Mason

As usual, there were a few things Cody O'Neill utterly failed to notice at the bar tonight:

1) the brunette with the tray overtly flirting with him. If he'd given her the chance, she would have slipped him her number with the beer, later her tongue and perhaps even more. I preferred not specifying the 'more' part. 

2) the way Zoey punched and teased him is actually her idea of hitting on him. She and Yue both thought Cody was cute. Cute, but also kinda cringe. Too many girls liked Cody. 

3) the doorstep on our way out. He tripped, flailed his arms, then pretended nothing happened. Yue made a very valid argument with the cute but also kind of cringe.

Unfortunately, the list of things Cody O'Neill failed to notice tonight ended at these three points.

"Mace? Are you mad because of what Noel said?"

I felt Cody's questioning eyes on me. I kept mine on the street tiles, carefully avoiding touching the lines as we walked.

Mad? What gave him that idea? I'd only thought of 97 ways to kill Noel, before Cody and I pushed through the other half of the crowd. About 150 after stepping out onto the streets. Did that qualify as mad?

Should've never told my idiot brother, or Yue or Zoey anything.

Tell the bunch of progressive people you're hanging out with on a Saturday afternoon you're gay because it's the 21st century everyone, and nobody bats an eye.

Tell them not to tell Cody yet because you're in— in something, an unspecified magnitude of feelings (I'd carefully avoided the word 'love') with him, and everyone gapes like I just announced I thought Hitler was a swell guy.

They're all convinced I should tell him. I'm convinced they should all eat a dick. There was a subtle difference between telling someone you're gay, or telling someone you're gay and in love with them. Subtle however, was not their strong suit. Especially Noel was about as subtle as a brick through a window.

I told them I hoped they'd be supportive. Poor matchmaking attempts and obvious meaningful looks was so not what I had in mind when I said supportive. They just didn't seem to understand entire friendships go to shit because of the friend zone and the awkward. I had no doubt in mind Cody would react nicely to me being gay, but I needed to get over him first, before telling him anything. 

"Mace?"

Cody sounded worried, his eyebrows drew together. I forgot to answer him, didn't I? 

Whipping out my most convincing and only half-fake smile (because it was difficult not to smile at least a little bit real for Cody. The other half of the smile was the type I used for parents, work, and teachers), I shook my head. 

"Nah, I'm not mad. Just not in the mood for crowds, and I actually want to watch a documentary."

Cody nodded deliberately.  "Okay," he accepted my answer, but his brows still told a different story.

"We can watch one about the most beautiful locations in the world," I continued, putting on my happy work voice to accompany the (half) work smile. "Pick a holiday destination for this year's summer break, eh? I mean, it's gotta be great this year since it's the last one we're gonna get before we're off to college."

"Okay," Cody replied again. He was studying my face, thoughtful and distracted. He was still trying to wrap his mind around my anger.

"Hey, Mason?" Cody blinked rapidly a few times.

"Mm?"

"Now that we're on the topic of vacation anyway..." 

"Mm?"

"About what Noel asked..." 

I didn't give him an encouraging hum to continue this time.

"Do you think it's," with a glance at the people surrounding us Cody lowered his voice, "gay for two guys to sleep in one bed?"

Gay. It was so weird hearing that word come from Cody's mouth, see it rolling off his lips. Mostly because he never said or asked things like that. He rarely talked about anything sexual, leading Noel to tease me even more mercilessly with my feelings of unspecified magnitude ('does Cody even know that thing between his legs is used for something else than peeing?').

It was such an earnest and sincere question, and I think that's exactly what made me burst out in laughter. That, and the nerves. Pure nerves. 

Even when Cody wasn't being oblivious, he somehow managed to be oblivious. His honey brown eyes were wide in honest confusion, and I shook my head.

"No," I squeezed out, stifling my laughter.

Technically seen I was not lying. The act of two guys sleeping in one bed in itself wasn't gay. But the way my stomach fluttered and heart thumped while we were in that motel bed together was more than a little gay. The way I woke up early, noticed the blanket had slid off him, wanted to touch his stiff hair -- it was the chlorine, get your mind out of the gutter-- and the light stretch marks on his sides from growing in height and muscle mass so fast, was Kinsey scale six gay.

"It's not gay," I restated. "It's a ridiculous notion that any close physical proximity or even affection between guys makes them gay. Unless, of course, you were turned on by it Codybear." I elbowed Cody gently in the ribs, teasing him. 

Why on earth did I say that? What was I doing?

"Haha. No," Cody replied, letting out a nervous rooster-like laugh. He elbowed me back casually, but his shoulders drew up. 

I cleared my throat. "Anyway, we were smart because that motel room was an economical decision. It was cheaper, and we took less space."

"You are smart," Cody corrected me. "And I didn't think it was gay either for the record."

