the strings. Leonides did not tease him for his feminine hobby. He was impressed. "You are very good! I wish you would play for me sometime."

Antinous slipped the merchant five sestertii, over a month's allowance, and bought it on the spot.

They entered the Flavian through the arched entrance of the northern gate. He'd never been inside a structure so majestic. The circular amphitheatre was open as a mouth and the audience inside tight as teeth. Leonides said it seated eighty-seven thousand, but to Antinous it appeared to seat millions. Spectators clinked tin cups of watered down wine and those who were gamblers leafed through the libellous, a program that detailed every match.

There were special boxes with the best views of the arena. One tier was for the noble class, another for senators. Leonides spotted his father. A tall man in a purple toga with thinning white hair that was probably once as golden as his son's. They nodded pleasantly at each other, though the exchange felt strained.

The senatorial boxes flanked the box with the best view of the arena. The box belonging to the Emperor.

They took their seats among the plebs. The crowd was lively, shouting obscenities, fighting, laughing, spilling wine and throwing food. At the center of the amphitheatre down below was the arena. In the corners, the tunnels from which the gladiators would arrive. Antinous did not think it was possible to be so excited.

He offered a piece of sweet meat to Leonides.

"First figs and now sweet meat." He grinned.

Antinous felt his face grow warm.

Leonides didn't seem to notice and ate a piece of meat. He never turned down food and was always hungry. He was the hungriest person Antinous had ever met.

The crowd stomped their feet. His small feet did the same. The pompa entered the arena, a procession led by civil servants, followed by a band of trumpeters. Then came the clowns, with grotesque face paint and rags meant to mimic armour, parodying the impending match. Someone threw a tin cup at a clown's head. He winced and wearily carried on. This made Antinous sad. In Greece, actors were a protected class, the sacred servants of Dionysus.

Finally, a gladiator emerged from the tunnel and lifted his head to the sky. He wore a bronze helmet with a cage around his face, iron guards to protect his arms and legs and an iron breastplate to protect his torso. He was a giant and more metal than man. Antinous' eyes were drawn to his sword belt and round shield.

The crowd jumped to their feet. Antinous waited to see who his opponent would be but from the tunnel on the other side of the arena emerged not a man but a lion on a long heavy chain. He had no armour, only soft yellow fur, teeth for a sword and great paws for a shield.

The crowd jeered, thirsty for blood.

The gladiator wasn't frightened. He unsheathed his sword and held up his shield.

"Gladiators used to be slaves forced to perform in the games against their will. Hadrian banned this practice. Now the games include only willing participants."

"That's not true." He pointed. "The lion did not choose to participate."

Leonides patted his head. "You're a clever little fellow, aren't you?"

They glanced below. Someone had entered the Emperor's box. It was two woman, one older and one quite young with a severe expression, accompanied by a scribe.

"Plotina, the former Emperor Trajan's wife, and her great-niece Sabina, Hadrian's wife."

He knew Hadrian had a wife but to see her surprised him. She wore a plain blue stola with a white palla modestly covering her head.

"She looks like a Vestal Virgin."

Leonides almost choked on a piece of sweet meat. "That is... entirely possible."

Sabina stood in stark contrast to her great aunt Plotina, who was positively dripping in imported silk. She wore a gold diadem on her head and her hands and wrists were dotted with jewels. If Antinous didn't know any better he would have thought she was still Empress.

"Who is the scribe?"

"Suetonius," he said between bites. "A historian and the imperial family's secretary."

The gladiator and the lion circled one another. The beast raised his great paw and the gladiator sunk the tip of his sword into his flank. He let out a terrible whine. Drops of blood dotted the earth like rubies.

Sabina feigned interest and clapped, while the dutiful Suetonius scribbled away on a piece of parchment, his eyes darting between the Empress and the page.

"She must miss the Emperor terribly. Do they have any children?"

"Children? Hadrian and Sabina don't like being in the same city let alone the same bed. They live in separate villas and rarely see each other at court. Plotina is another matter. They were allies when Trajan was alive and now she is Hadrian's closest confidant. They say she arranged the marriage with Sabina just so she could maintain her influence at court."

"Do you go to court often?"

"Not if I can avoid it. It's filled with sycophants. Everyone at court will betray you if it means getting closer to the Emperor."

"Sounds like Caelian Hill. They've already tried to cut my face with a dagger."

"At court, they'll put the dagger in your back."

The gladiator swung his sword again and the lion narrowly missed the blade. He limped around the arena still bleeding from his flank. When the beast mustered the strength to charge at the gladiator, he was snapped back by the heavy chain around his neck.

"I can't imagine anyone crueller than Remus and Romulus."

