Pain.

In his head, in his body, everywhere. Seokmin regretted the shots he so gleefully ingested the night before as his stomach churned and his head pounded. For a minute he wondered where he was, the room dim and cool, the bed huge and soft with the nicest bedding he'd ever slept in. Then he remembered.

His face flushed and he hid it in the pillow as he felt the memories rush back. He'd been so desperate, so needy, his body opening up willingly and taking everything Joshua had to give him. How he'd begged Joshua to take his virginity and moaned the whole time like he never imagined he could. How when he thought Joshua couldn't be any more perfect he had been so gentle and careful with him and shown him what pleasure really felt like.

Joshua had pleasured him and drawn sensual sounds from his mouth, kissed his lips and told him he was beautiful, made him feel hot and sexy and wanted. And afterwards he'd cuddled him, kissed him again, showered with him and held him all night. It was perfect.

But the bed next to him was empty and cold. Joshua must have been just as embarrassed as he was and obviously didn't want Seokmin to wake up next to him. He sat up and his head spun. Then his nose twitched as he inhaled the delicious salty scent wafting in through the half open door. The unmistakable smell of bacon.

He didn't know what to do. His clothes were piled on the floor and when he picked them up they reeked of alcohol and smoke and other people's sweat. He didn't really have much choice though, seeing as he hadn't brought his backpack, the impromptu sleepover leaving him without anything clean to wear. There was a robe strewn across the end of the bed, a stunning dark blue colour, the fabric a delicate cool cotton so luxurious and expensive it felt like silk. He ran the fabric through his fingers before quickly putting it down. He'd already asked so much of Joshua. He really didn't want to take any more liberties and wearing his stuff without asking seemed to make things too real and too casual. Like he was taking their arrangement for granted.

Instead he squeezed into his tight skinny jeans and groaned at the feeling. So uncomfortable. He pulled the shirt around his shoulders but left it unbuttoned as he dragged his sore body and hungover brain out into the living area in search of the source of the delicious smell.

"Oh," Joshua seemed surprised to see him. He was dressed in a beautiful robe matching the one left on the bed but this one was a soft peach colour and it made him look ethereal. His skin was glowing and his hair was shining and he looked bright as a button. He'd obviously drank far less than Seokmin the night before. "I, um.." Joshua seemed nervous as he looked Seokmin up and down. "I left a robe out for you in case you wanted it..." disappointment flickered briefly through his eyes and Seokmin felt stupid. Joshua's kindness could never be doubted and he should have realised the intent but he'd already taken so much. "Sorry," he said as he sat at the table and put his aching head in his hands. "I didn't realise it was for me."

Joshua moved silently around the kitchen finishing off his cooking. He placed two pills in front of Seokmin along with a glass of water. "Take these and drink the water before you eat," he said and Seokmin accepted them gratefully. He drank down the glass of water and smiled gratefully when Joshua took the empty glass and replaced it with a mug of strong coffee. "Thanks hyung," he said as he sipped at the coffee and felt its slowly invigorating caffeine move through his veins.

Joshua began to pile dishes onto the table. Bacon and eggs, juice, pastries filled with jam and custard, croissants and bagels, toast and a big platter of fresh cut fruit. "This looks amazing hyung, how long have you been awake? And how do you expect me to eat all this?" Seokmin took the warmed plate from Joshua's hands and began to pick at the food as Joshua sat across from him. "It wasn't that much trouble really, and anyway, I figured you might have an appetite. You know, after...." His voice trailed off and Seokmin blushed again. He knew they had to talk about it.

"Let me go first hyung," Seokmin scrambled to finish his mouthful of pineapple. "I really want to thank you. Through this last three months, you've been so good to me. You've spoilt me and taken care of me, taught me so much, and I'm so grateful. I don't know how I'll ever repay you." He stared down at the food on the table and wondered what he'd done to deserve this. Tears filled his eyes and he quickly blinked them away.

His voice wavered as he continued.

"I feel so lucky. But time is up hyung. And, you know, I don't really want to be any more of a burden to you than I already have been. So I'll tell them. You know, that we broke up, I'll tell Seungkwan and Hansol, Soonyoung. I'll tell them all it was my fault." They really hadn't thought this part through.

"Is that what you want? You don't want more time?" Joshua already knew the answer. He heard Seokmin's phone buzzing over on the coffee table where he'd left it the night before. He knew Soonyoung wanted to hang out with him again today. Some excuse about vocal coaching and meeting some of the other people working on the musical but Joshua knew. He knew Seokmin was slipping slowly from his grasp and last night was a huge mistake. Trying to hold on to something that wasnt his to hold. Trying to be satisfied with just a taste which would never be enough.

He sipped his coffee nervously as he silently cursed himself. This was exactly what drove him and his ex apart. Joshua's clinginess, his irrepressible love for romanticism and the cliched, his need to show off his relationship. He had been unsure about the matching necklaces but they seemed to make Seokmin happy and he wore his everywhere. But the matching robes? Did he really think Seokmin would be into lazing around on a Saturday morning, eating breakfast and drinking coffee, snuggling on the couch in matching fucking dressing gowns?

He was so stupid.

"Ah...." he could see Seokmin thinking. About what, Joshua had no idea, he was probably wondering how to let Joshua down gently. Joshua watched him chew on a huge chunk of cream cheese covered bagel to avoid speaking. "Look," he said as Seokmin avoided his eyes. "I'm sorry, okay? I know I shouldn't have taken advantage of you last night but I was wasted and I made a bad judgement call." He stopped speaking in horror as Seokmin began to choke on the bagel, his eyes wide, sesame seeds flying as he coughed. "Are you okay?" Joshua passed him some juice which he gratefully accepted.

"You didn't take advantage of me hyung, I wanted it," Seokmin said when he recovered from his coughing fit. "I thought maybe you regretted it. You know, seeing I had to talk you into it and all..." his face dropped into pure dejection. "And then you weren't there when I woke up..." "I didn't - don't regret it Seokmin. Not at all." An uncomfortable silence descended on the room plunging them headfirst into contemplation. Joshua finished his coffee and Seokmin finished his bagel and neither of them knew what to say.

Until Seokmin finally broke the ice. "Unless, I guess I haven't been holding up my end of the deal right? I haven't been going to the coffee shop with you very much. Do you want to extend it? The Deal?" Joshua's heart fluttered in his chest at what he heard. He was getting more time to prove himself and win him over. "Yeah," he said slowly as he tried not to sound overly excited. "I guess more time would be good. For both of us really. We did say at the start that three months might not be long enough..."

Seokmin showered while Joshua cleaned up the breakfast mess and when he walked out of the bathroom Joshua's heart swelled. He looked fresh and bright, like sunshine radiated from within, his beauty only enhanced by the bashful smile on his face and the deep blue of the fabric he was swathed in. "The robe is really nice hyung," he said as he fidgeted shyly with the sash. "Thank you."

Joshua carried two freshly made coffees over to the couch and Seokmin joined him. He picked up his phone and began to tap at the screen before swallowing a big gulp of his coffee. "What time are you meeting Soonyoung?" Joshua asked carefully and Seokmin laughed nervously as he tossed his phone back down. "I'm not. I mean, something came up and he's busy now, so yeah. I'm free all day."

Joshua reached out and threw an arm around the boy's shoulder and finally began to breathe again. Seokmin leaned into his shoulder and Joshua grabbed for the remote and turned the tv on. "Do you want to go to the coffee shop later?" Seokmin asked as he snuggled into Joshua's side and the older shook his head. "Not today," he turned and buried his smile into Seokmin's freshly washed hair. "I'm not in the mood to go anywhere."