The lights dimmed and the audience, bare and scattered, hushed. Everyone was waiting, now with anticipation, since word of the man's talent had spread through the arts crowd on campus. He'd been somewhat unknown before his first audition, his invitation a surprise, and his talent had blown everyone away. He'd been hiding in plain sight, his humble nature and honest unaffected shyness keeping his talent a secret, but his secret was blown wide open now. Seokmin was a force to be reckoned with and people couldn't wait to hear him sing again.

He'd prepared a song from the movie and a dance with Soonyoung's help. And as Joshua held his breath in the audience waiting to watch Soonyoung slipped into the seat beside him. "He's amazing," Soonyoung said softly to the man waiting patiently. "I really had no idea. Probably shouldn't have knocked him back that night at the party, but hey!" he elbowed Joshua in the side and laughed too loudly for a silent audience. "You snooze you lose right? You're a lucky man Joshua."

Joshua nodded. He knew.

Seokmin appeared on stage, hair slicked up and borrowed leather jacket on, moving to the sounds of Greased Lightning. His jeans were tight and his moves were slick, suggestive even, and Joshua wondered who taught his sweet boyfriend how to move like that. Then he realised he was sitting right next to him and he suddenly didn't like the idea of Soonyoung teaching Seokmin anything anymore. "Look how hot he looks," Soonyoung whispered loudly and Joshua nodded. He didn't appreciate the man's aggressive complimenting of his boyfriend. He didn't like it at all.

====== 1 year ago ======

The lights dimmed and a lone spotlight came on. Joshua blinked in it, momentarily stunned, but quickly recovered. He looked around but in the dark audience he couldn't see him. He wished he was there, he wished so much that Jeffrey turned up to see him sing, he'd worked so hard on this cover with his love in mind. But he couldn't tell.

He sang his heart out as if he was there. He imagined his tall broad boyfriend, muscled and athletic, handsome and charismatic, smiling in the audience as he enjoyed the song. He strummed his guitar and sang his heart out and with the promise of the soon to be signed contract in his head he really thought everything was perfect.

To be young and in love in New York City

To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me

To be drunk and in love in New York City

Midnight into morning coffee

Burning through the hours talking

Damn, I like me better when I'm with you

I like me better when I'm with you

I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause

I like me better when

I like me better when I'm with you

He sang a three-song set before leaving the stage. His constant companion, his guitar, slung over his back as he headed into the audience to watch the other performers. Now his eyes had adjusted from the glare of the spotlight he was able to see that Jeffrey wasn't there. He had known all along it was a long shot but had still allowed hope to seed in his heart where it had bloomed against the odds. The hope withered and died quicker than a blooming hibiscus when he realised he'd been stood up. Again.

He pulled the phone out of his backpack and the message was as expected.

"Sorry, something came up, let me know when you get home though.."

Being seen in public wasn't Jeffrey's thing. Someone from his school might see him, or someone from Joshua's college, or even worse. Someone who knew his parents. Jeffrey would still come to Joshua's house though, where he would spend the rest of the evening playing his PlayStation and watching his Netflix, eating his snacks and climbing on top of him when he got bored with the other stuff.

Joshua didn't mind.

He opened the door to his converted basement and jogged down the steps. He sent Jeffrey the text and quickly got into the shower and when he stepped out there was a knock at his door. "Hey," Jeffrey said as he walked in and tossed his backpack down. He picked up the PlayStation controller and switched the console on before patting the bed next to him and smiling at Joshua. "Come here," he said as he rolled onto his side and Joshua blushed shyly.

Looked like they were skipping the snacks tonight.

"You didn't come," Joshua said softly as Jeffrey ran a hand up his tshirt and stroked the skin underneath. "Babe, we talked about this, what if someone saw me?" "We could just say we're friends..."

Joshua found himself on his back with his tshirt hiked up around his neck. "But we aren't just friends, are we?" Joshua could hear the smirk in Jeffrey's voice as the younger boy began to trail his tongue across his stomach. "Wait, slow down, I wanted to talk tonight..." Joshua closed his eyes and squirmed away a little as he thought about the necklace. He'd purchased matching necklaces for them and was hoping to ask Jeffrey to wear it, to be a real couple, not some dirty little secret hidden away in dark basements undercover of night.

