He was next. He'd been so impressed with Soonyoung, who had gone right before him, that he felt like he was going to pass out. Soonyoung had sung and danced a smooth and sexy number that, weeks ago, would have made him feel hot and flustered. Now it just made him feel inadequate. His stomach churned and he felt like he wanted to throw up. But then his name was being called and the spotlight was on and he had no choice but to walk out and stare into the endless black abyss of the crowd.

"M-my name is Lee Seokmin and I'll be singing Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls,"

A flash of bright light drew his attention to the back of the auditorium where the door was cracked open. He saw a figure slip inside and his heart began to pound in his chest as he saw Joshua walking down the centre aisle to sit near the front. The black abyss of the faceless crowd suddenly had a face and a meaning and a purpose. He felt the emotion rising up but didn't let it reach his eyes as he began to sing the words Joshua had introduced him to and helped him to learn so diligently.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

He sang the words and poured his heart out on stage for the man who would never know. The man who sat and watched, who accidentally and unknowingly taught him how to feel and how to love, who would never understand the moments of truth in Seokmin's lies and his own. Who could never understand what Seokmin would give up to be able to stay in his arms forever.

He sang and remembered that night, the night Joshua gave him his first real kiss in front of the whole world, and made him feel like he was in a movie. And he felt so broken inside as he sang and tears filled his eyes and he couldn't fight them. He was so lost, he didn't know how he was going to let this end, how he could ever forget the taste of Joshua on his tongue, the warmth of his breath buried into his neck.

He wanted to live this lie forever because he didn't know how to make it the truth.

Joshua sat in the audience mesmerised. He'd heard Seokmin sing when he was helping him with the song but he'd never heard him really sing. Not like this. Loud and strong, his voice was beautiful, the words clear and filled with genuine and overwhelming emotion. Standing in the spotlight he looked and sounded like an angel and Joshua felt a lump in his throat formed as he listened to his favorited song reimagined in a way he'd never expected. There was no accompaniment, no microphone, no movement. Just Seokmin and his beautiful voice, his eyes shining with tears, his ethereal presence filling the room.

The sparse audience sat in stunned silence until it was over and then they started clapping. Joshua didn't clap at first. He couldn't bring himself to admit that it was over when all he wanted to do was live right here in this moment forever and never walk away. But he didn't know how else he could show him so he he just stood and clapped like everyone else with his chest empty and hollow and cold.

Seokmin blushed at the warm reception, his cheeks heating up; his concentration wavered now the song was over. When he looked over at Joshua standing and clapping, one of his cheeks streaked with a single tear, he felt like he'd already won. He might not have the strikingly soft good looks of Jeonghan, or the charismatic and sexy aura, but Joshua had come here to see him sing and he'd sang just for him. It was the only way he could express himself and show how he truly felt under the lies and false words of their deal.

Joshua slipped out of his seat and quickly made his way backstage. He wanted to be the first to congratulate Seokmin and tell him how proud he was. After all, regardless of the truth people still thought he was Seokmin's boyfriend; he needed to play his part well. He pushed past a few people still waiting in line and walked around a corner to find Seokmin smiling and talking to Soonyoung and his heart sank. Seokmin was all flushed cheeks and bright smiles as the other man chattered away and Joshua hung back as he watched Soonyoung hand his phone over and Seokmin tap away at the screen. He handed it back and nodded at the dancer and took his own phone out of his pocket. When he saw Joshua lingering in the shadows he said goodbye to Soonyoung and skipped happily over to his boyfriend.

"You came," he breathed softly as Joshua wrapped him up in his arms. "Of course I came. I couldn't miss it no matter how hard I tried," Joshua said as he threw Soonyoung a dirty look over Seokmin's shoulder. The man had some nerve hitting on a guy while his boyfriend was standing right there. They broke apart and Seokmin linked his arm through Joshua's but the older slipped it out and grabbed his hand tightly instead. "I'm so proud of you," he said and the sincerity in his voice was thick as he pressed a warm gentle kiss to Seokmin's forehead.

They walked outside and blinked in the sunset light still bright as shades of pink and purple and gold danced across the horizon. They wandered slowly in the direction of Joshua's apartment with their hands still linked as Seokmin babbled away happily about the audition. "And then, the best part hyung, Soonyoung remembered my name! And gave me his phone number. He said my singing was incredible and we decided that if I helped him with singing he would give me some dance tips." He hadn't stopped smiling and Joshua didn't know what was brighter – the warm expression on Seokmin's face or the slowly sinking sun. He knew what was more beautiful. He also knew that seeing Seokmin with Soonyoung had given him a churning jealousy in his stomach that he never expected. He didn't want them spending time together, especially just the two of them, not while he and Seokmin were still a thing. Their deal wasn't over yet.

"How was your afternoon with Jeonghan? I hope you didn't end your date early to catch the audition." Joshua cleared his throat carefully and shook his head. "It was nice. Jeonghan was nice. He was tired so we cut it short and I was near the theatre anyway.." He didn't know why he lied. Maybe if he hadn't seen Seokmin's pure joy and happiness at getting Soonyoung's number he would have told the truth. That despite his history, his pain and his tender heart, his fear of being hurt again, Joshua had spent the whole afternoon with Jeonghan thinking about Seokmin. That the beautiful blond haired barista was pretty to look at, flirty and sexy and wild, but utterly boring and vapid. That he never regretted for a second leaving him standing alone in the park while he sprinted across the campus just in time to see Seokmin singing on stage.

The old Joshua, the Joshua he used to be before he was used and hurt and ran away for a new life, would have been honest with himself. He would have told Seokmin he looked like an angel standing in the single spotlight, that his voice was heavenly, when he heard him singing the heartfelt words to one of his favourite songs he imagined he was singing just for him.. The old Joshua would have had the balls to be real and honest and open his heart to the gentle man clinging to his hand and stealing his breath with every smile.

The new Joshua was a coward. He squeezed Seokmin's hand a little tighter and walked a little closer. They still had two weeks left and maybe if he could convince Seokmin to extend the deal he might be able to just enjoy him for a little longer. He doubted Seokmin would agree though. Now he had Soonyoung's attention and his phone number he would want to pursue him and he would want to be free.