I haven't  eaten in a few days. I don't keep a journal, so I just bottle everything up inside. I'll probably explode, and I probably have three days. At least I could joke. Sarah had stopped knocking on my door, so I had nothing to look forward to. I only focused on one arm as I slid my new switchblade back and forth. It had no value except I figured I needed a blade to do this instead of my nails. Not my fingernails, the nails I collected from the job I used to have. Instead of tossing all the bent and useless nails I had kept them for some reason. Call it a collection or whatever. It's been about a week since Alex/Maria left me, and I haven't learned yet that I just wasn't meant for anyone. When I can't take the pain anymore I put my switchblade back in the pocket of my jeans, and wrap my arm in a bandage. Sarah wouldn't like this, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Its what my fake-parents used to say about knives, and I guess they were right. Feeling anxious I decide to visit my dad and my real sis. I think they needed to see me because my phone kept buzzing and I never looked at it. I grab my jacket and shake it on, covering my arm. I open my door, and Sarah was sitting on the floor next to my room. She looks up when I come out, and she follows me to the kitchen. I take out a beer and pop the top off. I drink a swallow or two or three, drowning my pain into nonexistence for a brief moment. Sarah stands across from me with downcast eyes. Emotion riddled her small body, and her body language suggested she knew I was hiding something wearing my jacket inside.

"I'm going out." I say, assuring her with lies that it was nothing. She nods.

"Kale, I've missed you. Just tell me you're ok." she pleads, looking up with tear-stained eyes.

"I'm ok. And I will be fine." I say, brushing past her to the front door. I pause at the entrance to look at her one last time.

"Come back to me, you hear?" she says, tapping her foot and waving her finger at me. I shrug, distantly.

"I hear ya." I say, simply, exiting my place. I don't go to my dad's. Instead I drive to the edge of town to an abandoned barn. I park my car and climb to the roof. I hang my legs over the edge, and stare up at the night-sky. I wasn't thinking of jumping this was just a place I found peace. I roll up my sleeves and enjoy the cool air. I lay on my back and fold my hands behind my head. I pray a short prayer for Maria. Then I cry for a while. When I can't cry anymore I begin to think about things. Dark things not like suicide rather things like what if my existence was just a mistake? What if I was a mistake? What if I was meant to be alone? Maria was perfect and she left me and the girl before her. I guess I wasn't perfect, but even I knew that. I chuckle to myself. I grip my arm and welcome the pain that fights back. I continue to squeeze the wound until blood seeps through the bandage. Yup, that was real. That was real. After a while when the bugs became unbearable I go back home. When I open the door I quickly roll down my sleeves. Sarah was the first to see me, and she runs over to pull me, quickly into the living room. When I get there I'm not surprised to see Maria. What, did she forget something?

"Kale." she says, breathing my name. Her hair falling past her shoulders was still so mesmerizing. She was so beautiful, and broken I immediately forgave her. My heart was ready to leapt out of my chest and collide with hers. I mentally told my heart not to get so excited and to remember what happened the last time. It wouldn't listen though.

"Maria?"  I breathe her name. I didn't believe she was really there. Sarah kept glancing between us, and I sighed. I held out my arms, and Maria caught my drift. She races into my comfort and finally accepts me.

"Are you still willing to marry me?" she asks, dryly, like she doubted it.

"Yes." I chuckle, lightly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. I'm sorry about last time. And I'm sorry for what I said." she blurts out.

"I forgive you Maria." I assure her. She breathes in my shirt then notices the blood dripping down my palm. I may have squeezed too hard on the roof.

"What is that?" she asks, loudly. I pull away and move my arm behind me.

"What." Not asking and not caring. She forcefully and painfully pushes my sleeve up to my elbow causing me to wince. Sarah gasps. Great. Just great.

"What have you been doing, Kale, cutting yourself? Because of me? Wow, that's pathetic." she says, and I immediately miss my old pocket knife. I snap out of that thought and try to focus.

"Nevermind." I say, irritated. I rush to my room and change the bandage with a clean one. Then I wash the blood off. When I walk back into the room I hear Sarah calling my dad.

"You're going to have to quit cutting yourself if I'm ever going to marry you." Maria snaps. I take her into my arms and sigh heavily.

"Its a deal." I say, remembering the night we first met. I remember the kiss as I lean down and replicate it. Sarah groans in disgust and walks to her room. I can't worry about her right now because I'm a bit busy.