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ARS LONGA VITA BREVIS

128 AD

Antinous had too much to drink. Naked, he rolled over in bed, temples throbbing, wine dried on his lips turning them a ghastly shade of purple.

He groped the air for the velvet rope to ring for his slave. When he couldn't find it, he tied a bed sheet around his waist and wandered sleepily down to the kitchens.

He tried to piece together last night's revelries. There had been many banquets that season and they all bled into one. Was it last night that he danced with the envoy from Egypt or was that the night before? He could have sworn he got into a Tabula match with Hadrian's general, Sextus, but he might have misremembered, was it the general's courtesan?

He flung himself through the kitchen doors with a yawn, the sheet hanging loosely off his narrow hips and dipping low beneath his naval.

"Good morning!"

"It's midday," the cook tsked.

He nicked a few slices of dried apple, meant for the Emperor's afternoon guest.

The kitchen slaves eyed him, half naked and quite possibly still drunk.

"He hasn't a head for wine," the eldest scolded, but only teasingly.

He stole another slice and took a gulp of water straight from the pitcher, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

One slave hit him on the backside with a spoon, while another pinched his cheek.

Before his arrival five years earlier, the servants had no imperial family to look after at Hadrian's villa, only an aging Emperor and lovers who came and went. Antinous was the wife Sabina could not be and the child she would not have.

Hadrian rearranged his household to reflect their union. Fig trees were planted in Antinous' honour because the fruit was his favourite. When he turned fifteen, a nude sculpture was commissioned to celebrate his beauty. A gymnasium was built for him to race and wrestle with amiable guests. He had his own living quarters, his own slave, his own horse in the stables and a small carriage for short trips to the city. His allowance was beyond what he could spend and anything he did want, Hadrian had already gifted him. He experienced much happiness behind these walls but they were still walls.

The Emperor was meeting with Commodus in the peristyle. Looking upon them one would think Commodus was the Emperor. He had two slaves fanning him with ostrich feathers while Hadrian kept cool beneath the shade of a tree.

Suetonius the imperial secretary, sat beside them dabbing beads of sweat that formed on his brow with a blue handkerchief as he scribbled furiously on his parchment. How strange it must be, he thought, to be tasked with writing the story of a man's life while he is still living it.

Antinous stepped toward them, the stone path hot as coals beneath his bare feet.

They were discussing matters of state. He nestled by Hadrian whose hand found its way to his lover's neck as he spoke. No one kept secrets around Antinous because he had no interest in gossip or political intrigues. Hadrian trusted him more than even his closest advisors.

Commodus' transformation from lover to political ally had been as inevitable as a bud to a thorny rose. He had a shrewd tactical mind and was always listening and bartering secrets to advance his station. He was less trustworthy but he and Hadrian shared common enemies and his cunning served the Emperor.

Antinous stretched out in the sun untangling the sheet around his legs.

"You did not even bother to dress?" Commodus sniped. "Is that last night's wine on your lips? Hadrian, he's insolent, you must keep this one on a short leash."

"One does not need a leash when he is loyal," he said, stroking the boy's hair.

Commodus was only mildly irritated. Antinous offered him a piece of apple but he declined. He was on a strict diet of sea snails.

He moved onto the reconstruction of a temple at Circus Flaminius that was commissioned during the reign of Augustus. It was Hadrian's dream to complete it with his own decorative scheme.

"Is this the wisest use of resources at this time? Might you put these funds toward infrastructure and ease the worries of the senate? Roadways need expanding in the Esquiline—"

"I think a temple at Circus Flaminius is a lovely idea," Antinous chirped between bites of apple, "the people will celebrate you, and its glory will please the Gods. Infrastructure sounds so dull."

Commodus turned to the Emperor. "And that is why the Greeks fell and Romans rose to power. Suetonius, write that down."

Hadrian was as charmed by his lover's whims as he was his beauty. They were both dreamers.

"Antinous is right. The temple is my legacy. There are plenty resources for infrastructure, Lucius. If the senate disapproves, tell them to open their own purses for once."

With his head in Hadrian's lap the boy delivered a sly smile.

A slave brought out wine mixed with cool water, and fresh pomegranates. Antinous crushed the fruit's shell to loosen the seeds and licked the juices that bled onto his fingertips.

The matter of the temple was settled but the aristocrat was petty and could not resist goading Antinous.

"I met your school friend recently at the Forum. He says he misses you dearly."

He sat up. "What friend?"

"Remus, of the Romilia family. I invited him to ride with my retinue to the boar hunt. I assumed you'd be thrilled."

"He is not my friend."

Hadrian raised his eyebrows. He did not involve himself in boyhood disputes but stroked his beard with interest.

"He's very well bred," Commodus said, twisting the knife.

"Remus is a beast."

"He sounds fascinating."

"He tormented me in school!"

"Well now he must come."