Leonides laughed heartily. "That's because you haven't met Commodus."

The gladiator charged. This time the lion did not raise his paw. He let the man of metal come close and moved at the very last moment. The gladiator fell. Once down, the lion sank his teeth into the gladiator's throat and sprayed the air with blood.

Antinous jumped up and raised his fists above his head. "YES."

Swiftly, Leonides pulled him down on his lap.

"What? What is it?"

"You're not supposed to cheer for the lion," he whispered.

"Oh."

The gladiator's body was carried out of the arena on a chariot while the lion was led out by his chain. His furry muzzle was stained pink with blood.

They prepared for the next match.

Antinous only had one piece of sweet meat left which he offered to Leonides, who was somehow starving. He was about to hand it to him when Leo ate it right from his fingertips.

He giggled.

Below them in the box seats Leonides' father looked up hopefully at his son. Antinous couldn't imagine what it must be like to have such an important father.

"Why don't you want to become a senator?"

"I hate rhetoric."

"That makes two of us. It is a noble life however."

"My place is with the army. The empire needs me."

"We are not at war."

"Not yet, but there is rebellion brewing in Judea. Their people believe in only one god and refuse any other symbols or customs."

"One god," he scoffed, "That idea will never take hold."

A new gladiator entered the arena, this one with a plume of feathers on his helmet and a spear. The tunnel opened on the other side and three tigers leaped out.

Antinous turned to Leonides with his fingers curled like claws and growled.

🌿

When they returned to Caelian Hill, Antinous was walking on air. He had never had a more exciting afternoon, and with the person he looked up to most in the whole world, besides Alexander of course.

He didn't want the day to end and clutched the lyre to his chest. Leonides had liked his playing. Perhaps he could play for him that evening, he thought. Yes, he would play him the Delphic Hymns. His voice had not yet broken. He was told he had a pleasant singing voice. He would sing him the Delphic Hymns.

"Leo, I was wondering if perchance—"

Then Marcus called from across the courtyard. "Leo, where have you been all day!?"

Leonides ruffled his hair. "Thanks for the sweet meat, little one."

Antinous swallowed his disappointment. "You're welcome, thank you for—"

Leonides ran off to join his older friend.

"Everything," Antinous whispered.

He kicked up the dust with his sandal and went to find a quiet spot to play his lyre alone.

He wanted so badly to tell someone about his day at the Flavian but was reminded yet again that he had no family, no friends, no one at Caelian Hill but Leonides. Antinous didn't know what possessed him but he suddenly changed course and followed the older boys. If they played a game maybe they would let him join.

They walked up the steps of the east tower to the library. It was quiet but for the echo of their sandals slapping against the stone. The others were in the banquet hall for supper.

Leonides bounded into the library. Marcus chased after him and swung the door behind them. It bounced on the latch and and remained open a crack. Antinous didn't dare invite himself inside but watched them through the cracked door.

He didn't understand what he was seeing at first. Marcus pushed Leonides up against the wall of scrolls. Was he being attacked? Why was he not fighting back? Then Marcus lifted his friend's tunic and dropped to his knees. Leonides cradled the back of his head with his large warm hand.

He shut his eyes.

He licked his lips.

His breath hitched.

Antinous had stopped breathing altogether. He had never been so still while his heart was beating so fast.

Marcus' movements quickened.

He panicked. He should not have been watching them but could not look away.

Leonides gripped Marcus hair and released a heavy sigh.

Antinous felt a hand on his shoulder. He screamed and slammed the library door shut. Marcus could be heard scrambling to his feet on the other side.

It was the Headmaster who approached him. Did he glimpse the scene Antinous was staring at through the cracked door?

Blood was pounding is his ears.

"Parthenos Antinous, son of Erythros. May I have a word?"

The headmaster was holding something behind his back and Antinous, still catching his breath, was relieved for a moment. He thought it might be his state allowance. His eyes were on the Headmaster but all he could see was Leonides. And Marcus. On his knees.

It was a letter with the imperial seal.

"I've been instructed to give you a message. The imperial retinue has left Smyrna," he said. "The Emperor is returning to Rome." 

A/N: Bit of a twist with Leo in the library 👀 Did you see it coming? 

Don't kill me! Remember, he's a 17-year-old boy with hormones who's handsome and very popular. 

I've packed a lot into this chapter that will be important later. Plotina, Sabina and the historian Suetonius were all real people. It's true that Hadrian and Plotina were allies, Hadrian didn't get along with Sabina and they never had children.

Trust. No. One.

Hadrian is en route! He'll be meeting Antinous again very soon. Are you looking forward to his return? 😏😏😏

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