"Talk?" Jeffrey's hot breath washed over his skin as he felt the boy begin to unzip his jeans. "We don't need to talk," his words were as hot as they were hurtful as Joshua clenched his eyes shut and let him pull his jeans off. He lost himself in the heavy weight of Jeffrey on top of him, inside him, his movements hard and selfish. He'd talk to him once they'd finished. Jeffrey had a one track mind when it came to getting what he wanted.

Joshua was glad it was dark in the room as he lay pliant and let Jeffrey have his way. It would be over soon and then they could talk. And he was right, Jeffrey thrust hard into his body and finished quickly and rolled off him and onto the bed with a groan. Joshua didn't cum but his boyfriend didn't seem to notice. Or care.

And Joshua wondered why he'd chosen that song in particular to sing for Jeffrey. He didn't like himself better at all when he was with him. He hated who he'd become.

"Do you want to shower?" Joshua asked carefully and Jeffrey shook his head. "No thanks," he said as he grabbed one of Joshua shirts from the floor and used it to wipe himself off. "I can't stay long anyway." Joshua swallows nervously and got the little black velvet box out of his backpack and cleared his throat. "I got you something," he said so softly, nerves making his voice waver, as Jeffrey turned to him with curiosity. "I, ah, hoped you would wear this and we could make it official..." Joshua opened the box and the dim light of the tv glinted off the white gold and amethyst necklace nestled inside.

"Shit," Jeffrey muttered under his breath as he looked around nervously. "Josh, you know I can't take this, what if my parents see it?" While Joshua was born and raised in the US Jeffrey's family had moved over just a few years ago. Joshua knew they were strict but he still allowed that same stupid seed of hope to blossom in his heart. The hope that his boyfriend would wear his necklace and hold his hand in public and consider a future that was for both of them together.

"W-wear it in secret..." he stuttered out and hated himself for how fucking pathetic he sounded. "I can't, shit, what if the boys saw this...." Joshua knew Jeffrey was talking about his basketball team buddies, his bros, the ones he was really hiding from. Jeffrey tossed the box down on the rumbled sheets and smiled at Joshua. "Don't be like this Joshua. You know how it is, with my parents and my friends, we just can't be together like that." Joshua thought he was going to kiss him but instead Jeffrey turned around and picked up his backpack. "I gotta go," he said as he slid his feet into his shoes, "message me tomorrow night. Okay?" Joshua nodded his okay.

======= • ======

While they waited Joshua began to hum softly to himself. He hadn't listened to it in ages and definitely hadn't sung it since that night. But for some reason the words hung heavy in his mind tonight as he sat halfway to the back of the University theatre waiting for the rest of the auditions to finish.

I don't know what it is but I got that feeling

Waking up in this bed next to you swear the room, yeah, it got no ceiling

If we lay, let the day just pass us by

I might get to too much talking

I might have to tell you something

Damn, I like me better when I'm with you

When Soonyoung took the stage as the last one called Joshua got restless. He slipped out in the darkness and quickly ran around to the stage door entrance and shifted nervously as he waited. When the doors opened and people began to stream out Joshua held his breath but his nerves were all for nothing. Seokmin and Soonyoung were walking out together, heads close as they whispered their bitchy comments on the other auditions, but at the sight of Joshua Seokmin broke free.

"Did you see me?" He yelled as he ran towards Joshua and the older swept him up in his arms. "You were amazing," Joshua managed to stammer out before he felt lips pressed against his and he melted. He melted into the feeling of the warm and loving boy in his arms, into the purity of his emotions, into the comfort of knowing Seokmin would never hide what they had. No matter how false it was.

But it didn't feel false or fake. Nothing had ever felt more real as Joshua clutched him tighter and kissed him harder and deeper and Seokmin threaded his fingers into Joshua's brown wavy hair. "I'm so proud of you," Joshua mumbled into Seokmin's neck as they broke apart and he inhaled the scent of musk and sunshine Seokmin always seemed to carry with him.

"Let's go and celebrate," Joshua said as Seokmin clutched at his hand. "Bye Soonyoung!" he called out as he waved goodbye to his friend and followed his boyfriend across the grass and through the dying sunlight of the University gardens.

Joshua couldn't help but notice the hibiscus seemed to bloom brighter here in Korea as the sunset threw gold and pink across the sky. And he couldn't help but notice the way the last drop of sunlight glinted off the necklace Seokmin wore proudly around his neck.

The sparkle was only second to the glitter of his eyes that seemed to hold the whole universe in them on this warm spring evening.