Antinous had many of these so-called friends. His position at court suddenly made anyone who'd ever met him, a "friend." He did not know when he gained such influence but he first began to see it at banquets. Men curled their hair to look like his, and painted their eyes to mimic his Persian lashes, they donned his plain white tunics and sat out in the sun all day to bronze their skin. It was unclear what bothered Commodus most about this: that he had fallen out of favour with Roman society or out of fashion.

Hadrian let Commodus win this battle. "Remus is from a fine family and Lucius has already extended the invitation. It would be imprudent to rescind the invitation and offend him."

Antinous folded his arms across his bare chest.

Satisfied that he had annoyed the young Greek, Commodus took his leave of the villa. Suetonius stood to follow him out.

"I must go. I'm attending the Circus Maximus for Armilustrium. Those hot, sweaty legionaries aren't going to purify themselves. Oh how I love this time of year!" His slaves followed him, fanning frantically. He stopped. "I would ask you to join me Antinous, I do know how you love the festival, but you're not dressed and," he leaned in close, his voice below a whisper, "you wouldn't dare leave your master's side."

The man knew exactly how to get under his skin. Commodus may have envied Antinous' youth and beauty but Antinous envied his freedom.

🌿

Slaves prepared Antinous for bed. He soaked in a bath of lavender petals and had oils massaged into his skin until it was soft as down. They trimmed his curls and slipped a chiton over his head.

Hadrian waited in bed for his lover to be presented to him as he did most nights. Often these exchanges were wordless. Antinous would crawl through the sheer panels of the canopy and overcome, the emperor would take him until his lust was sated. Other nights they would talk about their day and Hadrian would coax him into the act with sweet sayings. Some nights they would only talk.

Antinous traced the scars on the Emperor's chest. His body was rough and battle worn. There was wisdom in these old wounds. He examined them like the markings on a map.

"Tell me the story of how you got this one," he said, touching the crescent moon below his ribcage.

"I've told you a thousand times, Tinou!"

"I'd like to hear it again." He dipped his head behind the cushions, playfully shielding an attack. "It's Armilustrium."

"As you wish." He rolled onto his side with a rumble as loud as a bear. "It happened at the end of the Dacian war, during the battle of Sarmizegetusa. I killed a band of infantrymen until only one remained. I raised my sword and asked him to do the same. He got on his knees and begged for his life. He said he was the last of seven sons and would pledge his allegiance to Rome if I let him go."

Antinous' lips were moving. He could almost recite the story word for word.

"I put down my sword and he put down his sword. When I extended my hand in peace, he retrieved a dagger from his belt and stabbed me."

"Then you—"

"—pulled the dagger out and slit his throat, killing the last of seven sons. Because—"

"—the Dacian did not fight with honour."

Hadrian tipped his head to kiss him. "Good, very good."

Antinous moved on to a scar on his shoulder. "What about this one? From the battle of Porolissum. Or this one, from the—"

The Emperor took his hand. "Did I ever tell you of the uprising at our southern boarder?"

"No, I would very much like to hear it!"

"Well, it went something like this..." He slid Antinous' hand down his chest, beneath the bed sheet and between his legs.

Antinous snatched his hand back as though he's been burned.

Hadrian softened. "I was teasing."

"It's not funny."

"You were caressing my shoulder. I thought you were feeling amorous."

"I'm not."

There was an uncomfortable silence between them. The Emperor searched those large dark eyes for the impish boy he knew and loved. Antinous was born to a storm but now it seemed the storm lived inside him.

"You've seen the whole world and been on so many adventures..."

"You are very young, Antinous."

"I'm turning seventeen in twelve days," his voice cracked.

Hadrian rarely displayed emotion and he did not betray what he was feeling now but his eyes misted at the implication of Antinous' words.

"Let us speak of happier things." He pointed to the scar on his shoulder. "The battle of Porolissum. It was a great victory."

🌿

A column of smoke rose from the metropolis. Taverns and brothels closed their doors signalling the end of the night and the arrival of morning. No sooner did the drunks stumble home than the roadway was choked with house slaves and merchants haggling over the price of squid. Perhaps Commodus had been right about infrastructure.

Children crowded their carriage as Hadrian and Antinous rolled down the Suburra. He could hear them chanting. The Emperor's name was on their lips but it was Antinous who was in their hearts. It was he who they mimicked and brought gifts for. Little greeklings, he thought, as they stuck their arms through the carriage window to lay figs at his feet.

He was embarrassed by his popularity. 

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Why would it?"

"It's you they should imitate, not me."

This was meant to be self-deprecating but it came out as a rebuke. Their quarrel the night before left the taste of sour wine on his lips.

Hadrian glanced out the window wistfully. "Seeing a thousand versions of myself looking back at me sounds like a nightmare. A thousand versions of you, however, paradise."

Sheepishly, Antinous bit into a fig and waved to his admirers.

They would later be visiting the construction of the temple at Circus Flaminius but first Hadrian wished to pay a visit to Plotina at her domus on Palatine Hill.