"Right. So--" I searched for a new conversation topic, anything but motel beds in Manhattan or Noel, "--so how was swimming practice earlier today? Got a few big competitions coming up soon, right? You're gonna win? Well it's obvious you're going to win, but how much are you going to humiliate the rest?"

"Yes, Coach Carta has me training hard," Cody vaguely replied, ever so humbly not confirming nor denying his winning chances. 

I could tell he was still distracted. For starters, he wasn't already telling me more than I ever wanted to know about his favourite sport. Second, he was biting the nail of his right thumb as he stared off in the distance, and I'm pretty sure he didn't notice he was doing it.

Then he looked right at me. His adam's apple bobbed in his throat.

"Mace?" 

"Mm?"

"Do you think Noel and the others actually think we want to make out?"

My jaw went slack. 

"Uh," I heard myself stammer helplessly. I covered it up with a cough. Cody wasn't letting this thing go, kept bouncing right back to what happened inside the bar and it was getting worse. 

"No, he doesn't," I finally managed to say. "It's Noel. He gets a kick out of asking people questions that makes them uncomfortable or puts them on the spot because he thinks that makes him cool."

Cody tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips like he often did in math class. "But why would we be uncomfortable or put on the spot with a question like that?"

Oh dear Jesus, he was going to figure it out. 

"I don't know Sherlock," I smiled like I wasn't about to have a nervous breakdown, "it's Noel. Frankly, I don't want to know how his brain works. I bet it's dirtier than the Internet in there. Maybe he didn't mean us."

"But Noel said that question was especially for you. Just like he said that other question was for that couple."

Cody's eyes narrowed in further puzzlement, and I suddenly saw the rest of my life flashing by.

Before I'd know it, I would have to confess to him I'm gay because Noel or Zoey or Yue had made it so super obvious even Cody had to figure it out. Now, in a few days, in a few months. He would. Soon, Cody would also start noticing the signs I'm in love with him when he starts paying attention to it. He won't know how to act, how to deal with the fact that his best friend loves him and he has to watch everything he does and says, lest have me read too much into it. 

Fast forward a few years, and we'll only see each other at birthday parties or reunions at school. A 'hi' relationship where we politely ask the other how he's been doing the past year(s). Afterwards, I'll be sobbing at the Liquid, the largest gay bar in town, trying to get over it with one night stands because it'd been years.

Cody was staring at me. 

"Okay. Okay so here's the truth," I said, stalling. I wasn't ready to ruin our friendship with stupid hormones. "You see." I had to do something. "I uh. I like Zoey. Yes! I really like Zoey."

"What?" Cody looked about as shocked as I felt at my 'confession.' His eyes were spread open wide.

I fully understood his shock. 

Interesting panic choice, subconscious. I mean, if I ever had to fake a crush on someone, I always figured it would be Yue. Nothing wrong with Zoey, but Yue would be somewhat easier to introduce to the family since she didn't talk like a trucker. 

"Zoey?" Cody repeated, as if he was making sure he'd heard it right. "Since when?" 

"I dunno." My eyes swiftly glided over Cody's form, from his brittle blond hair, down to his sneakers, "I think the crush was always low-key there, right."

I remember seeing Cody for the first time. He wore a striped t-shirt that was a little too long, jeans that were a little too short, and a heart-stopping smile. He was already tall for his age even back then. The new kid in class. The teacher put Cody next to me, and that was enough of a reason to become friends at that age. I might've chased him around just a little bit too. 

It were simpler times, until the little things started making more and more sense, like puzzle pieces falling into place. His dazzling smile making me feel funny. Missing him when he was gone (I never missed my primary school girlfriends). Wanting to hug him. One day, Cody had his first swimming competition, and I came to watch. Watch the water drops slide down his bare, muscular chest. Couldn't get that image out of my mind, especially not late at night, and then I finally got it.  

"I just realised I've started looking at her differently."

Cody nodded in understanding. 

"So," he seemed to be reaching a conclusion in his mind (it took him a few seconds), "that's why you were so mad at Noel. Because you don't want Zoey to think we were..." he trailed off, pointing at himself and then at me.

"Yes," I quickly affirmed, "Noel knows, and was purposely trolling me by pretending I'm gay in front of her."

Cody suddenly stopped walking, and brought me to a halt too by grabbing me by the arm. "Then, what are you doing here with me? You have to make sure she doesn't think too much of what Noel said. Go back to the bar, go get her."

"I don't-- You think so?"

"Yes!" Cody grabbed my other arm as well and gave me a shake, an almost too wide grin on his face. "Go get her!"

Cody was nearly bouncing from foot to foot in his enthusiasm about me and Zoey.  It both gave me a big sense of relief, and a big pang of disappointment in my chest (then again, what was I expecting?). I should be happy. He finally bought my lie, our friendship was saved, and I'd have the time to get over him. 

Trying to match his grin, I reached out to ruffle his hair. "Alright Codykins, I'll go back to the bar."

I was going back to the bar alright.

I was going back to kick Noel's ass.