She turned her hard grey eyes to Antinous. She had been a wife and advisor to Trajan, Hadrian's predecessor and made sure her husband named Hadrian his successor. Some say she forged Trajan's signature on the decree while he was on his deathbed, but none could prove it. She arranged the marriage between Hadrian and her niece Sabina to secure her place of power. The Roman court as they knew it had been by her design for two generations.

She understood power, wanting it, and how to get it. She therefore did not understand Antinous, who had no greater political ambition than watching the sun come up over the Flavian. He was a prince with the spirit of a slave.

She could sense that they had quarrelled. Though Antinous posed no political threat she disapproved of Hadrian's obsession with the boy. She thought it left the Emperor vulnerable to his enemies.

"He is sullen."

"The ride did not suit him. The carriage was bombarded. He has many admirers you know."

"Perhaps some time in the country would do him good," Plotina said, gesturing to the greenery in the courtyard with her ringed fingers.

"I am taking him to the Arcadian Woods for a boar hunt."

"Some time apart, so his moods do not distract you."

Hadrian grew irritated. "He is not a distraction."

"I only meant—"

He lifted his hand. "Antinous and I are never to part."

He sought Plotina's wise counsel on all matters but this one. On Antinous, he could not be reasoned with.

Plotina bowed her head gracefully. "I am but an impartial arbiter."

She expertly veered the discussion toward Hadrian's successor. Her favourite topic, since she would likely outlive them both. Antinous wasn't asked to leave but gave them their privacy. Anyone else would have remained still as a fly to soak up the sweet details of their plan.

He wandered the atrium instead and absentmindedly plucked the leaf from an olive tree. They didn't spend much time in the city. Hadrian preferred the quiet of his villa. Even on the hill, sounds of metropolis seeped in from every window and beneath every door.

He heard laughter and assumed it was coming from the street. Then it grew louder. It came from within the house. He followed the sound.

It was light female laughter, like the trill of a thrush. It reminded him of his sisters and the way they laughed as they beat wet clothes over rocks to wash them. They were always coming up with silly verses about the village boys and he wondered why they sang about boys as often as they did if they found them so ridiculous.

At first he saw only the back of a light blue stola. I wasn't a servant but a noble woman. And then he saw Suetonius' face as he broke their kiss.

Antinous was perplexed to see the historian here in Plotina's domus. But he was in complete shock when the woman turned around.

Sabina.

She blanched.

Antinous backed into a pillar and wished he could turn to stone.

None of them knew what to say and said nothing.

She was betraying the Emperor. It was unthinkable that a wife should betray her husband, that the Empress of Rome should betray her Emperor. And with her husband's secretary and historian no less. The man was charged with writing the story of Hadrian's life, not becoming one of its sordid characters.

Sabina swept past Suetonius into the tablinum and closed the door. Suetonius fought the impulse to chase her, left the house and disappeared into the street.

Antinous stood alone and bewildered still holding a leaf.

Everyone in Rome thought they were enemies: the wife and the lover vying for the attentions of the most powerful man in the empire. The truth was, they were complete strangers. Two birds in separate cages who, until now, did not recognize each other's call. He had never truly understood her, until that very moment, when he saw her with her lover.

And here he was, her husband's lover with the power to ruin her in his hands and no idea what to do with it. He was loyal to the Emperor but his sympathies lay with Sabina. 

🌿

When their carriage rolled up to the temple it was already evening. Antinous wondered why Hadrian chose to visit the reconstruction so late. They would need candles to illuminate the interior.

They called it: the Pantheon. It was a round structure with tall granite columns and a dome. Antinous had never been inside but was told the Emperor's reconstruction was a sight to behold.

Hadrian came up behind him and tied a silk scarf over his eyes.

"What are you doing?" Antinous laughed and tried to peek.

They entered the temple, sandals sliding against the marble floor still filled with dust and debris. Hadrian guided him by the waist. He had been to many temples before, and did not understand why this one was so special.

"Tilt your head back," Hadrian instructed.

Antinous did as he was told, holding the Emperor's arm for balance. 

He removed the blindfold.

At the center of the dome was a great oculus. Silver starlight, bright as Alexander's armour, shone down upon him.

He felt Hadrian's breath on his ear. "Why would you want to see the world when I can give you the whole universe?"


A/N: In case it isn't clear, this chapter takes place five years after the previous one.

Should Antinous tell Hadrian about Sabina and Suetonius?

The statue of Antinous I refer to in this chapter is the Capitoline Antinous discovered by excavators at Hadrian's Villa. The Pantheon we know today was really completed by Hadrian! I also took Plotina and Sabina's storylines directly from history. Plotina was an ally of Hadrian who some people believe made him Emperor against her husband's wishes while he was dying. Sabina did have an affair with Hadrian's historian, Suetonius 👀

Next up, the boar hunt, and the return of Remus 😏 

Leonides will come back too (but I won't tell you when)!  

If you enjoyed this chapter please give it a Vote! ⭐️

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